


Sympathy For A Downer

by sea_side



Category: We Happy Few (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Drug Use, Drunkenness, M/M, Overdosing, Sexual Content, everything Foggy Jack, everything Nick Lightbearer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 141,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sea_side/pseuds/sea_side
Summary: Nick Lightbearer is fighting his inner demons with the help of a mysterious friend who promises him to redeem his reputation. When he finds himself fascinated by a downer who could end his career for good he denies that he has to make a choice, with all the consequences.Arthur Hastings is living the ruthless life of a downer in Wellington Wells, hiding from everyone in order to survive. But when he meets Nick Lightbearer he starts to think about the good sides in a Wellie.
Relationships: Arthur Hastings/Nick Lightbearer, Nick Lightbearer/Foggy Jack, Nick Lightbearer/Morrie Memento, Sally Boyle/Arthur Hastings, Sally Boyle/Nick Lightbearer
Comments: 158
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur Hastings sneaked through the house of the famous Nick Lightbearer, already disgusted by all the dirt and the smell he was afraid to remember forever. The happy days of the golden god of rock were obviously over, no matter what the joyful magazines kept claiming. Arthur should’ve known by now that nothing was like they said. Nothing was intact, nothing was normal. The closer he came to the truth of Wellington Wells the crazier everything and everyone looked to him. Nick had left notes everywhere in his house and they seemed to be desperate tries to write lyrics that made sense or retain memories he didn’t want to forget. They didn’t make Arthur quite certain that the onetime most famous star was still of sound mind. Well, considering all the downer detectors in his house he would at least be on Joy and not mistake Arthur for some nightmare, right? 

The sunshine pill melted under Arthur’s tongue. A rather unpleasant feeling, but he took Joy only in case of emergency. He never wanted to forget again. It was much more pleasant to ram his electro shocker into the bloody alarm system. He could do that anytime. And finally he was able to move about freely. While he picked a lock he thought about how terrified he would’ve been only weeks ago about someone like him, who just naturally broke into other people’s houses and in addition took everything he could find in there. Arthur was used to it now, for the only wanted to find out what happened to Percy and leave the town behind him. No matter if he deserved a better life or not, it was only that or insanity.

When he yanked the door open, he found the bedroom where a girl was peacefully sleeping, completely unaffected by the disgusting surroundings. Arthur contemplated for a while until his mistrust won him over. He grabbed one of the many fluffy pillows on the bed to press it on her face until her muffled screams silenced and she fell unconscious. Something else he never would’ve done in the old days. But he had no choice. This or insanity. He was quite good at it by now, he thought, quickly checking the girl’s condition before he sneaked away. Who knew how many other „guests“ this Nick Lightbearer had. 

Descending the stairs he was glad that they didn’t creak. The fluffy carpeting that was the height of fashion right now also helped a lot. Downstairs his eyes fell on a man sitting on a chair in the room right before him. He looked rather sunken down. Arthur guessed by the fancy clothing that it was Nick himself and carefully approached the man. One step at a time, Arthur told himself. The Wellies were pretty easy to scare, especially when they suffered from a withdrawal and Nick didn’t look very jolly.

When he bobbed up all of a sudden he scared Arthur instead.  
„Duck!“, he shouted into the room, pointing his finger at something only he could see.  
„S..sorry?“, Arthur asked, not sure if the other man even saw him.  
„They are very large birds!“, Nick explained as if Arthur just forgot. Then he scratched the back of his head in bewilderment. „…no?“  
„Listen, they are waiting for you down at the church…“, Arthur tried to explain but the former star didn’t seem to be interested in this matter. He instead asked him if he had brought any presents or something, Arthur didn’t quiet get it.  
„Aw c’mon man, you didn’t bring an offering?“, he asked him sounding very disappointed. „I’m your Lord, thy god….“ He held his arms wide open as if he waited for applause, then he cramped his hands around his forehead and muttered: „Dizzy…“, causing Arthur to back a few steps away from him. 

„Why don’t we…trink some tea,“ he offered. „Or…how about a nice cold bath?“ A hot one would’ve served him well, too, Arthur thought.  
„A bath…“, Nick repeated, being surprisingly excited. „Yeah…I was going to want a bath…“  
With these words he walked right into the bathroom, leaving Arthur to wonder about this unexpected success. Well, something had to work out at least, right? Still, he followed Nick because he wasn’t sure if he could even bathe without accidentally drowning himself.

In the bathroom Nick was again complaining.  
„The fans forget, man…they forget…“  
„And this is why we mustn’t disappoint them…“, Arthur tried to get back onto the subject.  
„I used to be bottled power, man.“ Nick went on, presenting the power cell in a dramatic gesture, the exact one he had held in his hands the entire time. Arthur just noticed it now, when Nick stepped into the water.

„Oh god…the power cell,“ he warned Nick, still being too afraid to talk loudly.  
„I’m not gonna drink it….“, the former star mocked his horror, „I learned that lesson.“ And of course, while he was boldly playing with it it slipped out of his fingers. Arthur, who already imagined the horrible end of this, rushed ahead and reached out for the power cell. His chances weren’t that bad, he had way better reflexes by now. There were a couple of utterly ridiculous seconds in wich they juggled with death, that kept slipping and jumping out of their hands. Finally, they both grabbed onto it and Nick apparently didn’t want to get rid of it anymore.  
„Give it to me, for christ’s sake, you’re killing yourself,“ Arthur shouted hysterically.

Then he suddenly heard a loud crash, something fiercely beating against wood, and a scream that sounded like a thousand tortured souls.  
„Oh no, my fans!“ Nick jumped out of the tub with surprising agility, leaving Arthur to the cell.  
„Someone must’ve shut off the alarm!“

Arthur didn’t take this for a good moment to make confessions. Instead, he grabbed Nick by the arm and began to drag him up the stairs. He had to bring him to the church somehow.  
„Where are you going with me?“, Nick asked in bewilderment.  
„To a secret exit.“  
„But I don’t have one,“ Nick protested.  
„Just wait and see,“ Arthur answered, inwardly cursing every additional floor they had to go up. Why did celebrities’ houses have to be so big?  
„Dizzy…“ the former star said again and Arthur hoped he would’t puke on his proper suit.  
„Look, we go somewhere safe…“, he explained and hoped Nick would be just as excited about this as he was about having a cold bath. „And there we’ll have a nice cup of tee, okay?“ At least Arthur could use one now.  
„Okay…“, he heard the quietly muttered answer and then the protest stopped for a while. 

It started again when they stood at the window in the third floor and Arthur tried to steer him outside.  
„Are you insane? I’m not going out there!“, Nick shrieked, clinging onto the window frame.  
„You rather get mauled by your fans? They sounded very upset, don’t you think? If not disappointed…,“ Arthur countered, knowing he could only play off one fear against the other. He could see in the eyes of the onetime celebrity that he had hit a nerve.

„Okay, okay, okay…“, he stuttered, climbing on the scaffold under his window with shaking legs.  
Just now they heard another crash, it sounded like the door finally gave in and all the horrible voices flooded into the house and up the floors. Nick made a jump, losing his grip and Arthur had to grab him, so he won’t fall head first into the abyss. For a vertiginous second he floated in the air, with his weight almost ripping Arthur’s arm out. Arthur pulled him up with all his strength until he finally stood upright again.

„Holy fuck!“, he screamed into Arthur’s face, almost reproachfully.  
This definitely didn’t go as planned.  
They both walked along the scaffold, holding hands because Nick refused to let go, and then they had to even jump.  
„What now?“, the former star shouted whiningly, standing at the edge of the wide gap between two wooden planks.  
„We…uh…have to jump,“ Arthur explained cautiously. It wasn’t a very far jump for himself anymore, but the other man probably didn’t have such a good condition. He wanted to save him, not murder him.  
„Jump?“, Nick shrieked. „C..can’t we just wait here? No one will find me here.“ He crossed his arms, ready to make not a single step further.

„Come on, Nick…there’s only one open window in your house and it leads this way. It’s obvious where you are!“  
Nick pondered over this and made a distressed face.  
„Alright…okay…but…but I can’t fly!“  
Arthur racked his brain about how he could bring him save and sound to the other side. Lacking any better ideas, he only said: „It’s not that hard….you just take a run and…you know what? I’ll show you.“  
„Don’t leave me here!“ Nick grabbed his arm.  
„I don’t leave you, okay? I’ll stay on the other side and wait for you, okay?“  
He looked into the other man’s eyes wich were wide open in fear.  
„Alright…“ Nick whispered and let go.

Arthur made a few steps backwards to take a run. That was all he needed. Flying over the edge of the scaffold and landing safely on the other side he was quite proud of his good condition. When he turned around and gave Nick a thumbs up the former star only stared at him as if he saw a ghost.  
„Now you!“, Arthur shouted, holding out a hand for him. With the other he hold on to a metal rod, ready to pull Nick up if he didn’t jump that far.

The other man stepped backwards too and kept staring at Arthur like he was seeking for help, giving him the uneasy feeling that he put all his trust into him. Still, he gave Nick a nod and made an inviting gesture. Then he immediately tensed when he saw the other man run and jump at him with an ear-splitting cry of fear. Arthur himself dashed forward to grab Nick’s hand. The jump had been so short that he now hung on the edge of the board with this feet hanging in the air. „Pull me up, pull me up!“, he shrieked while Arthur slowly dragged him onto the board. He got there eventually, landing on his knees and panting heavily. Arthur couldn’t grant him much time to recover though, so he pulled Nick back on his feet and shoved him forward.

When they reached the next edge, Nick started to whimper and clutched a metal rod.  
„No…no…not again…“  
Arthur felt pity for him and shyly touched his shoulder.  
„We don’t have to jump here…“ he assured Nick and waited until he had his attention again.  
„Look, there’s another platform below us“, he explained, pointing downward.  
Nick relaxed a little, his eyes following the direction Arthur was pointing.  
„Dizzy…“, he said again.  
„We’re almost there,“ Arthur said helplessly before he made the first move once more and landed on the other platform. Nick carefully sat down on the edge and let himself fall, coming down at his feet after all and grabbing the edges of the plank. Arthur noticed just now that the former star was already turning blue. He led him along the last scaffold and mulled over the fact that they still had to hide somewhere.

When they both stood on firm ground again Nick broke out in cheers, forcing Arthur to press a hand on his mouth.  
„They can still hear you!“, he reminded him of the angry fans.  
Now Arthur wished he could just go right for the church but he was afraid that Nick would collapse on the way, so he instead led him to the underground tunnels. He wanted to keep them secret but where could he go with someone everyone easily recognized on the streets? 

„Down there?“, the former star protested. „Is that really necessary? People say there’s the plague…“  
„Not where we’re going,“ Arthur assured him while he opened the hatch. „After you.“  
Nick obeyed and slowly climbed down the ladder, like he was in trance.

„Please hurry up,“ Arthur urged him desperately, looking around for any bobbies and Wellies.  
After a while that had felt like an eternity he finally climbed down himself and closed the hatch above him. He was much faster than Nick, but when he reached the end of the ladder no one was there.

„Oh no…“ he muttered at the sight of the various tunnels the confused celebrity could’ve lost himself in. „Nick! Do you hear me?“, he shouted into the silence.  
Suddenly someone jumped at him from the darkness and pressed him against a greasy wall.

„What the bloody hell was that about?“, Nick’s voice screamed, echoing in the tunnels like a mad song. „Are you trying to kill me? Who are you anyway? Some deranged critic?“ He came menacingly close, pointing a finger at him. „I remember your face, man, you’re from the press!“  
Nick hauled off, entirely insensate with rage.  
„Stop! I’m not a critic!“, now Arthur screamed, holding up his hands in defense. „I…I’m Arthur Hastings.“  
Nick stared at him and let his fist sink. 

„Yes…now I recognize you…Arthur Hastings…“ Nick muttered, trying to remember what he had read in the newspapers. „You’re a downer!“, he then shouted out, jumping backwards as if the other man had an epidemic disease. „What do you want from me?“  
Arthur struggled back on his feet, scolding himself about how far he had gone just for this silly plan.  
„The church…they are all waiting for you…“, he explained.  
„Why would you give a shit about Simon Says?“, the other man snapped. „I thought a Downer hates all the jolly fun we have…wait…oh, I know…you expect me to fuck it up, don’t you? How smart of you.“ He laughed bitterly. „They better wait until kingdom come, that comes faster than me getting my shit together.“ He crossed his arms and hid in the darkness, turing into a picture of misery again.

Arthur carefully approached him.  
„No..I didn’t think about that…“, he stuttered, „I just…I thought I could win the medal…“  
Nick turned back to him, utterly surprised. „You?“  
„Yes…you know…if you win in Simon Says, everyone more likely trusts you more than they trust a rotten downer, right?“ Arthur scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.  
Nick was processing this slowly.  
„Of course…you want the medal, so that people will stop chasing you…and beating you up in the streets…Maybe you want to have some fun again and be happy…“ Nick looked at him with a mixture of surprise and pity and Arthur didn’t know if he liked that.

„I think I can do it,“ Nick decided now, straightening himself. „But you have to be real good if you wanna win in this game. You’ll play against professionals.“  
Arthur felt caught red-handed and lowered his head. „I’m afraid they won’t let me in anyway. Everyone knows my face…and they have downer detectors everywhere. I thought I’ll see who wins and get the medal from the winner.“  
„You want to steal it?“, Nick asked with a sharp tone that made Arthur jump.  
He was used to his new habits so much he didn’t expect such a harsh judgement anymore.  
„Not steal…but copy…maybe?“, he tried to talk his way out of this.  
Nick furrowed his brows, but then his mood lightened up again.

„I think I have an idea…Yes, I can help you.“ He planted himself in front of him with a proud gesture, arms akimbo.  
„You…you’ll help me?“  
„Of course!“, he said winking at him. „Anything for my fans…You are a fan, right? Of course you are.“  
„Sure…“, Arthur stuttered, unable to cope.  
„Trust me, I’m your god, your savior,“ he declared rather self-regarding and started to pose as if Arthur was about to pull out a camera and take photos.  
„Well…“ Arthur said, not sure what he was actually about to say, but Nick interrupted him.  
„Tea first!“, he demanded, pointing a finger at him. „You promised!“  
Arthur sighted. This was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe this fanfic is now one year old! It's my life now and it's keeping me warm in these cold days. A big thank you to everyone who's still reading or just started to read, to everyone who gave kudos, everyone who left comments or even fanart <3<3<3 This fandom is wonderful and I'm happy to be here. Have a nice day, wherever you are and don't let these times get you down. You're a wonderful person!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to the tea, Nick Lightbearer felt much more frisky than before when made his way to the church St. Genesis. The tea had been mixed up with a whole bunch of other herbs but he didn’t mind it that much. It seemed to be normal these days. Maybe some new fashion he had missed. 

What he really wondered about was that downer, Arthur Hastings. He wasn’t at all what he imagined a downer to be. Sure, he acted crazy, even suicidal. Nick still hoped that most of their odd adventure was only the result of his dizzy brain producing nightmares. Without all that, Arthur sort of was just a normal human being who wished to fit back in, what made his fate both touching and unsettling. If all downers felt like this, why did nobody help them? 

The thought gave Nick such an uneasy feeling in his stomach that he popped another Joy, just in case. He had to greet his fellow men with a happy face after all, as a mere act of courtesy. Soon, the substance washed away his stupid sorrows and he started to see it all differently. It wasn’t the first time he got something wrong after all, it didn’t have to be so bad. Why would it be? He even laughed at his ridiculous thoughts. But the downer…he could help him. There was nothing bad about that.

When he reached the church St. Genesis he solemnly knocked at the door.   
„Open up, I’m the bringer of the light!“  
The old lady behind the door squeaked with pleasure.   
„Oh dear, Mr. Lightbearer in person! We’re so happy to have you here!“ She opened the door and Nick strode in, watching the players cheer and wave.

He didn’t expect anything less. Bathing in their excitement, he walked through the rows of players who all wore black rubber suits.   
As if that helped to ease the pain, Nick thought gloatingly.   
He loved this game, at least as a caller. He loved how everyone hung on his every word, how they jumped when he demanded it. And how they got zapped, when they didn’t obey. And still, everyone was having a lot of fun. Why couldn’t it always be so easy?

„Are you ready to play?“, he shouted at the cheering crowd, noticing that his voice sounded smashing today.  
„Oh my god, it’s really him!“   
„Nick, I love you! You’re my hero!“  
Nick let his gaze wander around the crowd until he found a rather cute kitten in the corner to the right. He winked at her and she almost blacked out at that.  
„Alright,   
Music on!   
Zapper on!   
Simon says the game begins!“

Nick started the game with his favorite call, because using it at the beginning meant that everyone would follow it.   
„Simon says, slap your face!“   
It looked hilarious.

He was even more overwhelmed when the first loser went down under a massive flash of lighting that was accompanied by a fulminating thunder. This church was much better equipped than the little clubs he used to play in back in the day. 

After a few rounds he noticed that the players were real professionals, so this was going to be a long session. Usually it meant to be even more fun for him, but this time it could be that the winner was too worn out after this. He had to fasten things up.

„You’re fantastic, guys! I love this game! I love you! Do you love me?“  
The players screamed across each other to display their affection.  
„Bow down to me“, he demanded and indeed some people bowed, eager to show how much they loved their idol.  
„I’m sorry my babies, I didn’t say Simon Says“, he apologizes with false compassion and enjoyed the great thunderbolt that almost blinded him.

Later a woman didn’t step on her own foot in time. Nick made a little dance when she got zapped and gained applause for it. If only someone made photos right now. He hadn’t felt so great in a long time and he wanted his fans to remember this day.

„Do you have fun, guys? No tricks this time!“, he shouted and held up his hands to prove that he wasn’t pressing any buttons to zap someone. The players jumped even higher, cheering and screaming louder. They should be really exhausted soon. Nick saw that their concentration faded and it didn’t take long until the next one went down dramatically. The smell of burned rubber filled the air and more and more zapped losers tossed about on the ground, moaning in pain.  
The end of the game was near. 

Only three players were left and the kitten from the right corner was still there, even if she was already staggering. Nick guessed she couldn’t make it for long anymore. 

For his last rounds, he chose a row of harmless calls to make the players feel save again, until he sprang the trap.   
Two fell for it.  
It was the girl and someone on the other side of the room who were running to nowhere fast.

„I didn’t say Simon Says“, he chanted, pointing at the two losers and letting the last bolt of lightning strike through the church. When the smoke faded away the kitten was still standing upright, looking around in surprise while everyone else was on the ground.

„And we have a winner! Yeah baby, it’s you! You’ve been fabulous!“  
She could hardly believe her luck, screamed of joy and clapped her hands together while the organist played a cheery tune and the old lady announced her, Melissa Dupree, as the winner. No one questioned it as long as everyone was jolly.

She radiated with happiness when Nick presented her with the big shiny medal in the following ceremony, for that she had replaced the rubber suit with a colorful close-fitting dress.

„It was a pleasure to play with you guys! See you next time! Bye, bye“, Nick bowed out, drowning the noise of the loud moaning losers on the ground, a quite satisfying sight after such a great game. The winner was staring at him with wide eyes when he offered her his arm to lead her out of the church. She beamed brighter than her medal when they promenaded along the plastered rainbow but she also had a lot of questions.

„You did that for me, didn’t you?“, she said in a tone that told Nick she was melting away. „How did you do this?“  
„Well…I just have a way with light, or lightning, if needed“, he answered mysteriously, making her giggle and wagger her finger at him.  
„You’re a naughty boy, Nicky.“

He took the hand she held up, feeling her raging pulse.  
„Forgive me luv, but I just couldn’t do this to you.“  
To reinforce this he gently kissed her shivering hand, what made her moan with pleasure.  
„Believe me, you deserve it anyway. You’ve been amazing until the end.“

„You really mean it, don’t you?“, she whispered, looking at him with her dark blue eyes that looked even bigger with the shiny white mask framing them. Their eyes met.  
„I swear, I never cheated at Simon Says before. It’s a sacrilege!“, he pretended, slapping his hand on his forehead like he was really upset. Then he came closer and whispered: „You won’t tell anyone, won’t you?“  
She giggled again.  
„Huh…I can be a real chatterbox sometimes“, she said playfully and eyed him up. „Not sure if I can keep this a secret without any help.“  
Nick liked her more and more.

„Let me help you, kitten. Come with me and we’ll have a lovely day.“   
With that, he put his arm around her and she rested her head on his chest.   
He led her right to the Avalon Hotel, where the Wonderland Suite was waiting for them. 

He didn’t bring anyone into his house anymore because it kept being overrun by unannounced visitors. The suite at least had a secret exit he could use without almost killing himself. In addition, it made quite an impression to the fans when he brought them into the most expensive hotel in Wellington Wells that had everything: the red and golden carpets and furnishings, reverently bowing service staff that saluted him whenever he passed and finally his well-spaced ultramodern lounge in the suite.  
Also Melissa stood there with a gaping mouth. „It’s so pretty.“

„It’s all for the two of us, baby,“ he purred and pulled her closer, what caused her to moan again with relish. „Oh Nicky…“  
He silenced her with a lustful kiss and she leaned into it, wrapping her arms around him, made him feel how much she wanted him. Needed him. And he needed her. 

Long before they reached his bed her onetime perfect beehive hairdo was completely messed up, and his hair was probably too. Nick laid her down on the mattress and kneeled down at the edge of the bed, feeling her greedy stare on him. He raised himself up, clasping his hands behind his head.  
„Do you love me, baby?“, he asked dramatically, presenting himself like an exhibition piece, ready to be judged.

„Yes, Nick…“ she sighted and came closer, her fingers touched his chest, making the cloth of his suit rustle promisingly. „You’re my hero…“   
Now he shivered.  
„Do you want me?“, he whispered in her ear and the started pulling at his jacket.  
„Shag me, Nick Lightbearer! I’m all yours!“  
That was what he wanted to hear. He grabbed her, pressed her into the mattress and   
everything the staff ever witnessed from this day were their screams that longed until the day passed into the night.

Nick woke up with a massive headache the next morning. He found himself lying on the sofa in the lounge in a rather uncomfortable position that made his muscles ache. The blonde girl lied next to him, still half undressed and snoring so loudly that he wondered how he had managed to fall asleep with her around. He clumsily crouched out of the lounge, not without tripping over empty bottles and spilled out pills. He missed the edge of the sofa and tumbled on the floor, now remembering why he liked the fluffy carpets so much.  
Cold water..he needed cold water right now.

When he proceeded to stumble into the bathroom he felt his stomach turn badly and because he couldn’t run anywhere he let it all out right were he stood, before he moved on. He managed to get into the bathroom by clutching the doorframe and shoving himself in. When he was finally inside, he reached the tap at the third try, achieving that the ice cold water pattered right on his head. He jumped backwards, spluttering and cussing and dashed against the sink.  
Now he was somewhat awake, he decided. And he was done with cold water for today. He somehow succeeded to turn off the tap without drowning himself and then he started to search the cabinet above the sink for his supply of Strawberry Joy.   
He couldn’t start the day without it. 

A lot of trash fell out and startled him before he finally found his pills. He greedily swallowed one and closed his eyes, waiting for the stimulating effect. He knew that after such a long night the substance needed more time to spread in his system, but eventually all the pain and anger vanished behind a cloud of pleasure. When he opened his eyes again the room glowed in the most beautiful colors. He could even look at his own face in the mirror again.  
„Lovely day for it“, he greeted himself with a smashing smile.

His legs were still a bit wobbly when he walked back into the lounge.   
The girl in his bed…there was something about her…something important.   
Shit…why didn’t he make any notes? Or did he?

Nick searched his crumpled pieces of paper wich were filled with confusing words that were supposed to become lyrics someday. He could hardly read them because a big metal plate on the table was glowing in the sunshine and blinding him. He was about to throw the weird thing out of the window when he suddenly remembered something. 

The medal! Simon Says!   
He wanted it, but why? To pay his bills? No, who would take this as payment?   
Shit. Maybe he’d remember when he passed by the church again.

So Nick took the shiny medal and left his suite, wondering about what could’ve been his plan yesterday…if it had been yesterday.   
How did he even walk all the way to the church without being spotted by half the town? The moment he stepped out of the Avalon he was free to be assaulted. He was lucky that it was still early in the morning and not many people were already out there.

Nick sneaked along the side roads or hid behind newspapers, knowing how ridiculous he looked. He wouldn’t do that again soon.   
It was unavoidable that a constable caught him creeping around.

„Holy moly, Nick Lightbearer in person, in the middle of the street, unguarded!“, he shouted out before Nick could stop him.  
„For heaven’s sake Constable, you wanna drum up the whole town?“  
The bobby silenced and eyed him suspiciously.  
„What are you doing out here anyway? It’s not save to leave your house without your personal guard“, he asked lifting an eyebrow.  
„You know…just…taking a walk…it’s a wonderful morning“, Nick answered and faked a smile. He didn’t fool the bobby.  
„You seem to be a bit nervous, Mr. Lightbearer. Did you take your Joy?“

Nick tensed. One pill probably wasn’t enough in his condition. Still, he decided to do something he usually never did. He pretended that everything was alright and thereby refused to pop another Joy. How was he supposed to remember the last day after all, if he took more? Could’ve stayed in bed just as well. But of course he looked even more suspicious now.

„Are you sure? I know better, but some people could mistake you for a downer“, the Constable said half jokingly and half warningly.  
Nick affected a laugh.  
„A downer, me! Ridiculous!“ He was serious about this. He didn’t want to be a downer at all. The word alone felt like a whiplash. But this time something was different.

„Downer…downer…“, he muttered to himself, as if the word wanted to tell him something.  
„Are you alright Mr. Lightbearer?“, the bobby sounded concerned.  
Suddenly Nick jumped up.  
„Yeah, that’s it!“  
The downer he met yesterday in the tunnels! He wanted the medal!  
Excited about his discovery he stared into the eyes of the bobby until he realized what he was doing.

„I mean..uh…I better pop another Joy. You can never have to much Joy, right? Lovely day for it!“  
He abandoned the confused constable to go for the next mood booth and get another pill. Now he was certain that he won’t forget again. This day became better and better. 

Now he also remembered how he had walked to the church without being seen. Some time later he entered the underground tunnels, thinking that this was actually not a bad place to hide. Sure, it was a bit dirty and not very homey but he could do something about that. This downer was quiet smart. What was his name again? Albert? Andrew? It was something with „A“ at least.   
Nick kept entertaining himself with his dizzy thoughts until he came to the spot where he wanted to meet the downer again.


	3. Chapter 3

Nick stood there for a while, being all alone. He admitted to himself that he was probably a bit late. After a while he wasn’t even sure if it was the same place he saw yesterday. In hindsight all these tunnels looked the same. He cleared his throat.  
„Uh…you there?“, his doubtful voice faded into the darkness. If only he remembered the name!  
„Downer?“, he went on carefully, since he didn’t want anyone else to hear him say the word. „I got your…well…the medal.“ Still, there was nothing to hear than his own footsteps that echoed in the tunnel. „Little downer?“

„It’s Arthur Hastings,“ a voice suddenly came up behind him. Startled, Nick dashed around to see the other man who was in fact the downer he met.  
„Oh, there you are…I don’t remember you were so tall…“, he stuttered, looking up to Arthur, who eyed him back with a mixture of mistrust and surprise.  
„Anyway…I reckon you want this?“, Nick asked, presenting the medal like a trophy. Well, in a narrow sense it even was.  
„You really have it!“, Arthur said in surprise.  
„Huh…you thought I won’t make it?“ Nick sounded a bit offended.  
„No, I mean,“ Arthur backtracked,“…you might’ve forgotten by now.“  
Nick sighted deeply, looking at the bright shiny medal in his hands.

„You know, I almost did…“. It was a confession that sounded rather unhappy, even after two pills.  
„But you remembered, so it’s alright,“ the other man said in a quite comforting tone. He made Nick wonder if the downer tried to cheer up the Wellie right now.

„You remember everything, do you?“, Nick said quietly and eyed the other man with a sense of curiosity that Arthur didn’t like. It was like he wasn’t a human being anymore but some exotic animal you would see in a zoo.  
„Not everything, but I’m getting there,“ he answered sincerely.  
Nick gave a laugh as if Arthur had made a joke. „Oh man, I don’t even recall last night to be honest.“

„But you do remember that you almost electrocuted yourself in the bathtub yesterday?“  
„Oh…I guess I did that…“. Nick scratched the back of his head in confusion. „You wanna say you saved my life?“  
„I kinda did…and then I put you in danger again I guess…“. Arthur looked embarrassed now and for once Nick knew what he was talking about.

„So…all of this really happened?“, he blurted out, sounding more excited than angry or upset, but Arthur didn’t trust him yet. He didn’t want to rely on someone’s foggy mind too much, and on emotions that got distorted by massive drug abuse.  
„Yes…I guess I put you in a mess there…“, he apologized again, watching Nick’s reaction, who just wiped his forehead as if his memories tired him out.  
„That was insane! Do you always do…things like that?“  
„Uh…I climb and run a lot, if that’s what you mean…“  
„Insane…“, Nick muttered to himself and Arthur couldn’t fight back the image of getting attacked any second now. Every Wellie lost it at some point when they met someone who refused to take his Joy. It must’ve been something the substance caused to their brains.

„Listen, I’m sorry for all this mess. If you could just give me the medal, I’ll bugger off…“  
„No…,no,“ Nick stuttered and raised his hands, causing Arthur to freeze and raising his fists, ready to fight.  
„…it wasn’t that bad….in hindsight it was really fun…“, Nick went on.  
„Of course. What isn’t,“ Arthur blurted out.

Nick laughed at that before he paused and contemplated.  
„Wait…you mean this sarcastic, right? Because you’re a downer and that…“  
Arthur grimaced. „Please, just call me Arthur.“  
„Oh…right. Sorry, Arthur. And there you go.“ Nick finally handed him the medal as if it was a completely normal thing to do in Wellington Wells. When he realized this, his feelings suddenly clashed. What the hell was he doing here after all? Instead of doing what Uncle Jack kept telling him every day he was chatting with the enemy. He even helped him to disguise himself and stole someone’s property for him. 

He should really chase the downer away, but he simply didn’t feel like it. Nick had thought for a long time now that Joy didn’t work for him the same way it did in the old days. Maybe because it had to compete with Reds and Yellows and Purples and whatnot. 

„Thank you, Mr. Lightbearer…,“ Arthur began, but Nick interrupted him.  
„C’mon, call me Nick. All my fans do that.“  
„Okay, Nick,“ Arthur agreed, still feeling a bit uneasy in this weird situation. „Uh…I got some business to attend, so I uh…be on my way.“  
„Sure,“ Nick said, asking himself what kind of a business that could be.  
„You know where you find me“, he shouted after him and then he was alone again.

Some time later, Nick was back in his hotel suite, where the bed was empty now. There only was a note from his manager Virgil, who had probably shooed away the bird.

„Nick love,

I’m glad you left the house for once, I was really worried and you didn’t seem to read my notes anymore. I heard you even showed up in the church of Simon Says and finally made some pleasant news. That’s smashing!  
But now your house looks like a tornado crashed through because your alarm was turned off. Please, try not to be completely stoned when you leave, or at least tell the Constable. He’s there for a reason. 

Also, I know you need your pick-ups but did you have to use up your entire stock of Reds and Yellows with her? I told you there’s a shortness in supplies, these things don’t grow on trees. Plus, I have now more complains about noise disturbance and vandalism on my desk and still have to handle the previous ones. 

I guess you don’t remember, but you told me you’ll write new songs, just before you locked yourself up in your house two weeks ago. If you managed to get something on tape, send it to me. Those bills don’t pay themselves.

PS I got another one of these. I accept your privacy but if someone is trying to blackmail you, you’ll tell me, will you?

You do read my notes, do you?

Virgil

Nick sighted and screwed the paper. He had no idea if he recorded something or not. These last two weeks had been a disaster. His stomach turned when he thought about how they would’ve ended if this curious encounter with Arthur didn’t happen. 

He took the black envelope that lied next to Virgil’s note and pondered if he should even open it. Virgil wasn’t the only one he had promised something. Virgil was used to disappointments but this one… But he couldn’t just cancel their agreement. You don’t say ‚no‘ to the Parade. So he had no choice but to read the note and endure it all.

Taking it out he was surprised that it was so short.

Dear Nick,

meet me at the rooftop at midnight.

James

Nick turned the page around in surprise, but there was nothing written on the verso. He didn’t even know what day he meant, so he could just go outside at midnight and see.  
Great.  
And what awaited him he could only guess.

At midnight, Nick stepped out into the cold, shivering and wrapping his arms around him. He looked out for him while he avoided the bolts of lightning that flashed around him. It wasn’t quite a comfortable place for a meeting. It smelled like burned something and Nick tried to not inhale too much of it. He could see that in the distance a dark figure approached him.  
„Nick finally, it’s been a while!“, he heard the familiar voice greet him.  
„James, I’m glad to see you. But can’t we meet somewhere more comfy?“

James came closer and Nick could see he was wearing his expensive black suit again, perfectly fitting and made of some precious fabric that had made Nick think he must be from the Parade in the first place. His mask was shimmering metallic, something Nick had never seen before. What stood out to him the most was James’ light hair that stood up in some completely self-willed fashion. Nick asked himself why anyone wanted to look like that, but then again he hadn’t been in the Parade for a long time, maybe that was simply how everyone looked there now.

James sneered at him. „We could have, if you didn’t open your house for every unannounced visitor. You didn’t expect me to simply walk into the Avalon, didn’t you?“ He tilted his head.  
„Uh…of course not…but we could’ve found a room with a roof on it, right? Or even heating.“  
James gave him a stern look. „You had it warm and comfy for a long time. It didn’t seem to benefit you.“

Nick made a face, thinking about the last two weeks he couldn’t even recall properly. He hadn’t stayed in touch with anyone while drowning in bad trips and nightmares, even though he had started these days with such a strong motivation.  
„I’m sorry James…I really didn’t mean to fuck this up again…after everything you’ve done for me. I did what you told me, at least for the first two days I think,“ Nick stuttered his explanation and found that it sounded even worse than it did in his head. He prepared himself for a tirade, derision or  
even threats.

He was surprised when he received none of that. James remained calm and contemplated something for a while, before he spoke again.  
„Two days. Do you remember them?“  
„Yes, clearly,“ Nick assured him eagerly and James gave him a look.  
„Well…maybe not every single hour, I mean who does? But I know what I did!“  
„Good,“ James said, sounding rather content. „It’s a good start. And now that you think clearly again, you can proceed.“

Nick now bowed his head in embarrassment. Something else came into his mind.  
„Sure, I just uh…ran out of Blackberry Joy. I don’t even remember taking it all.“  
James still remained calm.  
„I assumed you did run out of supplies.“ He brought up a tiny black package from his inside pocket and handed it to Nick.  
„Don’t beat yourself up, but be careful not to overdose this time.“  
Nick took it as if it was some delicate treasure.  
„Thanks mate, I promise I’ll be careful this time,“ he said, hoping he would keep his promise.

„You’ve been in the church, so I’ve heard. You made a good impression to your fans,“ James changed the subject to a rather pleasant matter.  
„Yeah, it was quite fun,“ Nick admitted. „I like this game.“  
„And I like it when you leave your cage from time to time. I wonder what made you do it.“  
James eyed him now with curiosity, bringing Nick into another awkward situation. What could he tell a Parade Agent?

„Well…when the alarm somehow turned off I got chased out anyway…and I still had a note from my manager about Simon Says with the advise not to miss this…favorable occasion, so I rather went…“, Nick stuttered, nervously waiting for the other man’s reaction.  
He seemed to be content with the explanation as well.  
„I want you to remember this day, Nick. Are you still making notes?“  
„Yes…some of them don’t make any sense but it’s getting better.“  
„It will eventually, if you keep making them“, James encouraged him.  
„I guess I can let you to your cozy Wonderland Suite now. Except there’s still something you want to tell me…“ This time Nick couldn’t make out the expression in James’ face, what was difficult to read in the first place.

„No…I’m alright,“ he said, clutching the small package of Joy.  
James gave a mysterious smile.  
„Good night then, Nick Lightbearer. I’ll send you a note.“  
„Good night, James…“ 

Nick turned around and walked back into the stairwell that led him to the warm and light corridors he had missed very much on the cold roof. When he entered his suite he grabbed a piece of paper at first, to write the promised note. However when he put the pencil down, he stopped.  
He hadn’t been able to say it out loud, he couldn’t tell James about it and he didn’t even trust the paper enough. 

The most important event yesterday wasn’t Simon Says, it was Arthur. Him and the fact that Nick helped him as well and let him go. What did it say about his condition? Did he want to know? If someone found this note by accident…There were enough rumors about him going around, he didn’t want to risk his already degraded reputation. What should he do? Uncle Jack would’ve told him to pop a Joy and forget it all.

Pondering, he looked at the package that lied on his table. It seemed to wait patiently.  
But Nick didn’t want to forget, not only because James said so but also because it had been Arthur who had freed him from his daily grind, the cage, as James liked to call it, and who had made him do something helpful for once. Thinking about the medal, he wondered if the disguise worked. What if he wouldn’t recognize Arthur again when he took Joy? 

He had so many unpleasant feelings no Wellie should have. Perhaps they should just simply go away. Perhaps it was a great mistake that he didn’t want to forget Arthur and later he would see. Nick never fully understood feelings. They came and went. 

Then again, he could still destroy the note later, so why all the worries?  
Nick finally pulled himself together and started to write.


	4. Chapter 4

Arthur was deep in thoughts the next days. Thanks to the medal he could walk past the Wellies without hindrance, if he didn’t push his luck. He didn’t think about the medal itself too much, it was the way he got it that made him ponder. He couldn’t stop thinking about Nick Lightbearer. 

Of course, he had been on a drug when they met and probably hadn’t been able to act like a normal Wellie because of that, but Arthur asked himself if that was in fact the only reason why he didn’t attack him. And then he even helped him without asking for something in return, what nobody did before. Maybe he simply forgot? Normally, Arthur would move on and leave everyone to their fate but he was thinking about Nick’s fate right now. 

When he had sorted out some things and gathered food he went back into the hatch by nightfall. He didn’t want to walk around in the darkness after all, where he would ironically more likely be seen because of the curfew.

Following the tunnel to his shelter Arthur noticed a noise that didn’t belong there and hid in a corner, listening carefully. He hoped it wasn’t another breakout of the plague. It sounded rather like building work, what wasn’t so great either. So just now somebody wanted the tunnel to be repaired? Why would the town need the metro? They didn’t have a new order, didn’t they? Arthur thought about The Bad Thing, that kept circling around in his head for so many days now. The sound suddenly went quiet and Arthur curiously sneaked closer until he heard voices.

„Oh, there you are!“, an angry voice just shouted and made Arthur jump.  
„Virgil…I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t have much time.“ That was Nick’s voice.  
„What do you think you’re doing down here? Do you have any clue how much I’ll have to pay for this?“  
„Come on, no one collects a rent down here. Also, I don’t feel safe in my house anymore, every safety measure has failed so far. They even built a bloody scaffolding to my window! The suite isn’t any better and these pompous asses make up new bills for everything every day.“  
„I would’ve easily found another house. What the hell are you gonna down here?  
„I like it. It’s the solitude, the many branched tunnels, like blood vessels pulsing though the streets. It’s inspiring, Virgil! I’m about to feel my energies again!“

„By living like a rat? Your songs have to be jolly, you have to make people happy and not give them nightmares! I don’t want another Georgie Joy Disaster, do you hear me?“  
„I know what I’m doing! Don’t you trust me anymore? This is my new chance!“  
Virgil’s sight was very loud.  
„If this isn’t bringing any better results I’ll drag your ass back out of here. Are we clear?“  
„Thank you Virgil, my friend, you won’t regret this!“  
„I hope so…“, the man named Virgil said before Arthur heard footsteps coming closer. He hid again and waited until the coast was clear before he sneaked along the tunnel to find Nick.

„Hey, Nick,“ he whispered.  
Nick was startled at first, but he relaxed when he saw Arthur and approached him.  
„Hey, Arthur. Lovely day for it. Or…uh…rather not…? This is confusing…“  
„Nick, what are you doing here?“, the other man interrupted his flood of words.  
„I’ll be living in the underground for a while,“ Nick informed him and Arthurs face fell.  
„Down here, in the dirty tunnels?“  
„Come on, man, it’s probably cleaner than my own house“, he said laughing. „I need to live somewhere after all, after someone destroyed my alarm.“  
So much for ‚nothing in return‘, Arthur thought to himself. All right, let’s see how he’ll manage without all conveniences.

Nick noticed how his mood had changed and slapped him on the back without warning.  
„No worries, man, you’ll stay safe. I won’t say a word.“  
„Why?“, Arthur blurted out.  
„Sorry?“  
„Why won’t you tell anyone?“, Arthur repeated and nervously scratched the back of his head.  
Nick searched for an answer in his brain that made sense.  
„Because…cause you’re a fan…“, he stuttered. „Right?“  
„Right“, Arthur said, trying not to show his disappointment. Nick didn’t seem to notice.  
„I’m pretty happy with my new…well, improvised suite. Wanna see?“

Arthur nodded, thinking that the celebrity was probably used to walk strangers through his home and didn’t mind. He followed him and in the next minutes he could barely close his mouth anymore from all the gaping. It seemed like Nick had brought everything that was precious to him, including his big comfortable bed, multiple padded chairs and other furniture, a selection of various guitars and even a bar in the centre of the place. Arthur couldn’t decide if he should marvel about this or simply shake his head. 

„I you need something, we can share,“ Nick offered.  
The other man eyed him with a bit of mistrust, asking himself what he would want in return. Thinking about the rotten and dirty mattress he had to sleep on every day he said: „That’s very generous of you, but I’m quite full of supplies at the moment.“  
Nick gave him a doubtful look. „Not even coffee?“, he offered. „I don’t mean the brewed chicory, I mean the real one.“  
Now Arthur’s mouth was watering. „Okay, actually coffee sounds great.“ 

A few minutes later they sat at the bar and enjoyed their freshly brewed, hot and tasty real coffee. Arthur had served a part of his food storage that sprang a surprise on Nick.  
„I can’t even remember the last time I eat something!“  
„Sounds like fun,“ Arthur couldn’t help saying and the other man’s smile froze.  
„That’s not…usual behavior, that’s just me…“, he stuttered in defense.  
Arthur thought he was somehow living a way better life, just because he was back to his senses.  
„I’m sorry, I meant nothing by it“, he backtracked and offered him a barrel of biscuits. Nick grabbed one, looking completely happy again. In fact, the Wellies reminded Arthur of children. One second upset, the next second right as rain again. Only he would recall how good this coffee tasted and how good it felt to warm himself up after a day of running through a district full of toxic fog.

„So…how was your day, now really?“, Nick asked him again. Arthur noticed he was quite nosy for a Wellie. Shouldn’t he stun the truth? Or did he simply forget that there was something he wasn’t allowed to know about? Arthur remained cautious because his own safety was at stake all the time.  
„You know…not that bad…I survived…“ he said vaguely and sounded as casually as possible.  
„The medal…did it help?“  
Arthur nodded. „I can’t fool the doctors of course - and the detectors but people let me pass again, and in one piece, and it’s easier to have a conversation.“  
Nick dipped a biscuit into the coffee, full of thoughts.

„Wouldn’t it be much easier if you just took your Joy again?“, he asked as if Arthur had stopped breathing and tried photosynthesis instead. The other man shook his head at that.  
„Look, it’s not that I don’t want to be happy, but I want to remember.“  
„I also want to remember things, but not everything.“  
„You can’t control what you forget and what not.“  
„I can write it down,“ Nick replied and looked at him.  
Arthur thought about the many confusing notes he had found in his house, rather a sign that it didn’t work.

„You’ll forget that you even have these notes,“ Arthur tried to reason with him.  
„Okay, I might forget one or two but overall it’s helping a lot,“ Nick insisted. He was determined to make advances with this, James had given him the advise after all and he had assured him that it would work. Arthur instead had to accept this if he didn’t want to confess he read his notes.  
„It’s your choice,“ he said.  
„Happiness is a choice,“ Nick muttered more to himself and took another sip of his coffee.  
„If you should change your mind, I could help you,“ Arthur suddenly offered and Nick gave him a surprised look. Immediately Arthur asked himself if he had gone too far but Nick stayed rather calm again.  
„Thanks for the offering, but I rather stick to the Joy.“

When they had separated again Nick grabbed another piece of paper and wondered how he should register the latest events. He had acted rather spontaneous and had moved closer to Arthur after he had missed him already while writing his last note and feared that he might not see him again. Downers used to vanish eventually, getting caught by the bobbies or they fled into the Garden District, if that even existed. There were so many rumors about it just as much as about the ominous Foggy Jack who was said to strike terror there. The image gave Nick the chills. He shouldn’t be worried though, he told himself. No decent citizen had worries.  
Still, he wondered how many worries a downer might have.

Nick fished the small package out of his pocket and viewed it thoughtfully while Arthur’s offering didn’t leave his head. He still didn’t act like he thought a downer would, after various episodes of Uncle Jack making jokes about it. Everyone feared them so much that they immediately chased them away or did worse to them if they could. They were stated to turn you into one of them in no time and spread their kind like a plague over all holms if no one stopped them. Arthur didn’t seem so aggressive to him. In fact, it was Nick who had brought up the subject. 

Still, he felt a bit different now, when he took one the black pills out of the package and turned it around in his hand, as if he could find something else on it he didn’t see before. It looked completely normal and spread it’s fruity smell, causing Nick’s mouth to water. Wasn’t that much better than anything he ever ate? What if the downer actually did something to him?  
Nick tensed, fighting back the fear that started boiling over.  
His name is Arthur, he corrected himself. 

Nick also didn’t call him a downer in the note, just for safety reasons. For a while there was nothing to hear than the quiet scratching of the pen on paper, then he turned back to the Joy wich effect he appreciated so much. There was nothing better in town than the blackberry flavor. He expected some pleasant dreams for once when he laid down into his bed.

After an indeed relaxing night he woke up as fresh as a daisy the next morning. He even knew where he was without having to stumble around the place and running into furniture until his brain started working again. Instead he let the expensive coffee maker on the bar serve him some coffee. He pondered shortly before he filled a second cup and walked along the tunnel until he reached a door he knocked at.  
„Arthur?“

He didn’t get an answer. Perhaps Arthur couldn’t hear him, so Nick tried again, louder this time. When there was still nothing to hear, he carefully opened the door himself and sneaked in, passing all the ominous machines and tools, wondering what Arthur used them for. It looked like the hideout of a secret agent. Indeed what was a downer doing all day? What he didn’t find though was Arthur himself. His bed was empty too. 

Nick could only stare at it in disappointment and blame himself for thinking Arthur would stay here now. He was so used to everyone wanting to stay close to him that he didn’t consider that Arthur was different. By choice. Still, he placed the mug at his bed stand, in case he came back. Then he left, ready to spend the morning with his own thoughts. It had been a long time since he had been fully conscious, so that he didn’t really know what to do with himself now. Usually he was so high that days and nights blended into each other and he never had much time for anything. But now he felt rather empty. Plus, he remembered what everyone expected from him now. If he went back to his old habits though he could ruin it all, perhaps even forget the last events. He also didn’t want to disappoint James. 

Then again, he remembered now why he kept drugging himself. All this pressure! Everyone he knew expected him to create the new smash hit, his great comeback. They had pestered him for years. Or else he would vanish forever. How tempting it was to forget it all. Wasn’t forgetting even a virtue? But he had come this far, he would risk it all. Then again, he could allow himself a day off. Just one. 

Nick was undecided when he strolled over to his guitars and grabbed one. He vibed it, walking around the room taking the sound in. For a while he even managed to become lost in it, trying out some vague melodies but moments later he only ended up with his old songs until he put the guitar down in frustration. This didn’t work. He couldn’t write new songs when his old ones still dominated his mind. He had to clear his head.


	5. Chapter 5

When Arthur came back to his shelter the next evening he saw a cup of coffee standing on his nightstand, that was probably from Nick. He himself had left early in the morning because in these hours the night shift was still up and tired and there were not many citizens on the street yet. The poor Bobbies only wanted some scotch and then his way was clear. Now, he wondered what Nick had done all the time. He wanted to thank him for the coffee anyway even though it was cold now, so he made his way to Nicks new improvised luxury suite. 

Entering it he saw that the usual chaos he knew from Nick’s house had taken over again. Everything in the room was badly affected: the furniture overthrown, the cushions spread on the floor and actually everywhere, some of them were ripped apart, causing white feathers to fly around like artificial snow and of course, empty bottles and pills in all colors. Nick himself was standing on his bed, his guitar in his hands and humming a melody. He didn’t seem to notice Arthur at all. It was only because it seemed impolite to Arthur to put the cup on the table and leave that he approached the other man.

„Nick?“  
Nick quickly looked up, seeming all confused and blinking as if he had problems with his vision. Then he gave him a finger gun and purred: „Hey, handsome,“  
„It’s me, Arthur,“ Arthur said urgently, wishing he would’ve just gone.  
„Arthur?“, the other man asked doubtfully. „You’re so small…“  
„Because you’re standing on your bed,“ Arthur explained, asking himself if he could get anything useful out of this conversation.  
„Oh.“

„Listen, I don’t mean to bother, I just wanted to say thank you for the coffee,“ he explained and held up the cup, not sure if it would ring a bell.  
„I see you’re rather busy so I’ll be on my way…“ Arthur was about to turn away and go but Nick stopped him.  
„No..no…wait! I’m writing a new song right now. You gotta hear it!“, he shouted proudly and stroked the strings of his guitar. Arthur watched him skeptically but decided to stay and give it a chance. 

What his ears had to endure later was like thunderclap, earthquake, bomb impacts and tooth pain all at once. He curled his fingers around the counter, barely able to hold on and assuming that a bad trip might feel like this, while the glasses and bottles trembled and clinked. Looking up to the ceiling he was also afraid the already desolated tunnel might give in, so he left the bar and followed the cable that should be connecting the guitar to the amp. He had a hard time doing it because Nick must’ve ran around criss cross with it over the day. He felt half numb already when he finally found the plug and pulled it out. His tinnitus roared into the sudden silence and he barely heard his own footsteps when he walked back to the bar.

„What happened?“, Nick asked helplessly. „Oh, no, please tell me I didn’t ruin another one!“  
„Seems to be,“ Arthur said innocently and Nicks face fell.  
„Listen, that was really…overwhelming…“.  
„Yeah?“, Nick brightened up again.  
„…but I’m really tired now…I need to go to bed.“  
„But it’s not that late! C’mon Arthur, don’t be a wet blanket now!“, Nick whined.  
„I’ve been up all day“, Arthur said desperately.  
„Me too! And I still feel amazing!“, Nick shouted and stared to jump on the bed. „You should try one of these, it feels like flying!“  
Arthur could barely watch him reach the edge of the bed, completely careless about his surroundings.

„Nick, watch out,“ he tried to help, but it was too late. Seconds later Nick lied on the floor and didn’t make a move or a sound anymore. Arthur dashed over to him and knelt down next to him to see if he was still alive. A loud snore gave him certainty. 

Arthur sighted and wiped his forehead. If this guy didn’t stop the drugs he would kill himself some time. Luckily, he was still alive for now and Arthur contemplated for a while until he shoved his arms under the other man’s body and lifted him up, noticing that he was rather lightweight. Arthur guessed that drugs didn’t really sate Nick and he didn’t consume much else. Putting him back on his bed, he was careful not to wake him up. He noticed he hadn’t been so close to another person in years, even thought it wasn’t really voluntarily and Nick was still a stranger to him. He wondered if that was his fate, being alone his entire life. His punishment for being a traitor.

When he had made sure that Nick was alright, Arthur fled the room, praying that the other man won’t find the plug again until he was back to his senses. He also considered to sleep somewhere else tonight, since the noise could’ve alarmed the bobbies. Thinking about it, anger bubbled up in him, because he should’ve known that this was horrible idea. Why did Nick have to interfere with this? It had been so peaceful and quiet down here before this insane celebrity had to fancy himself a tunnel rat. As if that’ll help him to change his self destructive ways!

Now Arthur had the choice wether he wanted to run into the night, where all the all the bobbies, drones and jubilators waited for him or if he stayed here and waited for them to come in instead.

Nick woke up the next day and realized he had a nasty hangover.  
„Shit, I must’ve hit my head somehow,“ he muttered to himself, curling his fingers around his pounding head.  
„Wakey, wakey, my friend,“ a way too happy voice said way too loudly. Nick turned around to silence the bloody radio when he realized that someone was standing in front of him. Someone with a silver mask and a precious black suit.

„James?“, Nick whispered and wiped his eyes. „This isn’t a good moment for a visit, you know? Can’t you come back tomorrow?“  
James came closer and crossed his arms. „I beg to differ.“  
Nick made a grumpy noise and tried to orient himself into the room. Nothing in it was familiar to him and the bed was bloody uncomfortable. No wonder he was sore all over.  
„Where am I?“, he slurred. „I didn’t tell you to bring me here. Is this a damn joke?“  
James didn’t move a muscle, he only eyed Nick from above. „Do I look like I’m making jokes?,“ he asked with a stern voice.

Nick blinked and tried to focus on the other man and stop seeing two or three of them menacingly standing above him, until he gave up.  
„You look like you never made a joke in your entire life,“ he snapped. „Anyway I’m not in the mood right now. Give me something to cheer me up or leave me alone.“  
„But Nicky, I already gave you something, did you forget?“  
Nick peered at him awhile, then he remembered and started searching in his jacket. „This doesn’t help me much though. Don’t you have anything better?“, he whined.  
James didn’t answer and continued viewing him, giving Nick the impression that he was very annoying today.  
„Where is it?“, he muttered. „Shit…“

Suddenly James held something in his hands. „Are you looking for this?“  
Nick sighted, sounding very on edge. „Really? I said I’m not in the mood for this! I feel like shit!“  
„Obviously,“ James stated, causing the other man to rant: „Just leave me alone then!“  
„Soon, Nick“, the mysterious agent said quietly. „I have only one question for you: Do you remember the promise you gave me?“  
The little package of Blackberry Joy was turning in his hands and Nick started to ask himself why James took it away from him.

He sighted again. „Not now…“  
„You will answer me!“, James said in a sharp tone that hurt in Nick’s ears. Desperately, Nick pulled at his hair and tried to think with the hammering pain in his head.  
„I wanted to do what you said…I just somehow didn’t!“, he produced. „I don’t even know why!“  
„I thought so.“ James shook his head. „Now you’ll have a lot of time to remember until all the ominous substances you tortured your mind with leave your system.“  
„What do you mean by that? Give me back my Joy,“ Nick demanded.  
„Oh, I will, don’t you worry. One by one.“ He took a pill out of the box and Nick could already smell it’s infatuating scent. He couldn’t help but reaching out for it.

James smiled. „It’ll be all you have.“  
„That’s ok with me, just give it to me already!“, Nick urged him. His body already craved for more euphoria.  
James laughed. „One pill per hour, we don’t want to overdose after all.“  
„Are you serious?“  
„Of course, I don’t want you to get lost after this because you can’t find your own house, right?“  
He let the Joy pill fall on the ground and laughed again when Nick slid from the bed and fell on his knees to find it.  
„Have some jolly memories, my friend. I see you again in one hour.“

With that, he left the room and locked the door. Nick hardly noticed it though since he was still searching for his Joy. When he finally found it he noticed in horror that it burned his tongue. He swallowed it anyway, hoping the pain would fade away, but it went right down into his stomach. He ended up tossing and turning on the ground, moaning in pain while the room around him contracted and expanded again, like an irregular pulse.  
„James!“, he shouted with a husky voice, but the other man didn’t come back.

Nick continued lying on the ground, unable to stand up. He had tried multiple times to crawl back on the bed but it had turned into an invincible obstacle that was angrily prancing or cowardly backing away, so he gave up and rather stayed on the floor that swayed slightly. In fact, breathing was exhausting enough. He was sure that he had merged with the ground by now when the door opened and James stepped back in. Nick tried to say something but his tongue didn’t obey him, so he only made an incomprehensible noise.

„Poor Nicky,“ he heard James say as he knelt down to him and Nick could only give him a helpless stare. Then he suddenly had the weird feeling of floating into the air. Could he fly now? Seconds later he realized it could only be James who laid him back into his bed. Lying on the mattress he didn’t recall if he had ever experienced something so comfy before.  
„Take this. You’ll feel much better soon“, James said and fed him another Joy. Just one. It felt warm on his tongue and soon he saw colorful dots dancing in front of his eyes. They were still there when he shut them.

As he opened his eyes again he noticed he must’ve fallen asleep for a while because he felt much worse now. He was incredibly cold and shivered so much that even his teeth chattered. Joy, he thought, he needed it now. Where was James? Did he forget about him? Nick could now move, even if he was clumsy, so he crawled out of the bed, down on the floor that luckily didn’t make waves anymore and finally reached the door. He could stretch himself just about enough to reach the door handle and to state that he couldn’t open it.  
„James?“, he shouted, but when he heard no response he started hammering at the door.  
„James, come back!“, he demanded. „Give me my Joy! I need my Joy!“ But James was still not coming back. Nick wondered if he didn’t notice how much he was suffering or if he simply didn’t care. 

„James, open the fucking door! You can’t do this to me! I am the famous Nick Lightbearer and I need my fucking Joy right now!“  
Everything he accomplished though was that his hands started hurting. His body was still trembling and the mere thought of the delicious blackberry flavor was hardly to handle while he in fact had a rather bitter taste on his tongue. The more time went by the more desperate his calls became.

„Please, I can’t stand it any longer, please give me my Joy!“, he pleaded. Shortly after he got into a panic and started scratching at the door, eager to rather dig his way through it if it won’t open than to stay in this room for any longer. He didn’t even notice when his fingernails began to bleed. He only stopped scratching because he was too exhausted to proceed and sank back on the ground. He only managed to crawl into a corner and break out in tears. James must’ve forgotten about him and this was the end. Who would miss him anyway?  
He lied there for what felt like an eternity, being shaken by one crying fit after the other until he was even to exhausted for this and he dozed off again.

The sound of the opening door woke him up again but he remained motionless. He saw that James knelt down next to him and felt that he took his hand.  
„Nicky“, he dispraised, „what have you done?“  
Nick started to sob again while James revealed a jar of healing balm.  
„Why didn’t you come back?“  
„It wasn’t time yet“, James said in a gentle tone. „Just as I told you, only once per hour.“  
When the balm touched his bleeding fingers Nick winced and moaned.  
„Sssh“, James calmed him down. „It burns a little, I know, but it will get better soon.“ He carefully wiped the balm over Nick’s injured hand. „Don’t do this again. You need your hands, Nick.“

„Please, give me my Joy,“ Nick whined but held still when James patched up his other hand.  
„You can have it when I’m done,“ the other man promised and Nick wiped away a tear.  
After his treatment James lifted him up again and put him back on the bed.  
„I advise you to stay there until you feel much better. You can trust me to give you Joy when you really need it.“  
The other man didn’t respond, he only looked at James with begging eyes.  
„Do you trust me?“, James asked again and Nick finally gave him a nod.  
He was rewarded with his next portion of Joy that didn’t burn this time. It only made him feel really tired, so he didn’t move when James left the room and closed his eyes to fall asleep once again.

The procedure continued without mercy. Dizziness, pain and anxiety kept hitting Nick in waves. He held on to James’ gentle voice he was allowed to hear every hour. In time, the seizures reached their climax and illusions and reality seemed to melt into each other. It was the last moment Nick remembered before he blacked out for hours.

Long after curfew, Nick walked though the darkness that occupied the town. The sparse light from the lamps could barely break through the thick fog that emerged from the ground. The wet cobbled street had a faint shimmer that told Nick that it was still drizzling. The town looked dirty and gloomy and Nick wanted it like that. In this moment, it felt right. He hid his hands in the pockets of his already damp jacket, clenching his fists. He could still feel the rough paper of the O’Courant between his fingers. He had ripped it into pieces. That was everything he could do to it, a mere helpless gesture. And it was like Nick had ripped himself apart. It felt ultimate. The days the newspapers wrote good news about him were long gone. It felt like he was finally having clarity. All these months he had wasted, believing he could come back and be heard again. As if he was so close to making it.

He entered a backyard that was rarely lit and where the fog already climbed up the walls. There he leaned on a wet and cold stone wall, with the feeling that he would turn into stone himself.  
The Make Believes…it seemed like he had been the only one who still believed in them. Soon, they would be nothing but a faded memory in foggy minds.  
Nick watched the black clouds that were drifting by so slowly as if they were already tired of doing it. No star was shining on this black sky and Nick thought it was alright. He was so deep in thoughts that he didn’t notice that someone walked into the yard.

„Isn’t it a rather awful weather for a stroll tonight?“  
Nick stared at the dark figure that approached him from the shadows.  
„Awful? I didn’t hear that word in ages. Not quite a proper word to use for a proper citizen. One might say you forgot your Joy.“ He laughed bitterly.  
„One might say the same about you.“  
They eyed each other, but none of them seemed to be about to scream alarm. Nick noticed that the other man’s mask had a weird shine as if it was made of metal.

„Touché,“ he simply answered and rubbed his hands against each other that already hurt from cramping together, and probably from the cold.  
„Had a bad day, huh?“, the other man asked quietly, sounding as if they shared this outrageous secret.  
„Everyone eventually has…“, Nick muttered.  
Then he silenced again and listened to the soft raindrops pattering around him.

„Excuse me, but I think someone like you shouldn’t stand in a dirty backyard and have bad days.“  
Nick wondered if the other man was some supervisor the Parade sent to him to make sure that their golden calf behaved.  
„I think I am the only one who should have such bad days,“ he responded and hoped he could cut this conversation short. If he wanted to turn him in, then he should just go and do it. Nick wouldn’t beg for mercy.

„You know, people believe you have an easy life“, the other man went on and Nick snorted.  
„However, I believe it’s a fight for survival every day.“  
Nick eyed the other man again, noticing that he had nothing to protect himself from the rain but a rather expensive black suit that was now wet. Also his hair was wet. Judging from his clothes he could only be from the Parade. Then again, he was rather unconventional in his behavior.  
„May I?“, the stranger suddenly asked and reached out for him.

Probably another one who wanted to touch the great Lightbearer, Nick thought and turned his gaze away, ready to endure it. He hardly noticed the touch, instead he heard something rustle.  
Confused, he turned back to see that the other man pulled a ripped piece of paper from his shoulders. Now embarrassed he stared at the ground and silenced while the other man observed the paper.

„People forget, don’t they?“  
Nick closed his eyes.  
„It’s time to accept that it’s over,“ he whispered.  
„Well…an ending is also a chance for a new beginning,“ the stranger said and looked at him.  
Nick gulped.  
„Not for me. I’m born for this and I’ll get down with it.“  
„Perhaps all you need is to see it from another perspective,“ the other man suggested and Nick snorted again.

„I bet you didn’t hear my last record.“  
„I did…and I find it quite…agitative.“  
Nick gave a laugh. „Is that your perspective?“  
„It seems to me like a message from out of a cage. A cage you’ve created yourself and you need someone to break you back out of it. What if I told you, that someone is me?“  
Now Nick gave him his full attention.

„Help me….you…?“, he stuttered in confusion and the other man nodded meaningfully.  
„I can dare to say that I know how to awake hidden potential.“ He quietly laughed at that.  
„Who are you?“, Nick blurted out.  
„Call me James“, the stranger said.  
„James…“, Nick muttered to himself. His very own supervisor. And he really thought the Parade had forgotten about him.

„You have no idea what you brought yourself into.“  
James laughed again.  
„I am fully aware of your…let’s say…preferences.“  
Nick gulped, hoping he could really trust this bloke.  
„My first advise for you would be to go home, get some dry clothes on and pop a Joy. In addition, don’t lurk around in the darkness like a downer.“  
„Sure,“ Nick sighted. „I was hoping for something less obvious.“  
„Patience, Nick Lightbearer. Everything you need right now is confidence.“

In the dark of the alley, Nick saw nothing but thick fog and gloomy shadows. He heard his own ponderous footsteps while he made his way along the cobbled street. The fog obscured his view but he knew where to go. James led him with his gentle voice. He trusted James.  
A scream broke the silence, followed by blood. Nick stared down at the lifeless body. He didn’t feel anything while he watched James forcing his cleaver into the bleeding corpse until the insides oozed out. He didn’t feel anything when he heard the sound of bones cracking and remained calm when he saw James walking towards him with something in his hands that was dripping with blood.

„Look, Nicky, this is how a real heart looks like.“  
Nick eyed it, thinking that he had imagined a heart to be more lovely.  
„You can hold it if you like“, James said and handed it to him.  
It felt warm, when Nick put it in his hands. And wobbly. It kept deforming itself, depending on how Nick was holding it. He wondered if it shouldn’t be more solid.  
„He was quite a coward, wasn’t he?“, he guessed and James broke out in laughter.


	6. Chapter 6

Nick started from his sleep, with the panic still pulsing through his veins. He had that disgusting smell of blood in his nose and the feeling that his hands were greasy. Rubbing them agains each other he made sure that they were dry, but he still couldn’t fight the feeling that it was all very real. Pressing his hands against his forehead he listened to the maniac laughter that echoed in his mind and it made him very sick.  
Joy. He needed his Joy now.  
Seconds later he sat on his bed, all cramped and motionless and just waiting for the moment he got better. Joy helped him to sort his mind, but now it gave way to many more questions.

When he realized he was lying in his own bed again he wondered how he had been carried all this way back and forth. He wasn’t even sure if he actually walked all the way himself. His head was still foggy at that part. All he could remember was falling asleep at some point, after who knows how many hours of shaking in pain and crying in fear. 

Finally, he struggled to stand up and halfway out he found a piece of paper on his bed. That also happened with increasing regularity.

My dear Nick,  
please forgive me the unpleasantness you had to endure during withdrawal. I hope you’ve learned your lesson, because I don’t want to be forced to use this method on you again.  
Get well soon.  
Yours  
James

Nick felt like something hit him hard in the stomach. He let go of the note and it floated down on the ground while he realized what a shameful procedure it had been. And it could happen again if he didn’t get his shit together. But he kept failing. It seemed like all his efforts were to no avail. 

Devastated, he let his head sink into his hands and drowned in his thoughts, trying to fight the memories that feared and puzzled him. James came much closer to him than Nick had expected and he knew so much about him. He had found him, even though Nick hadn’t told him where he lived now. And he had carried him away and back again somehow. How many others worked for him? In fact, even if Nick knew the truth about James he wouldn’t have the chance to refuse him. He would find him.

Rubbing his eyes and turning his head Nick saw that his guitar was also lying in his bed and he asked himself what a show he had put on when he was high. One more glance and he saw the state of the entire room. It was basically nothing new, he thought while he walked around, eyeing the chaos. But that had been the whole point of moving here, right? If Virgil saw this…

Now Nick wondered how he could’ve been so foolish to believe it would help in some way. To believe that even Arthur could help him to get his shit together again. He shook his head in embarrassment and started to clean up, something he almost never did, but he also never had to hide the evidence before. Even though he probably chased Arthur away already, by revealing his true self and made sure that the other man never wanted to see him again. That was just how it turned out with everyone he met. They found out who he really was and fled him in horror, or disgust, or both. 

Nick stopped cleaning up because his view became too blurry to see anything. He let himself fall on the couch, shaking and sobbing. Why did he even bother? It always turned out the same way. Perhaps he would be better of dead. At least an electrocution would’ve been a fast and painless ending. If only he wasn’t too coward to do it himself…

Arthur instead wasn’t sure why he returned to this living disaster once again. But he had a guess. Since he didn’t forget anything so easily anymore, he now was able to think about everything and everyone every time. Not quite a good feeling to get used to. Probably no one could imagine that it took him a lot of effort not to run into the next mood booth and say goodbye to all his worries. Maybe his Joy-free brain completely over-exaggerated everything, but especially Nick was sure to put himself in danger. Arthur told himself that he didn’t have to stay for a long time though, he could only peek in and vanish again. 

He came closer to Nick’s place and noticed that it was all silent. He hoped that was a good sign. But then he found Nick sunken down on the couch, similar to how he had seen him before in his house. This time however it was worse, Arthur noticed and froze hesitantly. He had been so quiet again that Nick didn’t hear him at all and he could see that he was shaken by uncontrollable sobs. Completely overwhelmed, he asked himself if he should stay and risk to turn this into an awkward situation or if he should leave and pretend he hadn’t seen any of this? But what if Nick was having a bad trip and was about to hurt himself? 

„Uh…Nick?“, he said not very wittily.  
Nick looked up to him, with his reddened and shining wet eyes, like he was some kind of manifestation.  
„Arthur“, he whispered in surprise. His voice was husky. Then he quickly turned his head and wiped away his tears.  
„You’re still here…“  
„Yes, uh…you weren’t there yesterday and I … just wanted to see if you’re ok. If you want some time alone I understand…“   
„No, stay!“ Nick reached out for him, then he seemed to get second thoughts and sunk back down.   
„I can’t stand myself alone right now…“ 

Arthur walked closer and sat next to him on the couch, still unsure how he could even help him.   
„What’s wrong?“, he simply asked.  
Nick sobbed again and spread his arms in a helpless gesture.  
„I can’t do this anymore…Nick Lightbearer…that’s over. I’m out of energy and my head’s full of shit and I can’t stand myself anymore…“   
He was interrupted by another sobbing fit while Arthur racked his brains to find something that could cheer him up.

„Don’t you still enjoy writing songs?“, he tried.  
„Oh, Arthur, you sweet innocent flower, you! In the old days I did, yes! But now…it’s so much more…complicated…every song has to be the one…the one that brings me back…I just can’t keep this up anymore.“   
Arthur looked around the place and got an idea of what was blocking him. All these golden records and trophies everywhere…as if he had produced nothing but smash hits. Perhaps he even did at the beginning, before it wore him out. 

„And if you imagined it to be like the old days? If you tried to forget the past for a moment?“  
„Forget?“, Nick laughed bitterly. „No, it’s exactly like you said. I can’t forget some things, I can only forget all at once. And when I’m sober, my head is completely empty! I’m out of ideas! It’s over!“  
Nick wrapped his arms around him and sobbed even more.

Arthur wondered if it could be just another whim of Nick, to be grieving deeply and it would be gone some time later. Still, he felt the urge to put his hand on the other man’s shoulder. He finally obeyed it, and soon he felt the soft cloth of Nick’s bright red jacket for the second time. But now Nick was awake. Arthur could feel him tremble, and the warmth that radiated from him. 

Nick felt the sudden touch and it sent a shiver down his spine. He turned his gaze to see if it was really Arthur who stroked his shoulder since he always seemed so unapproachable. It felt good to be close to him and it had been a long time since someone had given him this sort of attention. Even after everything he did, even though Arthur had all the right to abandon him he was still here and gave him a chance. Finally, his feelings took over him and he curled his fingers into Arthurs tight black suit and pulled the man closer, crying into his expensive cloth.

Arthur, who had been overwhelmed by this whole situation already, now froze completely and he needed some time to process what happened until he brought himself to pat the other man’s back. He was so close to Nick that he could now smell a fruity scent on him. A rather odd perfume, he thought. 

„You came here, because you hoped that it would change something,“ Arthur whispered into their silence.  
Nick slightly loosened the grip and the other man was glad about it because his arms had started to hurt. Nick also straightened himself and backed away a few inches. Finally, he nodded.  
„Damn naive I was…“, he muttered quietly.  
Arthur put his hand back on Nick’s shoulder and gently squeezed it. The other man had to prevent himself from pressing his cheek against the warm hand.

„I don’t think it’s a bad idea,“ Arthur heard himself say and was immediately puzzled. Some minutes ago he still thought it was a horrible idea, too much of a risk and drawing attention. What was Nick doing with him, making him say such absurd things? 

Also Nick looked very surprised. And hopeful, as if he was hanging on Arthur’s every word. Just like when they first met. Arthur knew by now that there was something about him that made people set their trust onto him. They didn’t know how much he could disappoint them.  
„It helps to change place…perhaps you should also…go outside? Undercover, I mean…and just…observe the town…maybe not too close though…but superficial…perhaps you even find something that inspires you?“  
„Undercover?“. Nick winced. „That’s impossible! Everyone knows my face. I can’t walk on the streets anymore.“ He sighted deeply and bowed his head.  
„But there must be something that inspired you,“ Arthur insisted, not willing to give up yet.  
Nick seemed to ponder over it and his face started to lighten up a bit.

„Yes…Arthur, you’re right,“ he whispered. „I always had an inspiration, I simply forgot…“   
The other man was glad that he had managed to say something helpful.  
„And you think this works again?“, Nick asked him with an insecure tone and gave him this pleading look.   
„Well..why not trying it out? It’s a start after all…, i’d be surprised if you, of all people, can’t find back to your old shape,“ Arthur answered and, without thinking too much, gave him a playful punch against his shoulder.

Nick felt the impulse from Arthur’s fist and he liked how it ran through his body.   
„Thanks, Arthur,“ he sighted and came closer to him, looking at the folds he had left on the other man’s suit. „Thanks for staying here and listening to me…“ He lifted one hand and began to stroke Arthur’s shoulder and Arthur felt that the atmosphere was changing somehow and his heart started racing.  
„Perhaps I’m not doing everything wrong…“ Nick purred and looked right into the beautiful brown eyes of the taller man before he made a decision.  
Arthur watched him leaning forward and coming dangerously close to his face, before he jumped off the couch and took a few steps backwards.  
„No hard feelings,“ he heard himself stutter for whatever reason and ran out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Nick remained on his couch, being all confused, realizing he must’ve completely misjudged the situation. Nobody had ever run away from his approach like this. But now he couldn’t dwell over it, he had to go find his inspiration and he already knew where he would look for it. He even dispraised himself for being so stupid and forgetting about something so obvious. To be fair, it had been a long time ago since he last visited her and he didn’t know if she still knew him. At some point she had simply stopped to visit him and he couldn’t remember if there was something he did to her. Well, he would find out today.

Some time later he ascended a plain stairwell and ringed a bell by an unremarkable door that actually led to a palace of dreams he hadn’t seen from inside for a long time. She didn’t show up, so he ringed again, asking himself if she still lived here. Or perhaps she had another visitor, that was more likely. 

Finally, the door opened and she stood before him, beautiful as always, in her skinny dress, shiny black leather pants and high heels, completed with bright red lipstick: Sally Boyle. She seemed to be a bit out of breath. For a moment she gave him a worried look, then her expression turned into surprise.

„Nick, I haven’t seen you in ages!“  
„That’s a bloody shame, isn’t it?“, he responded, hoping she would agree. To his relieve, she gave a wide smile and said: „You’re damn right baby, come in!“

And so he returned to her palace, that was still as impressive as he remembered it. Sally didn’t hesitate to put her arm around him, leading him to the living room, right through her lab, where she created all her wonderful candy.

„So, is there anything you want to forget or do you simply want to let your mind wander?“, she asked him while they strode through her house. Her tiny hand stroked his back, and she whispered right into his ear.  
„Uh..“, he laughed nervously. „It’s a bit of both…“  
She let him to the big couch and made him sit down, pressing him right into the cushions with one hand on his chest. Then she knelt above him and took a glass vial from the table. Suddenly, Nick held out a hand. 

„Careful with this, I want to keep this moment in good memory.“ he said with decision.  
Sally instead pursed her lips in an adorable way.  
„You don’t want to try my special? Is this why you didn’t come back? Because you don’t like my candy anymore?“ She looked very sad and Nick could’ve slapped himself for ruining her mood.  
„No, Sally luv, that’s ridiculous! I missed all your stuff. I…“, he stopped, searching for words to say. „Look, forget what I said, I’m very much of an idiot today, that’s why I need you.“

Sally’s face lightened up again.  
„Don’t worry, special Sally is right here to save your day. Say aah…“  
Nick obeyed and soon he felt a pleasant tickle on his tongue. He had actually wanted to be more careful with the drugs, but first, he never had any problems with Sally’s specials and second, he couldn’t say no to her anyway. He noticed, that the colors around him turned much brighter and the room was dominated by a giant…  
„…rainbow“, he muttered.

Sally chuckled. „How did you know?“ Her voice sounded like it was fading into another dimension. He felt her hand on his cheek and he tried to lift his arm to pull her closer but he was too tired to move.  
„You’ll have the most wonderful dreams…“, he heard Sally’s soft voice whisper, before he fell asleep.

Waking up, he was alone and still a bit foggy in his head. But the rainbow he had danced on in his dream was gone. He got up to look for Sally and left the room on wobbly legs. It was like he heard voices from afar. Could be illusions, or another customer. He leaned on the doorframe and peeked around the corner with curiosity to find out who was demanding Sally’s attention. At first he noticed that the customer was much taller than her, then he saw the proper suit, the dark curly hair, the familiar face, and then he only watched in bewilderment how she stretched her neck and placed a kiss on his lips, how they both remained like that for a long time until they finally parted and how Sally stroked his chest with one hand and whispered lovely words into his ear while he couldn’t turn his gaze from her, until he suddenly looked up and his and Nick’s eyes met. Sally turned around to see what was going on.

„Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt you…“, Nick stuttered and hastily made his way to the exit. „Thanks for the mind-blowing adventure Sally.“ When he passed by her he pulled her closer and kissed her too, drawing it out while Arthur stood right besides him. Then he let go of her and left the room without looking back.

Descending the stairs he wondered why he even made such a big fuss about it. It was completely normal for Sally to welcome everyone in her palace and sometimes offering more than just candy. But why should a downer come to her, if it wasn’t for personal reasons? Nick was able to put one and one together after all: First, Arthur ran away from his kiss and now he was here snogging with Sally and melting away in her hands. That looked like a clear situation to him. 

Standing outside, huffing and puffing, he said goodbye to his inspiration, if he wanted to create a happy song, that is. What was left for him to do?

He saw a second possibility, even though it was much more complicated. That made it more exciting though. In addition, he needed a distraction right now, or else he would have another breakdown right before Sally’s house.

So he made his way to Bates’ Music Shop, avoiding the front door and instead sneaking to the back of the shop and trying the door there. As expected, it was open. Good girl. Sneaking into the storage room, he soon found a woman with teased black hair searching for something in a box. When she heard his footsteps, she turned around and made a little jump.

„Helly, Kitty,“ Nick purred.  
„Nick Nightbearer“, she shouted. „Uh..Barenighter!“  
Nick chuckled. „You’re cute when you’re stuttering, baby.“  
He stretched out an arm and leaned above her while she stared at him with wide eyes.  
„How about closing the shop earlier today?“  
„Uh…“, Kitty said and seemed to think hard. „…Relay? Yeah… we have some of those in the shop…“ She was about to run off into the shop, but Nick took her arm to stop her.

„No, no, I mean…we don’t we find a place for just the two of us?“  
„Cymbals? Yes, we have those too…“ She wanted to go again but Nick still had her arm.  
„Kitty, do you have drum sticks in your ears today? I’m asking if you wanna sh…“  
in this moment he heard footsteps and realized why Kitty had stared at him with a troubled expression the whole time. „…shoot.“

„Who are you talking to, Kitty?“ Bates’ voice sounded menacing.  
„Quick, hide,“ she hissed and shoved him under a table that was covered by a blanked.  
„It was just a customer, darling“, she then said to Bates who just came in.  
„Really?“, he asked suspiciously. „And since when do they use the back door?“  
„Some of them do…You know, they never read the „No Entrance“ signs, no matter how big I make them…“

While Kitty was keeping her husband busy, Nick set himself in motion and crouched along the table, until he cautiously came out behind Bates and sneaked into the shop.  
„I thought I heard this voice before“, he heard Bates say before he quietly closed the door to the storage and turned around with a triumphant smile on his face.

The smile froze as he saw that the shop was filled with people who were dressed just like him, even the women. A banner decorated the ceiling, that said „Nick Lightbearer Convention“ and Nick suddenly had a bad feeling about this. They stared at him and he stared right back, fearing he would never make it to the exit in one piece. Then a woman started to yell, pointing a finger at him and a stampede broke loose. Nick yelled too and ran back to the storage room, but the door only opened for a short gap and behind that he saw the grinning face of Bates.

„I knew it! Nick Lightbearer himself, what an honor. I hope you have fun at your own convention!“  
„Come on Bates, let me out! They’ll rip me apart!“, Nick begged, but the other man didn’t move.  
„Darling, let him out, he didn’t do anything bad,“ he heard Kitty plead for him.  
„Oh, he’s completely innocent, isn’t he? Funny though that the bloke who criticized his last record was found dead in the park last night!“  
„What are you talking about?“, Nick shouted in desperation.  
„It’s true, the man you pretend to be is the man you are inside. Lovely day for it!“  
„You can’t be serious“, Nick shrieked as the door slammed shut and he heard the key turning around. Nick dashed against the door but it had no effect.  
Meanwhile the mob of fans came closer. 

Nick pressed himself against the door, staring helplessly at the mass that came upon him, until his survival instinct took the lead and he started to run towards them, hoping in panic that he could make it through. Crashing against the mob it felt like an avalanche rolled over him, one that consisted entirely out of arms, with hands that grabbed him from everywhere. He kept tearing himself out of their grips, ignoring the sound of ripping cloth, flailing around and kicking and carving himself a way with his elbows. More than once he was about to drown in the masses and he could barely breathe anyway. When he finally made it out, he was completely exhausted, crawling out of the shop on all fours and not looking back. 

Crouching through the door he almost fell unconscious at the sight of an even bigger crowd of people that stood outside. Everyone who was still a fan of his must’ve been there, looking at him how he pulled himself up at the doorframe. Perhaps they would’ve taken him for another Lookalike, but he gave himself away when he lost his nerve and ran with the last bit of his strength. He was certain that the avalanche he had caused now was definitely fatal. No street was safe, so he hid in a trash bin and didn’t make any sound for a very long time, until it was so calm and quiet that he assumed that the mass had rolled by.

Crawling out of the bin he saw that his fancy rags were shredded and dirty, so he definitely needed new clothes. As fate willed, his other fancy rags were still in his hotel suite and on the way to the hotel he found the Convention right at the street he needed to follow. 

Surrendering to his fate, he slumped down on a bench, guessing he had to wait until the end of the Convention until he could go into a warm and comfy room again. Curling his fingers into his hair, he noticed that it was also completely destroyed. He couldn’t walk around like this! Looking around in desperation he saw another Wellie already approaching him, about to displease him for his inappropriate clothing. Nick looked at the other man’s clean suit and came to a conclusion. He let the Wellie come. 

„Sir, you shouldn’t be dressed like that.“  
„Pardon?“ Nick acted deaf.  
The other man stepped closer and seconds later he had a syringe in his stomach and collapsed.  
„No worries,“ Nick assured the other citizens that strolled by. „Just a Joy overdose, I’ll bring him back home.“ No one questioned it, easy answers to problems always were the best.

Nick threw the man over his shoulder and carried him into a back alley where could switch clothes unseen. With the torn rags the Wellie only looked like a Convention guest who had overdone it. Nick eyed himself, content with his new outfit. Maybe a bit too tame, but therefore live-saving. Before he could go back to the hotel though he had to make another even harder step. His hair and his face, both could still give him away. This day didn’t spare him anything, he thought to himself. Did he really have to do this? He didn’t even remove his wig to sleep, he wasn’t himself without it. But the longer he pondered over it the more it seemed that he had no chance. 

With a really unpleasant feeling in his stomach he removed the wig and placed it next to the Wellie. Then he took the mask. The cold air on his skin felt rather strange, taking him way back. He had already forgotten how it felt to have no mask on his face. He didn’t even know the time all of this started. Was it ten years ago? Nick wasn’t even popular yet when they became the law. And then Joy came. The person he had been before Joy was someone Nick didn’t know anymore. Even Arthur kept the mask. 

Arthur…better not think about Arthur, Nick told himself and swapped his mask with the one of the Wellie. Goodbye Lightbearer mustache. The urge to get into the hotel suite was much stronger now.

Funny how things go, Arthur thought, running down the stairs from Sally’s home. „You came back to her to apologize, because you’ve been a complete arse to her and she surprises you by being not mad at all. She’s saying all these wonderful things you had wished her to say when you meet her again, she’s lovely and sweet and even kisses you with passion - and then it all turns out to be another bloody lie, it turns out that you had all the right to be an arse, that there’s always someone better than you to kiss and to spice things up, this kind of people seems to be the only one you ever meet and they’re always going to be an utter disappointment. 

Arthur didn’t make a pause until he was back in his hideout. He ignored that his face was all wet.

Congratulations, Arthur! The only one who ever cared about you was the one you abandoned in Germany!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's three broken hearts in one chapter. Isn't this a jolly story?


	8. Chapter 8

Nick still felt a bit uneasy passing by his fans, fearing that they could recognize him any moment by his movements, his height, his eye color or even his scent. He was tensed up and avoided to look anyone in the eye until he was finally safe and still in one piece. The rest of the way to the hotel he was much more relaxed, walked around just as jolly and lively as everyone else and found that this undercover-stroll could be really amusing, at least if he wasn’t surrounded by fans.  
He lost his smile again when he saw another mass of Wellies gathering before the Avalon. Even there!, he thought desperately. The entire town was crazy today! Still, he noticed with relief that no one of them was dressed like him, so it had to be something else they gathered around. An accident maybe.

He joined the mass and asked the first person he met what was going on.  
„What’s going on? It was in the News Hour!“, the citizen was shocked.  
„Uh…I forgot the news…too much Joy, haha…“, Nick said nervously and scratched the back of his head.  
„Birdie Callagher sings in the Avalon today!“, the man explained and widened his arms in a solemn gesture as if he expected Nick to applaud.  
Nick was dumbfounded. „Uh…who?“

„You’re living under a rock? Birdie Callagher is the best singer in town! She has all it takes to become the new voice of Wellington Wells! If only I made it inside, I could see her!“, the man shouted and continued to stare daggers at the hotel, probably thinking hard about how to get in.  
Nick needed a bit to process the mind blowing news he just heard. But then he knew he needed to see this girl.

He took a closer look at the pass that was attached to the other man’s suit and stated: „You’re from the O’Courant.“  
The other man crossed his arms. „So what? Does it bother you?“  
Nick looked around as if he was making sure that no one listened to them and confidentially whispered to the reporter: „I can bring you in. I know a secret passage into the bar.“  
„You’d do that for me?“, the man was surprised.  
„Sure, I’m just doing a favor to a fellow colleague,“ he lied, winking at him.

So they both sneaked away from the crowd and went into the park that surrounded the hotel, reaching the place were Nick had created himself a second entrance. He removed the grating from the vent and pointed at it, bowing his head. „After you…“  
„I should remember this trick…“ the reporter said and started to climb into the shaft when Nick made use of the second syringe for today. Two in one day!, he thought, catching the other man before he could hit the ground. That was a new record. He should refill his storage. 

He took the press pass and dumped the reporter in the next trash bin. The fellow citizen shouldn’t remember any of this later. Prepared like this, Nick climbed into the shaft and soon he entered the bar that was well filled with people who were cheering and clapping and it seemed to be that the fun was already over. Nick struggled through the mass, trying to at least catch a glimpse at this curious new songbird. 

And then he saw her, gracefully striding on past the lightning cameras with fluid movements. Even her dress seemed to run down along her, emphasizing her curvy body shape. Her golden hair swirled around her upper body in heavy waves that fell down to her hips and bounced at each movement. He saw how the cameras loved her, the way she gave her adorable smile with bright white teeth and how she blew kisses into the air. She couldn’t be much younger than Nick, but she looked as excited as a child at christmas that just randomly happened to be grown into the body of a goddess.  
This hair can’t be real, Nick thought to himself. 

Then she lifted the microphone to her glossy lips and her silky voice echoed in the room.  
„Thank you everyone for coming here and thank you for all your support! It was so much fun to sing for you and I hope we’ll see each other again some day…“

Nick had stopped moving a long time ago while the others started cheering and clapping again. He watched this supernatural being float into a corner of the room and sitting down at a table where another reporter or whatever already waited for her. The hotel staff began to push the masses out of the bar and they sluggishly set themselves in motion. Nick would’ve followed them all in defeat and searched another bar to drown all his sorrows in scotch if he wouldn’t have seen a familiar face sitting at the table, that made him first startle in horror and then falling into uncontrollable rage.

Again, he struggled through the mass, ignored the boys who shouted after him („Sir, you’re not allowed to trespass, sir!“) and went directly to the said table from where the two were staring at him. He walked so calmly that he didn’t seem to be too dangerous. 

„Do I know you?“, Virgil was able to ask before Nick grabbed him and hurled him over the table. He didn’t really fly over it, he rather crashed on the top and slid along the rest of the way until he slumped down on the other side. Birdie screamed and jumped up and someone else in the distance shouted: „Downer!“  
Nick walked around the table, passing by Birdie.  
„You better stand off, dearie, this is gonna be nasty,“ he hissed at her while she stared at him in horror. The next moment he saw stars because Virgil had struggled up and returned the favor. 

Later they both laid on the ground, thrashing each other without mercy. Nick just raised his fist for another blow on Virgil’s bruised face when he noticed out of the corner of his eye that he was approached by men with an alarming body size. Bobbies! He frantically jumped up and bolted out of the bar, followed by just like every staff member, the outraged guests and the constables. 

With panic he noticed that he couldn’t go back to the vent because a crowd had gathered there, so he ran out of the wide double doors of the main entrance and down the numerous stone stairs, past the golden statue of himself that seemed to sneer at him. He heard nothing but the pattering of feet and screams, all so loud as if the whole world was collapsing around him and he forced himself forward, praying he wouldn’t stumble because this would be his end. 

On the street the panic went on because everyone who was running raised suspicion, and Nick couldn’t stop. The fact that even hysterical Wellies didn’t like to seek into back alleys saved his live. This and the amount of trash bins in such alleys. He could hide there, but the whole town was still alarmed and the way he looked all shredded made it impossible for him to walk around.  
He curled up into a ball, all rage had vanished and only his sorrows were left.

What a day! He had started this so hopefully and now he had experienced the certain end of his career. Birdie Callagher was ravishing! There was no way he could compete with her. No wonder Virgil was after her. And now, he had nowhere to go. His suite was lost for him, he couldn’t go back there and every other place fell flat too because he couldn’t show up anywhere looking like this. Not even in the tunnels, because Arthur was there. 

In fact, there was only one person Nick could show himself like this and that exact person hated him too. Nick was scared to show up there. But what chance did he have?

He waited until dawn before he left his hiding spot and made his way to the house he thought he’ll never visit again. It felt unreal to simply walk through the front yard and ring the bell.  
„Please be there…“ Nick whispered to himself.  
The intercom cracked.  
„Who’s there?“  
Nick gulped.  
„Morrie?“, he sighted into the intercom, because he didn’t want to make any noise and also because his voice failed him.  
„It’s me…“

„Sorry, I can barely hear you…“ the intercom answered.  
„It’s me, Nick,“ he said, raising his voice a little. For a split second he had considered to say ‚Norbert‘.  
„Nick…“ the voice turned into a hiss. „get off my property right now, or I’ll smash your brains in! This is my one and only warning!“  
Nick flinched. It was even worse than he had expected.  
„Please, this is an emergency! The bobbies are chasing me, together with half the town! You have to let me in!“

The intercom silenced and Nick feared that Morrie wouldn’t answer. When the other man spoke again, his voice was more like an upset whisper.  
„Please, tell me you didn’t kill someone…“  
„What? No…what gives you that idea?“, Nick stuttered, having an unsettling flashback to the moment Bates had accused him too. Who was telling people he was a murderer?  
„Rumors“, he simply said. „Well, if all is fine and dandy, why don’t you ask your fans for help? I bet they’d love to save their hero.“  
„I’d do that, but…but…“, Nick stammered desperately, looking at himself.

„Please, Morrie, I have nowhere to go!“ He curled his fingers into his dirty hair and a sob escaped him.  
„You should audition for the theater, they’d love that.“  
„Please, they think I’m a downer. They’ll chase me off the town. Or lock me in Hayworth’s Lab. Please, help me,“ Nick begged and sobbed more while the intercom fell quiet again.  
Finally, Morrie gave a loud sight.  
„Fine. I’m coming.“ 

Suddenly Nick felt very nervous and was busy cleaning his face until the door opened and the slender figure of Morrie Memento stepped out. At the sight of Nick he quickly covered his eyes with one hand.  
„Whoa, you really buckle down to convince me, do you?“  
„With these rags?“, Nick asked, playing dumb and holding up his arms. „I didn’t know you like that.“ He tried a smile but Morrie only gave him a gloomy look and pointed at the open door.  
„Come in,“ he said and Nick obeyed. 

He watched the other man lock the door and felt quite lost in his corridor, not knowing what to say. Morrie turned around again and led him up the stairs into the first floor where he had a guestroom.  
„You stay here for the night,“ he ordered when Nick entered the room. „I swear, if you leave this room I’ll kick you out!“  
„Alright,“ was everything Nick could say before Morrie shut the door in his face. 

Sorrowful, he walked over to the bed and slumped down on it, asking himself what he had expected. A happy reunion? Now he was at least safe and didn’t have to show his face around. But he wished he could tell Morrie that he was finished and all alone, he wished he had someone to listen. If only he hadn’t sold him out back then. He didn’t even remember what he exactly did and why, but according to Morrie’s reaction it must’ve been horrible. Morrie had always carried himself gracefully. He had never threatened to smash anyone’s brains in. And now all his sympathy for Nick was gone, there was nothing left but bitterness and hate. He wanted to run away, but he was trapped in here now, because of his own fault.

When he wiped his face with his sleeve he heard that Morrie started to play the piano downstairs. The sound was damped and quiet but it reminded him of a long forgotten time, when he still had his old band and he used to sit next to Morrie, listening to his ideas and figuring out songs together. It had been fun. Morrie used to tease Nick because he couldn’t read music and Nick took revenge by saying he couldn’t write a single song that wasn’t a twenty-minutes long monster that no one could listen to without knotting all his synapses together. The memory made him chuckle, but it felt wrong because tears still ran down his cheeks.  
He wished he wouldn’t be locked away in here and he could sit next to Morrie again. What remained for him now was closing his eyes and listening to his music as long as he played. 

For a very long moment there was only him and the music until Nick opened his eyes again in surprise, believing he recognized the melody. He could be hearing things of course, could be one of their old songs or an illusion, because he barely heard it. He had to get closer. Morrie had forbidden him to leave the room, but he wouldn’t notice while he was playing, right? 

So Nick sneaked out and sat down at the edge of the stairs to listen carefully. He was sure it wasn’t an old song, but a melody he thought he heard before. He was utterly surprised to find it here. Where did Morrie pick it up? Curiously, he descended the stairs, sat down on the floor and closed his eyes, trying to recall the memory that was hiding from him so stubbornly. For some reason he had to think about a foggy night, wet cobblestone and quick footsteps as if someone was running away. Was it himself? He normally didn’t go for walks outside in the night, except that one time when he got immediately caught by that Parade guy. 

Confused, he wiped his forehead and opened his eyes again, only to realize that the music had stopped. He jumped up but it was too late. Morrie came out of the room, came to a halt and stared at Nick in disbelief.  
Nick held up his hands in defense. „Morrie…don’t be mad. I can explain…“  
„You spied on me…“, his former friend whispered angrily.  
„No, I…I just wanted to hear you play…“ Nick took one step backwards.  
„I let you in my house and you have nothing better to do!“, Morrie yelled. „…but this time you won’t steal from me! Not again! This time I’m prepared!“ He pulled out a syringe that was slightly bigger than the ones Nick used.

„No!“, Nick screamed and dashed up the stairs. Being still tired from the last chase and climbing the stairs with the last bit of his strength, he was completely out of breath when he reached the first floor. Knowing that he couldn’t keep this up he ran into the guest room and crouched under the bed in fear. Shortly after, Morrie stormed in and Nick didn’t dare to breathe. However he couldn’t stop the tears that ran down his face. This whole day was horrible and it was all so unfair! It wasn’t even Morrie’s song, he only took it from somewhere and merged it into his own. Nick pressed his face down on the floor and silently cried into the carpet. It didn’t take long until Morrie found him.

„Hello Nickie, time to take your medicine!“  
Nick yelled and squeezed himself against the wall but Morrie succeeded to catch his arm.  
„Come out, Nickie, I promise it only stings a little, and then you’ll be blessed with oblivion!“  
He pulled Nick’s arm closer, turned it around and pushed back the sleeve.

„No, please don’t do this!“, Nick cried and pulled at his arm in panic. „I don’t want forget! I don’t want to forget what we had, I don’t want to forget that I saw you again, I don’t want to forget that I miss you!“  
The grip on his arm loosened and the hand that held the syringe stopped moving.  
„I miss you, Morrie…“, Nick sobbed. „Please, you can kick me out, but leave me the memory.“  
Finally, the other man let go of him and Nick quickly pulled his arm back and curled up. He noticed that Morrie slumped down on the ground next to the bed.  
„Shit…“, he whispered with a shaking voice.

Nick still didn’t move, waiting for Morrie to decide on his fate.  
„I won’t kick you out…But for your own sake,…don’t eavesdrop again…,“ Nick heard him say. The anger vanished from his voice and made way for something that sounded more like hesitancy.  
„Thank you, Morrie. You’re saving my life,“ Nick said, carefully minding every word.  
„The melody…will you use it?“ There was something bitter in Morrie’s voice now.  
„I think I’ve heard it before…“, Nick replied, trying to get the answer his head won’t give him.  
„Someone hummed it from a rooftop, what is rather strange,“ Morrie gave a bitter laugh.  
„I won’t use it. I promise.“  
Morrie sighted deeply and slowly stood up.  
„If you want to take a shower…well, you know where it is.“

With that weird dismissal, he left Nick alone again. But to be fair, after hiding in a bin two times Nick really needed a shower. His legs were still shaking when he walked along the corridor to the bathroom. He avoided to look into the mirror while he took off the dirty suit and stepped into the shower. The hot water was very comforting, even if it hurt a little in the wounds. Into the soft rushing of the water he hummed the melody the way he remembered it, wondering what kind of a person would walk on a rooftop. Could only be someone crazy. 

After showering the force of habit took over him and he looked into the mirror, causing himself to startle backwards. He barely recognized himself. His shorter, darker hair was completely messed up so he combed it with his fingers as good as he could. He didn’t dare to touch anything of Morrie’s stuff after all.

Back in the guestroom he laid down on the bed and stared sadly at the ceiling, the feeling of loneliness taking over him again. Thinking about everything that had happened today, he could certainly say that he had lost the last few friends he had left in the world. Virgil had given up on him, and even if he hadn’t recognized him in the Avalon, Nick would have to deliver him something convincing to get a second chance. And from where should he get that? His mind was still empty, he lost Sally as his muse and whatever he had dreamed about Arthur had vanished into thin air. His heart ached when he thought about it and he couldn’t even numb himself with party favors and spend the rest of his life in dense felicity because he now had an overseer who would bring him to Hayworth if he broke the rules again. 

Perhaps he should break his promise and use the mysterious song. He needed it much more than Morrie did…

No, no, no!

He slapped his forehead.

Bad Nick! Very, very, bad Nick! This is the reason why you have no friends!

Suddenly the door opened again as if Morrie had heard his thoughts. Nick steadied himself on his elbows and watched the other man come in, searching for signs of anger in his behavior and ready to hide under the bed again if necessary. Morrie looked at him too but he was calm and silent and finally sat down at the edge of the bed.

Nick eyed him nervously and tensed when the other man reached out for him and gently touched his shoulder. He didn’t move when Morrie’s hand slowly wandered down his arm. He was very confused when Morrie slightly pressed against his arm because he knew the gesture. Anyway, he turned around, waiting and wondering if he guessed right. When he felt the other man’s hands wrap around him and undo his belt he had his answer. He gulped and closed his eyes, digging his fingers into the mattress, confused about the kind of attention he suddenly got. His feelings stirred up, he had missed all of this but he was also afraid it would turn into a horrible prank. 

Practically he only lied stone still and let it happen. When Morrie removed his pants he felt the cold on his skin, until he was gently pulled closer and wrapped into a hug. Nicks heart raced as the other man’s body embraced and warmed him. It was the first tender gesture Morrie granted him today and Nick wished dearly that he was serious. Rubbing his cheek at the other man’s arms he could smell his familiar scent he had missed too. His heart was about to jump out of his chest when he felt Morrie slightly kiss his shoulder. Yes, yes, yes! Now convinced, he got rather impatient. 

Still, he let out a surprised sight and tensed when Morrie rudely shoved himself inside him. After that, he was way more careful and stroked Nick in a soft rhythm that invited him to finally make a move and follow, until their movements became fluent and they seemed to merge into one. Nick enjoyed Morrie’s devotion and his sorrows melted away in the heat of their ecstasy until he couldn’t handle it any longer and spilled himself into the mattress, shivering and moaning. He was eager to show his own affection to Morrie until the very end. 

When it was over they remained curled into each other for a while and there was nothing to hear than their heavy breathing. Then Morrie let go of Nick and turned away, leaving him to the cold again, where his lust died down and he started to feel miserable again. This had been an short impression of what he lost, as if Morrie had just wanted to teach him a lesson.  
Well, he had succeeded. 

Nick remembered that after him, there had been no one else who was so patient and caring and enduring his horrible behavior. And Nick destroyed it all for money, for fame, for more fans…

The tears he kept fighting today came back with a vengeance and made him cry into the pillow without restraint. Shortly after, he felt Morrie’s hand back on his shoulder. Nick hesitated a second before he grabbed the warm hand.  
„I miss you all,“ he sobbed. „You and the band. But you the most. I wish I didn’t sell you out.“  
The other man allowed him to hold his hand.  
„If you remember your wish tomorrow, I’ll talk to the lads…“  
Nick turned around in surprise.  
„You’d do that?“

Morrie sighted.  
„Only if you really mean it“, he gave him an intense look „And I still don’t know what they’ll say“, he added. „You’ll have to change your ways.“  
„I know…I got help…to kick the drugs…“ Nick didn’t even know why he told him that secret.  
Now Morrie was surprised.  
„Rehab? You?“  
„It is…my last chance,“ Nick said and sniffed.  
„How dramatic,“ Morrie stated, causing Nick to give him a pleading look.  
„Sorry,“ he came around. Then he left the bed.  
„Good night, Nick. We can continue this conversation tomorrow.“  
With that he left him alone once more but this time it didn’t hurt that much. There was hope again.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning Nick woke up to the soft tune of cheery music that came from the radio that used to wake everyone up every day. He instead hadn’t heard it for a long time now, because he had usually overslept it or he had been to high to notice it. Still tired, Nick looked out of the window into the twilight of the morning and asked himself how anyone could stand up at such an unearthly hour. But some Wellies were already walking outside, so he guessed they got used to it. And also, they didn’t experience any wild chases yesterday.

The music followed him when he walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen, where he met Morrie. He could only rasp „Morning,“ and had to clear his throat because for some reason his voice left him.  
„Morning, Nick“, Morrie returned casually. „Fancy a coffee?“  
Nick affirmed immediately.  
„There you go,“ the other man said and placed an already filled cup on the counter. „With milk, just the way you like it.“

Nick stared at the cup, still dealing with his own thoughts. He was unable to decide how he should feel. He couldn’t handle that he was in one room with Morrie just like that, without getting attacked, drinking a coffee with him like old friends and that Morrie even cared enough to serve it the way he liked. Nick felt numb, as if it was a dream, as if he would still lie at the couch in Sally’s place and yet it was like he held back feelings that could break out any second. Above all, he didn’t know how to act, especially not after what they had done last night. Had Morrie been serious or did he only want some amusement? 

„There must be something terribly interesting in that coffee if you keep staring at it like that,“ Morrie ripped him out of his thoughts. „As if you wanted to summon a ghost.“  
At Nick’s puzzled look he added „You tried that before.“  
„Really?“, Nick blurted out. „I can’t remember.“

He took a sip from the hot drink, thinking about it and he suddenly felt a sharp sting in his chest. Why did Morrie have to bring old memories back? Who knew how long that had been.  
„Nevermind.“ Morrie shrugged. „Uncle Jack’s News Hour is about to start, I don’t wanna miss that.“  
Nick followed him into the living room, asking himself what was the last time he actually watched a broadcast of Uncle Jack. That was certainly a long time ago too. 

„Wakey, wakey, everyone! It’s another fabulous day in Wellington Wells…“ declared the charismatic and ever so jolly uncle from the telly and minutes later, Nick was sure that everything was quite alright after all, that there were no serious problems in town, that everything could be solved with just a bit more confidence, and joy, of course, and that everyone in town had a lot of fun every day. His mood was getting better and better until it came to the news of an incident in the Avalon Hotel. 

„Some of you might’ve heard rumors about a downer attack at the Birdie Callagher Concert in the Avalon Hotel last evening. What a ridiculous story“, Jack shook his head, sounding all amused.  
„The truth is, it was a way too well played out theater act to add some spice to the program. No one was really hurt and our lovely singer Birdie Callagher lets you know that it was indeed a very pleasant event and she’s exited to return to the Avalon whenever she can.“ Jack smiled at the camera and put the papers away.  
„And don’t worry,“ he added and playfully held up a finger, „if there’ll ever be a downer attack somewhere, you’ll hear it fist from Jack Worthing. That’s me.“ He winked at the camera in an irresistible way. „And for now, let’s listen to the brand new song of our favorite new singer.“ With that, the broadcast ended and was followed by a cheerful song that must’ve been one of Birdie’s. 

„Anytime you smile, baby, you know you drive me wild, crazy! That's why you got me screamin'. I think I might be dreamin’…“  
Nick’s stomach turned at the thought of having to listen to this until the end. Then thankfully Morrie turned off the tv.

„I heard she’s Virgil’s creation, just like you,“ he stated.  
„I’m not his ‚creation‘“, Nick disapproved. „I’m just his favorite.“  
„You were,“ Morrie corrected him. „Weren’t you in the Avalon too? And didn’t the bobbies chase you yesterday?“  
Nick sank into the couch, clinging to the now empty mug and remaining silent, so Morrie went on.  
„I was wondering if you only made it up to make me come around. I guess I have my answer.“  
„I’m not proud of it,“ Nick simply said, still looking away.  
Morrie silenced too and Nick now wondered how he would judge him now.

„Since when have you been a downer?“, he suddenly asked and Nick almost let the mug fall.  
„I’m not a downer,“ he bursted out. „Murderer, downer, what’s gonna be next?“  
Morrie stayed calm and took a sip of his coffee before he went on.

„Are you on Joy right now?“  
Nick sank back down in defeat.  
„No…,“ he confessed. „I forgot it in my jacket.“  
Morrie wiped his forehead.  
„Why am I not surprised?“  
He took a bowl from the couch table and offered it to Nick.  
„Here, take one of mine.“

„Only one,“ he repeated when he saw Nick greedily reaching out for the bowl.  
„I know, I know, only one per hour. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.“ Nick took one pill and eyed it.  
„You’re still taking Vanilla?“  
Morrie shrugged. „It’s still the best mixture. Makes me happy but not dizzy.“  
Nick popped it and hoped it would come along with the Blackberry.

„About yesterday…“, Morrie came back to the topic and gave Nick a serious look. „Do you still mean it?“  
Nick was glad he only needed seconds to get what Morrie was referring to.  
„Yes, I absolutely mean it,“ he answered with emphasis and returned the look.  
„It’s gonna be hard work,“ Morrie said. „Do you still remember how a band works?“  
„Sure, it’s nothing but a bunch of egomaniacs that try to get their own way. Actually it can’t work but somehow it still does. Right?“  
Morrie sighted.  
„You couldn’t do all you want anymore.“  
„I know.“  
Nick tried to remember what it felt like, but the Vanilla cloud in his head spread out and made him unable to believe that there could be a problem.

„One more question,“ Morrie went on. „Do you think Virgil knows what you did yesterday?“  
The question caused Nick to wriggle about on the couch, feeling very uncomfortable.  
„I hope he doesn’t,“ he said meekly.  
„Okay…II talk to the lads today and you make amends for Virgil,“ Morrie decided and pointed at Nick. „Do your best! Kiss his feet if you must!“  
„I’ll make it“, Nick waved him off. „He always came around at the end.“  
„Or you did…“, Morrie muttered to himself.  
„What did you say?“  
„Ah…nevermind…“, Morrie shook his head and Nick chose to forget about it.

„Well…I guess I’m out then…“, he said unsurely and left the couch.  
„Wait,“ Morrie followed him. „Not in these rags. You can’t risk that someone recognizes you again. I’ll borrow you some of mine.“  
„You borrow me clothes?“, Nick asked in surprise.  
„Yes, that’s what I said. Follow me..“. Morrie made a gesture and Nick obeyed nervously. He had never worn one of Morrie’s clothes - why would he? But he was surprised that he got to that point now after so many years. While he leaned at the doorframe he tried not to look at Morrie’s stuff while the other man was searching in his dresser. 

„It’s gonna be one size too large for you but the color should suit you,“ he said pulling out a dark blue suit that made Nick weak in the knees. He couldn’t help but imagine Morrie wearing it.  
„I’m waiting downstairs,“ Morrie said and left the room.  
Nick didn’t want to have such strong feelings about such simple things as a suit but putting on a layer that had Morrie’s scent on it was something he couldn’t take calmly. He skimmed over the cloth and felt sorry that he couldn’t keep it. Going back to Morrie, he tried not to show how much it affected him.

However, Morrie was confused today too. If someone had told him yesterday that he was going to let Nick Lightbearer back into his life he would’ve thought that someone was suffering from too much Joy. He had been so sure he had learned his lesson once and for all, until he found him on his doorstep again, being afraid and helpless, with his clothes dirty and shredded, giving him this pleading look that he could barely withstand, especially when he looked like Norbert Pickles, with this cute messed up hair…

Morrie had locked him up in the guestroom because he couldn’t handle the sight, because he had been afraid to soften again, to let Nick use him for his selfish plans and then throw him away again. But of course he couldn’t forget who he had let into his house and he couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

Morrie was glad that he didn’t hurt Nick but he still couldn’t trust him. Even if he wanted to. He wanted to believe that Nick changed, that the monster the music industry had turned him into was gone and that he had turned back into Norbert Pickles again. Morrie had no greater wish than to get him back and at the same time he was afraid to lose him once more, to find out that all of this was just a short moment in the eccentric life of the Lightbearer and he would walk out of the door and never come back again.

Perhaps his fears had been the reason why he had lost all is good grace and taken the opportunity yesterday. What he had really wanted, he didn’t know. As if he could get Norbert back with this, showing him what he lost, but trying to be not too nice, to protect himself. It was like begging or punishing him or both. Or he had only comforted himself and used Nick just like he had used him.  
Whatever the reason was, he knew that he shouldn’t have done it.

„Nick, before you go…I have to tell you something…about last night…“ Morrie said when Nick came back, dressed in his clothes. Morrie’s voice was quiet and he bowed his head as if he couldn’t handle looking Nick in the eyes. Nick however couldn’t get his eyes off him and waited eagerly for what he was about to say. 

„I shouldn’t have done this…“, he said meekly.  
Nick was upset. It was not at all what he had hoped for.  
„You think it was a mistake?“  
Morrie still looked down to the floor.„I should’ve contained myself,“ he almost whispered. Then he took courage to look up again and their eyes met.  
„Can you forgive me?“

Nick was melting away at the sight, and still, his decision was fixed.  
„No,“ he answered and shook his head, causing Morrie to give him a shocked look.  
„I can’t forgive you that you think it was mistake. And I’ll change your mind. Just you wait.“

With that, he turned around and stormed out of the front door.  
„Norbert!“, Morrie shouted after him but Nick was already out of reach. All he could do was watching him go and fighting down his worries.

Nick reached the Avalon without making any new enemies for once and used the secret entrance to his suite that Virgil had installed for him. First, he carefully looked around the room to see if any fan had sneaked past the staff and was lying around somewhere. When he didn’t find anyone, he crawled out from under the bar and started changing into his fancy rags with regret. 

However, he also noticed how much he had missed them and how he slowly turned into his full self again. In the bathroom he adjusted his wig - finally some hair he could tame! He felt much more comfortable in his skin when he returned to his bed where he had left Morrie’s suit. He carefully folded it, something he never did, but he knew how accurate Morrie was with his things and he didn’t want to anger him at any cost.  
Still, he shortly cuddled into the jacket to take in the scent before he folded it back on the bed.

After that he hoped to find Virgil in the hotel. He assumed he was in the breakfast lounge because the buffet was still open. He left the suite, now being Nick Lightbearer again and strode along the corridor where he met a boy who’s face fell at the sight of him. 

„Lovely day for it,“ Nick greeted him in an overenthusiastic way.  
„Right as rain,“ the boy said half-heartedly.  
„I can’t hear you,“ Nick insisted, smiling widely.  
At that the boy put on a silky mile.  
„Right as rain, Mr. Lightbearer, Sir!“, he greeted him with fake excitement.  
„There we go!“, Nick said and laughed as he made his way down the stays, not noticing the rude gesture the boy threw after him. It wouldn’t have changed his mood anyway. No one would take him for the rotten downer he had been yesterday. 

With an expansive gesture he pushed open the wooden double doors leading to the breakfast lounge and strode in, looking around for Virgil.  
Then he walked around the room, searching the tables, all aware that the guests were staring at him, either in disgust or with awe. It was likely that Virgil had already seen him if he was in this room. 

Nick stopped when his gaze fell on a thick blonde mane in a corner of the lounge. The man in the purple suit who sat next to her could only be Virgil. Of course, Nick thought to himself. He should’ve known that Virgil wouldn’t give up on Birdie just because someone gave him a black eye. Nick had to act like nothing happened.

He approached them while they talked silently to each other and didn’t take note of Nick. They jumped when he loudly knocked on the table right between them.

„May I join?“, he asked with amusement, ignoring Virgil’s annoyed look.  
„Did I interrupt you?“, he added and gave Virgil a suggestive look.  
„Nick,“ Virgil almost blurted that out but he caught himself halfway. „…allow me to introduce Miss Birdie Callagher. Miss Callagher…“, he made a gesture towards Nick, „…Nick Lightbearer.“

„Birdie Callagher, really? I’ve heard so much about you…“, Nick said and tried not to stare too much.  
„I hope only happy things,“ she answered and offered him her hand which he gently kissed. „It’s a pleasure to meet you.“  
When he looked up to her he saw that she was giving him her ravishing smile with a mixture of surprise. Content with himself, he turned back to Virgil to say: „When you’re finished I’d like to talk to you in private.“  
The look Virgil gave him was unreadable, but he answered: „Alright, wait for me in your suite. I’ll come along.“

With that, Nick was dismissed and doomed to wait. He hated waiting but he had to please Virgil, so he shortly said goodbye to Birdie and went back to his suite and stretched himself out on the big couch.  
After what had felt like an eternity his manager finally granted him a visit and slumped down on the couch next to him.

„I’m glad you’re back to your senses“, he said with an emphasis that told Nick he could stop acting.  
„You know it…“, he only said and tensed.  
„Of course,“ Virgil shouted. „Wasn’t hard to guess. I’ve known you for years! I have to give it to you though, you surprised me. I thought you stay in the tunnel and let me make a good deal without mistaking it all. I should’ve known you would come to steal the show.“

„So..you..didn’t ditch me?“, Nick asked meekly.  
„Hell no, do you think I can only have one star at a time? You still had a chance. And what were you doing with it?“ Virgil pointed a finger at Nick’s face. „How long has it been since you promised me to get your shit together? Two days? And then you showed up as a downer.“

„I*m sorry I hurt you, Virgil. Are you alright?“  
„I’m fine,“ he waved him off. „But did you think about Birdie for one second? She almost had a breakdown, didn’t see a downer before and the doctors were busy all night to cheer her up again. You could’ve ruined her, made her a downer. Perhaps that was your plan.“  
„No, believe me, I had…no plan. None at all…“ Nick didn’t dare to look Virgil in the eyes anymore. He just curled up and hoped he could make it up to him.

„Well, that’s not a surprise. Thank god you didn’t freak her out again. I wonder how you got back in such a good shape today.“  
„Yeah…actually…I’ve managed to do something right yesterday. That’s what I wanted to tell you.“  
„Yeah, what? Surprise me again.“  
„I think I can get my old band back.“  
„You…think?“, Virgil squinted his eyes.  
„Well…I convinced Morrie to join me again and he’s gonna talk to the band today and likely he’ll have them gathered back together by morning.“

„That’s indeed a surprise… Morrie Memento, ey? He’s sensible, he could do you well…“ Virgil thought about it, already back to business. „But…Nick?“  
„Yes?“  
Virgil gave him an urgent look.  
„Don’t let him talk you into anything you don’t want. You better tell me first before you do it.“  
Nick was puzzled.  
„….okay?“

Virgil got up from the couch without further explanation.  
„Well, then, I’ll go prepare a happy reunion I guess. And you…“, he looked at him sternly and pointed a finger at him. „You keep your head clear.“  
„Yes, Virgil,“ Nick was eager to obey. „And…Virgil?“, he carefully held his manager back and locked gazes again.  
„I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.“  
Virgil didn’t look angry anymore.  
„You trust me now?“  
„Yes.“


	10. Chapter 10

Now, that was finally settled, Nick thought with relief, leaning back in the couch and closing his eyes for a while. It was finally some progress after all his struggles! Now, he needed some calm and quiet, so he actually had to leave the hotel, because in here the guests kept staring at him or trying to pull him into a conversation. His suite wasn’t safe either, unfortunately. All of a sudden he preferred to stay here, but he also knew that his mind wouldn’t leave him alone until he came back to the place where it all had started. He was all tired again when he raised up and made his way out of the hotel.

Climbing down the ladder into the underground he couldn’t help but think about the first time climbing down, how he had to overcome his fear to even try. Now he was used to it and still, every step deeper into the tunnel felt very uncomfortable. He had to force himself to go on and remained very attentive, watching and listening into the dark, to notice if someone was coming. It was much more eery than usual, even though the man he was looking for wasn’t really dangerous. 

Entering his improvised home, he found the same chaos that he had tried to clean up yesterday. Was it even yesterday? It seemed to be ages ago. Everything had changed since then. He looked at the couch where he had sat with Arthur. Without knowing why, he sat down at the same place where all the drama had happened. It was like Arthur was still there and at the same time it was weird that he wasn’t there anymore. Perhaps it was for the best, he told himself, thinking about what he had done to Arthur, who had only wanted to help. Nick had ruined it. 

Not that he ever had a chance. It was rather his behavior at Sally’s place that made him feel miserable. The fact that he didn’t hold back his anger even thought he had no right to be angry at anyone. That he had tried to ruin it for Arthur, that he kissed Sally right before his eyes, to show him that she wasn’t his, to make it look like Arthur was only one of many customers she used to play with. In fact, nothing had happened between him and Sally for years. He didn’t know if she had changed until now.

It was all just a show, the revenge of the great Lightbearer. How pathetic! He slapped his forehead in frustration. He hoped that he didn’t destroy what had looked like an intimate relationship. He wouldn’t wonder if Arthur hated him now. And that was why he was afraid to meet him again, that was why he couldn’t handle being here.   
„I’m sorry“, he said to the empty space next to him and it’s answer was silence.

He raised up again and walked over to his bed, remembering that he hadn’t made any notes for a long time. And now that so many things happened he didn’t know where to start. He found his old notes in his bed stand and the words he wrote seemed strange to him now. He could barely handle what he had written about Arthur. For a moment he was about to rip the notes apart but then he couldn’t face doing it. Perhaps he could at least learn from them and avoid the same mistakes in the future. 

While he was clumsily writing a new note he couldn’t stop thinking about Arthur and Sally. What if he as a downer had also other reasons to visit her than personal interest? What if she was helping him to survive? And what if Nick had destroyed this now too? He had to explain what happened. And if he couldn’t look Arthur in the eyes again he had to write a letter at least. 

So he stopped his own notes and started to put something together that was both an explanation and an apology. He had to rewrite it multiple times and covered the floor around him with crumpled papers until he had managed something he could accept. Now he had to let Arthur have it without meeting him in person. He sneaked towards his hideout, as quietly as possible, praying that he won’t come out and left the letter at his doorstep, hoping that he would find it in time. Then he left the place as fast as possible and fled back into his improvised home, where he wanted to fall back on his bed and calm himself down when he noticed a black envelope lying there, that he must’ve overlooked until now. 

Nick stared at it as if it was about to jump at him, wishing he would’ve stayed in the hotel. But then again, he was sure that James would’ve found another way to contact him. In fact, Nick wasn’t surprised that the Parade had become aware of his latest adventure. With an uneasy feeling in his stomach he took the envelope and slowly opened it. The letter inside was rather small, so Nick guessed James wouldn’t tell him what he had planned for him. Just as always.

Dear Nick,  
I know what happened. Don’t be afraid. Meet me there:

He described a street in Maidenholm. Nick asked himself if it was the same house he had brought him for the painful procedure. He turned around the paper but of course, there was nothing written on the backside. Now he wondered how long the letter had lied there. Nick didn’t want to let James wait any longer, but also he didn’t want to meet him. Then again, he didn’t want to stay either - and he needed his Joy. The effect of the Vanilla pill was slowly fading, so he didn’t have a chance but to follow the invitation. 

The second walk through the tunnel was uneasy again, but not a lot more than standing at the doorstep of the said address. It seemed to be much more sinister than all the other houses in town. Of course it could also be caused by the Joy withdrawal and his anxiety. He ringed the bell, fighting the urge to run away. James didn’t let him wait for long. Stepping in, Nick thought that he was an eerie sight even at daytime.

„Is that…the same house?,“ he asked quietly and looked around.  
James raised his eyebrows as a silent question.  
„The same as last time…“, Nick added louder and James understood.  
He gave him a faint smile and nodded.  
„How are your hands?“  
Nick immediately clenched them into fists.  
„They are alright…completely healed.“  
„Good,“ James simply said and pointed along the corridor.  
„Please, Nick, have a seat in the living room.“

There was no sign of taunt or anger in his voice, if anything, it was soft and careful. Nick hoped it was a good sign and obliged, already relieved that James didn’t lock him up in the bedroom.  
„Let’s have a drink,“ James offered when he followed him into the living room. „Scotch, cognac, or do you prefer something sweet?“  
Nick would’ve gladly accepted such an offer from someone else but now he wondered if it was a test.  
„I take whatever you prefer,“ he said and watched James serving the drinks. Whatever the test result was, James didn’t show.

When he had sat down across from Nick he began to speak again.  
„I’ve made a great mistake,“ he said and Nick decided not to interrupt him.  
„I scared you with my last actions. When we first met I promised to help you out of your cage but then I made it look like I locked you up in another.“ James gave him a pained expression that puzzled Nick.  
„I made you suffer. Don’t get me wrong, I still want you to get off the drugs but I feel like I’ve been too harsh to you. Instead of being your friend, I made you fear me. All I want is to let you know that whatever you do, and whatever happens to you, I want to help you. And I beg of you to give me a second chance to prove that I’m not a cold-hearted overseer. I’m not here to judge. I want to help you as a friend.“

James gave Nick an intense look and Nick was baffled, he didn’t know what to say to begin with.   
He felt is anxiety melt away and felt sorry for the man he had seemingly horribly misjudged. But there was still a rest of mistrust in him.

„That sounds…rather like a very personal interest to me than an official task“, he finally concluded. „Does the Parade know what you’re doing here?“  
James smiled mysteriously.  
„They know. But coincidentally I can combine business with pleasure. Do you know the Executive Committee is right now urgently looking for new symbols of hope?“  
Nick had never heard of that before.  
„I’m not quite up to date anymore,“ he confessed. „Why right now?“

„A great anniversary is coming up: The Twentiest Victory Memorial Day. That’s all they talk about in the Parade District.“  
„…but that’s just a yearly celebration…“  
„Not only that, Nick. It’s going to be the day of renewal. They say Coconut Joy will be introduced that day.“  
„The new flavor!“, Nick blurted out. He had been waiting for it ever since.  
James nodded.

„Of course it’s all top secret,“ he said and winked at Nick.  
„S..sure, I won’t say a word…“, Nick became nervous again, but James softly interrupted him.  
„I know, Nick, it’s alright…My task is to set up a new beacon of hope and - as you might guess by now - I chose you!“  
Nick was baffled again and took another sip of his drink, being glad that he had the glass to hold onto.   
„But…all I’m doing is pop music,“ he said helplessly and James smiled again.

„My new symbol is expected to sing the anthem of Wellington Wells at the opening.“  
„Okay, I guess I can manage…“. Nick wiped his forehead.  
„Unfortunately you’re not the only possible candidate. Do you know who’s the favorite at the moment?“  
The uneasy feeling in his stomach came back.  
„…Birdie Callagher,“ he simply said.  
James leaned back, looking content. „I see you can follow me.“

„Virgil didn’t tell me anything…“  
„Well, Virgil went a bit rogue, didn’t he?“ James sounded amused. „But he might’ve come back to his senses by now.“ He gave Nick a suggestive look, who asked himself if it was finally time to pay for his sins and sunk down.  
„I made a mess again, didn’t I? I’m sorry…“, he whined and James put down his glass and leaned closer.

„Nick…Nick, I’m not mad at you…“, he said in a gentle tone. „And I won’t tell anyone.“  
„But I was the downer in the news!“  
„What downer?“, James shook his head, „It was all a game. Uncle Jack said it, so it must be true.“  
„What if the Parade knows better?“  
James shook his head again.  
„They will forget. It’s rude to know more than you’re told, even in the Parade.“  
Nick crossed his arms and looked back at James.

„And what if I don’t make it? What if I’m not the new beacon of hope, what are you gonna do with me then?“  
James sighted and the painful expression took over his features again.  
„Nick…believe me, whatever happens, I’m at your side. It doesn’t matter if you’re the new symbol or not.“  
Nick stared at him with wide eyes.  
„You’ll help me…just like that?“, he asked doubtfully. „What do you get out of it?“  
James silenced for a while, pondering.

„It’s probably unusual, but I’m sentimental. I don’t like to see old idols die. And I believe that you deserve better.“  
Nick proceeded to be surprised.  
„I…don’t know what to say. That’s…honestly not what I’ve expected to happen today…“  
„It’s alright. All I want to know is if you can give me a second chance. Please, think about it.“  
„I…sure…“, Nick stuttered. „Sorry, I didn’t hear many excuses in my life…“  
„That’s sad,“ James said compassionately, „I wish people knew you deserved better…“  
Nick finished his drink, trying to sort his thoughts. He felt like there were thousands of questions he didn’t ask yet.

He let James pour him another drink before a question took shape into his mind.  
„I’m wondering…How do you plan to help me? Except with…Blackberry Joy?“  
James took his time to fill his own glass, probably thinking about his answer, before he spoke again.  
„You see…with everything you went through, you’ve been more or less alone, with no one to look after what you really want, or what you felt. I’m not saying that I know all these things but I could help you finding out, if you want. Again, I’m not here to judge you. I want to help you find out how you built yourself that cage and how to get out.“

Nick had never thought about finding out what he really wanted. It all sounded very complicated to him, except for one thing: having someone to listen. Someone who wouldn’t punish him for his actions. Someone he could tell secrets he couldn’t tell Morrie or Virgil. Someone who could help him to change his ways.  
„That’s tempting…“, he admitted.  
„You don’t have to decide yet. Take your time. If you want, you can leave for now and tell me next time we meet,“ James gently offered.

Nick asked himself if he wanted to leave. He didn’t know where to stay right now, and he didn’t trust himself to keep his head clear when he didn’t know what to do with himself. When he stayed here instead he had someone to look after him, and he thought it couldn’t hurt to be James’ guest for a little while longer.

The night was starry and cold, but Nick didn’t freeze. He was comfortable as he followed James along the dark alleys where the fog was slowly swirling around them. The small droplets of water tickled on his skin and the smell of motilene was energizing. He knew exactly what he had to do.   
„I’ll bring you a souvenir,“ James whispered when they parted. Nick started to climb a gutter. It wasn’t the first time he used that way. When he reached a certain window he knocked against it and a woman dressed in a night gown opened. 

„Nick,“ she hissed when he climbed inside, „he’s still upset. He could be still awake…“  
„Why don’t we just wait and see,“ he whispered, stroking her cheek before he pulled her into a passionate kiss.

What’s wrong with me, Arthur asked himself, sitting on the big comfortable bed in the center of Nick’s abandoned tunnel suite. He had tried to move on and forget about the incident at Sally’s place but he couldn’t stop thinking about her, and more to his surprise, he couldn’t stop thinking about Nick. Coming back to his shelter he had found the letter that had been written in a scrawly handwriting.

Dear Arthur,  
I’m sorry for what I did at Sally’s place. Sally and I are just old friends and we didn’t see each other for years. There never was anything serious between us.   
I think she really loves you. Give her a chance. She’s a good girl.   
Yours Nick

It took a while until Arthur had made out the handwriting and then it had been harder and harder to read on. He had simply wanted to see Nick, maybe to tell him that Sally wasn’t the innocent angel he thought she was. And then what, he asked himself and curled his fingers into the blanket. 

Maybe it was for the best that Nick wasn’t here, so they couldn’t have this embarrassing conversation. But looking around the empty suite, Arthur felt a blunt pain in his chest. Would Nick ever come back? Arthur didn’t even know what he wanted from him. Perhaps he was simply used to his presence and that was why he missed him now. Still, he kept sitting there, unable to leave.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning Nick woke up to the touch of soft hands that gently shook him awake.  
„Nick?“, he heard a female voice whisper. Dizzily, he turned around and found a pleasant surprise. „Kitty?“  
„Nick, it’s already late in the morning. I’m afraid you can’t stay any longer, he’ll become suspicious….“, the woman said with a worried tone.  
Nick looked around, having no idea how he got here. But it hadn’t been a bad idea after all.  
„Nick?“, Kitty insisted because he kept daydreaming.  
Finally he pulled himself together, let his hand run up and down her arm and whispered: „What a pity…“   
Kitty gave him a pining look. „Well, you can come back any time…but I’m afraid not in the shop anymore. Richard keeps the key to the back door now.“  
„Don’t worry, I’ll find a way,“ Nick assured her and pulled her into an intimate kiss.  
„Bye, my love, until next time.“  
Then he left the bed and climbed out of the window, being glad that it led to a backyard. He didn’t want to meet Richard Bates at all. Still, he had to smile at his own cheekiness, at getting caught by Bates the one day and yet coming back the day right after. Poor Richie. But Nick viewed it as revenge for leaving him at the convention.

When he reached solid ground again he went back to the hotel, planning to take a long hot shower. Back in his suite he was glad to find his badge of Blackberry Joy lying on his bed. He hoped he wouldn’t get separated from it again as he popped one of the delicious black pills before he entered the bathroom. While showering he remembered the mysterious melody that Morrie had played. Humming it quietly he noticed there was something wistful and melancholic about it. Nick thought it fit perfectly to a mood he sometimes had himself, even though he would never admit it to anyone. He wasn’t sure how to turn this into a song a decent Wellie would like though. They preferred the happy songs.

Nick hummed „Anytime you smile, baby,“ until he recalled that it was Birdie’s song and fell quiet immediately. It gave him a cold shiver even in hot water. He now hoped that Morrie’s efforts had been successful. Beacon or not, he had defend himself from the wave that was about to run him over. Before he went back to Morrie he wanted to breakfast first. If Morrie had really gathered the whole band he needed all his energy to talk to them.

In the lounge he saw Virgil again, sitting at a table all alone this time. His gaze fell at Nick and he beckoned him over.   
„Morning, Virgil“, Nick approached him.  
„Morning, Nick, did you get my message?“  
Nick shortly thought about it.  
„Uh…I don’t think so…But you can tell me now anyway, right?“  
„You old band is here,“ Virgil revealed to him. „…and they are waiting for you.“  
Nick felt his heart beat faster.  
„A..and you? What will you do?“, he stuttered, hoping for some support.  
„I’m enjoying the show for now.“, Virgil said calmly. „Do your best.“  
„S..sure.“ Nick suddenly felt dizzy. He hung about the buffet to help his courage with some champagne.

„Now seriously, what are we doing here?“, Brad Wilson, the former drummer of The Make Believes was skeptical.   
„We’re taking the chance to get a free breakfast in the great Avalon,“ Chris Ward, the lead guitarist, looked at the bright side. „No matter what Nick’s gonna say.“  
„If he even remembers. If you ask me, he’s already up and away to another sweet bird,“ Brad guessed.  
„No one asked you though,“ Morrie stated, who had been rather serious and silent all the time. The others exchanged glances.   
„Morrie…“, Matthew Reid, the bassist, began in an emphatic tone.

At this moment they spotted Nick hanging around at the buffet.  
„Oh, there he is,“ Chris said.  
„I told you he’s serious,“ Morrie blurted out, having a load taken off his mind.  
„Doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry though…“, Brad noticed, causing Morrie to jump up.  
„I’ll get him,“ he said and walked up to Nick.

Nick already spotted out of the corner of his eye that someone approached him and prepared himself for running away if necessary. But then he recognized the man.  
„Morrie“, he greeted him, „I was just about to look for you…“  
Morrie came close enough so they could talk quietly.  
„They are here. Chris, Brad and Matthew. They’re waiting for you.“   
„I know, but first, I need a drink,“ Nick pointed at the buffet.  
„You can’t be serious,“ Morrie hissed and gave him an intense look.  
„I can’t do this when I’m sober!“ he almost whined.  
„Just tell them what you told me and you’ll be fine,“ Morrie urged Nick and tried to shove him towards their table.

„Wait, they don’t know? What did you tell them?,“ Nick struggled out of Morrie’s grip.  
„Not much. I only said that you want to talk to them,“ Morrie said definitely.   
„You didn’t tell them anything?“, Nick now sounded even reproachful and that made Morrie’s patience snap.  
„You thought I’ll serve them to you on a silver platter, all happy and eager to play again, and you don’t have to do anything yourself? Actually, it would’ve been your job to look for them, but out of sheer kindness I’ve spared you that part.“  
Seeing how upset Morrie was, Nick’s defenses broke and he realized his mistake.  
„You’re right“, he said and carefully put a hand on Morrie’s shoulder. „I’m sorry.“  
He quickly let go of him and they shortly locked gazes. Nick had to fight the urge to kiss the other man. Morrie gave him an understanding look and a little nod, before Nick finally walked over to the table.

Seeing his old band again made Nick feel more than nervous. He hadn’t talked to any of them since he had left them to start his solo career. Perhaps there had been some arguments with some of them afterwards but it was nothing he really remembered. He could only guess what they felt and what they thought of him after all this.

„Hey, guys,“ he said clumsily and hoped they were in a good mood.  
„Hey, Nick“, Matthew answered quickly, „I’m surprised you even remember us.“  
„Why would I forget you?“, he tried to stay positive, even though he knew it happened.  
„Perhaps because you were too busy playing the the great famous star after fucking us over?“, Brad spat the truth at him and Nick instinctively made a few steps backwards.  
„And now your burned-out and lonely and you remember how nice it was to have friends,“ Matthew added.   
„Or you need our ideas to get back into the charts,“ Chris topped it off and the three now stared daggers at him.  
„No, no, no, it’s none of that,“ Nick assured and held up his hands in defense, „it’s not about the charts…I just want us to be a band again…“  
„Us?“, Brad blurted out, „we’ve always been a band, Nick, it was you who wanted to be the only star!“ 

It was just as horrible as Nick had feared it to be, three against one. And Morrie had obviously decided to stay out of this, so he had no help.  
„Listen, I regret that I left you behind. I miss you all…“, he began again, trying to remember how he had convinced Morrie.  
„Just when your light starts to fade, what a coincidence,“ Brad commented.  
„To be fair, it was fading a long time ago,“ Chris corrected him. „You didn’t really make it without us, didn’t you?“  
Nick desperately looked from one to the other and even though they sat right before him it seemed like they were miles away. 

„Is that all that’s left of The Make Believes?“, he blurted out, „Just nothing but bitterness and hate? We used to be unstoppable power, a force of nature…“  
„We were, until you decided it wasn’t enough,“ Matthew countered.  
„I was wrong!,“ Nick almost screamed and the hotel guests began to turn their heads in disgust to were the noise came from.

„I was wrong,“ Nick repeated quieter, with his arms crossed. „And I’m sorry.“  
He paused for a while and nobody interrupted him this time. When he spoke again, his voice was husky.

„Believe it or not, there was a time I accepted my fate. I would’ve been fine with slowly dying away, all alone and being forgotten. I’d just shut myself away, numb my senses and be happy for no reason until the end. But since I remember you… I can’t let go anymore. I feel like leaving you behind was my biggest mistake.“  
It became more and more exhausting to speak but he went on.  
„I don’t care if we hit the charts…I just wish I could be with you again…I didn’t even know how much I fucked up. We were so close…and I hoped I could do something to make it up to you. I guess I was wrong about that too…“.  
He made another pause and everyone stared at him, stunned.

Finally he said: „I’m sorry I wasted your time,“ and turned around to walk away, with no greater wish than to lock himself up in his suite and drink up whatever he had left in the bar to forget what just happened.

Morrie watched him go, devastated that it would end like this.  
„Nick!“, he shouted after him but Nick didn’t react. If only one of them wanted him back, it was pointless.

„Nick, now wait,“ Matthew suddenly shouted and Nick stopped.  
„What?“, he shouted back without turning around.  
„Come back.“  
Nick turned around and looked at him.  
„Why?“  
The band shortly exchanged glances.  
„We want to give this a chance.“  
„Really?“, Nick’s eyes widened.  
„Yeah, it could be fun after all. I got to admit I missed it too,“ Chris said in a softer tone.  
„You’ve been fairly shit years ago, but perhaps you really changed,“ Brad managed to sound somewhat forgiving.  
„The sweet-talker just wanted to say he loves you and he almost cried at your speech,“ Chris translated teasingly.  
„Shut up,“ Brad hissed and the others giggled.

„Come on, stay,“ Matthew pointed at an empty seat and Nick finally came back and sat down, still wondering if this really happened or if it was just a wonderful dream.  
„Have a drink,“ Chris offered and poured him the champagne he had missed all the time.   
When Nick took the glass in surprise Brad asked: „I’m curious now. How did you imagine our reunion?“   
Then Nick was embarrassed because he had made no plan at all. While he gulped down the champagne to calm down his jittery senses he felt someone stepping into the scene from behind him.

„If you don’t mind, I’d like to clarify the details“, he heard Virgil’s voice, to his relief.  
„Look who finally got out of his corner,“ Chris mocked and everyone stared at Nick’s manager who had been theirs before he had turned them down for Nick. Only the two of them knew who’s idea it had been in the first place and they had kept their secret ever since.  
Virgil kept his straight face.

„First, your band name. It should be ‚Nick Lightbearer and The Make Believes‘ again, I think you will all agree that this name will sell much better than ‚The Make Believes‘ alone. But that doesn’t mean that you’re the minor point. Everyone of you gets the equal amount of the profit, provided that you’re successful.“  
„Hear, hear,“ Matthew commented. „Can we get that on paper too?“  
„Sure, but there’s one condition: I want you to play at the open air stage in St. Georges Holm tonight, as a celebration of your reunion. You only need to play your classics - the masses will go wild enough when you make it right - and prove that you still have it in you.“

Everyone stared at him, wondering if they heard him right.  
„Tonight already? Virgil, this is insane!“, Nick finally blurted out.  
„We haven’t been playing together for years!“, Matthew added.  
„I know, but you guys had always been better under pressure,“ Virgil explained with a superior grin, „You too, Nicky“, he pointed at Nick who winced at that.   
„I want you to get your shit together.“  
The reunited band fell silent again.  
„Any other objections?…no?“, Virgil looked around the table. „So, I consider this a deal.“


	12. Chapter 12

For Arthur, it had always been inconvenient to stroll through the streets of Hamlyn Village, since they were overcrowded with people who kept eyeing him with their searching looks, making sure that the fellow citizen played by the rules. In addition, a bunch of bobbies kept patrolling these streets, sometimes he saw even more of them than Wellies, and even when they were friendly, they were an eerie sight by themselves. When doctors rounded that scene up Arthur could barely handle it, even thought he always carried his stock of Mojo with him. But today it didn’t seem so bad, because in hindsight, it was something he could avoid.

What he couldn’t avoid thought was the general noise of the town. Not the rushing in his ears during withdrawal, no, that was rather pleasant in comparison to the hypocritically happy racket that sounded out of every shop and even some of the residences. He had never noticed it like that before but now it seemed so follow him everywhere. 

„Cheer up, cheer up, baby, baby…“   
When he had noticed it for the first time he had stopped and listened to the voice, being surprised about himself. He had told himself that it was different now, because he had heard this voice for real. Not only the happy one, but also the honestly sad, the proud or the outrageously soft voice….

Suddenly he had caught himself thinking about what would have happened if he didn’t run away in that certain moment, if he had refused his escape reflex just once and let it happen. The more he thought about it the less he could stand the music. He had walked away, only to notice that only one street corner later another song had occupied the air, echoing out of an open window. 

He had fled that too and soon he had felt like he was chased through the town by mere sound, while he had earned a lot of mistrusting looks from his fellow citizens for showing obvious signs of distress in his face. Nowhere was silence and the shop he had been going for in the first place was no difference, so he didn’t dare to enter. 

„Just put out your little hand, my darling, one, and I’ll give you mine,“ he now overheard and was forced to imagine how he stretched out his hand for Nick and how the other man took it in his. What a stupid and childish idea, he scolded himself. But at the same time he clenched his hands to fists, disappointed that they were empty, and wished it could be so easy. He wished he didn’t mess it up, he wished Nick was still there, nearby, so he could still visit him anytime and catch up on what he had missed out last time. But now he was gone somewhere else, and he was unreachable.

„Are you alright, dearie?“, a voice of an old lady brought him back to reality. She was standing right in front of him and gave him a worried smile. He must’ve looked very miserable because she instantly added „You better pop a Joy or two.“ while looking at him expectantly. Soon, more Wellies stopped their strolls and started to stare at Arthur, who dared to not react at such a jolly offer. He kept quiet and the street kept filling with people, until he couldn’t handle it anymore. Until it was all too much.

He started to run, head over heels, past the Wellies that cried after him and alarmed more and more of them. He heard the bobbies take up the chase and the flashing sound of their electric truncheons blended with their footsteps. Arthur knew this whole routine and he found it was all too loud.

There was only one place he could seek to find silence, and so he fled Hamlyn Village and went to hide into the much larger Garden District.

At first he continued to run over the shabby cobblestone streets, with the panic still running through his veins, but when he had left behind the sparsely populated ruins, when he met less and less wastrels and when he was too far away from the speakers to hear them anymore he began to calm down. He allowed himself a pause under an old tree, between the Nightglooming Nonsuches, which were even beautiful at daylight and took a deep breath. It felt good to hear nothing but his own loud breath, until his nerves mellowed out.

When he could think clearly again, he made his way to a long time forgotten place from the past, surprised about how easily he found the path. It was like he traveled back in time.

The swings were still there, as if they had waited for him to come back. Arthur knew that no child had used them since he was gone. Also the missile was still there, as a herald of their horrible past, frozen in time.

Arthur sat on the swing to sway a little back and forth and found the movement very relaxing. He felt like he could think about whatever he wanted here, without being choked by his memories and feelings, and he needed it urgently. Thinking. Honestly and without excuses. He had gone astray from his plan and he needed a new one. Also, he had to part the important things from the irrelevant and, even if it hurt, let some things go. He knew that it wouldn’t come easy to him.

Nick instead felt like he had a big and tight knot in his chest that had been choking him since Virgil had given him an ultimatum. Tonight or never. He knew without further explanation what that meant. If the concert failed, everything was over. The knot in his chest silenced him all the way back to his house. He went with the band, protected by the constabulary. 

It turned out that Virgil had taken care of his furniture and new security measures and now they had a room for rehearsal amidst their old memories. Nick kept quiet when the band entered the house and recaptured the room. He felt like the only way to get rid of the knot was either to run away or to faint, so he silently sneaked away when the others were too busy to notice him.

Leaning against a wall he took another Joy and waited, seeing how the colors around him finally turned brighter and the knot in his chest at least became number. 

„Nick?“, he suddenly heard Morrie’s voice and the sound was a pleasure to his ear. He turned to the other man and as soon as his gaze fell on him he began to stare in awe.  
„You took something,“ Morrie stated and he didn’t sound like he was happy about it.  
„Only Joy…“ Nick sighted while he continued to stare.  
Morrie came closer.   
„Let me see,“ he whispered and Nick allowed him to hold his chin and look him deeply into the eyes. Nick almost drowned in the bright brown color of the other man’s eyes. Whatever Morrie saw in his, it pleased him too and he let go, simply whispering: “Okay.“ 

Nick reluctantly backed away a bit, but suddenly the other man leaned forward, reaching out and touching Nick’s arms. Like that, he came much closer than before and Nick stopped breathing for a moment.

„You can do this, Norbert…“, Morrie said and Nick winced a little.  
„I trust you. And I want you to know that we are on your side and you can count on us, whatever happens tonight. We all want this to work, because we have missed this just as much as you.“  
Nick continued to stare at Morrie, wondering if he was really saying all these wonderful things or if the Joy was playing a prank on him.

„Did you miss me?“, he suddenly asked and while he looked into the surprised eyes of the other man he longed for the answer.  
Morrie’s voice was a whisper again when he spoke.  
„Yes, I missed you, Norbert Pickles, all these years I wished I could see you again.“ He paused, as if he was struggling for words. „I…I’m glad you came back.“

Seconds later, Nick leaned towards him and didn’t stop until his lips touched Morrie’s, having no reason to hold back. He forced his tongue into him and conquered Morrie because he couldn’t handle his denial anymore. The other man wrapped his arms around Nick, embracing their reunion, and so they stayed entangled for a while, pulling hair and cloth, taking in each other’s scent and not letting go until they had made good for all those years they had been separated.  
They still stared at each other when Morrie grabbed Nick’s arms again, shook him a little and said: „Now let’s rock!“


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur went back to town when he was able to think somewhat clearly again. At least when he knew what he wanted. He focused on getting the letter of transit, to leave Hamlyn Village, to finally leave Wellington Wells for good, because he wanted to find Percy. Because the only way to get the letter was with the help of Sally, he needed to make amends again. Now however he felt to be all set for this, since he knew he wasn’t deceived in her, he didn’t have to be actually sorry and he could confidently work his charm on her until he’ll get what he wanted. Funny how everything was so much easier when no emotions where involved.

Back in Hamlyn Village he found that the streets were almost empty, even though it wasn’t after curfew yet and even the amount of bobbies was way smaller than usual. Arthur sneaked around in confusion, being way more noticeable than before, asking himself where the heck everyone went. He came closer to the answer when he hid behind something like a cardboard wall that he had never seen before. It couldn’t be only established for the poor downers to hide behind it while every decent citizen was off to somewhere else. When the constable he hid from strolled away Arthur curiously walked around the wall and promptly he was greeted by bright colors that would have been even more vibrant for anyone on Joy. Stepping back to see the whole image he read the headline and understood. „Nick Lightbearer and The Make Believes - The Great Reunion - Live on stage“. The date was today. 

The news struck Arthur like lightning. He couldn’t imagine how that happened. There was nothing about it in the newspapers and Nick had never mentioned it. The last time Arthur had seen him he had been absolutely miserable with no great plans for the future. So after all, had it been just a whim, Arthur asked himself. Or some emotional outbreak caused by drug overuse, that had vanished just as soon as it had appeared. 

Arthur noticed that he was about to feel disappointed and he quickly suppressed the feeling because he didn’t want to wallow in self-pity again, but keep his head clear. However he had to admit that while standing there and looking at the poster he felt a wish bubble up inside him. He wanted to see it. No, he wanted to see Nick. Only for one last time before he left the town for good. After all the whole town seemed to be there and why should he miss out on it just because he usually didn’t take Joy. He only feared that Sunshine won’t help him in this case, because they’d have sensors or controls and he wasn’t save in a crowd of Wellies either. Actually, it was insane to try.

Reasons enough for him to step into a mood booth and give himself some jolly courage, just this once. He couldn’t help but feel some melancholy as he pulled the lever to get some Strawberry Joy, just like he used to do it multiple times per day in the old days, when the world was still in order. Or at least when he still believed it was. Until now he was sorry that it didn’t work, that it wasn’t so easy to be happy and without any sorrows or guilt. Even though he knew that everyone in town once had to pay the horrible price for all their lies, he felt the temptation to forget the truth and be a part of them again. Especially every time he thought about how unlikely it was to find Percy in Germany or wherever he was now and how impossible it was to make up for what he did to him and came to the conclusion that he could just as well stay here and forget without making any difference.

Later, he was glad to leave the moodbooth without having sent himself into delirium with multiple pills. He wanted to remember seeing Nick, after all. Now he was more motivated when he walked to the bridge to St. Georges Holm. Crossing it he already heard the concert from far, echoing through the empty streets, so that Arthur only had to follow the sound, hoping he wasn’t too late.  
When he reached the entry to the open air stage he had to knock loudly at the window of the counter, because the bloke behind it was taking a nap. He startled up and stared at Arthur as if he was a man-sized rat. 

„Lovely day for it,“ Arthur tried it with friendliness. „Any chance for me to still get to the concert?“  
„Wow, you’re late! The big stampede was two hours ago,“ the man shouted out and Arthur winced. Two hours! He assumed they all wanted to secure seats.  
„But can I still get in?“  
„I guess one more or less doesn’t matter much…“  
Arthur just realized he spent some of his hard-earned money just for this. Just to say goodbye to someone he didn’t even really know. But then again, the money was more like stolen than earned and he could afford it before he left the town.

Arthur was overwhelmed when he finally got in. The noise was ear-splitting, and it wasn’t even the music yet, because all he heard was the hysterically screaming crowd of fans that he approached first. He could barely see the stage from there. But the whole area was also overwhelming. Arthur had never been there before. Usually he didn’t care that much for music. He was used to listen to it by the way, at work, when he got up and turned the radio on and when he took a walk in town. He never made extra efforts to see someone playing it and he wasn’t sure if he would do it again in his new life after all this.

The area was big, the biggest park he had ever seen in town, with a great view onto the sea. He kept forgetting that it was there, unless he remembered that it formed the barrier that forbid him to leave the town without crossing Britannia Bridge in the Parade District. Much less often he remembered that it could be simply beautiful, just like now. The stage looked like a structure made of stone, at least what he could spot from his place. For a while he peered at the tiny red spot that he assumed was Nick, but it didn’t satisfy him at all. Frustrated, he looked at the mass of fans again and wondered how he could get closer to the stage without being crushed. 

He carefully rounded the park and one look up finally helped on, even though the plan was a bit risky. At some points the trees stood so close together that their limbs intertwined. Some fans who wanted a better look onto the stage too sat on the limbs below and probably didn’t dare to climb any further. Arthur however wasn’t afraid of heights anymore and didn’t think twice in this case, grabbing the first branch he could reach and jumping up.

While climbing he noticed what a good idea it had been, finally escaping the screaming mass underneath him and hearing more and more of the voice he was longing for. It motivated him to come closer and so he didn’t hesitate to leap from one tree to the other when their limbs met. Like that he reached the tree he had chosen because it was closer to the stage than the others, taller and he had thicker limbs he hoped to be more comfortable. 

When he found his place he was excited to look down at the stage and see what was happening there. Soon he couldn’t turn his gaze away from it, especially from one person. It was like Nick completely changed. He always had a certain charisma and got everyone’s attention, he didn’t even need to be in a good mood or confident for this. It also worked when he was extremely sad. Arthur knew that first-hand. But it was still hard to believe that the man who was prancing so casually and flirting with the audience was the same he had met only two days ago in his tunnel hideout, completely broken and hopeless. Once again Arthur wondered who the real Nick was, but this time he also thought wistfully that he’ll never find out. He knew this one moment was everything he’ll get, so he at least wanted to enjoy it. The longer he watched and listened, the more he forgot everything around him.

Arthur was ripped out of his trance when the music suddenly changed. Not only that, every noise around him started to sound distorted, slow and hollow. Bit by bit they got overlaid by some loud rushing in his ears while he began to feel sick. He broke out in cold sweat and he noticed he could barely hold himself up on the branch. He reallized his Joy was fading away and the withdrawal felt much worse after living without it for weeks. In panic, he reached for his pockets where he had kept some pills from the mood booth in stock and probably moved too fast, because the very next moment he could only watch himself fall. He noticed it when the world around him turned and suddenly he had the gloomy grey sky at his feet and his back painfully slid along the trunk. 

Frantically he reached out for anything that could stop his fall and for a few seconds he actually clutched a branch until he couldn’t hold his own weight anymore and let go. The next thing he felt was that he crashed against something that moved and shouted. The voice sounded horribly distorted but he assured himself that it was a normal human being he had bumped into. Then Arthur heard even more screams and he rolled over in the grass to stand up. He stopped when something hard was pressed between his shoulder blades and brought him back down. The shouts became louder and he could hear what they said: „Downer! Downer! Downer! Downer!“

Arthur clumsily rolled on his back, facing the one who held him down and biting him into the leg, because it was the only way he could fight him off. The man yelled and let go of Arthur, who slid slowly backwards, breathing heavily, well aware that there were hundreds of other Wellies around who could capture him again. They grabbed him when he stood up and began to pull at him as if they planned to tear him apart. Arthur feared they could even make it and closed his eyes, upset that he would end like this, for being so naive and coming here instead of following his plan.

All of a sudden he heard another very loud voice echo over the area.  
„We have a downer!“  
It was Nick and he sounded angry.  
"Where's the downer?" The Wellies who held Arthur captive began to shriek and lifted him up like a trophy. The whole crowd now turned around to see where the downer was and of course they easily found him.  
„Bring him to me!,“ Nick shouted, lifting the guitar over his head as if he wanted to crush the downer with it.

Arthur was now pulled through the masses that jeered and screamed at him and seemingly couldn’t wait to deliver him to their furious idol, who was now wielding the guitar like an axe and joined the screams of „Downer! Downer!“ He whipped up the masses even more and Arthur had the feeling that he was about to be slaughtered on stage. Had he been so wrong about Nick? 

While he was dragged through the crowd he noticed at least one positive thing: the colors turned brighter again and the screams that had sounded like they came from hell started to sound normal again, what meant the withdrawal finally faded away. Sadly he couldn’t escape amidst the fans but on stage he had a chance.

When he reached the very front he bumped into a constable, who among others, paid attention that nobody climbed on the stage. Arthur feared this would be the end of his journey but the constable submitted to the wishes of the fans and their worshipped idol. He grabbed Arthurs hips and lifted him on the stage, simply saying „Enjoy the show!“. Stumbling backwards Arthur frantically looked for something to defend himself with and grabbed one of the unused guitars. Considering what he could do with an umbrella, he would probably get along with it.

The fans became quieter now, staring at the scene. While Arthur carried the guitar in his hand he saw Nick approaching him, threateningly swinging his guitar at him. Arthur reacted quickly, lunged out and let it crash against Nick’s, that caused an unearthly loud uproar through the amp that echoed over the masses. So they stood face-to-face to each other, with guitars crossed, while the fans started to scream again and cheered for Nick.

„Nick, it’s me, Arthur!“, Arthur shouted, hoping that the other man would remember.  
„I know,“ Nick hissed to Arthur’s surprise. „Duck down!“

Arthur did as he was told and seconds later Nick’s guitar flashed past his head. Then Arthur willingly made a clumsy try to ram his own improvised weapon into Nick’s side and the other man jumped backwards to avoid it. Not being the mad rotten downer he was supposed to play, Arthur clutched the guitar with shivering hands and found it unsettling how well the other man played his part of the hateful avenger, and how fiercely determined he looked at him. Suddenly they dashed against each other again, or rather Nick dashed at him and Arthur blocked the blows while they circled around each other.

„C’mon, do something!,“ Nick whispered and Arthur made a half-hearted swing. Of course he could hit him harder but his enemy was still Nick, who was rather unexperienced in fights, Arthur guessed by his attacks. In addition it wouldn’t be well received if he knocked Nick out by accident. There were four real potential enemies on stage after all.

„Is that all?“, Nick hissed in disappointment and, without waiting for an answer, rushed ahead himself, dealing out one blow after the other like he was in rage. They were harmless, but Arthur’s tactic got him into a scrape because he kept retreating until he tripped up on something and fell, allowing Nick to stand above him in triumph, resting the guitar on his shoulder and waving to the fans who screamed themselves hoarse, awaiting the final blow. 

„I thought you were stronger,“ Nick sneered. „You strike like my grandma.“  
That indeed wounded Arthurs pride. If this was all he got for being careful, he wouldn’t take it. He jumped up and took a big swing. The first blow made Nick stagger backwards and Arthur gave him no time to recover. He charged at Nick and drove him into the other edge of the stage. It didn’t even take a lot of strength to do this and Nick was so overwhelmed he only held his guitar in front of him and retreated. At the end of his little act of revenge Arthur came closer and pressed the guitar against Nick’s.

„I take everything back,“ Nick gasped. „You’re a beast, Arthur.“ He said it with so much admiration that the other man got stunned, he almost lost his grip.  
The fans were upset, seeing their idol cowering on the ground and the downer above him.  
It was the moment a bobby decided to handle this problem himself and climbed on the stage, truncheon ready to strike.  
„Alright, time to stop this nonsense!“  
Seeing this, Arthur didn’t hesitate for a second but fled behind the stage, where his only chance to escape lied. 

Nick looked after him, then at the bobby who was about to run after Arthur and Nick knew how fast a bobby was. So he darted at him, took a big swing himself and now really crashed his guitar into the other man with all his strength. He found it very satisfying to see the bobby go down and looking up to his attacker in confusion. Only confusion though, Nick stated in sudden disappointment and a feeling that was growing inside him told him that he wasn’t done yet. He towered over the other man, taking in the cheers of his fans and lifted the guitar over his head once again. With pleasure he noticed that the bobby’s expression turned into fear.

Then all of a sudden everything around him changed, he saw nothing but a dark alley by nighttime, that was filled with thick fog. He heard his footsteps over cobblestone and felt something heavy and cold in his hand. Then a scream ringed in his ear, bloodcurdling and desperate, and a shiver ran down his spine.

Then someone shook him, calling out for him. It was Morrie’s voice. Nick noticed that his hands were empty and slowly came back to his senses.  
„Nick, what the hell are you doing?“, Morrie shouted at him and Nick only stuttered something inaudible while he kept looking for the bobby.  
„Where…?“, he produced and Morrie interrupted him.  
„Ran off! And we should too!“  
Nick looked at the crowd of fans that started to climb on the stage, screaming in fury, ready to run after the downer. They would surely wipe out anything our anyone standing in their way. Morrie pulled him backwards and finally Nick understood that they were in danger and fled with him behind the stage.


	14. Chapter 14

Nick fled with Morrie behind the stage and let him lead the way, because he was way clearer in the head and more likely to be trusted than Nick himself. When they saw Virgil standing at a doorway and waving them over they didn’t hesitate to run in. When they slammed the door behind them, the band was complete. Nick, who was out of breath from the fight, the concert, and their flight, sank into a chair. He felt the gazes of the others on him and avoided it to look at anyone. 

„Nick, what the hell was that?“, Chris blurted out.  
„Where did this downer came from?“, Brad shouted.  
„Was it planned? Because I think I saw you talking to him,“ Matthew wanted to know.  
They all spoke at once and drilled Nick with questions, who was just as confused as them.

In fact, he was completely innocent of this whole incident and he could simply say so. But then again, he wasn’t as innocent as he should be, because he couldn’t hurt the downer. He probably fooled the fans, but he couldn’t fool his friends, who had seen everything from up close. They had seen him talk. They would ask questions he didn’t want them to ask. And apart from himself, also Arthur could get into trouble for this. What if they tried to seek him out?

„The downer wasn’t real“, Nick finally said. „He was only an actor I hired as a highlight for our show.“  
„Seriously? Why didn’t you tell us anything?“, Matthew was not amused.  
„Uh…it was a surprise…just a spontaneous idea I had…“ Nick stuttered, trying to not make it worse.  
„Spontaneous idea?“, Morrie snapped. „You could’ve ruined the entire show with this!“

„Come on, Morrie, look on the bright side!“, Nick tried a smile. „We had great concerts by the hundred, but this one is special! It’s gonna be in the press! Everyone will talk about it!“  
„That’s true, the fight was kinda cool,“ Chris admitted.  
„And the bobby? Why did you attack him too?“ Morrie went on, causing Nick to sink down in his chair.

„Because he was interfering,“ he said as if he was pouting. „Blame him if anyone, he’s the reason why the stage is stormed right now.“  
„It could’ve helped to tell him in advance!“  
„So that he can cancel the show or tell everyone it’s fake? This could’ve ruined us too!“  
„You should’ve told us at least!“, Matthew said again.  
Nick felt more and more driven into a corner and send a pleading look to Virgil, who was still standing at the doorframe.

His manager made a few steps towards Nick. „I agree,“ he said. „I see that you’ve brought us attention, but it was a high risk and I would’ve liked to know in advance.“  
Nick sighted. It was five against one right now.  
„Hey, nothing bad happened. At least well be famous overnight,“ he pointed out the positive things.  
„We? We didn’t get the chance for a cool showdown, it was only you. I would’ve liked to kick a downer’s ass!“, Brad countered.  
„Believe me, I know, but I could’t bring five downers at the stage, all by coincidence! It had to look real.“  
Nick glanced around and looked into their disappointed faces. He couldn’t blame them and he wished he could tell them the truth.

„I…guess you’re right…“, Nick said meekly. „I thought it’s fun. I swear, that was the last time I played a lone hand, okay? I’m sorry.“  
They seemed to be okay with this, even though they remained somewhat sore. But the heat had died down and When the masses had left the area they left too, heading back to the hotel. 

When the others spread out and went into their rooms Virgil stayed with Nick, who wasn’t up for a rant but knew he would make it worse if he ditched him now.

„What a sleeky bastard you are,“ Virgil started and Nick was surprised that he sounded rather amused.  
„You can fool the others but I know what happened.“  
Nick stared at him.  
„You…you know?“, he stammered in disbelief.  
Virgil nodded and smiled slightly.  
„I know the way you’re thinking. You saw how much fame you brought Birdie with your little tantrum and you wanted to correct that.“  
„I know it was a bad idea,“ Nick answered quickly, trying to fob him off.  
„Nonsense, it wasn’t bad. The realization was a bit clumsy, but dramatic enough to gain us headlines, maybe even the front page. I bet someone took a photo of your fight.“  
Nick had to admit that he liked that. And wouldn’t it be funny to have Arthur on the front page?  
„So…you liked it?“

„Yes. But I still wonder why you didn’t tell me anything. Is it because of Birdie? Are you afraid I’ll rat you out?“  
„You could do that,“ Nick said, even though he trusted Virgil. „I’m not naive, you know?“  
„Nick, I won’t play you off against each other. If you want a spectacular show, I won’t ruin it for you. I’m actually glad that you have plans again. I was worried about you and I missed the old Nick.“  
„Thanks, Virgil, I’m so glad to have you,“ Nick sighted and Virgil gave him a pat on his back.  
„Sleep tight, Nickie. And keep your head clear, I need you in a good shape tomorrow.“  
„Of course. Good night, Virgil.“

Nick walked along the corridor to Morrie’s room, relieved that he got off so cheaply, and knocked on the door.  
„Morrie? It’s me. Are you awake?“  
When Morrie came out he gave Nick a gloomy look.  
„What?…“ Nick began, but then fell silent.

„That was…really fucked up, sorry for swearing. I thought you understood that we’re a team now…“ Morrie was still very sore.  
„I’m sorry…I relapsed…“ Nick stuttered and looked at Morrie with pleading eyes.  
„Right now, it was the dumbest idea you could have. Don’t you know your reputation is at stake?“, the other man snapped.  
„Of course I know,“ Nick was offended. „Why do you think did I wanted a special show?“  
„I’m not talking about your fame, I mean…“, he paused, searching for words.  
„What?“, Nick urged him.

„The murders, Nick,“ Morrie whispered. „You know they happened, right?“  
„Murders again? Would you please tell me what they got to do with me?“, Nick hissed in frustration and Morrie sighted and shook his head.  
„Alright, the bloke from the O’Courant who trashed your last record was found dead in the park. Bobbies told us it was an accident but they also swarmed the place and fenced it off for days. A bit elaborate for a simple accident, don’t you think?  
The next is only two days ago: Bates, the owner of the music shop, who hated you in general and refused to sell you anything, was found dead in the shop. Rumors say he was sliced open, with the guts hanging out. His wife found him like that.“

„Bates…he’s dead?“, Nick stuttered, having a hard time to follow. „I didn’t know this…“  
„You see the problem now? It looks like there’s someone slaughtering your enemies, and then you’re playing the butcher on stage.“  
„But…it was only a downer!“, Nick said meekly.  
„And the bobby? You looked like you’re about to kill him. If I didn’t stop you….“. Morrie paused and gave him a really concerned look.  
„I just…didn’t want him to hurt my actor,“ Nick defended himself. „The rest was only jokes. I guess I went a bit off the rails with my own acting.“  
Nick tried a smile again but Morrie only furrowed his brows.

„I’m not a killer,“ Nick pleaded. „Morrie, you know me!“  
„I know,“ Morrie sighted. „You can be cruel, but not like this…Just…be careful for fuck’s sake! And let’s hope no one draws a conclusion from the show to the actual crimes.“  
„It was really stupid, right?…I don’t know what’s gotten into me.“ Nick hung his head.  
„Well, you have enough time to think about it now …“  
„Does that mean…you wanna be alone tonight?“, Nick asked with a pleading look in his eyes.  
Morrie answered with a stern gaze.  
„You can’t imagine how disappointed I am,“ he hissed, „If you care at all, you’ll stay alone too, and make up your mind.“

With that, Morrie dismissed him and Nick was left to feel miserable. He didn’t want to be alone. Not with all these unpleasant things Morrie had brought up.

So there was a killer on the loose who probably went for his enemies. Just like that. Nick was shocked that this could even happen in Wellington Wells, especially with all the bobbies patrolling around. He could believe in Foggy Jack, who supposedly stayed in the large Garden District, where the fog was spreading and thicker and no one could track him down. But this new one? 

Nick was also shocked to hear that Bates was dead, killed in such a cruel way. He hadn’t been a very pleasant guy, but he didn’t deserve that. It bothered Nick even more, that he had been with Kitty the same night before, without knowing how he got there. Had the killer been in the house that night? Sure, she found Bates in the shop, not in the house, so he was probably safe, but still he could slap himself for even being there then, of all possible days. If somebody found out…They suspected him anyway.

What burned in his guts was the nightmare he had experienced on stage, while standing above the bobby. Then suddenly he had felt like someone was about to die and he didn’t know what gave him that idea. It was as if he had seen the murder happen, maybe when he was with Kitty. So he only had to remember and everything would be alright again? But if that was true, why had he felt like he held a weapon in his hand? If it had been one, if his memories were trustworthy enough. Perhaps his tired brain played a trick on him and the only thing that was real was that Morrie was mad at him again.  
Even though he was completely innocent, Nick thought as he walked along the corridor to his own suite.

He didn’t understand Arthur. He hadn’t reckoned to see him again so soon. It could have been a coincidence though, Arthur could’ve been there just for the music, or because everyone was there, just trying to have a good time, until he got busted. If he had kept his cover, Nick wouldn’t have noticed him at all. It made sense. So it was a coincidence. And now they wouldn’t see each other again for real, Nick thought and he felt a sting in his heart.

He hoped that Arthur made it to the exit in time. He would even visit him if he wasn’t worried that Morrie noticed he went away. And how could he explain this?  
What did he even want from Arthur?  
Frustrated, he slapped his forehead.

Damnit, he had to leave him alone for once, he had been obviously not interested in him. Showing up at the concert didn’t change that. If anything, they were even now. Arthur had saved his life, and now Nick had saved his. It created actually a good conclusion and they could part ways now. 

Nick had to admit that he had to stop this hopeless swooning. He had had a crush on this beautiful stranger and it failed. It was before he had met Morrie again and he loved Morrie. Now, he had to prove him that he was worth a second try.

Arthur, driven by panic, was running the entire way to the exit, until he was finally out and hiding in the dark empty streets. He didn’t even need Joy to break into hysterical giggling. His sense blamed it on the shock, but his heart said that he had just witnessed real fun, something that dozens of Joy pills couldn’t give him. Of course he was glad that Nick didn’t give him a real beating for stealing his show. Instead they had just played a crazy game, that only Nick could’ve made up.

Arthur had to slump on the ground in an uncivilized way to catch his breath, thinking about how close he had come to Nick and how stunning Nick had looked on stage. How his hair had shined in the spotlight. Like caramel, Arthur thought and chuckled sillily. And Nick’s fluent movements…he had seen a lot of Wellies fight by now, and Nick’s style was definitely looking better. If only he could hit a little harder, it would be safe to have a walk with him in the Garden District…

Arthur took a deep breath when his laughing fit was fading and he couldn’t tear away from this vision.

_„Just put out your little hand, my darling, one, and I’ll give you mine.“_

Arthur leaned back, staring at the cloudy sky above him, wondering what he could do. Where was Nick now? He never knew where he went, when he left the tunnels. Arthur guessed his house fell flat. But someone must know where he liked to hang out, some fan or paparazzi. He had to get his hands on a newspaper tomorrow. Tonight, his only option was getting home without getting caught, so he picked himself up and sneaked along the streets.

When he rounded the corner he saw someone sitting on the ground. He flinched at first but then he found the person was harmless, probably sleeping or being a downer or both. They didn’t even move.  
Walking closer, he saw it was a woman, her shoulders were shaking, and soon he heard her quiet sobs. She noticed him and gave him a frightened look. She probably believed he would attack her for crying.

„It’s okay…I’m just passing through…I haven’t seen a thing…“, he whispered to her and held up his hands to show they were empty.  
She sobbed louder.  
„Did you see the show?“, she asked and stared at him with wide eyes. „Did you see Nick?“  
„Uh…y..yes, I saw him…“, Arthur stammered.  
„How was he?“, she whimpered.  
„Uhm…w…wonderful, just wonderful. I mean smashing.“  
She was shaken by another crying fit, before she went on.

„I…missed him…I wish I saw him too, I’m his biggest fan you know, but…I had too much Joy…that happens to me sometimes….I wake up with a headache and a disgusting taste in my mouth and I just double the dose to feel good again…“  
„That’s…nothing to worry about…people have headaches sometimes….there’s nothing wrong with you,“ Arthur tried to comfort her. Did he feel bad sometimes, while taking Joy? He didn’t remember.  
„But now I missed Nickie!“, she cried, rubbing her reddened eyes.  
„I believe Nick won’t hold that against you…You can still got to another concert.“  
The woman shook her head.

„I don’t want to wait that long. I want to see him now and say I’m sorry.“  
Arthur crossed his arms. „If only there was a way to get to him,“ he whispered more to himself than to her. „I wonder where he is now.“  
„Oh, that’s an easy one, I bet he’s still in the Avalon Hotel,“ the woman said as if it was the most obvious thing and Arthur couldn’t help but stare at her.  
„You mean, everyone can visit him there?“

„No silly, not everyone. Not anymore. Now that he’s famous again, he’ll pick only his biggest fans. And there was something we had to do to prove it….wait…“  
Her features lightened up, as if she remembered something and then she smiled for the fist time.  
„What?“, Arthur said louder than he had intended to.  
„Yeah, I remember now! The offerings!“, she shouted in excitement and Arthur could only gape cluelessly. He was sure he had heard the word before but he didn’t know what it was about.

„How did that work again?“, Arthur asked, hoping that he was considered as one of his biggest fans and she would share the secret with him.  
„I have to give him a present, something really precious, to show my true love. Or else he won’t shag me. This is how I’ll get him!“ She told him and then suddenly bobbed up.  
„Uh…good luck then?“, Arthur said and she giggled.  
„Thank you, dearie.“ She blew him a kiss. „Bye!“  
Then she scooted away and left a confused Arthur, who just got everything he needed to see Nick again.


	15. Chapter 15

Nick really spent the night alone, and therefore it was a rather unpleasant one. He took on this burden though, because he knew it was time to show his good will for once. First, he made sure that the door was truly closed and no uninvited quest hid in his suite, as always, before he got ready for bed. Doing all that he experienced every step of this dull procedure in full awareness, and he didn’t quite like it. It would bother him much less if he couldn’t remember what happened that night, if only he didn’t wake up all alone. 

And if only he didn’t have to bother with his own thoughts anymore. They made him lie awake for what felt like hours, which he spent tossing and turning in his bed while trying to fall asleep. In the end, Nick slept late and woke up late, at least that’s what it felt like for him. As a result he wasn’t much more lively in the morning, when he woke up and spend a long time stretching himself. He also took a cold shower, before he left the suite to get some coffee. 

At Morrie’s door he stopped and called for his friend, only to find out that he must’ve been gone already. Downstairs he found that the lounge was almost empty at this time. Nick quickly sat down at a table and waved at a waiter to order the desired coffee. When he finally had it, his entire concentration was directed to the hot drink, in the confidence that it would help.  
He didn’t notice the person that approached him only when he heard their bell-like voice.  
„Good morning."

Confused by that, Nick looked up and saw a girl standing at his table.  
„Good morning,“ he replied blankly, completely distracted by her tight-fitting dress that emphasized her body shape and her nearly endless stream of blonde hair that his gaze got caught in.  
„Please, sit down,“ he tried, offering her a seat. Birdie Callagher only smiled.  
„I don’t know…“, she said. „I think I should be angry at you. But then again, I should’ve known that you’ll try to steal the show from me.“  
Her voice was tinkering in the air and she tilted her head in a feisty way.  
Nick gaped into her beautiful face until he noticed that she was waiting for him to say something.

„Pardon?“, he stuttered, because he didn’t get half of what she was saying and as an answer she shook her head.  
„Oh, no, I won’t fall for that. I know what you were thinking. After I had a downer in my show, you wanted your own.“  
She walked around his table with forceful steps before she leaned on his table again, only a few inches away from him.  
„The fight was really impressive,“ now she almost whispered, „maybe a little stilted, but I’m sure the fans will love it.“

Meanwhile Nick got used to her presence and was able to answer: „This is an interesting theory, really. Much more interesting than the truth.“  
Birdie crossed her arms at that and pursed her lips, but before she could say something, Nick interrupted her:  
„Come on, do you want to pout about this all day? I’m sure we could pass the time in a more pleasant way.“  
He leaned back nonchalantly and offered her a seat again.

She gracefully slid from the table and said. „I can imagine what you’re thinking about. Perhaps another time…Good bye.“ With that, she turned around with waving hair and walked away while Nick kept looking after her.  
He knew she wouldn’t stay but he wondered if he really had a chance for another time.

„Hey, Nick, I’m here to pick you up, in case you don’t have other plans…“, another voice ripped Nick out of his daydream. Pulling his head around, his gaze fell on Morrie, who’s face showed a faint sign of jealousy.

„No, I don’t,“ Nick quickly assured and shook his head, before he looked into the other man’s eyes.  
„Can we talk?“  
Morrie’s expression softened and he sat down next to Nick, who didn’t hesitate to grasp his hands and whisper: „I love no one else but you.“  
Morrie was visibly surprised by Nick’s sudden outburst.  
„Forgive me what I have with my fans…you used to understand…,“ Nick went on, trying to dig up all the good memories in his foggy mind.  
„We had an arrangement“, Morrie agreed. „But you broke it. Can you remember?“  
Nick gulped and shook his head again.

„I don’t know if I can bear another arrangement“.  
Nick fondled the other man’s hands with this thumb. Their warmth and Morries sad eyes helped him to make a grave decision.  
„Alright…I…I’ll stop.“  
Morrie furrowed his brow.  
„Just like that? You did this your entire life, how could you stop?“  
„I know it won’t be easy, but I can’t lose you again.“  
Morrie began to gently squeeze Nick’s hands in return.

„Listen, we have to do this together. I can help you, but only if you tell me what’s going on in your head,“ he urged Nick. „So…when there’s anything you can’t handle, tell me.“  
Nick actually had a lot he couldn’t handle. His improper sympathy with downers, his secret caretaker James and his plans, his awful nightmares…but for the life of him he couldn’t confess them. He kept it with a nod for now.  
„I promise you Morrie, no solo actions anymore.“

„So…tell me something.“, the other man insisted. „What’s in your head right now?“  
Nick looked like he was caught in the act for a second, then he said: „Want to kiss you.“  
To prove it, he leaned forward, but Morrie dodged him.  
„Not here,“ he hissed.  
Nick leaned back again, regretting Morries cautiousness.  
„Why not? I’m yours alone, we can show everyone we belong together.“  
„Trust me Nick, that’ll bring nothing but trouble. Let the others think what they want and keep the truth for ourselves.“

Even though Nick knew that Morrie was the more reasonable one of both of them, he looked disappointed when he said: „I guess you’re right. You know much better how to stay out of trouble.“  
The other man gave him a concerned look.  
„Do you need it that much? Do you seek your fans because you can kiss them in public?“  
„No, silly,“ Nick said firmly. „It’s not the same. No one is like you.“  
Now Morrie even smiled a little.  
They sat for a while, holding hands, until Morrie got up.  
„Alright, let’s go then, back to your place. Virgil wants a new album from us, as soon as possible.“  
Nick followed the other man.  
„Sounds just like him. I guess we shouldn’t keep him waiting.“

At Nick’s place, it came out that the band was forgiving, also because they had read the headlines in the newspapers which put them in a good mood again. They brought their song ideas they had worked on already, initially for their solo careers and tried out some new things. After all, Nick felt his creativity come back.  
About noon, a bunch of fans gathered in front of Nick’s house, screaming at their idol to come out. The band though did’t allow Nick to even show himself at the window and after a while the bobbies took care of this problem. Still, it felt great to be desired again.

When they made a pause in the afternoon he looked forward to go out with his friends again, just like in the old days. Then Virgil approached him, because there had been a package delivered to his suite. Since the manager thought it was safer for his star to stay in the house, he had brought the package with him and handed it to Nick. Usually, Nick wasn’t too curious about fan mails, but this was interesting, so he decided to open it right now, in his bedroom.

The package was large, but rather lightweight when he picked it up and ripped it open. Nick was amazed to see a bright red shine coming from the inside. Peeking in, he found something that looked like flowers, but they couldn’t be real, glowing like that. When Nick pulled them out they completely changed colors and lost their glow as soon as they hit broad daylight. However, they were still beautiful and smelled great. Their stalks were wrapped into wet paper, proving that the flowers were indeed real. Nick had never seen something like that before. Now he was really curious about who would make him such a precious gift.

Looking back into the package, he found a letter lying in there, that was written in a neat, curved handwriting.

Dear Nick,

I wanted to give this to you in person, but I guess I was too early.  
I hope the flowers are still good when you find them.  
They are Nightblooming Nonsuches, flowers that only grow in the Garden District. Maybe you’ve heard of them before. If you treat them well, they’ll last for ages.  
This is my offering.  
If you accept it, you know where to find me and I’ll be waiting for you there.

Yours  
Arthur

Arthur…  
Nick read the letter multiple times. Could it really be him? The same Arthur who ran away from him? There was no real doubt, only if there had been another Arthur in his life he had forgotten about, but that was unlikely.

In a way, it was easy to find out…  
Nick’s pulse was beating faster ever since he had read the name. He wanted to see him.  
But he couldn’t.  
Did Arthur even know what an offering meant? Maybe he only wanted to see Nick again…and talk. Everything was possible.

Nicks hands shivered, clutching the flowers. He thought that it was a very romantic gift. In any case a beautiful one. Something he couldn’t refuse. He had almost never refused an offering, they were a sign of appreciation and it would be unfair on Arthur to start now…

But he had made a promise.  
He couldn’t break it again.

He hadn’t mentioned the offerings, though…and Arthur was a friend.  
And maybe he only got everything wrong again, just like last time…

Oh, bugger, he had to go!  
There was no excuse. 

He didn’t have to stay that long, he told himself, he could be back in time to join the others when they returned and make up a story why he didn’t leave the house. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan, right?


	16. Chapter 16

With this spontaneous plan, Nick made his way back to the tunnel, and now he was even more nervous than last time. The tunnel was dark and empty as always, but this time Nick knew that he would find Arthur there. Maybe everything would come out alright, he mused. Maybe in the end, he could come back here more often, letting all misunderstandings behind, and they would create new and more pleasant memories.

Arthur instead was running back and forth between his own and Nick’s hideout like a headless chicken. Since the morning he was asking himself what the hell he had been thinking, making Nick such an outright offering. Surely, he must’ve been crazy that evening, still over the edge about their fight. He wondered himself what Nick thought about him now. That he was just one of his nosey fans, trying to possess Nick and not caring at all about his own feelings? Or that he wanted nothing but fun? 

What happened to his plan to leave the town?   
And still, Arthur hoped that Nick won’t turn his back on him now. If he even found the box.   
Arthur tore his hair, scolding himself. It was all nonsense! 

His rant was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Nick Lightbearer, who was walking right into his direction. Nick stopped at a distance and then the two of them stared at each other in silence. Arthur was glad to find no sign of disgust in the other man’s face, but still he couldn’t make a noise.

Nick was the first to speak.  
„Arthur“, he said quietly, more like a question.  
„Nick“, Arthur answered helplessly and Nick’s expression became worried.  
It all looked too much like another misunderstanding.

„You wanted to see me, right?“, he asked and his voice was doubtful.  
He made Arthur notice how rejecting he was, and made him pull himself together.  
„Yes…sure…I’m just stunned you really came…“, he stuttered. „Stunned in a good way I mean…“  
Arthur avoided Nick’s gaze, embarrassed by the rubbish his mouth was producing.

Nick came one step closer, he was already upset about how sad Arthur looked again.  
„Of course I came. Can’t refuse such a precious offering, can’t I?,“ he said smiling, trying to cheer the other man up.  
Arthur crossed his arms, as if he was trying to protect himself.  
„You don’t have to do this…“, he whispered, and Nick froze.  
„But…you want it, right?“

Arthur’s body cramped, regretting that he had made it so obvious. Yes, he wanted it, but not like that, not at a whim. But how could he explain that now, after what he had done?

„For one, I…wanted to see you again,“ he managed to say, trying to swallow all his feelings for now. 

When Nick heard it, something inside him broke, and he didn’t really know why. Was it disappointment, because their meeting went into a completely different direction again, or the fact that Arthur was probably the loneliest person in town?

Whatever it was, he couldn’t hold back any longer and walked over to Arthur, who held still, and laid an arm over his shoulder, squeezing it gently. For Nick, it was the first time he was so close to the other man while being fully conscious. He found that he liked it, actually he didn’t want to ever let go again.

„I’m sorry I left you,“ he whispered to Arthur, who turned his head away, quickly answering:  
„It’s not your fault. It was me who ran away….and I know you were busy. You managed to get your band back, you got your life back together. I’ve seen you play and you were…fantastic…“. Arthur silenced again, staring into the darkness. What he really saw was only in his head and Nick wished he could break the barrier between them.

„And you?“, Nick whispered after a while. „What about your life?“  
He saw how Arthur was slowly coming back to his world, probably thinking about everything that bothered him.   
He then rejected the question: „Don’t worry about me,“ and looked at the ground in that adorable way Nick had seen before. If he didn’t know already that Arthur was taller than Nick, he wouldn’t believe it now.

Nick let out a breath and walked around Arthur, so that he could look into the other man’s eyes. He didn’t let go of him, instead he put both hands on the other man’s shoulders, to hold him, to give him a sense of protection.  
„Most people don’t worry about you, right? They ignore you, or chase you. What if we try another tack for once?“  
And finally, Arthur granted him a look out of his shy, light brown eyes.  
„Now, it’s is all about you, and I’ll do whatever you want. No more. No less,“ Nick proposed, kindly stroking Arthur’s shoulders with his thumbs, and speaking in a soft voice that carefully knocked at the barrier that the other man had built between them.  
„What do you think?“

Arthur gulped and leaned into the gentle touch. It felt good.  
„That…sounds great,“ he said. Usually, he didn’t believe that anything would ever be about him. There was always someone better, especially for people like Nick. But the way Nick treated him, helped him to give in to the illusion that it was different now, that he was the only one for Nick, and that he even deserved to be treated so tenderly.

„Do you like this?“, the other man now asked, carefully stroking up and down Arthur’s arms.  
Arthur answered by putting his own hands on Nick’s shoulders, as if he wanted to do the same. Then he thought twice and wrapped his arms around him, resting his head in the crook of his neck. It was still like a dream, being so close to Nick. A dream that felt more real when Nick retorted his embrace and put his hands on Arthur’s back, holding him close.

Nick was relieved to get a positive response from Arthur. Still, he had to be careful not to lose the trust he had gained from the shy downer. It was downright cute, how he clung to him. Enraptured, Nick palpated the other man’s back, noticing how tense he was. He needed help.

„Arthur, you’re tied up in knots,“ Nick explained and loosened their embrace a little to lock gazes with him. „What about I give you a massage?“  
Arthur looked at him with wide eyes, as if he was afraid.  
„Just a massage, nothing else,“ Nick assured him. „I won’t do anything you don’t like, I promise.“  
Arthur nodded, completely speechless about what happened right now.  
„And what if me make ourselves more comfortable? I bet you don’t want to stand here all day.“  
„Okay,“ Arthur brought himself to answer. „Comfortable sounds nice.“

With a content smile, Nick slid one arm under Arthur’s, the other under his knee pits and then quickly lifted him up. Arthur was startled by the sudden movement and grabbed Nick’s shoulders.  
„Don’t worry,“ Nick whispered softly to the man in his arms. „I won’t let you fall.“

He was actually worried himself, because Arthur seemed to be too light for his size. Nick had thought that the downer had everything he needed down here, but obviously he had underestimated the danger Arthur was in. He needed someone who cared.

Nick carried Arthur to his big and cozy bed and carefully lied him down. When he saw that Arthur was comfortable he invited him to turn around with a gesture.  
„It’s okay, Arthur,“ he said quietly, while the other man followed his invitation. „You’ll feel much better soon.“

Nick immediately got to work, massaging Arthur’s stone hard shoulders, while the other man lied still and let it happen. When Nick pressed his thumbs against the shoulder blades, Arthur winced.  
„Does it hurt?“, Nick asked quietly and the other man answered with a nod.  
„I’m sorry, but I can’t skip this spot. It will only get worse,“ Nick explained, gently palpating Arthur’s shoulder blades. „I’ll be careful, okay?“  
Arthur gave a loud sigh and curled his fingers into the pillow. Nick was afraid he would refuse, but then he heard him say: „Okay…just…don’t stop.“

Arthur felt awkward for wincing. He liked what Nick did and he didn’t want to look like he didn’t enjoy it. Nick’s talented fingers now massaged along his backbone, sending a pleasant tingle through his body. Nick noticed that Arthur was sticking his back towards his touch and smiled at that. Finally, he was doing something right. It gave him the courage to work his way back up to Arthur’s shoulders and try the cramped spot again. When he reached it, he only pressed very gently against it and Arthur didn’t wince this time. He winded instead, curling his slender fingers into the pillow again. To calm him back down, Nick worked his way up to the other man’s arms, feeling the muscles through the tight cloth of his black suit. This would have been much easier if he had taken off the jacket, but Nick didn’t want to overdo it again. 

Less because of medical reasons than out of curiosity he skimmed over Arthur’s hand. It was rough and had cuts and bruises on it’s skin. Nick imagined how soft they might have been, back in the day when they were used only for typing words.

Arthur’s heart skipped a beat when he suddenly felt Nick’s hand on his and withstood the urge to grab him. Instead he slightly turned his head and watched how the other man palpated him. Nick’s hands were without any bruises, flawless and clean. Now Arthur felt awkward about his own hands. He just wasn’t the man he used to be. In the beginning of his new life as a downer, he had been overly neat, spending masses of healing balm on every little scratch to maintain his flawless looks, later he had learned to save resources whenever he could. He barely spend time to brush his hair anymore. Usually, he wouldn’t have received guests at that state. Nick instead seemed to keep his looks even after a night on drugs. It seemed like they were poles apart from each other.

Finally, Arthur clenched his hand into a fist and Nick stopped petting it. He put his hands back on Arthur’s shoulders, squeezing them harder again, also because he was shaken. It looked like he could’ve ruined it all because of his curiosity, and he was glad that Arthur didn’t protest. Nick proceeded to knead the tense spot and watched Arthur’s reaction. He winded under him again, but he didn’t wince, so Nick guessed that he had encouraged his blood flow enough to ease the pain. So he decided to give the shoulders a rest and worked downward again.

Arthur enjoyed every single touch and caught himself wishing that Nick would go further down. He could barely handle anymore how cautious the other man was.

When Nick found that he had done everything he could for now, he stroked over Arthurs back and arms for one last time, convincing himself that the muscles felt much more relaxed. The way the other man lied under him, he was irresistible. If only he could…

In the heat of the moment, Nick gathered the courage to brush Arthur’s neck with his lips, the only spot of naked skin that the tightly buttoned collar allowed. The impact ran through Arthur’s body like an electric shock. He struggled up and turned around, gazing into Nick’s startled face.  
„Too much?,“ he whispered, holding up his hands in defeat.

As an answer, Arthur put his hands around Nick and pulled him closer like in another embrace. But this time, their lips met. Nick could’ve cried out in delight, but he remained calm while they examined each other, giving Arthur the advantage. They gave each other multiple kisses, short and careful, and Arthur, who had been startled about his own courage, who had never kissed a man before, began to adapt to the touch. He noticed that Nick tasted like a fruit, he couldn’t guess which. It wasn’t strawberry for sure, because he knew that taste by heart. But he liked it anyway. 

It was Arthur, who used his tongue first, gently stroking along Nick’s half-opened lips. Nick accepted the offer without hesitation and let their tongues play while he curled his fingers into Arthur’s black hair.  
Arthur was insecure and Nick had to encourage him again and again to simply let his worries go. When they parted, gasping for air, Nick cupped Arthurs head and looked him into the eyes, thinking that Arthur’s sight was unforgettable. So pleading, so cautious, and still longing. 

Nick instead smiled, holding Arthur, giving him the feeling that it was good that they were together. That everything would be okay. That Nick would stay with him.

It was Arthur, who reached out first to open the other man’s jacket, while Nick watched him, fondling his hair. Arthur slowly opened the buttons of Nick’s bright red suit and slid his fingers under the soft cloth to take it off. Nick let go of Arthur to help him and when they finally got rid of the jacket Nick tossed it away with an elegant swing that made it fly into a corner. 

Then he began to do the same with Arthur, unbuttoning his jacket. But instead of taking it off with his hands, he dashed forward and bit into the cloth, pulling at it. It happened so fast that Arthur didn’t notice it until he saw Nick pulling at his jacket with his teeth. Looking at Nick, he suddenly had to laugh outright.  
„You’re an animal, Nick,“ he said breathlessly while he wriggled himself out of the cloth. But he now couldn’t get rid of the image of Nick biting into his exposed skin. Nick tossed the jacket into the same corner where his own lied, enjoying his victory, a smiling Arthur Hastings.  
„So…you like it?“

When Arthur pressed his lips against his own he had his answer. They got rid of their shirts much faster and soon, Arthur palpated Nick’s naked body, but stopped when he felt Nick’s soft hands on his own. He gasped, noticing that Nick was stroking one of his big scars that was drawn along his chest. It was one of many that defaced him now, reminders of all the fights he had survived. Arthur had forgotten how visible they actually were. Reflexively, he grabbed Nick’s wrist to stop him and Nick froze.

„What’s wrong?“, he asked quietly. Arthur saw that he was startled again and felt sorry for him. Still, he turned his head away in embarrassment.   
„Did I hurt you?“, Nick tried again and Arthur denied by shaking his head. He didn’t let go of Nick, even though he let his hand sink.  
„Don’t touch it,“ he said quietly and Nick quickly assured him: „Okay, I won’t touch it again, I’m sorry…“   
Instead, he retreated to Arthur’s back and carefully skimmed over it.  
Arthur could be content now, but he felt that ignoring it wasn’t enough.  
„Isn’t it ugly?, he whispered. „The scar…?“

Nick was irritated now, staring at the scar and then back into Arthur’s expression that looked like he wanted to curl up and die, just because of a scratch. He couldn’t help but take Arthur’s chin between his fingers and turn him around, forcing the other man to look at him. The sight of Arthur was so heartbreaking that Nick gave him a kiss on his forehead, as a try to comfort him.

„What made you hate yourself so much?“, he asked him in disbelief. „There’s nothing ugly about you.“  
Arthur noticed that every time he tried to seal himself off from Nick, he came closer and broke down the barrier between them. And it felt good.  
„I never had scars before,“ he explained. „I still hate them.“  
And finally, Nick understood him. He himself got injuries now and then, especially when he had a trip and didn’t know what he was doing. But he had Virgil to care about that. Even the bobbies had regards for him when he broke the rules. That’s why he didn’t think twice about what happened to him. But Arthur had nobody, and the scars marked him as a downer.  
Looking at them though, Nick thought that they didn’t deface him at all.

„I like them,“ he said. „You’re a survivor, Arthur. Not a pampered brat like me, who has the entire town to care for his itty-bitty pains, no, you have to fight for everything. And you’re great at it! You made me feel it when we fought on stage, and you have no idea how much I admire you for this!“  
Nick interrupted his speech to take a breath and Arthur, who had hung on his every word, replied sheepishly: „It’s not that heroic. Most of the time, I’m using tricks to survive. Not that I have a choice really…“  
„That’s because you’re smart, Arthur,“ Nick countered. „And from now on, you’re not alone anymore.“  
He saw Arthur move his lips, but he was choked with emotion again and couldn’t say a word. In fact, it was an adorable sight.  
„Now, about your scars….you know, what I’ll do with them?“  
Arthur only shook his head and widened his eyes. 

Before he could stop him, Nick leaned forward and gently pressed his teeth into Arthur’s naked skin. The bite made a shiver run down Arthur’s spine and he gave in, clutching the mattress while Nick was working on him with careful bites. He even caressed the reddened spots with his tongue. Thankfully, Arthur grabbed Nicks light brown hair and covered him with kisses, on every part of him he could reach. Soon, they were curled into each other and every single one of Nick’s loving bites pushed Arthur forward. 

To spare his delicate skin, Nick began to cover Arthur’s body with kisses too, working slowly downward and stopping right at the other man’s belt. As much as Nick desired to go further, he waited for Arthur to make the first step. So he only skimmed over the other man’s legs, tenderly, not squeezing hard, more like incidental, while he nipped at his neck. Arthur was breathless, a moan was everything he could manage. He felt Nick’s touches on his entire body, and the gentle pain sent a pulse running right between his legs, making him helpless. His body was begging for more.

„Nick,“ he sighted, sounding like he was calling for help.  
Nick stopped kissing and realized the state Arthur was in, so he cupped Arthur’s cheeks again and lied his forehead on his to give him comfort. He was so close that he heard the other man’s fast heartbeat.

„Do you want it?“, he whispered to him, and Arthur felt his body scream „yes“. He could only mouth the word and give in to whatever would happen next.  
„Don’t worry,“ he heard Nick’s soft voice. „I won’t hurt you.“   
Then he felt Nick’s fingers wander down on him, petting his hips, before they carefully opened his belt and pulled his tight pants down. Arthur froze, arms wrapped around Nick to steady himself, while the other man caressed the insides of his tights.

The more he realized what was happening, the more his anxiety grew and slowly turned into a panic. It was the first time he would sleep with a man. What if he was wrong and he didn’t like it? Or worse, what if Nick didn’t like it, because he failed? He had no experience with other men, but surely Nick had. What did he expect from him? What made him even think he was good enough for Nick?

Despite his fear, he didn’t want to grab Nick again, instead he loosened his embrace and searched Nick’s look that was so comforting, that gave him security, and the feeling that everything would be alright. When Nick finally looked into Arthur’s eyes, he saw fear in them, and he immediately knew he had to make a fatal decision again. With a heavy heart, he petted the other man’s cheek while thinking about it, until he chose to give Arthur what he wasn’t allowed to give. He began with another intimate kiss, stroking the other man’s tongue with his own, and when he released him, he leaned back, keeping his eyes on him, until he lied under him.

Arthur followed him, leaning over Nick who now looked vulnerable himself. And compelling. As if that wasn’t enough, Nick suddenly took one of Arthur’s shivering hands and put them on his own belt, sighting: „Please,“ and tilting his head back, presenting himself to Arthur, who was surprised about how fast he followed Nick’s plead, opening the buckle. He felt comfortable now, the position Nick gave him was familiar, and he began to think that maybe it wasn’t so different to sleep with a man. He freed Nick from the tight cloth and quickly shoved it off the bed. Now he saw the impact he had on Nick’s body, and he liked it. Lying down next to him, he pulled him into another passionate kiss, while their hands roamed each other. 

Nick was excited to feel Arthur’s hands on his lower back while he skimmed over Arthur’s length now and then, seemingly by accident, and feeling it getting harder by every touch. Also Arthur felt that and he feared he would ruin their moment before it even started. Still, he didn’t want Nick to stop and purposefully opened his legs. When Nick caressed Arthur again and felt he was wet, he knew he was ready, so he turned to the side and offered himself to him. The other man didn’t hesitate to grab Nick’s hips and bury himself into him, so slowly that Nick felt every inch of the delicate spot he stroked, causing him to moan and wind for once. He was in heaven, and Arthur was about to get there, with the man under him he had longed for. In this very moment, he was his. His alone. 

Arthur took in the wonderful scent of his lover and his worries melted away with every time he shoved himself inside him. He had only one thought left, that suddenly appeared like a spark in the darkness, before it flowered all across his body. He loved Nick. And he wouldn’t let him go again.

When Arthur came hot, he didn’t stop thrusting until he had spilled every single drop into his lover. Nick moaned again, pushing himself against the other man to take everything in. When Arthur was done, Nick lied still, panting and beaming with joy. Arthur kissed his cheek and his forehead until he noticed that his lover was still hard.

„I didn’t satisfy you,“ escaped his lips before he could stop himself.  
„It’s okay,“ Nick said, giving him that assuring look he loved so much.  
For the second time today Arthur smiled, wrapping an arm around his lover to hold him tight, and laying down his other hand right between his legs.  
„You don’t have to…“, Nick began, but Arthur quickly put his finger on Nick’s lips.   
„Ssshh…“  
The surprised look Nick gave him was priceless.

Then he started to caress Nick and watched his reaction, thinking that he was a beautiful sight. What made it even better was the fact that it was him who caused Nick to clench his teeth and whimper. Nick instead was proud of Arthur. He had overcome his fear and was slowly turning into a person again. And what a person!

Arthur’s hand took up speed and worked him harder, and Nick could only gasp and turn until he released himself with a loud moan. After that, Arthur realized he had just ruined the sheet. Well, they could worry about that for another time.

„Arthur…,“ Nick sighted, and it was everything he wanted to hear right now.   
He lied down again and put his other arm around his pleased lover, ready to take a long nap at his side. Nick instead was undecided. He noticed that Arthur wanted to cuddle and if he had a choice he would stay with him, but his band was waiting for him and actually he had to hurry. So he reluctantly freed himself out of Arthur’s embrace and sat up.

„Where are you going?“, the other man asked in a worried tone.  
„I have to go back…you know, my band is waiting for me…“, Nick explained, searching for his clothes on the floor.  
„Oh,“ Arthur sounded disappointed. „I see.“  
He watched Nick quickly dressing up and still finding a comb in all this chaos to adjust his hair in front of a mirror that stood next to the bed. When he was content with his looks, Nick walked back to the side of the bed where Arthur lied and gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead.

„I’ll be back soon,“ he said.  
„Tomorrow?“, Arthur asked with a pleading look.  
Nick let out a sigh.  
„As soon as I can. I promise.“   
Once again, he fondled Arthur’s hair.  
„As I said, you’re not alone anymore.“  
Arthur gave him a faint smile, the kind that Nick loved much more than the forced grin of the happy mask.

„See you soon then,“ he dismissed Nick.  
It still hurt to watch him turn around and leave, vanishing into the darkness. Arthur cuddled himself into the blanket that still had Nick’s scent on it, and imagined he was still there. Wrapped up like that, he slowly fell asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Nick didn’t like to leave Arthur in this special moment, but he had no choice anyway, if he didn’t want to fall out with his friends again. He hoped they were still in the pub they had planned to go to before Nick went astray. He had never left this tunnel so rashly, he almost flew up the ladder to get back in time. Then he ran to his house and carefully sneaked along the corridor until he was relieved to find nobody inside except himself. So far, it all went according to plan. He only had to take a shower before he could leave again.

It was a habit of his to wash away the scent of strangers, which were mostly fans. He had done this especially back in the day when he had been with Morrie, in the early years of his career. Even though they had made an agreement, Nick had avoided to bother his lover with foreign perfume. But now it felt different.  
It was still necessary, very much indeed, but in a way it felt wrong to wash Arthur away. The look he had given him when they had said goodbye had been heartbreaking. Nick hoped he could be back soon, without having to take such a high risk again. 

When he was done, he noticed that now he had to walk on the street all alone and would more likely be seen. Once again, he needed a disguise, and he still didn’t like to change his looks. But he had learned that it was live-saving to take off the Lightbearer mask if necessary. It happened that he still had his old mask and a collection of his old suits at home, not because of nostalgia, but rather because he never threw anything away. At least when he thought he might need it again. This time he was proven right. 

Covered like this, he was sure that only one person in town could recognize him now, and that was all he needed. The way he was able to walk on the street with ease compensated a bit for abandoning his fancy rags. This way he met no fans, no cameras, and no paparazzi followed him into the pub. In fact, he should’ve brought his own camera, because the looks his friends gave him were priceless.

„Hey guys, it’s me, Nick. I’m sorry I’m late, I had to…take care of things…“, he explained and sat down while his friends were still staring at him.  
„What happened to you?“, Matthew blurted out.  
„Comes back and looks like 10 years ago“, Brad commented.  
„As if the last years were only a fever dream“, Chris added.  
Nick grinned sheepishly, being glad that the happy mask hid how red his face became.  
„Uh…that’s…no comeback or anything, just a disguise to get here in one piece.“  
„Aww that’s too bad,“ Morrie purred and Nick enjoyed the sound. „You look much better like this.“  
Nick could only give a nervous chuckle, before Morrie called out: „Barman, let’s give this handsome man a drink!“

It didn’t take long until Nick received his first drink and started to relax. It came out that the band was having their own private celebration about their reunion and soon he simply let himself get carried away by the high spirits. In addition, his „old looks“ helped his friends to forget the unpleasant part of the past and remember the good things. They started to talk about their adventurous past, finding out that they all had been rather crazy back then, not only Nick.

While they were having fun, Nick started to feel much closer to them than before, because he felt much more accepted. He started to remember an old feeling, how it was to live with them, every day. He had been glad to get them back before, but now he felt he really wanted to make it this time. And now, while growing back together, he knew they had a chance.

They celebrated until the late evening and left right before the curfew blocked the street. They continued in Nick’s house, but no one overdid it, because they were determined to work on their album again tomorrow. Nick had also noticed that Morrie had contained himself and had adapted himself to him, because he had hopes for the night.  
Then they went to bed one by one. Soon, only Morrie and him were left.  
„I guess it was a good day,“ Nick started, leaning back on the couch and waiting for his friend’s affirmation.  
„The best since ages,“ the other man said and Nick couldn’t help but grin.  
„I didn’t think they’d like me again“, he admitted. He had a loose tongue now anyway.  
„I didn’t think I’d see you like this again,“ Morrie purred and Nick suddenly felt the other man’s gaze wandering along his body. „What a nice surprise.“

At that, Nick stretched out and turned to face Morrie, resting his head on his hand.  
„You mean, you like what you see?“, he asked playfully, returning the gaze.  
„Very much,“ Morrie affirmed again and they locked gazes, until Nick rolled on his back and made a thoughtful face.  
„Soo…does that mean you don’t want to be alone tonight?“  
The other man promptly got up, walked over to Nick, laid his hands on his chest and whispered into his ear.  
„You have no idea what I’m gonna do with you.“

Nick shivered and shortly closed his eyes with relish.  
„You already gave me a pretaste days ago…,“ he answered and Morrie gave him a painful look and started to stroke his upper body.  
„Oh, Nick, that was nothing. It was awful and the worst I could ever do to you. But I’ll make up for it…come with me and I’ll show you…“  
Nick didn’t think twice, got up and pressed a lustful kiss on the other man’s lips, before Morrie lead Nick into his room.

It was a wonderful night. Morrie kept his promise, he downright spoiled Nick and he returned the favor as good as he could. This way they could finally catch up on what the incident on stage had denied them. There was so much that Nick wanted to put right, but that night he simply let all worries go. It was almost like they had never been separated. The only indication of the past was the way they clung onto each other, as if they could drift apart at any moment. They spent the night entangled like this and Nick slept deeply, lying in Morrie’s arms. 

When he woke up the next morning, he lied on Morrie’s side and he simply enjoyed it while the other man was still sleeping. He couldn’t turn away his gaze from Morrie, feeling like he realized for the first time who was lying next to him, after so many years. And who he never wanted to lose again. He was happy about how everything had turned out. A few weeks ago he had been certain that his career and himself were about to perish. It had seemed like he even fell out with Virgil, who had always supported him, because they kept fighting over every little problem. Virgil’s betrayal could’ve been the end, but instead everything turned out well. Suddenly he had everything back he could’ve ever hoped for.

Nick stretched himself while trying to make as little noise as possible and gently brushed Morrie’s cheek with his lips. Despite his caution Morrie stirred and slowly opened his eyes. Then he turned to Nick.  
„Did you just…kiss me awake?“, he asked him in surprise.  
„Morning, princess,“ Nick said grinning. „I couldn’t resist.“  
Morrie returned a smile and they cuddled in bed a while longer before they finally got up. 

When Nick made his way through the house he met Virgil, greeted him and wondered about his manager’s bewildered face.  
„What’s wrong?“  
„Nick, is that you?“, Virgil asked, looking up and down at him.  
Nick looked down at himself too, then he began to pose and point at Virgil.  
„Three guesses.“  
The other man rolled his eyes.  
„Didn’t we agree that you won’t dress like that anymore?“  
At that, Nick lost his playful pose and started to look rather meekly.  
„That was just my disguise…for going out yesterday.“  
Virgil nodded.  
„Makes sense, but you don’t have to hide in here, so you better change your clothes, okay?“  
Nick confirmed and went to his bedroom to get „properly“ dressed.

After that he went into the kitchen to get his morning coffee and met up with Morrie again. He could see how the other man’s smile froze and felt a pang in his chest.  
„Why did you change?“  
„Why not? I don’t need a disguise in my own house…“, he explained and tried to ignore the pain that Morrie’s reaction had caused.  
„But I liked it“, Morrie said. „You’re not on stage now, you can show your real self in here.“  
„I like it like that,“ Nick answered shortly and stubbornly stared into his coffee mug, hoping that the other man would give up.

„You don’t need all this, Nick,“ Morrie now whispered and laid his hand on Nick’s, who instantly felt sorry about his dourness.  
„I know,“ he shrugged. „But I’m used to it. Also, I have an arrangement with Virgil…“  
„Virgil“, Morrie hissed and Nick winced a little. „Did he persuade you that your real face isn’t good enough?“  
„No, it was completely mutual,“ Nick said with emphasis and felt the distance between them grow again.  
The other man made a short, doubtful pause and then asked: „Is it even his business what you’re wearing in private? He’s not your life partner, isn’t he?“  
„He’s my friend!“  
„Great friend indeed…One that forces you to betray all your other friends…“  
Now Nick jumped up.

„Stop that! That’s not what it was! Stop pinning it all on Virgil, it was entirely my own fault and I confessed it!“  
Another pause ensued, in with Nick constrained himself to breathe slowly in order to calm down.  
He hated quarrels, and especially he didn’t want to argue with Morrie now.  
„But he provides a lot, right?“, Morrie asked quieter and Nick thought about it.  
„He cares for me, that’s all.“  
„Don’t you want to decide for yourself for once, instead of leaving everything to him?“  
„I don’t leave ‚everything‘ to him,“ Nick disagreed fiercely. „Also, I like this look myself.“

„And what if I talk to him?“, Morrie asked in a softer tone, causing Nick to stare at him in bewilderment. „Stay in your disguise, just as a trial. Maybe you start to like it too. And when Virgil scolds, I’ll take the blame.“ Morrie even smiled again. „What do you think?“  
Looking at the other man, Nick couldn’t resist to say yes. He wasn’t keen on wearing his old clothes but he wanted to please Morrie. And he was confident that Morrie would find a way to convince Virgil if necessary.


	18. Chapter 18

Soon, the band came together again for another session and Nick’s new, or better, old outfit was well received once more. As the day progressed, there was still something that got the better of him. The more time passed, the more he had to think about another promise he had made, another one he had been serious about but what got him in dire straits now. Then the band took a time out earlier than yesterday, because they all were exhausted and their ideas had started to run out. In the general tension of them all Nick’s unease didn’t stand out that much. But he felt the knot in his throat grow again while the others prepared to go out. He would’ve loved nothing better than to simply join them and ignore his problem, as he would’ve done in the past. But now there was more on the line. He needed another excuse, and he franticly tried to find one while the others got ready to leave. Hopping from one foot to the other, he finally attracted the other’s attention.

Morrie, who was keeping an eye on Nick anyway, asked him what was wrong.  
Thereafter all the others took notice and looked at him too, what was rather uncomfortable for him.  
„Don’t worry, tomorrow will brighten up, you’ll see“, Matthew tried to cheer him up and Nick gave a faint smile.  
„It’s not that….uh…I gotta take care of some things…Why don’t you go ahead, I’ll catch up with you later.“  
„What are you up to?“ Morrie didn’t like this.  
Nick held up his hands.  
„Hey, hey, no bullshit this time“, he said and smiled. „I agreed on that. It’s just…I have an appointment.“

Nick gave everyone an innocent look and it felt wrong.  
„Come on guys, you can trust me this time,“ he went on and wished he could bite his tongue. His friends considered this for a second and it was Matthew who dismissed him first.  
„Whatever. See you then.“  
They left, but Morrie fell behind to have one last conversation with his secretive lover.  
„If it was something I should know…you’d tell me, right?“  
Nick locked gazes with him.  
„Of course…don’’t worry. I’ll see you in the evening, okay?“  
As an answer they kissed, and then Morrie left.

Nick watched him go, and only the thought of Arthur waiting for him in his hideout kept him from running after Morrie. Soon, the other man was out of sight and Nick went back into the house and struggled up the stairs, not really motivated to do anything. He knew, if he wanted to go back to the tunnel, he had to change his clothes first. 

When he was ready, he still didn’t leave. He remained sitting on his bed, unable to move. Then is gaze fell on his bed stand, for once, and he noticed what was still there, waiting for him to look after it, silently sparkling a little in pale red. The flowers. Arthur said they would last very long if he treated them right, so he should give it a try. When Nick watered them, it was almost like he caressed Arthur. Even if it was obviously stupid, the little flowers made him feel like he was in the room and Nick wouldn’t forgive himself if they died. So there he was, watering a plant like a gardener. But soon he was done, and even if the flowers had reinforced his wish to see Arthur, he hesitated.

He felt awful.

He wondered how he should look Morrie in the eyes again after this. It had been hard enough to tell him such a blatant lie. But unfortunately, sitting around didn’t help either. Now that he told them, he had to leave.

Pondering, he wondered how this beautiful morning a few hours ago had led him to this. Now he felt more miserable than ever. An old habit awoke inside him, asking him if he was looking at all this from the wrong perspective. What if everything was much less bad than he thought? What if he only needed more Joy? Or something stronger than Joy?

He took one of his black pills and weighted it in his hand. He could start with more Joy….

While looking at the seductive pill he remembered something else. Or better, someone. Someone who had promised to be his friend, to help him, when he needed him. Maybe he could really help?  
It was still weird, telling this stranger his dirty secrets. But what choice did he have? He needed help, and he couldn’t tell anyone else.

Virgil wasn’t an option, firstly because he didn’t want to be bothered with Nick’s relationships and secondly because Nick didn’t want to create the impression that this new project was in danger, giving Virgil a reason to abandon him once and for all. So what could he do?

After all, whenever he thought about James, he noticed that there was a deeper connection between them. He didn’t know where it came from. Must’ve been developed during one of their meetings and he didn’t pay attention. Anyway, he had the feeling that he could come back to James every time he needed. And he could trust him. It was time to try it out.

Nick but the pill back in his pocket, got up and made his way to the house he vaguely remembered.

It seemed to be ages ago since he last visited him, but if James was sore about it, he didn’t show.  
He greeted him with the usual friendliness and Nick, nervous as always when they met, started to speak before he could think twice.  
„I have a problem. Or better…two problems.“ Then he paused, stuttered a little before he lost his courage and fell silent.  
„I see,“ James said and put a hand on Nick’s shoulder. „Let’s make ourselves comfortable first, then it’ll be much easier to talk.“  
Nick followed him, feeling the connection between them through the warm hand that was placed on his shoulder.

In the living room, James offered him a drink, but he refused with the excuse: „I have to stay sober for this.“  
James gave him a look that was both understanding and both curious and sat down on the couch with him.  
„So..what’s bothering you? Your secret will be safe with me, just as I promised.“  
„You know me very well, am I right?“, Nick began helplessly and James lifted his eyebrows.  
„It would be stretching a point to claim that I know you better than your dearest friends.“  
„But you know the thing you called…my preferences.“  
Now James gave him a faint smile.  
„You remember my words…“  
„Yes.“ Nick sheepishly returned the smile. „My memory is much better now, thanks to you.“  
James’ smile widened and for the first time, he looked really happy.

„But now I also remember what a mess I am…“ Nick went on and hung his head, causing James’ smile to fade quickly.  
„What happened?“  
Nick took his time to consider his words.  
„I bet you noticed that things worked out good for me?“  
James nodded. „It was a great comeback and I’m happy for you.“  
Suddenly, Nick was curious.  
„Were you there?“  
„Well, I couldn’t miss out on this.“  
A cold shiver ran down Nick’s spine when he realized he must’ve seen what happened at the end of the concert.   
As if James had noticed, he continued to speak: „What I saw only confirmed me that I chose the right one.“   
He sounded benevolent.

„So, what’s darkening your hopes?“  
„Oh, where do I begin?“, Nick sighted  
He noticed his hands were sweaty and he meekly wiped them dry on his pants.  
„Perhaps we start with the basics: is it a complex problem, or a simple one?,“ James helped him out.  
„It’s rather complex.“  
„Then it might help you to describe it at length. How did it start? Does it belong to your past, perhaps to your childhood? Of course what you’re telling me is entirely your own choice.“

„Well…it really started in the past…The reason why I got my old friends back is one of them. Morrie Memento…my pianist…I mean he’s not only that…we go back a long way…we met in school. We’ve been a pair for years and I still love him. But somehow I ruined it and we broke up. Then I started my solo career and forgot about my old band, even Morrie sometimes…I still hate myself for that…“ Nick gulped and waited for James to judge him. But the other man remained silent, only gave him a mindful look.

„Anyway, we met again a few days ago and he’s willing to give me another chance. He brought the band back together too…it’s almost like the old days. I should be happy, and I bet I would be, if only…wait no! I didn’t mean it like that…“ Nick eagerly shook his head and huddled up.  
„It’s alright, Nick“, James assured him, his soft voice broke through Nick’s panic. „Don’t worry about the way you say it. Just listen to your feelings.“

With his help Nick recovered himself and said quietly: „I’ve met someone…before I saw Morrie again…It was completely random and I was so lucky because he saved my life.“  
James’ eyes widened a bit.

„It’s true. I was so high, I would’ve killed myself by accident but he stopped me. From this day on…I was attached to him. I had no idea if he returned my feelings but I stayed close to him, just to take my chance. But before anything started, I saw him with another girl and I thought that’s it. Of course I wanted Morrie back when I met him. I made an effort to win him over again, I promised to abandon my…preferences. I really thought there’s only the two of us. But he came back…he didn’t love that girl, it was all a misunderstanding. We’ve met again and…he loves me.“  
Nick looked up to James with a desperate look in his eyes.   
„What am I to do?“

James, who had hung on Nick’s every word by now, stirred, crossed his legs.  
„You could reject him. Tell him that you’re taken. Or otherwise, choose him.“  
Nick closed his eyes. He had feared to get such an advise.  
„I can’t refuse any of them,“ he whimpered and shook his head again.  
„You mean, you love both the same way?“  
„Yes…don’t you believe me?“  
„Well, we can balance one against the other. Maybe we discover something you couldn’t see alone.“  
„Oh…okay…“ Nick wiggled about on the couch. „How does that work?“

„Let’s begin with Morrie. You said you feel guilty because you divorced and you pursued your own goals. And he’s the reason for your new success, at least in your opinion. I wonder, could it be that you cling to him because of your guilty feelings? Because you believe you owe this to him?“  
„I…what?“  
Nick was dumbfounded, then he eagerly shook his head again.  
„No, I just love him, that’s all.“  
„Imagine you weren’t guilty and you’d be responsible for your success, what would you think of him then?“  
Nick had a hard time imagining this. He knew what James was getting at, but in this case he didn’t know how he could done it all by himself, without any help. It was a part of Morrie’s personality, that he solved problems, and it was part of Nick’s, that he caused them. That’s how it was and how it would be.

„Okay…If I managed to do this trick somehow…“ he said and wiped his forehead, „then there are still so many other things he did for me.“  
„And when you leave them out too?“  
„He wouldn’t be himself anymore. He’d be his evil twin brother.“  
They locked gazes for a second, then they broke out in laughter.

When they calmed down again, James went on: „Let’s try to look at it from another perspective. What did you do for him?“  
Nick furrowed his brows.   
„I guess…not that much. What a poor record.“  
„Are you sure, or do you rather want to see you like that?“  
„What do you mean?“  
„It’s remarkable. In your opinion, everything is your fault.“  
„Because it’s true!“, Nick flared up.  
James remained unimpressed.  
„Perhaps you don’t remember it right. Or you blocked it out…What if you you like to be guilty?“  
„Now hang on a minute!“ Nick was upset.  
James lifted his eyebrows.  
„No?“  
„No, I don’t like it one bit! And it’s new to me, too! I’m just starting to realize what I was really doing all these years!“

Nick made a pause to search for the right words, and he calmed down a bit while thinking.  
„In the past I simply did what wanted. I wasn’t that bad at the beginning, and I never thought about where it could lead me. Morrie was the first one who made me change a bit…but I wasn’t really…consistent. Perhaps it’s unbelievable that one person alone could make so many mistakes but that’s how it is.“  
James didn’t give up.  
„Did Morrie mention it? Did he make you feel guilty and forced you to take him back?“  
„No, no, no, you got it all wrong! I was the one who pleaded for another chance! I wanted him back at any cost! And now I betray him…“   
Nick’s voice broke and he stared at the ground with watery eyes.

„Don’t judge yourself to soon, Nick. We should examine that first,“ James said softly. „I’m sure that you have a good reason for everything you do, despite all your self-doubts.“  
Nick took a deep breath, feeling his anger fade away. Seconds ago, he was about to punch this guy in the face but now he began to understand that he was trying to comfort him. And it felt good. Somehow James knew exactly what he needed, before he noticed it himself. When he looked back at James, he was ready to continue.

„So..you’ve met someone at random, and you believe he saved your life.“  
„It’s true, you can take my word for it. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. In a way he’s also responsible for my comeback.“  
„If so, I owe him too,“ James said and smiled.  
Nick gave him a surprised look, then he returned the smile.  
„His name is Arthur, by the way,“ he told James. He had been uncomfortable about revealing the name, because it had been in the press and all. But he had the feeling he could trust James with this too. James however didn’t ask further questions about Arthur’s identity.

„Do you feel obliged to stay with him even though it affects your relationship with Morrie?“  
Nick thought about it.  
„I feel obliged, but for another reason. He needs me…“ Nick paused. „James, this is just between us, right?“  
„Of course.“  
„He…doesn’t feel good.“  
Nick watched James’ reaction, and the other man didn’t look disgusted at all, just like he didn’t when they first met and Nick himself was in a bad state. Of anything, he seemed to be rather understanding.  
„So…you comfort him?“  
„Yes,“ Nick admitted. „You see why I can’t abandon him like that.“  
„But why does he need you, out of all?,“ James returned skeptically.  
„Because he has no one else but me.“  
„Does he know you?“, James asked cryptically.  
„Sure, who doesn’t?“, Nick shrugged.  
Then he understood.

„Alright, he’s a fan, but wait!“, Nick raised his hands as if he had to defend Arthur. „He’s not like the others! He really cares about me.“  
„Did he force you to sleep with him?“  
Nick stared at James who kept a straight face. Then he thought about the offering, that normally was an obvious request. Arthur however had only wanted to meet him again.  
„He didn’t force me into anything. He didn’t want to be alone, so he asked me to meet him. He’s really careful.“  
„Do you stay because you pity him?“  
„Of course I pity him, but that’s not the only reason…I miss him already. He’s waiting for me…but I didn’t dare to go. I don’t know what to do.“  
Nick hugged himself in frustration, James instead leaned back and relaxed.

„Looks like no one is inferior to the other,“ he concluded. „You know, in the end, what really counts is you own will.“  
„But my will is like chalk and cheese!“ Nick slapped his forehead. „I want them both, but I know that they don’t want to share me with someone else!“  
„Maybe it helps to imagine what would happen if you refused one of them. What if you refused Arthur?“  
„He’d be shattered. Perhaps he’d hurt himself. I can’t risk that!“  
Nick shivered.

„And if you refused Morrie?“  
„I can’t!“, Nick blurted out. „It won’t even work, we’d see each other every day, or I’d have to kick him out of the band. Or he’d have to leave himself…I don’t want any of that!“  
„I see it’s a very convenient relationship,“ James stated.  
„Uhm…what?“  
„I mean, if you chose Arthur, you’d have nothing.“  
Nick silenced for a while.  
„I’d have him.“  
He sighted deeply.  
„They are both wonderful. Why do I have to make a choice? Why do I have to let one go?“

„Please don’t take it the wrong way, but I wonder if any of them can give you what you really want.“  
Nick gave him a confused stare.  
„Don’t you enjoy your freedom? Don’t you like to live without any pressure or guilt, without being bound to someone who wants to keep you in chains?“  
Nick’s head was spinning. Whatever James did to him, he felt like he was falling, and whatever he would grab to save himself, it would be a fatal decision for someone else.  
„I lost Morrie this way…“, he said helplessly.  
„And you could lose Arthur too,“ James added without mercy. There was something dark in his tone now and Nick could barely turn his gaze away from him.  
„Again, I mean no offense. I have to ask all these questions, simply because you never thought about them before.“

„I’m not offended…“, Nick answered quietly and straightened himself a little. He noticed had been sitting in a cramped position all the time. Also James stretched himself.  
„Alright, I think I tortured you enough for one day,“ he stated. Then he reached out for Nick and put a hand on his arm. His silver masked face was close to Nick’s when he said: „Go to Arthur, if he needs you. See Morrie too. But think about what you really want from time to time, and come back to me if you need to talk. You’re always welcome here.“  
„Thank you, James…“, Nick whispered, still a bit confused. Then he got up.


	19. Chapter 19

When Nick left James he was still a bit confused, but he also had one end in mind now: Arthur. So he decided to stay focused on him alone. Arthur however had been impatiently waiting all day long, since he had woken up alone in his lover’s bed. He had spent the time blaming himself for letting him go in the first place, because who knew when he came back? He wondered if he should have insisted in coming with him. Even though it would’ve been dangerous for him as a downer and maybe too early, after their first date. But he wasn’t sure if it felt better to be here now, all alone and not daring to leave the hideout, because he didn’t want to miss out on Nick. 

Sitting on the ground, he was listening for every little noise while the tunnel seemed to be much sadder and darker this day. Many times he jumped for no reason, because everything he heard was either a rat or something else insignificant. It was tiring to sit around like that and he didn’t notice how his eyes fell shut.  
When Nick found him, he was asleep and curled up on the stone floor. Nick was ravished at the sight. He carefully stretched out a finger and stroked the other man’s cheek with it.

„Arthur,“ he purred, „Hey, sleepyhead…Wake up.“  
Nick thought it was adorable how he slowly stirred, opened his eyes and changed his expression from surprised to cheerful.  
„Nick,“ he said quietly and Nick loved the sound.  
„Good morning,“ he greeted him playfully and Arthur, who was still a bit puzzled, returned the greeting and shortly looked around.  
„Why are you sleeping down here? Looks highly uncomfortable,“ Nick went on.  
„Uh…,“ the other man said while struggling to get up, pulling himself up on the wall. „I didn’t plan to fall asleep.“

Nick lent him a hand to help him up and Arthur felt a pulse run through his body when he touched his lover’s hand. He couldn’t explain himself any further because he was immediately pulled into a passionate kiss that made him think he wanted to wake up like that every morning. When they let go, Nick cupped Arthur’s head, petting his cheeks with his thumbs and asked: „Are you better today?“

Arthur nodded, and Nick started to run a hand down his back.  
„Shall I massage you again? What do you think?“  
Arthur smiled. He would love to get another massage, but this time he had other plans with his lover.

„I think we should leave the tunnel for once,“ he announced and Nick gulped.  
„Leave? You mean, walk on the street?“  
„Exactly.“  
Nick felt hot and cold at the same time.  
„Isn’t that dangerous for you?“  
„Not in the Garden District.“  
At that, Nick’s worries faded and he turned curious instead. He remembered the flowers.  
„Is it beautiful there?“  
„Yes. That and a bit sad too. But definitely more peaceful than the town.“  
„And it’s harmless? I mean there’s rumors and all. Of course we mustn’t believe in any of them but you know better than Uncle Jack, right?“  
„No part of town is harmless, we still have to keep our eyes open,“ Arthur explained matter-of-factly. „But I know my way around and I know where we are pretty much safe. In addition,“ he poked Nick into the side, „I can protect you.“

With that, Nick’s worries faded completely and now he couldn’t wait to see Arthur in his element.  
„Let’s go then, what are we waiting for?“, he shouted and dashed forward. Arthur quickly followed him, yelling: „Wait, you don’t even know the way!“

Later, they walked side by side along the underground rails and Nick acted like an excited child at christmas.  
„Do you think we’ll see these red flowers you’ve given me?“  
„Sure, they aren’t that rare in this district. They are easier to find at night of course, and they look better then too,“ Arthur answered, being glad he could finally spend time with Nick. He had long noticed how lonely he his life had been, even in the past when he was still taking Joy, or maybe especially then. 

When they stopped at a hatch and Arthur started to open it, Nick almost bursted with excitement.  
„Is that it? Are we there?“  
„Yep,“ Arthur said playfully. „We only need to go past this door.“  
As soon as it opened with a screeching sound, Nick tried to dart through it, but Arthur quickly created a barrier with his arm.  
„Not so fast,“ he said and chuckled. „First, we need to look if I need to distract someone.“  
Nick stepped back again and watched how Arthur went out and looked around.

Bright sunbeams broke through the door crack, the grass had a tempting tone of lush green and the part of the sky that Nick could see was light blue. In between all this stood Arthur, with his hair glittering in the sunlight. He thought it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Seconds later Arthur turned back to him and waved him over.  
„The coast is clear.“

Nick joined him and took a deep breath.  
„And the air too,“ he added, then he dropped his jar as he saw the garden in it’s full glory. Surely he knew the parks in town, with their neatly laid out flowerbeds in all colors, but just now he realized what they tried to imitate. The district looked huge, with nothing but bright green meadows and high trees up to the horizon.

„Does it look everywhere like this?“, he asked Arthur who was really proud of his idea to show this place to his lover.  
„Yes…for the most part,“ he said beaming.  
Nick stared into the distance with awe.  
„Are there no houses?“, he asked in disbelief.  
„There are…“, Arthur confirmed and his smile faded. „This is where the sad part begins.“  
His words caused Nick to turn his head around and look at him.

„If you want to see it, I can take you there, but we have to look at it from a far distance.“  
„Are they dangerous?“  
„No…but the residents…they would notice that we are from the town. And then they’d become a bit…unpleasant.“  
„Unpleasant?“  
„In other words, they aren’t as happy as they should be.“  
„Why?“  
Arthur wondered how much of the truth he could tell Nick.  
„It’s the Joy…they can’t tolerate it anymore.“  
Nick fell quiet for a while, then he said: „Maybe it’ll get better with the new flavor. You know, they’re making Coconut Joy.“  
„I know.“

Arthur didn’t really believe in it, because why should anything turn out as promised? But he didn’t want to ruin Nick’s mood, so he only told him to follow him. Nick obeyed while he continued to look around with huge curiosity. They made slow progress, because Nick stopped by every plant he found interesting and asked Arthur about it. When he noticed that his lover was merely a walking encyclopedia, it was even more fun. Arthur himself didn’t mind answering all these questions. If anything, he was glad that someone was actually interested in all the knowledge he had collected as a downer, and even admired him for it.  
„How do you know all this?“, Nick blurted out after a while.  
Arthur shrugged meekly.  
„Some things I remember and some I’ve learned. It’s not too hard to learn when your life depends on it.“  
Arthurs expression turned absent.  
„I’ve been living here, you know? In the past, when this had been an intact part of the town.“  
He paused, getting lost in the blurry images of his memory.

„Here, in this district?“, Nick asked blankly.  
„It wasn’t the Garden District back then,“ Arthur whispered.  
Nick looked around, wondering where this part of town had gone now.  
„Do you remember where your house is?“, he asked in excitement and now Arthur looked at him.  
He had never considered coming back, not even after visiting the old playground he and Sally had used to meet. He was sure that in his old home, only sad memories waited for him. The sort that kept haunting his mind anyway, so why bother? As an answer to Nick’s question, he only shook his head in silence.

„Wanna try to find it?“, Nick asked, but Arthur only gave a sigh.  
„What?“  
„I’m glad I don’t remember where it is. I don’t want to go back.“  
Nick didn’t want to give up yet.  
„Maybe it’s not as bad as you remember. The past can be surprising.“  
Arthur only laughed bitterly.  
„Trust me, I know my past much better than I want to.“  
He looked so sad that Nick couldn’t help but wrap his arms around him and squeeze him tightly. Arthur let it happen. He clung to Nick.

After a while Nick looked Arthur in the eyes again.  
„I’d still like to see the town“, he whispered.  
Arthur pondered it. He couldn’t blame Nick for his curiosity after all.  
„We have to be really careful,“ he said with emphasis.  
„Especially you, Nick. Please do as I say since I have to protect you and you don’t know this place as good as me.“  
„No problem, I’ll be good,“ Nick promised and smiled.  
„And don’t even think about introducing yourself to anyone,“ Arthur added, causing Nick to protest.  
„Hey, don’t be ridiculous. I can be unsuspicious when I have to.“  
With that being said, Arthur guessed they could only try.  
„Alright, there goes nothing,“ he said and sighed again. „But only from the distance, and we won’t stay long.“  
„Okay“, Nick agreed, nodded and gave him an innocent look.  
He liked it to have Arthur as his protector. It suited him well. 

After a while they seemed to come closer to the residences, because they saw people walking around, maybe taking a stroll. Arthur’s tension grew, also because they had to hide in the bushes over and over again. In fact, now he wished he had refused. Or at least insisted that they got ripped clothes first. But for some reason he couldn’t say ‚no‘ to Nick, who still looked so happy and carefree, as if all this was just some big fun. Arthur had to admit he was also cute like this, and he didn’t want him to feel how dangerous this place really was. And he could comfort himself with the thought that they at least won’t meet Plaquies here. 

„Why do they all look so worn out?“, Nick suddenly ripped Arthur out of his thoughts.  
„Because there are no shops here,“ Arthur deadpanned.  
„And why is that?“  
„Ssshh…You’ll see soon enough. Now come, but quietly.“

Nick silenced and obeyed, so they sneaked through the high grass and climbed a hill. From there, they could see it: the remnants of a town, ruins in different shapes, old and damaged roads and a park that was flooded with rambling weeds. No one had repaired any of this for years. It was a cheerless sight, even for Nick, who’s eyes were manipulated by Joy. He found it didn’t even fit into the beautiful garden. For a while he only stared with his mouth open, then he asked: „Is this like…everywhere?“  
When Arthur confirmed, he went on: „Why don’t they fix anything?“

This question was familiar to Arthur. He had wondered about it too. Why did no one try to recreate a more or less functioning community in this place? Why didn’t they try to grow plants, fruits, vegetables, anything edible? He had a guess.  
„Because they are sad.“  
Nick furrowed his brows.  
„Can’t we cheer them up?“  
„How?“  
Nick thought about it.  
They silenced again and looked at the ruins that seemed to be leftovers from another world.  
„Coconut Joy“, Nick whispered. „That should help.“  
Arthur didn’t answer anything. He didn’t want to crush Nick’s hopes. Admittedly, a tiny bit of hope was left in himself too.

„Do you want to see more?“, he instead asked and Nick pondered it.  
„How many are they?“  
„A lot, I guess. They are scattered all over the garden.“  
Nick could now imagine why Arthur didn’t want to see his old home like this.  
„I’ve seen enough“, he decided. „Let’s go somewhere more pleasant.“  
Arthur had been waiting for this sentence since forever.  
„You’ll like it,“ he promised and led Nick down the hill again. 

The ground was stony and even though Nick made an effort to accurately follow Arthur’s footsteps he misstepped once and it was enough to lose his balance. Arthur tried to grab him, but it was too late. With a surprised outcry he slipped down the hill and landed on it’s foot with a bump.  
„Nick, are you okay?“, Arthur yelled without thinking twice.  
The other man winded. He felt slightly disoriented.  
„I guess so,“ he cried back. 

Then he jumped, because his eyes met someone who was dressed in old, ripped clothes. He walked around the hill and came closer.  
„Nice rags,“ he rasped, without a salute and without sounding any friendly.  
Nick as a Wellie still tried it the friendly way.  
„Thanks mate,“ he said with a forced smile.  
The other man only cast a hungry glance at him and answered: „Would look good on me too.“  
He made Nick stumble backwards.  
„Hey, if you want me to take my clothes off you should be nicer,“ he tried.  
The wastrel still kept his unsettling expression. In addition, he suddenly pulled out a bat.  
„Take them off.“  
„No, don’t…“, Nick stuttered and kept stumbling backwards. „Arthur! Help me!“

Arthur hurried to get down to him and when he finally reached solid ground the Wastrel didn’t see him coming. He jumped at his throat and pressed his arm around it with all the energy he had left. In shock, the wastrel let go of the bat and tried to fight off the downer but he was pressed onto him as firm as a vice. After fighting without results for a while, his strength finally left him. Nick could see how his face turned blue and how he slumped down into the grass.

„Is he dead?“, Nick bursted out.  
„No, only unconscious,“ Arthur said gasping and wiping the dirt from his suit. „You see now why it’s dangerous?“  
Nick took a last look at the wastrel before he turned to Arthur.  
„Seems like I’m completely lost without you.“

He took Arthur’s hands and placed an elegant kiss on them, causing Arthur’s face to glow red. He was sure he was now shining brighter than the Nonsuches at night.  
„It’s nothing special, really. If you’d live here you could do that too,“ he said meekly.  
Nick thought he was too humble again.  
„You are special,“ he said with emphasis and kissed him again. „I’m glad that I have you to guide me.“  
„Then…let’s go…“, Arthur stuttered while he melted away.

„Can I hold your hand this time? Not that I fall again,“ Nick asked with a voice like silk.  
Arthur feared he couldn’t walk straightforward with Nick’s hand in his, but of course he agreed. He felt like he was floating when they continued their stroll. Gently pressing the other man’s hand he made sure he was still there and he looked into these green eyes he’ll never grow tired to marvel at.

Also Nick had changed. He enjoyed it all in silence, eyeing the landscape as well as his companion. Arthur led him through a little forest, where the leaves rustled quietly. It was downright magical. Nick was sure that in town the leaves were silent. Or it was too loud to hear them. Arthur was worried at first, because his lover didn’t say anything, as if he was more upset than he admitted to be, or in another way unhappy. But every time he glanced at him his lover looked completely relaxed and pleased, so with time Arthur got used to it and started to feel better too. He even felt closer to Nick than before and he hoped that the place he had chosen for them was as beautiful as Arthur imagined it to be. He himself had never payed much attention to it before, but now it didn’t leave his mind and he hoped Nick would understand why.

After following the path through the forest the canopy of leaves suddenly opened and gave way to a wide blue horizon, where the light blue sky melted into the darker color of the ocean that sparkled brightly in the sunlight. Nick gasped when he saw it. They reached the cliff that created the insuperable border between the town and Great Britain and were greeted by the wind that brought salty air from the seawater. From here, Arthur caught a glimpse of freedom. For him, this place had something sad about it too and he was glad not to be alone right now.

„It’s beautiful,“ Nick blurted out and Arthur gave a sheepish smile. He squeezed Nick’s hand again because he wasn’t able to say a word. Nick felt the touch and turned around, finding that the other man’s smiling face was way more attractive than the ocean. He lifted a hand to turn Arthur’s head and gave him a kiss that his lover eagerly returned. He was way more secure than before and Nick was keen on letting him do as he pleased. He felt his hands greedily roam every spot on his body he could reach and his fingers pull at his clothes. Nick laid his hands on Arthur’s chest and stroked along the buttons of his jacket. Arthur accepted the invitation and shortly after, they both had their upper bodies exposed. Nick couldn’t resist to bite into the other man’s delicate skin. Arthur gave a loud moan at that and pulled Nick’s hair. Entangled like this, they fell into the grass, where they tossed and turned. 

It was the second time that Nick heard Arthur’s joyful laughter. When they stopped, Arthur lied on top of Nick and pressed him down with a kiss. Nick liked how the stalks tickled on his skin. He grabbed Arthur’s belt and his lover didn’t hesitate to do the same. This time it was Nick who winded with pleasure and he curled his fingers into the ground, pulling out little clumps of grass. He had been waiting for this all day and he couldn’t handle it much longer. When he came, Arthur followed him shortly after. 

Completely exhausted, they stayed down, gasping for air.  
Arthur cuddled into Nick and his lover responded with wrapping his arms around him.  
For a long time they were silent, until Arthur sighed: „I’m so glad I met you.“  
„That what I was about to say,“ Nick replied and nudged Arthurs nose with his finger. The other man gave a grin before he turned serious again.  
„Really, you’re special.“  
„You too,“ Nick insisted.  
„I mean, I couldn’t bring anyone else here. They couldn’t handle to see the ruins. Or their residents. But you…“  
„I guess I’m…unconventional.“

There was another pause before Arthur whispered: „You never tried to kill me.“  
It made a shiver run down Nick’s spine.  
Because he didn’t say anything, Arthur asked: „Did you think about it?“  
„No…no way! I thought you’ll attack me, but instead you made me tea.“ Nick shook his head. „You’re unconventional too.“  
„And you helped me,“ Arthur added.  
„I couldn’t say ‚no‘ to you. I couldn’t even stop thinking about you after we met.“

Nick gulped. There was something he had to ask.  
„Did I go on your nerves?“  
Arthur gently squeezed him.  
„You did everything right. I kept thinking about you too. I just didn’t know why.“  
„So..do you love me because or although I tried to kiss you?“  
Arthur chuckled quietly.  
„It’s neither. I couldn’t get you out of my head also before you moved into the underground. I only noticed it when you left.“

Nick searched for the right words, because he felt guilty for overwhelming and abandoning him. But before he could answer, Arthur rolled around to lock gazes with him.  
„Running away from you was a big mistake,“ he said, wiping a hair strand out of Nick’s face. „And I nearly ruined it all.“  
Nick tried to protest but Arthur put a finger on his lips.  
„I’ll never run from you again,“ he whispered and pressed his lips on Nick’s. Soon, they were entangled again.

Time went by. When the evening came it turned colder, so they put their clothes back on and watched the waves roll, while the sun was sinking. Arthur looked forward to the sunset. It had been long ago since he had cared enough to watch one, but with Nick at his side he knew it would be wonderful. 

Nick however regretted that he didn’t bring his guitar. This could have been the perfect atmosphere for a romantic song. Aside from that, he couldn’t stay.  
„Arthur,“ he said, putting his hand on the other man’s shoulder, who looked so happy and relaxed that he felt even more sorry.  
„I’d love to stay much longer but…I’m afraid I must go.“  
Arthur’s jaw dropped.  
„But the sun is about to set. Please stay for another minute,“ he pleaded and Nick hated that he had to refuse.  
„I’m sorry, but I have to be back before curfew.“  
Arthur gave a sad sigh.  
„We catch up on it later, I promise,“ Nick tried to comfort him.  
„I’ll remind you,“ Arthur said and the corner of his mouth was twitching a little.

They slowly left the cliff and went back trough the forest. This time Nick laid his arm around Arthur’s hips. Shivering a little, Arthur did the same. While they walked he was bothered by a question that refused to leave his head since it had popped up. After a while he gave up the fight and said it out loud.

„Why do you have to be back so soon? No one will see us when we use the tunnel.“  
Nick shortly thought about it.  
„I need to see my manager,“ he lied. „It’s about my new album.“  
Arthur immediately regretted his stupid question.  
„So…you’re back into business, huh?“, he said helplessly, noticing he had forgotten who he was actually spending time with.  
„You bet,“ Nick replied proudly. „This is my big chance, you know?“  
„I see…I’m sorry I forgot,“ Arthur stuttered. „It’s still strange sometimes…you’re the greatest star in town, and you’re with me.“  
Nick beamed.

„Aww, stop it you!“, he waved him off and laughed. „Seriously I don’t spoil you enough. I could take you again, right here under the trees, but I’m afraid I have to save this for later.“  
„Hey, don’t tease me like that!“  
„I’m always teasing“, Nick replied and winked at him.  
Arthur sighed in fake despair.  
„I won’t survive this.“  
„But you won’t regret anything.“

They laughed and kept chatting nonsense until they reached the part where they had to say goodbye. They started with more kisses and then Nick had to stop himself.  
„Thank you for this wonderful trip,“ he finally said and he meant it. „Until today I didn’t know how pretty this world really is.“  
He was happy to see that Arthur was still smiling.  
„Good luck with your album,“ he returned.  
„Thank you, sweetie,“ Nick answered and nudged the tip of Arthur’s nose.


	20. Chapter 20

Nick was glad he had hurried up, because he made it home right before it went dark. He was still high from his adventure with Arthur and looked forward to see him again. But the closer he came to his house, and thinking about who was waiting for him inside, he also looked forward to see Morrie. When he entered it he noticed how quiet it was, as if they were still out and having a good time, or already asleep, what was unlikely. He called for them while he walked up the stairs, until a voice answered him. It was Morrie, looking like he had been waiting for Nick in the living room.  
„Welcome back,“ he said holding up his arms and Nick grinned. Then he noticed.  
„Are you all alone?“  
Morrie shrugged.  
„The others are in the pub again, but I wanted to wait for you,“ he explained.  
Nick then ran into his arms.

They hugged and kissed, stumbled around and finally slumped on the couch together.  
When they paused for breath Morrie quietly asked: „Where have you been?“  
Nick cuddled into his side and it didn’t feel any less wholesome.  
„I…told you before…I…I want to stop the drugs…I was in therapy today,“ he created an answer. It wasn’t entirely wrong.  
„But Nick,“ Morrie turned to face him. „Why didn’t you tell me? This is the best idea you ever had and I’m absolutely with you! Everyone of us is!“  
Nick avoided his gaze and simply said in a broken voice: „I have to make it…or I can bury myself.“

Morrie took his hands and stroked them with his thumbs   
„You will make it, Nick! You’re not alone with this.“  
Then he made a painful expression.  
„I guess I was sarcastic when you first told me…When I was still angry at you and also at myself. But I’m actually proud of you and if you need help, I’ll be there for you. Whatever you need.“  
Nick lifted Morrie’s hands and gently kissed them.  
„Thank you,“ he rasped.  
Morrie eyed him.  
„Does it hurt?“

Nick cleared his throat.  
„It’s…not really pleasant,“ he answered, thinking about how he had spent hours alone in that bedroom, sweating and winding in pain and nearly losing his mind.   
„And it’s going on forever.“  
At that, Morrie began to caress his cheek with his finger, purring „Aww, my poor baby.“  
Nick turned his head, kissed the hand that was petting him and then started to cover the other man’s face with more kisses. Morrie closed his eyes, moaning with pleasure. Then he suddenly pulled the mask off his face and looked Nick in the eyes. Nick froze.   
„Isn’t that much better?“, Morrie whispered.

Nick’s gaze wandered over every single uncovered spot on the other man’s skin.  
„Your face…I..“, he stuttered and gulped. „I forgot what your face looks like…“  
Morrie leaned closer.  
„Now let me see if I forgot about yours,“ he was whispering again, tempting him.  
Nick shivered but he didn’t flinch when Morrie carefully touched his chin, then shoved his fingers under the white plastic of his mask. While he removed it slowly Nick was staring at him, paralyzed. He was waiting for the other man to be startled by his looks.

„Oh my…,“ Morrie sighted.  
„What?“, Nick interrupted him. His heart was pounding.  
„You’re so beautiful…“, Morrie went on and Nick’s eyes widened.  
His fear melted away when he saw the other man’s delighted expression. When they kissed again, it felt like they kissed for real for the first time. Nick could feel Morrie’s skin on his and it felt so soft when he brushed it with his lips.  
„This is so much better!“, he panted the second he could breathe again.  
„My words,“ Morrie replied and chuckled.

He shoved his arms under Nick and pulled him onto his lap. Nick took this as an invitation to ruffle the other man’s hair in order to completely ruin his neatly combed strands.  
„Hey,“ Morrie laughed while he tried to stop his lover’s evil plan. After he had thoroughly failed and his rumpled hair strands were covering his face, he said: „Alright, I get it. You need a completely different treatment now.“

He got up and lifted Nick up with him, who immediately wrapped his arms around him an giggled.  
„What’s the matter, baby? You look ravishing!“  
He was kicking his legs, downright begging to be tamed. Morrie wouldn’t let him go.  
„Come here, hot stuff, you need a cooldown!“  
He carried Nick all the way to his bedroom and kicked the door open with a loud crack.  
„Hey, this is my interior you’re destroying right now!“, Nick fake-complained and laughed.  
„I’ll destroy much more than that tonight“, Morrie announced and Nick moaned loudly.  
„Yeah, baby, punish me!“

Searching for the light switch Morrie accidentally turned on the stereo system that started to blast out Nick’s cheery songs, accompanied with bright lights from a glittering disco ball. Nick could convince Morrie to dance with him, before they made love to the music.

Much later, when it was silent and Morrie was already asleep, Nick carefully freed himself out of his arms. He cast a last tender glance at his lover before he sneaked out of the room and entered the bathroom, where he brought himself to look into the mirror. At first he viewed himself from a distance, then his curiosity won him over and he stepped closer, carefully palpating his face. Bit by bit he remembered that there had been a time where he had seen this face in the mirror every day. His and Morrie’s - and even the Garden District brought back memories which felt like they came from another life.

Long before Nick Lightbearer was born he was simply called Norbert Pickles. He liked to play guitar and sing along in the park that was close to his school. Every since puberty had hit him he had spent a lot of time finding out what the girls liked. And it came out that playing guitar was one of these things. In addition had a good singing voice he was quite proud of. Since the first day he had vibed the strings and hummed a song the girls kept swarming around him and listened like they were under a spell. Words came easier to him when he was singing. 

Because boys like music too he soon found friends that shared his passion and they formed a band. They played at school events and became popular amongst their colleagues. They were ambitious, dreaming about the big stages, concert halls filled with thousands of fans, but it was still a long way.

This certain day started like many others. Norbert didn’t hate school, but all he really wanted was playing music and so he did as soon as the classes were over. It was just the right time: a sunny spring day, warm and dry, perfect to sit down under a blossoming tree and get lost in his songs. He didn’t think about their great plans for now, if anything he looked forward to the pretty bird he was about to meet again this evening. Life was beautiful.

When he finished his song he saw his friend Matthew approach him. He looked out of breath, as if he had been running all the way.   
„There you are,“ he said huffing and puffing. „I’ve been looking for you.“  
Norbert was confused.  
„Why, what’s up?“  
Matthew leaned against the tree to catch his breath.  
„There’s that guy from the parallel class. He’s quite good at the piano. Mortimer Dunn, you know him?“  
„I’ve heard about him, yes.“  
„I talked to him and now he’s thinking about joining our band!“   
Matthew sounded very excited. Norbert put the guitar down, doubting.  
„Is he really that great?“  
Matthew held out a hand.   
„You’ve got to listen to him, man! He’s playing for us right now! Follow me!“

Norbert bopped up and followed his friend out of the park and back into the school building. He had mixed feelings about this. Of course he wanted the best for the band, but did it have to be this guy? According to what he had heard Mortimer was rather shy and mousy. How would that look like on stage? And did this guy even like pop music?  
So he was preparing for nothing when he opened the door to the music room where a piano was standing in a corner.

What he saw and heard afterwards made him hold his breath.  
The band was complete when he and Matthew entered. Chris and Brad didn’t say a word, only nodded to them and kept listening. Mortimer shortly looked up and his and Norbert’s eyes met for a second. Then he continued to play. Norbert watched his long, slender fingers skim along the keys and after a while he noticed that he himself was listening like he was enchanted. He couldn’t stop looking at him either. After everything he had been told about Mortimer he had expected him to be a pimply little podge. Instead he was tall and slim, with well-groomed dark brown hair. 

While playing, he had a charisma that Norbert couldn’t break away from. He was certain that he indeed was the one they needed. When Mortimer ended, Norbert was still frozen and gaping while the others began to applaud and cheer. Mortimer looked at Norbert and his expression was somewhat skeptical. Then Matthew pushed his elbow into Norbert’s side and the sudden pain made him snap out of it. He joined into their cheers, even though way too late.   
„Wow…that was…I’m out of words,“ he stammered.

Matthew stepped forward, asking who would vote for Mortimer as their pianist. They agreed in unison, then they welcomed their new member with more cheers and slapped him on the shoulders. Everyone but Norbert, who didn’t dare to touch Mortimer. He had goosebumps all over his body and he was shivering without knowing why. All he knew was that he needed to leave the room before he fainted, and so he quickly said his goodbye and fled back into the park. He tried to play another song, but the peaceful atmosphere was gone. He was upset. Not even the thought about the pretty bird had the same magic as before. Frustrated, he shouldered his guitar and walked back home.

Even at night he lied awake, wondering what was wrong with him. Mortimer must’ve played something that made him lose his mind. The others didn’t seem to notice, they had been acting completely normal. But if it was about the music, why didn’t he remember the melody he had been playing at all? Instead he could recall the slim hands, his focused expression and the one hair strand that was coming loose while he was playing. Then again, it was still possible that everything would be back to normal tomorrow, he tried to calm himself down. Sinking into his confused thoughts, he slowly fell asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

The next morning Norbert couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened between him and Mortimer and he knew he was going to spend the day trying to make sense out of it. At the same time he wanted to hide what he felt at any cost. It was when he met Matthew again that he noticed how painfully obvious he had been.  
„What was up with you yesterday?“, his friend asked right away and Norbert tried to deny it.  
„I don’t know what you mean.“  
„Well…you didn’t look very happy about Mortimer.“  
„But I voted for him, didn’t I?“  
„Sure,“ Matthew backed down. „Listen, just give this a chance, okay?“  
„I do“, Norbert sounded all innocent.  
Then he had an idea.

„Anyway…did you notice something about him yesterday?“  
„Now, what do you mean?“. Matthew lifted an eyebrow.  
„Uhm…something odd?“ Norbert tried, but he immediately saw that his friend had no clue what he was getting at.  
„No“. He shook his head. „You?“  
„Uh…it was probably nothing,“ Norbert waved him off, wishing that he had never brought it up.  
Matthew eyed him, but Norbert ignored him, so he had to give it up.  
„Just talk to him, okay? You’ll see he’s alright,“ he urged him instead  
„Okay…“ was the simple answer he got.

Norbert was planning to approach Mortimer anyway, because he needed to test if he still had that unnerving effect on him. The mere thought of meeting him again gave him goosebumps already. But he had to get it over with, now also to convince Matthew that he wasn’t down on Mortimer.

Since he had no clue where to find him, he simply searched the music rooms and actually heard someone play in one of them. When he touched the doorknob he could see his fingers shiver, but now he couldn’t just stand there in the corridor like a coward, so he carefully opened the door and peeked through it to see who was playing. It was indeed Mortimer, who looked up and eyed him, almost exactly like the way he did the day before.

„Hello,“ Norbert said bluntly. „I heard the music and I thought it might be you…“ He paused, then he pulled himself together to ask: „Can I come in?“  
Mortimer nodded slightly. „Sure“.

Norbert closed the door behind him and walked over to the piano. It felt like a painfully long way while the other boy was watching him. He stopped at the window and leaned on the board at a safe distance and hoped that Mortimer didn’t notice how nervous he was.

„Sounds great by the way,“ Norbert tried to sound casually. „What are you playing?“  
Mortimer crossed his arms and furrowed his brows when he said: „You don’t have to play-act. I know what’s going on with you.“  
Now Norbert felt hot and cold at the same time.  
„W-what?“, he stuttered, „What do you now?“

„You don’t want me in the band,“ Mortimer said and kept staring daggers at him.  
„What?“, Norbert repeated himself. „What gave you that idea?“  
He was upset. How could they all misread him so drastically?

„I saw your reaction,“ Mortimer stated and then held up one hand. „No, you don’t have to be sorry. I can bail out of this before I cause a fight.“  
„No, no, no! You got it all wrong!,“ Norbert shouted, gesturing wildly.  
He completely forgot about the safe distance when he stepped closer to Mortimer.  
„You’re exactly what we need!“, he went on and almost grabbed the other boy’s shoulders to shake him. When he realized what he was doing he backed away a bit and crossed his arms.  
„I was…busy with something else yesterday“, he explained. Inwardly he begged Mortimer to stay.  
Mortimer looked at him in silence before he answered: „If you say so…“

„Absolutely!“, Norbert insisted. „It’s gonna work out just fine with us! I mean…the band,“ he stammered and broke out in sweat, realizing he was still standing way too close to the other boy and was talking nonsense. Instantly he backed away to the window again.  
One thing was for certain: the unnerving effect was definitely still there. Norbert felt his strength fading away.

„You know, I think I’ll leave you alone for now,“ he muttered.  
„Okay,“ Mortimer simply said and Norbert felt a pang in his chest. As if he had hoped for him to say ‚No, stay with me.‘ But now he had to go, and so he sadly trotted towards the door.  
„Oh, Norbert“, he heard Mortimer suddenly call for him and turned around again, eyes wide with hope.  
„Yes?“  
„You could bring your guitar next time, so we can play together.“  
„That’s a great idea!“, Norbert blurted out. „Until next time then, right?“  
„Right,“ Mortimer said and Norbert closed the door.

Outside he kept slapping his forehead for acting so damn stupid. He had looked like an absolute beginner! What the hell was Mortimer supposed to think about him now?  
In the following lessons Norbert barely listened. After school all he wanted was to hide in the park and play the saddest song he could come up with, since he felt completely worn out and depressed.

Now that he had figured out what his stupid heart wanted from Mortimer, he was left to wonder why it had happened to him, of all people. And how he could make it clear to Mortimer. And even if he did, would it do any good?  
Mortimer would possibly think even worse of him if he knew.  
Suddenly life wasn’t so beautiful anymore.

After sitting in the park for a few minutes someone disturbed him once more. It was Matthew again, who looked for him.  
„Hey, Matt,“ he greeted him much less amused than yesterday. „What’s it this time?“  
Matthew sat down in the grass next to him and answered quietly: „It’s about what you said this morning. I asked around about Mortimer if there’s something odd about him…“  
Norbert broke out in sweat again. This was getting about way too far.

„Well there’s only a few rumors and I’m sure that’s all bullshit…“, Matthew hummed and hawed and Norbert wondered what an embarrassment his friend had digged out because he couldn’t keep his bloody mouth shut.  
„Actually, it’s nothing we must know, but just in case you hear about it…Some say he tried to flirt with a guy…“  
Norbert suddenly felt a tickle in his stomach.  
„What?“, he said bluntly after he had processed the news.  
„Yeah, I know, it’s bullshit,“ Matthew waved him off.  
Norbert blinked.

„But why would he do that?“, he insisted.  
Matthew rolled his eyes.  
„Forget it, okay?“  
Because Norbert was only sitting there and staring in silence he added: „You won’t tease him about it, won’t you?“  
„No! Of course not,“ Norbert said with a blank stare.  
Matthew eyed him suspiciously.  
„Just be normal again, please?“  
„Okay,“ Norbert sighed and all that was left for Matthew to do was to shake his head and walk away, hoping it would all come together. Norbert instead let himself fall backwards into the grass. The park was beautiful again, all the colors had come back, the birds sang again and the leaves were rustling in the trees above him. He himself remained quiet, watching the clouds go by and smiling.

The next day started way more cheerful.   
Actually Norbert had never been so cheerful at an early morning than today.  
He planned to meet Mortimer again to make a much better impression on him. This time he was full of resolution when he made his way to the music room, where he could hear him play already and hummed along with him. His knock at the door was much louder and more confident than yesterday and he opened the door almost solemnly. 

„There he is,“ he said beaming at Mortimer. „My favorite pianist! Are you ready for a jam session? Because I am!“ He ran his fingers over the strings of his guitar and let the sound echo through the room.  
Mortimer looked very surprised about the sudden change of mood.  
„S-sure. Come in,“ he stuttered a bit and Norbert grinned confidently.  
He grabbed a chair and sat down right next to Mortimer, this time he didn’t need a safe distance and he wasn’t shivering. Again he vibed the strings.  
„So let’s rock!“, he prompted Morrie who still couldn’t turn his gaze away from him. Then he looked at his sheets of music.

„How about we start right here, in the second stave“, he suggested, pointed at the sheet with a nod and shortly played a melody to demonstrate. Norbert looked at the sheet, his gaze got lost somewhere in the stave before he looked back at the other boy and said with an insecure tone: „Okay.“  
Mortimer eyed him again.  
„You can read music, right?“  
Norbert shrunk a bit.  
„No,“ he admitted, „but we don’t need that now, don’t we?“  
He straightened himself again and didn’t blink when Mortimer gave him a look.  
„And what if you need them some day?“ He wasn’t convinced.  
„Didn’t happen yet.“ Norbert shrugged.  
Somehow this didn’t work out as planned.

Mortimer wiped his forehead.  
„But Norbert, it’s so simple. Listen…“  
And then he suddenly started to talk a mile a minute. Norbert listened to his voice in awe and didn’t really pay attention to his words. He was only surprised to hear so many words from Mortimer who was rather taciturn all the time. Then this rebellious hair strand caught his attention again. It was loosening once more, while Mortimer spoke, and Norbert had to fight the urge to reach out and smooth it back. He simply couldn’t stop watching it.  
Suddenly Mortimer fell quiet and Norbert jumped at that.

„Are you even paying attention?“ Mortimer didn’t sound very happy.  
Norbert stuttered: „..Y-yes..of course.“  
„So, what did I say?“, the other boy asked, arms akimbo.  
„Uh…“ Now the shivering came back. Nervously, he ran his fingers through his hair while he tried to remember what he heard.   
„Something with…many letters,“ he said desperately and the other boy’s face told him that he didn’t make it any better.  
He held up his hands in defense.  
„I swear, I’m listening, I just didn’t get it yet! Please, explain it a little more slowly, and perhaps not all at once…“ he pleaded and Mortimer’s expression softened.  
„Alright, I guess we have to start with the rudiments.“

When Mortimer began to explain again Norbert noticed that he had to take action or else this would turn into a dry-witted music lesson. So he dared an attack, right when the other boy showed him a chord. He leaned forward and laid his fingers on the keys, quite close besides Mortimer’s hands and his face got so close to the other boy’s that he could almost feel the warmth of his cheek.

„Like this?“, he asked and slowly turned around to Mortimer.  
He jumped a little himself, noticing how small the distance between them had become and he was sure that his heart missed a beat the very moment their eyes met. His left arm almost touched Mortimer’s shoulder and he was glad that he didn’t blush easily.  
However he was disappointed that Mortimer didn’t flinch at all, even though he locked gazes with him for a while. His look was rather wary.

„Exactly,“ Mortimer simply answered and put away his hand.  
„Seems like you’re learning something after all.“  
Norbert remained undecided, frozen in his half embrace, until he realized he had to accept his defeat.  
„Nah, all beginner’s luck,“ he muttered in frustration and slumped back on the chair.

Then they both were surprised by the school bell.  
„Great! Now I’m late because of you,“ Mortimer shouted and bobbed up.  
Norbert pouted.  
„Wouldn’t hurt to be a bit more charming,“ he muttered when Mortimer ran out.


	22. Chapter 22

The following days Norbert played dumb on purpose, simply to spend more time with Mortimer, even though that meant that the other boy regarded him as a musical neanderthal.  
„You should’ve figured it out by now“, Mortimer said in another one of their improvised lessons. They sat at the piano again, next to each other and Norbert still didn’t want this to end.  
„How did you learn all this so fast“, he sighed, giving Mortimer an admiring look. „I’ll never be as good as you!“  
Mortimer shook his head.  
„This isn’t what makes you good. It’s just how you start.“

Norbert palpated the keys in silence, wishing he could touch Mortimer’s hands instead, which where only a few inches away from him and yet unreachable. He was long over simply marveling at how they skimmed over the keys, he rather dreamed about what they could do on him.   
„Do you always play from sheet music?“, he finally asked and made an effort to sound casual.  
„Mostly“, Mortimer answered in his taciturn manner. „I guess you don’t“, he added and smiled a little, giving Norbert a sign that he had achieved something. There was no hint of mockery in his pure smile and Norbert admired it.

„No.“ He chuckled. Then he looked around the room.  
„I also couldn’t play in here,“ he stated and made Mortimer look around as well.  
„No? What’s wrong with the room?“  
Norbert glanced at the window. A thought was flowering in his head.   
„It’s hard to describe with words“, he answered. „You better see it yourself.“  
Mortimer furrowed his brows, turned to the window and then back to Norbert.  
„See what?“  
„The park,“ Norbert almost whispered in awe. „Would you like to meet up with me after school? We could go there together, so you can see what I mean.“  
He looked at Mortimer with wide eyes.

The other boy only shrugged and said plainly: „Can’t hurt to try.“  
Norbert was about to punch him into the side but stopped himself.  
„C’mon, Morrie! Show a little affection!“, he teased him anyway, using the nickname he had made up. Mortimer hadn’t said much about it when he had heard it for the first time.   
But then again he never said much about anything.  
Since he was mostly serious and hard-headed, Norbert was really glad to see the corners of his mouth now twitch a little.

„I have no clue where you’re taking me,“ he replied and started to collect the music sheets because the break was almost over.  
„You’ll like it,“ Norbert said while his mind was spinning.  
The following lessons he couldn’t think about anything else than the moment he could finally spend time with Mortimer outside the school building.

After school he waited at the entrance gate, unable to stand still and nearly bursting with excitement. While he was standing there losing patience, he wondered if Mortimer would turn him down, find an excuse so he didn’t have to go. Or simply wouldn’t arrive at all.   
He paced about the sidewalk for what felt like an eternity until someone approached him.

„Norbert, are you looking for me?“  
It was a girl’s voice, a familiar one. Norbert turned around.  
„Candice!“, he shouted with surprise, asking himself why she had to come just now, of all possible moments.   
„I’m waiting for…our new band member. He joined us a few days ago and he needs uhm…instructions,“ he explained and nervously scratched the back of his head.  
„Really? I was hoping we could spend some time together, now that I found you,“ she said, made that beautiful pout and laid her arms around his shoulders. When her lips almost touched his and he barely dared to breathe, she whispered: „Call him off, darling“.

Usually Norbert couldn’t say no to her, but her vibes were nothing against Mortimer’s.  
„I’m sorry, dear, but I can’t,“ he whispered back, „We’ll catch up on this another time, okay?“ He gently touched her arms to free himself, and she understood.  
When she let go of him she cocked her head, sending her curly hair bouncing around her shoulders.  
„Don’t let me wait too long, dear“, she said and gave him a charming smile before gracefully walking away.  
Norbert watched her go, relieved that he got off so cheaply.

Seconds later, the sound of more footsteps made him turn his head again.  
„There you are! I thought you turned me down!,“ he blurted out, sounding more taunting then he wanted to.  
„Sorry…I had to take care of a few things. But now I’m ready,“ Mortimer explained and came to a halt next to Norbert, who decided not to ask.  
„Follow me,“ he said instead and was soon comforted by the way they walked side by side along the street. Because the sidewalk was rather narrow they almost touched shoulder to shoulder. Norbert asked himself how the other boy could not hear his heartbeat that was pounding heavily in his throat.

„It’s not very far,“ he said just to break the silence.  
„I’m wondering…Is it that secret hideout where you pick up your pretty birds?“, Mortimer asked. Although he didn’t sound too serious about it Norbert felt a pang in his chest.  
„It’s not about pick ups,“ he defended himself. „It’s about the music!“  
„Yes, that and the birds,“ Mortimer insisted. „Come on, it’s not really a secret you know.“  
Norbert almost slapped his forehead again.

„It’s not my fault that they like my music so much“, he said in his most innocent voice.  
„And you“, Mortimer added without looking at him.  
Norbert needed a second to process that.  
„Exactly,“ he then said proudly, cocked his head, similar to the way Candice had done it before and began to walk just as gracefully.   
He’d make Morrie forget about all the girls, he’ll see.

When they finally reached the front gate of the park he noticed with disappointment that the other boy increased the distance between them again.  
Well, just because Mortimer liked him didn’t mean he had to hold hands right away, Norbert comforted himself. Wouldn’t it look weird anyway?

„So…what do you say to this?“, he asked Mortimer instead and widened his arms to present the beauty of nature in all it’s glory. Looking around himself, he had the impression that even the park was giving it it’s best.  
„Not bad“, Mortimer answered. „Looks like we’re alone here too.“  
At that, Norbert’s cheeks began to feel very warm. He slightly touched his skin and inwardly begged it to stop.  
Then Mortimer waved him off again.   
„At least until you start singing. Then the place will be crowded with girls.“  
Norbert made a face and decided to find the most remote corner where they would be alone by all means.

„You make it sound like a bad thing,“ he couldn’t bite back.  
„I didn’t mean to, it was only a statement,“ Mortimer seemed to be a bit sorry. „But I’m not wrong, or am I?“, he added shrugging.  
„We’ll see about that“, Norbert muttered, sounding slightly disgruntled.  
Louder he said: „Whatever, we’re not there yet. Follow me, it’s this way.“

Hiding in the back of the park brought the advantage that he could lead Mortimer over the bridge that crossed a little stream. It looked very scenic, if not romantic, and would’ve definitely caused a positive reaction by a female companion. Mortimer however glanced over it, didn’t flinch and remained quiet, as if he didn’t care at all. Norbert was suddenly very tired. He didn’t expect this to be easy but he had wished that Mortimer was a little more emotional about everything. 

When he found a nice looking spot under a tree he led the other boy there before he slumped down on the ground, feeling exhausted as if he had been walking a thousand miles.  
„This is good enough I guess,“ he sighed, grabbed his guitar, plucked the strings and listened to their sound that echoed through the air around him. Once again he was sure that this was the most beautiful place in the world. Mortimer must be blind.

„Does it really leave you cold?“, he asked the other boy, who was still standing and looking around.  
„No, it’s pretty, you’re right,“ he answered, avoiding Norbert’s gaze and searching for something with his eyes. When he found it he sat down under a different tree, further away from Norbert than he had planned.  
„A bit too much side noise perhaps,“ he stated right after.

Norbert stared at him for a second before he caught himself again.  
„But can’t you hear that?“, he asked and played a few chords. His guitar had to save him now.  
Mortimer crossed his arms. „Sure…it’s…it’s good.“  
He sounded nervous all of a sudden and Norbert gathered new courage.   
It was now or never. 

He ran his fingers over the strings, as if he was searching for the right words. The random chords he played slowly formed a melody of the first song that came into his mind. It soothed him and helped him to escape the tension.   
He needed comfort now.   
Usually he didn’t mind to have an audience, since people just walked by, stopped sometimes, listened for a while and then went on.   
Now he had a special listener and even though he had tried to fight it down he felt his hands shake.   
He had to forget that Mortimer was there, so he closed his eyes for a moment and concentrated on nothing but his own voice.  
In time, he started to feel comfortable. His voice became firmer and his body calmed down.  
When he opened his eyes again he simply enjoyed the moment.   
He didn’t look at Mortimer until the end of the song.   
Finally, their eyes met and Mortimer’s face was stone-still, with widened eyes.

„Do you see it now?“, Norbert asked, he was rather whispering.  
„Well…I…“. Mortimer had to clear his throat in order to recover his voice.   
„It’s good, really good,“ he continued to stutter. „I couldn’t play here, but you…“ he ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling his well groomed parting.

„I’m used to it,“ Norbert said while he watched in awe how the other boy’s whole manner changed, how he struggled for words.  
„Yeah right,“ Mortimer managed to answer and a shy smile flickered over his face.  
Norbert couldn’t help but smile happily. 

In his head he was already planning to come closer to Morrie. But before he could do anything, the other boy suddenly got up and went a few steps backwards. His body was tensed and he quickly stuttered: „You know, I really have to go…my mom freaks out when I’m late, so…“ Norbert could barely hear him, but he guessed it was something about how he had to leave, so he sighed: „I see,“ and shrugged. „Can’t do anything about that…“  
„No…sorry,“ Mortimer said and avoided Norbert’s gaze.  
„See you tomorrow then.“   
Norbert would make sure they’ll meet again.

„See you,“ Mortimer replied and then left in a hurry, with Norbert watching him, still smiling, and when the other boy was out of hearing he began to chuckle. He had to lean on the tree and wrap his arms around it because he was shaking so much he couldn’t keep himself upright. When the fit was over he gave a deep and yearning sigh. It had been obvious. Mortimer was acting just like he himself had done it a few days ago. The boy was his now.


	23. Chapter 23

After that incident in the park, that Norbert considered a success, he decided to meet Mortimer more often, now apart from their usual music lessons. After all he couldn’t pretend that he needed the lessons much longer without looking like an absolute idiot. 

When he went to school with Matt the next day he noticed with relief that his friend didn’t bring up his weird behavior towards Mortimer again, so this whole endeavor was finally forgotten. Norbert also didn’t approach Mortimer right away because he was curious if the other boy would seek his company himself. Norbert rather had fun placing himself within sight of him, seemingly casually, waiting for him to make the first step.

But when the morning break went by without any move from the other boy he came to the conclusion that he was probably too shy and needed help. So in the lunch break he went to the corridor where the music room was located. As always he could hear Mortimer’s music already fill the air. It didn’t sound as harmonic as usual. He was probably practicing something.

„Hey, Morrie,“ he said walking in, „how do you feel after meeting mother nature for the first time?“  
„Huh?“ the other boy said blankly. He needed a second to look up from his music sheet.  
„Oh, you mean yesterday, right?“  
Norbert nodded and had to keep himself from giggling about how confused Mortimer was.  
„I see“, the other boy caught himself again. „I’m okay. By the way it wasn’t the first time I’ve been outside. Just because I’m practicing a lot doesn’t mean I never leave the house.“  
The words were blustering out of his mouth and he sounded a bit offended.

Norbert held up his hands. „Hey, sure, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…you had to leave so early and I’m wondering if I was holding you up from something.“  
While Mortimer was thinking about that, Norbert leaned against the piano and viewed the other boy. He found that today, his hair had a nice golden shimmer between it’s dark strands while Mortimer answered: „No, it’s okay. Wasn’t your fault anyway…“ Then he sighted. „It’s alright.“ But his expression looked rather overwhelmed.

„Really?“, Norbert asked again, not without second thoughts, and looked him right into his brown eyes.  
Mortimer instead seemed to have a very interesting piece of music today because he kept staring at it.  
„Listen, Norbert, would you mind if we cancel our lesson for today? I have that new piece and I really need to practice it…“  
„Oh, sure, what are you playing?“, Norbert asked with curiosity and walked around the piano to look at the sheet. He was also coming closer to Mortimer and looked forward to sit next to him again.  
„I mean, I need to practice it alone,“ the other boy then said with emphasis on the last word.  
Norbert froze in his tracks.

„Oh,“ was all he could say. But he caught himself again.  
„So we’ll meet after school then?“, he tried and gave Mortimer an encouraging smile.  
„Why? Is there anything more I should see?“, the other boy asked and shortly eyed him before he glued his eyes back on the sheet.  
Norbert bit back a stupid innuendo and instead said very innocently: „Well, if you like the park, there’s even more to discover. You can’t imagine how many beautiful places this town has! It’s very inspiring, you know. I’d like to show you more.“  
Norbert beamed, but Mortimer crossed his arms.

„You want to take a stroll with me? Just the two of us, side by side, and the beautiful world around us?“  
Suddenly his voice had a ironic tone that put a damper on Norbert’s confidence.  
„Uh, sure, why not?“  
Once again he felt how his cheeks turned hot and wished he could hide his face. He wished he could control himself again, but Mortimer made him so weak every time.  
„Why?“, he asked back and this time he locked gazes with Norbert. It was that skeptical look again.  
„Why? Because…“ Norbert stuttered. „We’re in the same band now! I want to get to know you!“  
„By walking around in the park with me? Is that how you do it in your band?“  
„We do whatever works,“ Norbert defended himself and attacked right after. „You never had a better idea or did you?“

Mortimer sighted again, wiping his forehead. Suddenly he looked worn out and Norbert immediately felt sorry for him. After all he had spent his time and patience to give Norbert lessons. That was something.

Mortimer sounded calmer when he answered: „Look, we have our first band rehearsal on Friday. How about we use this to get to know each other? And until then you let me play so they won’t kick me out again.“  
Norbert considered that. It sounded reasonable but still there was something wrong with it.  
„Until Friday! That’s three days!“, he blurted out.  
„Exactly,“ Mortimer said coolly. „I need these three days, okay?“, Mortimer gave him a look that didn’t allow any objections.

Norbert was speechless. So many days without any time together! This guy couldn’t be serious! After everything that had happened yesterday!  
He bit back any remarks though and simply said, „Very well.“ before he strutted out of the room and shut the door louder than necessary.

If that was the way Mortimer wanted to show him his feelings he was much dumber than he looked. Now that Norbert was walking back along the empty corridor it hurt even more, because he felt how much he had looked forward to their little trip. He had planned a route through the prettiest places he knew.  
But now he was facing three days without any company.  
There was no way he would spend this time alone. But he also wouldn’t plead with Mortimer to change his mind. He had to learn that lesson himself.  
Norbert knew there was someone who would love to spend more time with him.

After school he didn’t go into the park to play guitar, instead he went into another direction, until he reached a lonesome backyard where the houses looked all run down. They were remnants of a past that Norbert didn’t care about right now. This yard was rather useful and so he liked it there. He slouched against a wall and watched the people who passed by.  
When he saw a girl with a curled mane he came out of his hideout. She saw him too. She had stopped anyway.

„I was wondering if you’re here,“ she whispered. Her eyes were glowing with joy.  
They hugged tightly, unseen between the ruins.  
„I’ve heard the park is very beautiful today,“ he offered to her.  
She beamed.

Later they strolled along the way that Norbert had chosen for Mortimer and him, where springtime was doing it’s best with blooming trees in all colors. He didn’t have to plead with Candice to make her come closer. They held hands whenever they were alone and she told him how much she loved everything they saw. When they were done with the park they followed a hidden path out of the town and found themselves in the hilly landscape that surrounded it. They enjoyed strolling through the fields until they were tired. 

When they rested right in the meadows, they huddled together and watched the clouds wander by. They had fun reading figures and faces in them.  
Candice told Norbert that one of these clouds reminded her of a former lover and they giggled about it. Norbert liked how casual she was. She told him that lover had been one of the most dense boys she had ever met because it was almost impossible to make him understand what she wanted. Norbert could empathize with her a lot.

„Boys can be so stupid,“ she sighed and Norbert wished he could tell her how much he felt that.  
Then she turned around to him and whispered: „You’re not like the others. You understand.“  
She laid her beautiful head on his chest and he ran his fingers through her soft hair.  
„Well…there’s nothing to be done about stupid boys,“ he said absently. She giggled.  
„But to forget them and move on perhaps…“  
„And what if you can’t?“, he blurted out, made her look at him again.

„What if you meet the biggest dumbass you can imagine. And what if you still fall in love with him. What do you do?“  
„Oh my god..“, she laughed and made pause to think.  
„Maybe I’ll try the shortest skirt I can find and the lowest cutout in history.“  
Norbert shook his head.  
„Nope, no chance. He’ll only think you feel very warm or you ran out of fabric.“  
She laughed again.  
„So stupid?“  
„Perhaps even worse.“  
„Oh dear…“ She paused again. 

„I think I’d just grab him and kiss him as hard as I can. And if he still thinks I’m examining his teeth I’lll give him the boot.“  
They both laughed. Norbert felt goosebumps all over his skin.  
„Just…kiss him, right?“, he repeated.  
„Sure,“ she said with emphasis. „Only chance.“

Norbert ran his fingers through her hair and smelled her sweet perfume but his thoughts were somewhere else.  
„How would you kiss him?“, he whispered.  
Candice raised her head. She slowly turned to face him and crawled over him, so that she sat on his stomach. Her lips touched him gently, tasting him before her passion overpowered her. It wasn’t his first kiss but definitely one of the best.


	24. Chapter 24

Candice’ advise didn’t let him sleep the following night. He kept thinking about how he would do it, imagined multiple perfect moments and wondered about how Morrie might react. He couldn’t wait to try it out and had to contain himself, so he wouldn’t already try it before Friday. He thought that Mortimer didn’t really deserve a kiss after refusing his offers so clumsily, but he trusted Candice. If he let Mortimer take the reigns they’d be sitting in that dull classroom forever. 

When the band rehearsal finally started he was so excited he could barely hold his guitar. He was glad that the others didn’t pay much attention to him, because they did everything to make their new member feel at home. They explained their songs, played the melodies and rhythms to him and were overall very regardful. 

Mortimer however proved to be very well prepared. He knew the most songs from their stock. Still, he was tense and Norbert, who was just as attentive to Morrie as the others, had the impression that especially his friendliness made the other boy nervous. That motivated him even more. He was proud that he managed to pat him on the shoulders once without blushing. 

Norbert himself wasn’t in his top form though. He played wrong notes with his shivering fingers and it was hard to keep in time in faster songs. In addition he couldn’t stop thinking about what he was going to do to Morrie so he didn’t really pay attention to the band and missed his entries multiple times. Like that, he stretched his friend’s patience much more than Mortimer did. 

At first they made fun of it. Whenever Norbert started to pace out they threw stuff at him. It didn’t hurt, it just startled him and stopped his daydream. But that didn’t always help.   
When Chris shouted: „I’m running out of things to throw!“, in fake despair they all laughed.  
But after the umpteenth time he missed a note Brad lost his patience.

„Norbert, for fuck’s sake!“, he yelled and threw his drumsticks after him. That rather hurt, even though Norbert yanked up his arms just in time to parry off the missiles. He gasped anyway and then laughed because he thought it was all fun. That annoyed Brad again.  
„Are you drunk or what?“  
He got up and walked towards Norbert to find it out himself.  
„No, I swear, I didn’t drink anything!“ Norbert backed away, noticing how angry his drummer was and pressing himself against the wall. „I’m completely sober!“

Brad was convinced in a moment since Norbert didn’t smell like alcohol.   
„Oh, I see, it’s about that new bird of yours! What’s her name again?“  
„Ssshh“, Norbert hissed and held up a finger. „That’s irrelevant.“  
Unfortunately it was already too late. Mortimer couldn’t have overheard that.

„Damn right“, Brad agreed with him. „just get your shit together and focus!“  
„For fuck’s sake I’m doing my best here, okay?“, Norbert defended himself.  
„Do you? Mortimer is doing a much better job than you!“ He pointed at their new member who was staring at them, looking concerned.

„Oh, he does,“ Norbert suddenly purred and used the opportunity to give Morrie a wink. For a second, Brad was too confused to speak and Matt butted in, stepping forward and creating a barrier between Norbert and Brad.  
„Stop it you two! Nothing bad happened, no one died, we’re not on stage and we’re here to practice after all. So let’s keep going!“  
„But you pull yourself together,“ Brad insisted, giving Norbert an unsettling stare over Matt’s shoulders.

While they were arguing, Chris went over to Mortimer to soothe him.  
„This is completely normal,“ he assured their worried pianist. „Just wait and see, they’ll calm down soon.“ And he was right.  
During the next song Norbert payed more attention again, but this little incident didn’t drag him down. It would happen anyway.

They ended with the Unicorn Song, the favorite of their self-written songs. Norbert really went down for it. After the final chord they cheered and congratulated each other.  
„That was amazing! We are amazing!“, Chris shouted.  
„More or less,“ Brad commented from behind.  
„I just wanted to entertain you a bit,“ Norbert said cheerfully.  
„It worked,“ Chris chuckled.

While they packed up and arranged their next meeting, Norbert became jittery again. He saw that Mortimer was about to leave first and walked over to stop him.  
„Please stay for a moment,“ he whispered. „I gotta tell you something.“  
„Oh…okay,“ the other boy answered and lifted one eyebrow. But he waited.  
Norbert played innocent, said goodbye to everyone until they were finally alone.

„So what’s so important?“, Mortimer asked.  
Norbert answered with a silky voice: „Make a guess, Morrie…“ and took a few steps towards the other boy.  
„I..I don’t know.“ Mortimer tensed and stepped back. „What do you want?“  
„No idea?“, Norbert purred.  
„Not at all. What’s that all about? Are you fucking kidding me?“ Morrie hissed like a trapped animal.

He just doesn’t know what to do, Norbert thought. He’s lucky to have me. With a few quick steps he planted himself right in front of the stubborn boy, grabbed him and pressed his lips on his.

It wasn’t a very elegant kiss. Mortimer kept his mouth tightly shut and didn’t do anything except standing around like he was frozen, until Norbert let go of him.  
„You’re not quite romantic, aren’t you?“, Norbert commented, amused by the other boy’s confused face.   
He wasn’t prepared at all when Mortimer started to scream.  
„What the fucking hell was that? You think that’s funny? Are you drunk after all?“

Norbert backed away, surprised about how completely wrong this went.  
„Come on, not even you can be so stupid, Morrie!“  
„You think I’m stupid?“, the other boy spat back.  
Norbert decided not to expand on that.  
„What do you want me to do?,“ he instead pleaded with him. „Why don’t you get it?“  
„Get what?“, Mortimer yelled.

„For fuck’s sake, do you think I sing you a song just for the fun of it?“ Now Norbert yelled too.  
„At the same place where you pick up one bird after the other?“, the other boy brought it up again.  
„I told you already, it’s not my fault!“  
„Do you expect me to believe you? What about that girl you’re dating now?“  
„I wanted to spend time with you but didn’t let me!“ Norbert felt tears in the corner of his eyes.  
„Do you think that’s all fun? Are you coming for me because you ran out girls?“  
„Goddamnit Morrie, I’m absolutely serious! What do you want me to do?“   
„Break up with her“, the other boy demanded. „And with every other girl you might be dating as well. I’m not another number on your stupid list! Either you mean it or not!“

Norbert felt like Mortimer had kicked him in the guts. He gulped.  
„You…you mean…“, he stuttered and searched for something else than anger in the other boy’s eyes. They didn’t soften.  
„Okay,“ he managed to say.  
Mortimer shook his head.  
„No promises. Break up or not. I’m not making any compromises. Good night.“  
He walked out without waiting for an answer.  
Norbert instead didn’t move. His face was burning and the tears he had felt were running down his cheeks.


	25. Chapter 25

You and your goddamn pride, Mortimer scolded himself while walking home through the night. 

He was sure he had wasted his only chance for love, just like that, instead of thankfully embracing it. After everything that had happened to him he should have been glad to have found someone who could love him like he did. 

His first love had been a failure. It had given him nothing but a broken heart and a lot of trouble, because he had almost given his secret away. After that he had sworn to be cautious. He had avoided people in general. The band had been a risk, he knew that very well, but they had been nice, decoyed by his music that was way more emotional than his cool exterior he was hiding behind, because in music he could say things he didn’t dare to describe with words. They had made him believe it could work. 

Then he had met Norbert, their charismatic and somewhat slaphappy singer and suddenly it had looked like it had been a bad idea.

At first it had seemed as if Norbert didn’t like him, that he at worst had heard the rumors about him and didn’t want someone like him in the band. But it had turned out to be a misunderstanding. In time, Norbert had proved to be rather friendly. Mortimer’s restraint didn’t shun him off and it was obvious that he wanted to spend more time with him than Mortimer allowed him to. To sum this up he was rather cute.

Mortimer had tried to be casual around him. According to his habit he would’ve avoided him too, but they were band mates after all, and so potential friends. He knew it wouldn’t work if he shunned them.

To cap it all he was good-looking, and he took pleasure in showing that he bloody well knew it, the way he strutted around and posed. Every time they were together Mortimer had to keep himself from staring at him. 

He had started to hate himself for being so cold, but still he had feared to give his secret away for good this time. He couldn’t risk a misunderstanding and also it was still possible that Norbert’s intentions weren’t true. 

And then suddenly, despite all worries, he had agreed to go for a walk with him. It had just escaped his lips before he could stop himself. And then he had panicked. After school he had tried to get out of the yard without being seen. When that had failed, he had hid in the bathroom to splatter cold water over his face to calm himself down until he had regained his bland face. 

It had worked, he had silenced all the way through the fairly idyllic garden.  
But then Norbert had played this stupid, stupid song. In this damn blossoming park with it’s pretty sparkling water fall and cutesy birds that happily chirped and the trees with their leaves rustling in the wind. Mortimer had been trapped between all his, with no way to block out the voice that broke it’s way through his barrier and melted his heart.

In a last pathetic attempt to save himself he had finally avoided Norbert, but it had turned out to be the best way to find out how much he actually needed the other boy. How much he missed his smile, his laugh, his little cheeky remarks here and there, everything that had disturbed his lonely world full of worries. Norbert had made him feel like there was a world where everything was just alright and even though he wasn’t a part of it he could get a glimpse of it as long as they were together.

It had made him figure he wasn’t much smarter than all the clueless birds Norbert kept picking up one after the other as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Mortimer had known Norbert good enough to make himself believe he either didn’t mean it like that or just played one of his games.   
And Mortimer didn’t want to be a part of his heartless game. He wanted true love. 

And that’s why you’ll be alone forever, he stated bitterly. 

He was sure Norbert had no reason to choose him. The girls were more pleasing, they loved him anyway. Someone like him could have everyone who didn’t have a stick up his arse. Even another boy who was in for the fun and wasn’t stupid enough to refuse a possible relationship when it presented itself. But he couldn’t crawl back now. He had to stay true to his words. What else did he have left?

In his bed, Mortimer lied awake and thought about their kiss again and again.   
It had been his first.   
He still felt Norbert’s lips on his and wished he had returned it somehow, instead of just standing around like an idiot. But he had never kissed before, not like that. He had no clue what to do.

His inner voice had told him that there was still a tiny chance that Norbert was just playing a terrible prank on him and he had to be cautious.

But did he have to shout at him? Even after Norbert’s confession? The poor boy had looked completely destroyed after their conversation and Mortimer had run away from him like the coward he was.

It’s over, he told himself. Surely. He wouldn’t send a nice girl packing just for an arse like you.

He dozed off multiple times during the night, only to dream about Norbert, and begging him in tears: „Say yes, please, say yes.“

He spent the entire weekend being depressed and back in school he faced what he had been afraid of: Norbert avoided him now. He didn’t come close anymore to let Mortimer peek at him and he didn’t visit him in the music room either. Mortimer was sitting there, playing confused melodies and waited for him. He had imagined how Norbert would tell him the bad news and he hadn’t found a version he could handle. Perhaps if it was for the best that they didn’t talk about it at all and pretended it never happened. Still, he was frustrated when he left the piano early. He couldn’t listen to himself anymore.

Norbert however had recovered quickly. Right after the rehearsal, he had replayed their conversation again and again in his head to understand what had actually happened. He knew they had been yelling at each other and he had left the room in a miserable state, but didn’t Morrie say yes, even in a weird way? It wasn’t a ‚no, your’e not my type‘ but a ‚yes but only if you do this‘, so he actually had a chance. 

He only had to sort things out with Candice, what was sad but worth it. He had to wait until Monday to meet her and he didn’t want to be seen from Mortimer until he had prepared everything. So that meant spending the day without him. 

He waited for Candice in the backyard again and he was lucky once more. She greeted him with a tight hug he returned without remorse. After all he didn’t have to be rude just because they broke up. However he didn’t hesitate to tell her the news.

„I’m afraid we can’t continue like this…“, he began and already thought it sounded cheesy.  
„But we didn’t even start yet,“ she said with surprise.  
„I’ve met someone…“, he continued to beat around the bush.  
„The most stupid girl in the world?“, she guessed and Norbert avoided her eyes. „I’m not stupid, you know.“  
„No, absolutely not…“, he agreed quietly. „I’m sorry, really, but I can’t help it…“   
He expected her to scream too, even worse than Morrie, but she only shook her head and said: „Look, I knew this would happen. I know you after all. I only hoped we had more time until it happened.“  
He made a helpless gesture.  
„I thought that too.“

„You know, perhaps she isn’t that stupid,“ Candice mused. „If I wanted to marry you, I’d want the same from you.“  
Norbert stared at her.  
„You mean, she wants to marry me?“  
„Sure. Marriage, eternal faithfulness, children, just the whole nine yards.“  
Norbert made a face. Candice noticed it.  
„If you don’t want all this, then we better continue and you give her the boot.“

Norbert bit his lower lip. Eternal faithfulness. Wasn’t that what he wanted too? Didn’t he want Morrie forever? Well, as a start he wanted him at all. He assumed that everything else would sort itself out.

„No, I’m serious this time,“ he decided.  
„Alright. So this is good bye,“ she said quietly.   
Now it was Norbert who hugged her.  
„Farewell, Candice,“ he whispered.  
„Farewell, Norbert“, she whispered back.

He left the yard without looking behind.

While he made his way through the town his sadness melted away and gave place to growing excitement. He had found out where Mortimer lived and that was where he went now. He noticed it was so much easier to visit a guy as a guy. It wasn’t suspicious. They looked like friends, nothing else. So he placed himself in front of the house, armed with his guitar and took the offensive. He played until Morrie came out. He found ringing the bell was boring.

Soon, Morrie rushed out of the house, stopped right before Norbert and shouted: „Are you nuts? Don’t you see what that looks like?“  
„You never applaud, don’t you?“ Norbert replied with a grin and put his guitar down.

While Mortimer gasped for air because he had been running down the stairs to the front door he noticed he had just missed another opportunity to be nice. All that because he had panicked again, as if the whole neighborhood could find out their secret because Norbert played a song.   
It was such a cute way to call him.  
Norbert had all the right to be sore now, but he was still happy. Again that invincible optimism that was simply irresistible. Mortimer could barely look away from his smile.

After a short embarrassing pause that he needed to pull himself together Norbert asked him to follow him. Mortimer nodded and followed. Once again he was speechless. He feared he’d provoke an answer to soon end this moment which could be their last walk together. Perhaps, his mean inner voice said, Norbert was so relaxed because he had no feelings towards him anymore.

They left the town and strolled along lush green meadows and soft looking hills. It was a soothing sight with no bright colors and no loud noises. It was like the entire landscape had regards for Mortimer, who felt like he would fall apart any moment.

Norbert took the other boy’s silence as waiting. Waiting for the right words at the right time. Also Norbert didn’t want to say anything unnecessary. He had been practicing his little speech all day but he couldn’t decide if it sounded good or awful. He just hoped for the best.

When they reached the place he had chosen for them he stopped and turned around to face the other boy.   
Mortimer realized the moment had come and held his breath. His heart was pounding against his chest. 

Please, say yes.

„Morrie,“ Norbert rasped and quickly cleared his throat.  
„I’ve been thinking about what you said and… I think you’re right. So I did it. I broke up with her.“   
Norbert paused and looked at Mortimer to see his reaction.  
The other boy didn’t move a muscle.  
He just didn’t give him anything, didn’t he?

Norbert gulped down the knot that was forming in his throat and continued:  
„I know we didn’t have the best start. I guess I acted really weird around you, but… I’ve never had these feelings for a boy before and I didn’t know what to do.   
I may still act weird now, but I’m serious. You’re special to me, Morrie. Definitely not a number on a list. I’m sorry it looked like it. I had no idea how much I hurt you but I won’t do it again.   
Please give me a chance. I really want to be with you, not for…just a week, or a month, but…forever. I promise I won’t date anyone else apart from you again. It’ll be just the two of us.“  
Norbert took a deep breath.  
„I love you.“

With that, he took Morrie’s hands, these wonderful slim hands, and lifted them up to his lips. He kissed them gently, carefully, as if they could break from his touch. His heart was pounding loudly in his throat when he dared to look Mortimer into the eyes for a second time.   
The other boy was still silent and Norbert couldn’t stand it.  
What did he do wrong? Was it too clumsy, too cheesy? What if Mortimer didn’t want him forever?

Please, say something.

Mortimer however feared he would break out into tears as soon as he opened his mouth. Norbert had said all these wonderful words he had expected to never hear from him. He had chosen him, against everything and everyone he could have. It was like a dream.

Suddenly he felt tears running down his cheeks.   
Well, with the barrier broken, there was no reason to hold back anymore.

„You’re the…best that ever…happened to me. I don’t…deserve you. You’ve been so good to me…all the time and I was…horrible,“ he stammered between sobs.  
He surprised the other boy very much with his outburst. 

Now Norbert was helpless. He had seen all kinds of reactions to his affection, but no one had broken into tears. His only attempt to stop the flood was to grab him again and kiss him with passion. This time Mortimer embraced him and tried his best to follow Norbert’s lead. It was safe to say that it felt very good.   
When they let go of each other, Norbert didn’t leave it at that. He started kissing Mortimer’s cheeks.

The tears, Mortimer thought. He’s kissing my tears away. Oh god.  
He gasped.  
„I love you so much!“


	26. Chapter 26

The moment Nick came back to his senses he noticed he was still standing in front of the mirror, in the bathroom, staring at his own startled face. Next thing he noticed was his head, that was pounding, and his pulse too. Overwhelmed by memories he must’ve been frozen for a while. Everything that had been long forgotten suddenly came back to him. Everything he hadn’t been able to recall for years but still had feelings about. Now these feelings grew stronger. 

The third thing he noticed was that it was time to go back to bed before his lover found out that he was gone. Therefore he walked quietly along the corridor and opened the door to his room as quietly as possible. In utter darkness he searched for the bed.

Before he reached it, he heard his lover’s voice whisper his name and froze.  
Then Morrie turned on the light and he noticed he looked ridiculous, crouching on the floor like that.  
„What are you doing down there? Are you trying to spook me?“, Morrie asked him with a grin. Obviously he found it funny too.

Nick got up and sat down on the mattress without giving an explanation.  
„Turn the light off,“ he begged.  
Morrie furrowed his brows but he did it.

The second it went dark Nick reached out for Morrie and pulled him into a tight hug. Soon, he felt the other man’s arms wrap around him and his hands patting his back. Quietly, Nick rubbed his cheek on Morrie’s.

„Are you ok?“, his lover asked quietly.  
„My Morrie…“, Nick sighed and began to send kisses all over the other man’s face, or rather every spot he could find in the dark. Morrie moaned.  
„Norbert, I can’t even see you…“, he chuckled, but he did his best to return the favors.  
They needed a few attempts to find each other’s lips. When they got them, Nick kissed Morrie breathless and climbed on his lap.  
„Mercy, please…“, his lover started to beg. „I’m still tired…“  
„My Morrie, my love,“ Nick whispered. 

In his head he saw them both standing on that soft green hill where they had confessed their love to each other.  
Forever.  
He couldn’t remember what had happened to that.  
What had happened to their love.

Nick’s chest hurt. He had tears in his eyes and fought down sobs that tried to shake him.  
„I’m so sorry.…You deserved better…so much better…“  
He kept kissing and hugging Morrie and the other man searched for Nick’s face with his hands.  
When he felt that Nick’s cheeks were wet with tears, he did everything to calm him down, stroking his back and running his fingers through his hair.  
„Sssh, Norbert…It’s okay…we’ll make this work….I love you.“  
Nick let everything happen while he cried and sobbed into Morrie’s shirt. The other man kissed his hairline and whispered gentle words to him.

What Nick didn’t see was that Morrie’s eyes were wet as well.  
It felt so good to hear the apologies, to hear that everything was getting better, that Norbert needed him and wouldn’t abandon him again.

In time, Nick’s breath calmed down and his eyes dried.  
Morrie convinced him to lay down again and Nick rested his head on Morrie’s chest.

„Do you remember our past?“, he suddenly asked.  
„How we met? And our first kiss?“

Morrie rustled with the blanket, pondering. Everything he recalled were blurry images, accompanied by a feeling that made his heart tense up. Usually, whenever these images tried to haunt him he popped a Joy.  
But now it was different.  
It was getting better, right?, he thought while his fingers curled into the blanket.  
Now the pain should vanish.

„Vaguely,“ he answered and tried to describe the first image he saw. „I see us sitting at the piano… I’m trying to explain something to you…but you don’t get it.“  
Nick started to giggle at that. It turned into a fit that was almost as strong as the crying fit from before. And it made Morrie laugh too.  
When they calmed down Nick said: „Yep, that’s exactly what happened, Morrie-Moo. Anything else?“

„Did we go to the Garden District together?“, he asked, because every time he set foot into a garden he felt the pain too.  
„It was a park near school,“ Nick explained. „The Garden District didn’t exist back then. I played you a song, remember?“  
Morrie struggled with his foggy mind, but whatever he tried he couldn’t get through it.  
„No, I wish I could…“  
Now he was sorry that he had deleted their time together.  
Nick however took Morrie’s hand and said: „I think it went like this…“  
He started to hum a melody.  
His lover’s hand tensed.

When the melody broke through the fog Morrie felt a sudden panic, as if there was something really dangerous behind that cloud. Then he listened to the song and slowly, everything came back together again. He saw Norbert with his old guitar, sitting under a tree and singing a song just for him. It was such a wonderful picture. Then he saw himself running away.  
Oh, you damn coward, he thought but smiled.  
When the song ended, it was Morrie who cried, because Nick had just recreated one of the most beautiful moments of his youth.

„My god…thank you…thank you so much…“, he sobbed.  
Nick kissed his forehead, whispering: „I can tell you more.“  
Morrie begged for more.  
It was a long night.

The next day Arthur had a new plan.  
He had found a way to get close to Nick without raising suspicion. After all, he didn’t want to wait for him in the tunnel every time. Because of that he was going to the “O“ Courant editorial office to get his old job back. It felt a bit weird to come back just like that, as if the incident in the Parade District had never happened. But he counted on one thing: Wellies were forgetful.

Protected by Sunshine and excited to see Nick’s reaction later, he strutted into the building. The workers there barely noticed him, focusing on their papers and typewriters. Arthur smiled at the sight, remembering that he had liked the job.  
Eagerly typing, drinking coffee and chit-chatting with the colleagues, going out to research things… Not that he had been unhappy in the Department of Archives, as a decent citizen he had never been, but in hindsight he preferred being a reporter over everything else.  
He found his old desk that was now used by someone new and assumed it wouldn’t be easy to get his job back. But he had an ace up his sleeve. 

Entering the office of the editor-in-chief, he thought it was a good sign that Mrs. Oliphant didn’t chase him away at first sight.  
„Arthur. Arthur Hastings,“ she shouted in surprise. „So you came back from holiday I see.“  
„I just had a lovely time, nothing to worry about“, Arthur said nervously. „I was hoping you could use a reporter.“  
„I’m afraid I’ve got a dozen of them, all useless, the lot of them. I’ve got six pieces on my desk, all about the new flavor of Joy. Can you believe it, it’s Coconut.“  
She crossed her arms and shook her head, looking very exhausted.  
Time to play the ace.

„I thought you might want some real news.“  
She furrowed her brows.  
„And what are real news to you?“  
„You’ve heard about the great band reunion, Nick Lightbearer and The Make Believes, right?“  
She let out a moan.  
„You have no idea! We had the concert on the front page, downer fight and all, but now we’re starving because he doesn’t let anyone near him. He doesn’t even leave the house anymore. God knows how he’s living like that. I’d do anything for a glimpse at the new album. Don’t tell me you found out something?“  
She stared at him in anticipation and Arthur was glad he could help her out.

„Well, I can safely say I’m one of Nick’s closest friends.“  
„Really?“ Mrs. Oliphant tilted her head. „You’re not making this up, do you? No offense but you don’t really look like his type.“  
Arthur was speechless with a gaping mouth for a moment, but he caught himself.  
„It’s true. Sadly the Constable who’s guarding his house seals him off from the outside world. I’d have a better chance with a press pass.“  
She considered that. Then she waved him off.  
„Well, there goes nothing,“ she said. „But Arthur, just in case you have other plans with your pass…we never met, you understand?“  
„Of course“.

Arthur happily accepted the pass.  
Finally he was somebody again! No downer, no tunnel rat, but a real reporter.  
Him and a star together at a table - who would question that?

Arthur strutted outside and was motivated enough to try it out right now. He was excited to meet Nick in his house again anyway, but this time not as an intruder.  
He had to take another sunshine pill, before he could approach the Constable that was guarding the rockstar’s front door.  
He remembered that the bobby was picky about who he let in, so he couldn’t just pull out his pass and ask for anything. But Arthur had more aces. He pulled out a bottle of Scotch, all bobbies loved a friendly gesture.

„Just to show you I appreciate your work,“ he said and held out the bottle.  
„That’s nice of you,“ the bobby said and took a hit.  
Arthur considered it was save now to have a little chat.  
„I bet you’re quite busy these days, after the concert and all.“  
The Constable gave him a real smile.  
„Yes, but it’s wonderful! Just like the old days! I’ve been worried about him, you see, he didn’t come out for weeks, and now everything is peachy again.“  
„Good to hear jolly news like these, am I right? Especially in such hurly-burly times…“  
„What do you mean by that, sir?“  
„Well, we need good new’s, don’t we? The upcoming festival, the new flavor of Joy, the Make Believes, that’s something people should hear more about. Instead of stupid rumors.“  
„There’s wisdom in your words,“ the bobby agreed and took another sip from the bottle.

„You think Mr. Lightbearer would agree too?“, Arthur tried.  
„Sure. Why do you ask?“  
„I’m wondering if Mr. Lightbearer would give me an interview about the new album. It would match the other good news so nicely. And isn’t it everyone’s duty to make people happy?“  
„It is. I must still warn you, Mr. Lightbearer has been quite anti-social in the past days“, the bobby said and opened the door for Arthur.  
„Good luck, sir.“  
„Thank you very much, Constable.“  
A very happy Arthur entered the house and called for Nick.

He could hear the sound of music coming from the upper floors. That must be the band. So he came too soon?  
While he was standing around and couldn’t decide what to do another man entered the room, decoyed by his calls.  
„I’m afraid Mr. Lightbearer is busy right now. I’m Virgil Dainty, his manager. Who are you?“  
Arthur looked at the other man who was a slight bit taller than him and most of all unexpected.  
He had to tell himself that he was still a good citizen, not at all a downer.

„I’m Arthur Hastings, reporter from the Hamlyn “O“ Courant,“ he answered and it felt good to say.  
„All I’m asking for is one interview, to get in touch with the fans again. To make them feel close to their idol again. They’ve been starving for months now.“  
The other man’s expression softened.  
„I’ll talk to him. Come back in the afternoon. He’ll see you then.“  
„Thank you, Mr. Dainty,“ Arthur said and started to walk backwards out of the room. He was afraid his wide grin would raise suspicion. „See you!“, he added before he quickly left the house.  
Outside he climbed into the first hatch he found and then broke out in cheers.  
He finally did it! He could meet Nick as a person!

Virgil talked to Nick when the band made a pause.  
„A reporter asked for an interview today and actually, it wouldn’t hurt to be in the news again. Do you think you’re capable?“  
„Today?“ Nick was surprised.  
„He’ll be back in the afternoon, in case he doesn’t forget.“  
Nick liked interviews, but most of the time he wasn’t able to give any.  
„I can do that, Virgil,“ he told his worried manager.  
The other man eyed him.  
„Perhaps it’s better if I come along.“

Nick smirked.  
„Don’t you trust him or don’t you trust me?“  
„Both,“ Virgil admitted.  
„Virgie, I’m clean! If I don’t like that guy I’ll ditch him, it’s easy,“ Nick waved him off and stretched himself out on the chair he was slouching on.  
Virgil laid a hand on his star’s shoulder and immediately he had his full attention again.  
„Don’t tell any sad stories from your past, okay? That’s nobody’s business. Only the happy times.“  
„I know, Virgie! It’s not my first interview after all,“ Nick assured him and looked him in the eyes.  
Virgil sighed.  
„Alright, there goes nothing.“

When that mysterious reporter finally rang the bell Nick opened the door himself.  
Arthur could see how his lover’s face froze. He however grinned and held out his press pass.  
„Mr. Lightbearer, are you ready for an interview?“  
Nick stared at the pass, then at Arthur.  
„Arthur, you’re a reporter?“  
„Yep, “O“ Courant, freshly hired,“ the other man answered proudly.  
„But aren’t you…“, Nick lowered his voice, „aren’t you a downer?“  
„I still have friends at the office“, Arthur said and chuckled. „Now what? Will you let me in, or will you stare at me all day?“

„Uh..I…“, Nick stuttered and glanced inside. „You know, it still looks like a pigsty in there and…my band is still there too. Why don’t we go somewhere else, like, the Garden or something?“  
He made a step outside and closed the door.  
Arthur gave him a pleading look.

„I hoped you would show me a place you like. The Garden is my favorite place. But what’s yours?“  
Nick thought about it.  
„Have you ever been in the Avalon Hotel?“, he proposed.  
„The most expensive hotel in town? Hell, no, I could never afford that.“  
Arthur beamed at him.  
„Do you still have your suite there?“  
Nick returned the smile.  
„You bet I have! Come, Artie, let’s stir up some snobs!“, he said and gently slapped Arthur’s back.  
Arthur was inches from hugging Nick, but he had to wait.

Thanks to Nick’s new success it was even more important to hide in the underground. Nick also preferred not to be seen with Arthur in public or even be photographed with him.  
They sneaked through Nick’s yard and opened the same hatch they had used when they first met. Arthur noticed that Nick wasn’t afraid of climbing anymore and felt proud of his lover. Perhaps he could learn more, and they would be able to move around in town without hindrance.

Down in the tunnel, Nick waited for Arthur at the ladder and just when his feet touched the ground he pulled the other man into a kiss. Arthur was happy that Nick obviously couldn’t keep his hands off him, as soon as they were alone. He felt the same. He returned the kiss, then he took Nick’s hand as they strolled along.

„What would we do without the underground?“, Nick remarked and chuckled.  
„We would have to put on silly costumes,“ Arthur supposed. „Fake hair and fake beards and such.“  
Nick felt a tickle in his stomach at that, but he didn’t let it show. Instead he said: „I can’t imagine you in a costume.“  
Arthur gave a nervous laughter.  
„If you knew what I had to do to survive.“  
„A minidress?“, Nick guessed.  
„No, but a rubber suit.“  
„Meow,“ Nick said and formed claws with his fingers. „Very sexy. Perhaps we should turn back. The Reform Club is on the other side of the town.“

„You know the way, don’t you?“, Arthur purred in his ear and made Nick’s hair stand on end.  
„I know a lot of ways,“ he purred back.  
Arthur shook his hand as if he burned himself.  
„Now I’m curious what you’ll do with me.“  
Nick laid a hand on Arthur’s chest.  
„And I’m curious if you’ll like it.“

He brushed the other man’s chin with his lips and soon they were entangled into another deep kiss. Their hands were roaming each other’s bodies. Nick digged under Arthur’s jacked, testing how far he could go. He wouldn’t mind doing it right now, on the spot. But then Arthur grabbed his hand.  
They moved apart and Nick opened his eyes. Arthur’s brown eyes examined him.

„Not here,“ he whispered, making Nick’s legs turn to jelly. He retreated a little.  
Then he felt how Arthur cupped his chin.  
„You’re a bad boy, Nickie,“ he purred, before he lifted up his chin and kissed the tip of his nose.  
After that he put out his hand.  
„Let’s go.“  
Still entranced, Nick accepted Arthur’s hand. His pulse was running much faster now, while he led a very happy Arthur through the tunnel.


	27. Chapter 27

Seeing the Avalon Hotel for the first time, Arthur gasped. It looked even more glorious than he had imagined.   
„Wow, it’s a palace“, he sighed, clinging to Nick, causing his lover to chuckle.   
„Wait until you’ve seen it from inside.“   
Arthur was eager to go in.

But before, they had to climb the noble wide stairs in front of the building. Arthur saw a golden statue decorating it and wondered what it might show.   
Halfway up the stairs he stopped and said: „Wait…is that you?“  
Nick couldn’t help grinning.  
„Yep. It’s for the annual convention. It’s not always standing here.“  
„Stop“, Arthur suddenly commanded.  
„Huh?“ Nick gave his lover a puzzled look, wondering if he said something wrong.  
„Could you place yourself next to the statue for a moment? Or better, on the pedestal?“

Nick obeyed quickly. He liked the sudden determination of his lover. It promised to be interesting.  
Standing next to his golden self he put an arm around it’s shoulder in an easygoing pose.  
„Like this?“. His voice was pure silk.  
When he glanced back at Arthur he saw that his lover suddenly held a camera in his hands. Startled, he held up his own hands as an attempt to hide his face.  
„Hey, wait!", he shouted, "I’m not prepared for this! My hair is uncombed and my suit is full of wrinkles and my shoes are dirty…“ He began to tug at his clothes and sort his hair strands.

„Don’t be silly. You look smashing!"  
Arthur took his first photo without a warning, just when the nervous rock star was trying to clean his shoes.  
„Hey, I wasn’t ready!“, Nick moaned, but his lover had no mercy.  
„Start posturing or else this will be on the front page!“  
Finally, Nick gave up his resistance. 

Instead he proved to Arthur that he was a very talented model if he wanted to. Using all his irresistible charisma he was making his lover sweat behind the camera. Arthur forgave him all the crazy or way too sexy poses that would never make it in the newspaper. He planned to keep these photos for himself.

„Reporters, man, never lose an opportunity to assault innocent stars,“ Nick sighed, having the situation under control again. „You know what’s a really interesting subject?“  
„I have some in mind,“ Arthur said, giving Nick a wholesome shiver.  
He however pointed at him and then at the pedestal.  
„You…up there. And I’m gonna take the photos.“  
Arthur winced.  
„Me? No way! No one wants me on a photo,“ he stuttered while Nick hopped from the pedestal and snatched the camera from his hands.  
„But me,“ he countered. „Let me have some fun or I’ll get grumpy.“  
„Do you even know how a camera works?“, Arthur tried but Nick lifted a hand.  
„Want a smack on the ear?“, he asked in a playful way.  
Then he pointed at the statue.  
„Get up there.“

Arthur climbed the pedestal and unsurely hung about the golden Nick.  
„The lens is on the front side, Nicky,“ he kept on kidding, but his voice was shaky.  
„And you better take a look into the little window on the back, so you’ll see if it’s focused!“  
Nick lifted an eyebrow.  
„You have a big mouth for someone who’s posing like he shit his pants.“  
„I’m not a model, Nick!“, Arthur protested with his fits clenched.

„You could be!", his lover said with emphasis. "After all you're tall, slim and handsome. All you need is a sense of ease, a sense of laissez faire, you know what I mean?“  
Arthur crossed his arms and blushed.  
„The opposite of that,“ Nick commented, even though he found it adorable.  
„That’s ridiculous,“ Arthur grumbled.  
„Please, Arthur, only one picture! Be a tiny bit spontaneous, just stop thinking for a moment!“

Arthur, who was still red, tried his best to please his lover. He backed against the statue and laid a hand on it’s cold chest.  
„Yes,“ Nick yelled. „That’s good!“   
He took the photo.  
„Give me another one,“ he said and Arthur complied.  
He tried a lot of silly stuff, hoping that no one would ever see these pictures, and only comforted by the fact that at least Nick seemed to like what he did. He had never considered to be somewhat good looking. Nick kept telling him though, so perhaps at least for the two of them it was true.

„You got it now, baby! Yeah, give me more!“  
Nick blew kisses at Arthur who now thought that he maybe wasn't that bad. He got motivated enough to try something crazy, so he climbed on the statue and lied down on it’s widened arms.  
„Oh, that’s beautiful. Stay like this!“  
Nick took multiple photos, thinking that he'd beg Arthur to develop them all so he could keep them.  
A sharp voice ended his euphoria.

„What do you think you’re doing here?“  
A man in a red uniform came out of nowhere and eyed them suspiciously.  
Arthur quickly climbed down. Nick remained calm.  
„Public relations“, he said. „We must not be disturbed.“  
„Is that so?“, the nosey man snapped. „And since when does the star take photos of the journalist?“  
„This is the new age of journalism!" Nick's voice was now dripping with pathos. "The new transparency! People are done with the no-names and no-faces, they want to see the person behind the camera!“  
The man remained unfazed.

„That's fine with me, but not in this property. This isn’t a playground and this statue his rather delicate.“  
„But it’s my statue,“ Nick pointed out.  
„I don’t allow it,“ the man said sternly. „If you need something to climb, we have cliffs all around the island.“  
„Very funny,“ Nick said dryly, but he had no chance. He turned to Arthur who had nervously watched their conversation.  
„What did I tell you? Nothing but snobs here.“  
Arthur took the camera out of his lover’s hands.   
„Perhaps we went overboard a bit,“ he muttered.  
„Nonsense! We’re here to have fun after all. Let’s go in.“

With that he led Arthur into a pompous entrance hall that was filled with people who seemed to be totally ignorant about the beauty around them. Busy bell boys dragging heavy suitcases, stressed out receptionists, bored or upset guests sitting in comfortable chairs, and between all this Arthur who tried to be not too obvious about his astonishment. 

Nick watched him rapturously, until he asked: „Are you hungry?“  
Arthur gave him a puzzled look, so he repeated: „I asked if you’re hungry.“ and grinned  
Finally, Arthur heard him and noticed how the word ‚hunger‘ dramatically changed the feeling in his stomach. All of a sudden he had a gaping hole inside him and at the same time he became very interested in what people might eat in this wonderful place.  
„I guess so,“ he said blankly.  
„Splendid. I need a snack too.“  
They meandered through the masses of people and luggage until they reached a double door.  
Nick opened it for Arthur.  
„After you.“

The restaurant was much calmer, the guests were good tempered and in the distance they heard a soft tune played on a piano. Arthur started to feel much better. When Nick ordered a table, he still hid behind him. He didn’t really trust the Wellies anymore. He was glad when the waiter gave them a cozy place in a corner of the room where nobody would watch them. They sat down and received the menu. Opening it, Arthur gulped.

„Oh dear,“ he said quietly.  
„What?“ Nick looked at him.  
„Everything is so…expensive. I’m afraid I can’t even afford a plate of buttered bread in here.“  
Nick sighed.  
„Oh, Arthur, you’re so cute..."  
Arthur gave him another puzzled look.  
„You can have everything you want", his lover explained. "You’re my guest.“  
Arthur scanned the menu again and found many delicious meals. He had no clue what to take.

„Do you have a favorite?“, he asked and Nick got going.  
He described at least ten different meals until Arthur interrupted him.  
„Did you already try everything on the card?“, he gasped.  
„Not everything. They change it every season. But it’s alright if you want something that’s not on it.“  
Nick was so casual about it, as if they were just having a snack in a fast food restaurant.  
Arthur shook his head.

„I…I can’t decide.“, he said after a while.  
„Then choose everything!“  
Nick gave him a wide smile.  
„I can’t do that.“  
„Why not?“  
„I’m not that hungry.“  
„Then I’ll help you.“

While they were discussing, the waiter came back to their table. Nick saw him and quickly said: „I’ll take over. Or else you’ll miss out on too much.“  
He began to give a large order and Arthur felt torn between his sense of shame and his growling stomach.  
„Thank you“, he whispered when the waiter was gone. His stomach had won.  
Nick patted his arm.  
„Wait until you take the first bite.“

„I’m so hungry, I feel like I didn’t eat in weeks“, Arthur suddenly admitted.  
„Shall I fetch you something from the bar?“  
Nick was about to get up, but Arthur took his arm.  
„No, It’s okay", he assured him. "I want to stay hungry for everything you ordered.“  
Nick eyed him.  
„Tell me if you need something, okay? I don’t want you to faint before you can eat anything.“  
„Don’t worry. I can wait.“

Arthur had to remind himself that this was real.  
Whenever he spend time with Nick, he suddenly felt like a very important person. Just a couple of days ago he would’ve never believed that a man like Nick would love him. But here they were, sitting in the most noble restaurant in town. He felt flattered, seeing the way the famous rockstar looked at him.   
Nervously, he cleared his throat.

„How are you doing by the way? How’s the band?“  
Nick relaxed again and smiled.  
„I feel great! I’m surprised myself about how well it’s working. When we’re playing, it feels just like in the old days, as if we’ve never been separated.“  
He nodded, musing.  
„This is my chance. Our chance."  
Arthur gave him a warm smile. Time to dig deeper.

„Sounds like you’ll get the new record together.“  
„You bet! We’re almost done!“, he said proudly. „Okay, we need a few more songs, two or three perhaps, but I sense this is going to be big.“  
Arthur made a prying face.  
„How did you get your band back in the first place?“

Nick suddenly leaned closer to Arthur. Their faces almost touched.   
„Arthur…“ he whispered mysteriously.  
„Yes?,“ his lover sighed.  
„Arthur, my darling…“, Nick went on purring.  
„Yes?“, Arthur said again.  
Nick's voice was louder again when he said: „Tell me the truth. Is this really a date or do you want to squeeze informations out of me?“  
He made Arthur wince.  
„You think I could do that?“  
„I mistrust journalists in general,“ Nick said definitely. „So?“  
Arthur stared down at the table.

„Of course it’s a date“, he said quietly. „But I had to promise my old boss to give him a new big story to get my press pass back. And if I don’t deliver I’ll soon be just a downer who stole a press pass. Please Nick, play along. I won’t write anything you don’t like. Or else I’ll have to hide in the tunnel again and you can’t go anywhere with me and soon I’ll bore you.“ The words blustered out of his mouth.

„Arthur, you don’t bore me at all!“, Nick eagerly replied. „Of course I’ll help you, because I want you to be free.“  
His lover was flattered.  
„Thank you, Nick. I...I owe you one.“  
Nick waved him off.  
„You don’t owe me nothing. I wouldn’t be here without you.“  
„And without you, I would’ve been slaughtered by a horde of Wellies by now,“ Arthur countered.

Nick gave him a grin.  
„The show wouldn’t have been half as memorable without you.“  
Arthur exhaled.  
„And I thought I ruined it.“  
„No way! Didn’t you read the headlines the next day? I still have the photo of our fight.“  
Nick winked at him.  
„Oh dear.“ Arthur covered his face with his hands. „I hope nobody recognizes me.“  
„I don’t think so,“ Nick said calmly. „You’re hiding very well what a hardass you are."   
Arthur blushed.

„I’m just a bureaucrat.“  
„Nonsense. You’re fast and strong, and most of all where the hell did you learn to fight like that?“, Nick swooned.  
„I was fighting in the arena in the Headboy’s Quarters,“ Arthur admitted.  
„Headboys?“  
„Oh, that’s a group of tough guys in the Garden District. They think they own the place. And when you fall into their hands, you have to fight your way out.“  
Nick stared at him.  
„Is that true?“  
Arthur sighed.  
„Yeah, sadly, they got me.“  
„But you made it out alive.“  
Arthur suddenly felt adventurous and said: „They called me the King of the Parade.“  
He saw a spark in Nick’s eyes he liked very much.  
„That’s…that’s very hot,“ Nick sighed.

They leered at each other until the waiter startled them, finally serving their meals, that were arranged so neatly that Arthur felt sorry to destroy them. He marveled at the filled plates while the waiter served them whine.  
„It tastes even better than it looks,“ Nick assured him and raised his glass.  
„To the freedom of the press!“  
Arthur followed.  
Their glasses clinked softly when they touched.  
Then Arthur enjoyed the best meal someone had ever served to him. Considering what he had seen as a downer made him wonder how the hotel could even afford such good food.

„What do you think?“, Nick asked him some time later.  
„It’s delicious. I never had such a good meal, not even in the best restaurants of the Parade District.“  
Nick gave him a tender look.  
„Just eat it up, King. You need it.“  
Arthur almost choked on the salad.

Nick went on: „I know you need this interview, but I’d love to know more about you.“  
Arthur began to stutter.  
„I…I’m afraid there’s not much to know.“  
„And that arena fight? Was that nothing?“  
„It was the only exciting and dangerous event in my entire life. Everything else is…well…pretty much boring. I was a reporter, then a censor and then a downer.“  
He shrugged.  
„That’s it.“  
He pondered.  
„Okay, I’m pretty good at bridge.“  
Because Nick silenced Arthur added: „That’s a card game.“

„I know bridge,“ Nick said and played upset.  
„Just because I’m a rockstar doesn’t mean I’m dumb as a sack of hammers!“  
He made Arthur smirk.  
„You won’t be the first.“  
„Oh, you really want that smack on the ear!“  
Arthur leered at him.  
„What if I do?“  
„I see. You’re provoking it the entire time, assaulting me with your camera, taking me on a fake date to press information out of me and to cap it all off you’re offending me.“  
„I was just joking,“ Arthur defended himself.  
„Guess what? You’re not boring at all,“ Nick concluded.

Arthur stubbornly poked his plate with his fork.  
„I guess I changed a bit. But there’s still not much so say about me.“  
Nick pondered that, running a hand through his hair. Then he leaned closer to his lover again.  
„Listen, Arthur, my life can be boring, too. Right now it’s going so well that there’s barely anything to fill your story with.“  
Arthur disagreed: "But the happy stories are the best stories! That’s all I need!“  
He gave Nick a warm smile.  
„Just give me a comforting plot. Something that’s just the way it should be. The Wellies will love it. And I’d love it too, to hear that you’re doing well.“  
Arthur gave Nick’s shoulder a soft pat and looked deeply into his green eyes.  
Nick wondered how his crazy life could actually fit in an article. 

Then he said: „Alright, first I’ll tell you the truth, and then we’ll turn it into a story, okay?“  
„Okay,“ Arthur answered with a curious look.  
Nick wriggled about on his chair.  
„Actually it’s not quite heroic. It’s going well now but it wasn’t easy to get them all back together.“  
His expression became worried.   
He meekly said: „Normally I wouldn’t tell this story to anyone.“  
Arthur put down his glass.

„Nick, I’m a downer. I won’t judge you just because your life isn’t all sunshine and roses.“  
His lover looked at him pleadingly.  
„But would you write about it? You know, you could easily denounce me with it.“ He sighed. „I don’t want to tell you a lie either.“  
Arthur was about to hold his hand, but then noticed how that would look like. 

„Nick, trust me,“ he said instead. „I love you. I won’t use you to give myself airs in the press. Trust me, if I had a choice I’d forget all this and just have a good time with you. Let's just…get this over with, okay? “  
His lover have him a thankful look.  
„I’m glad I’m having this interview with you. Everyone else would’ve used me.“  
„I won’t“, Arthur said again with emphasis.   
Nick got lost in the other man’s dark brown eyes before he went on.

„It was all…coincidence. The same day we ran across each other at Sally’s I met my band again. That is, one of them.“  
He gulped.  
„It was a real awful day and I…I thought my career is over. Somehow I gathered the courage to visit my old pianist from the Make Believes. Morrie Memento.“  
Nick avoided Arthur’s eyes now. He felt uncomfortable talking about Morrie in front of him, but he wanted to clarify Morrie’s role in the story. At least the whine helped him to fight down his conflicted feelings.

„I didn’t beg for my old band, I only told him how sorry I am. I haven’t been quite nice in the past, you know. I don’t remember anymore, but I somehow kicked him out of the band. And maybe others too. I only know that the band broke up and it’s all my fault. And Morrie…he gave me a new chance. He summoned the lads and…I had to persuade them too. Somehow I made it and we’re together…God, I thought I’ll never see them again.“  
He took another sip of whine and refilled his glass, before he gave Arthur a questioning look. But Arthur’s glass was still full.

„Don’t you like it? I could order something else for you.“  
His lover shook his head.  
„It’s good, but I rather stay sober for a while. It’s only afternoon.“  
Nick suddenly smirked.  
„You don’t tolerate that much, am I right?“  
„Are you trying to change the subject?“, Arthur replied.  
Nick’s smirk fell down.   
„Well…what else is there to say? I know these guys since school and it’s wonderful to perform with them again. I need to prove them every day that I’m not trying to sell them out and sometimes it’s very tiring but I’m confident they’ll be pleased when our record is out.“  
He drank again.

Then he suddenly said: „Would you do me a favor?“  
„Sure.“  
„Can you interview them too? I promised not to be the only spokesman for the band anymore.“  
Arthur widened his eyes.  
„That’s not a favor for you, but for me! My boss will fall on his knees and praise me if I give her an article about the entire band. Of course I’ll do that!“  
Nick smiled.  
„You’re such a sweetheart, Arthur.“  
They exchanged amorous looks again until they got served the next course of meals.

Arthur stared in surprise at how many new plates were piled up at their table.  
„How much did you order? This is enough for an entire week!“  
„We can keep the rest", Nick waved him off. "Just eat your fill.“  
Arthur stopped protesting and pitched in. He ate another heap.

It was the first time since weeks that he was able to stuff that gaping hole in his stomach. Meanwhile he could comfort Nick a bit and made him talk about some pleasant memories that’ll amp up the article. They made notes together and had a very good time while their dessert was served.

„I’m full as a tick,“ Arthur finally said. „I think I’ll never eat again.“  
Nick was still busy with his chocolate mousse when suddenly a waitress brought him a big pile of ice cream.   
„This looks very delicious, my darling, but it’s not mine,“ he told the girl, giving her a charming smile.  
She returned the smile and said: „It’s from the lady over there.“

Nick turned his head and froze. For the third time he saw the girl with that incredibly long blonde mane. She had a beautiful smirk, too.  
He blew a kiss at her, alerting Arthur.  
„Who’s that?“  
„Uh…that’s a fellow musician. Birdie Callagher, maybe you’ve heard of her“, he casually explained.  
„And she’s sweet on you?“  
Arthur lifted his eyebrows.  
„Perhaps. To be honest, I can’t read her. Perhaps her plan is to make me burst at the seams," he answered eyeing the big ice cream bowl.  
„In that case she’s too late. You accomplished that yourself,“ his lover said dryly.  
He didn’t like it one bit that this blonde bombshell was flirting with his Nick.

„You know, I can pay her back,“ Nick said now and waved to a waiter.  
„Just leave it be,“ Arthur tried, but his lover didn’t listen.  
Proud of his plan, Nick leaned back.  
„I ordered her the biggest bowl of ice cream they have. I hope she’ll like it.“  
„And what are we doing with this?“, Arthur pointed at Nick’s.  
„What do you think?“, he replied and began to eat.  
„Perhaps we should better leave,“ Arthur urged him.  
„And miss out on her reaction? No way!“  
Nick glanced over Birdie’s table.  
„I feel watched,“ his lover said.  
„Oh come on, this looks just like an interview, reporter and star, just as you said. Relax,“ Nick waved him off. Then he got excited. „There, now look!“

They watched how Birdie was served a giant bowl that would've been too much even for two people. She threw her hands up in surprise and laughed out loud. Then she looked at Nick, who gestured her to eat it all up. However, she made a gesture as if she wanted to beckon him over. Arthur immediately felt sick. He was very glad that Nick refused.

"Now we've seen it. Now let's...", Arthur began but couldn't end his sentence because another portion of ice cream was placed in front of him.  
"What the..."  
The waiter said: "It's from the lady over there."  
Arthur turned around to stare at a fancy dressed woman with brown pinned-up hair who waved at him.  
Nick burst out in laughter.  
"That's not funny", his lover protested.  
"Don't tell me it never happened to you before...", Nick gasped. "Oh man, your face..."

Arthur screw up his nose.  
"She's probably just thinking I can get her a backstage pass."  
Nick took a deep breath.  
"Come on, dear, relax and eat some."  
"But I'm full," Arthur said stubbornly.  
"Just try it. It's really good."  
Arthur gave up and took his spoon. At least Nick wasn't watching that blonde girl anymore. His ice cream was delicious too.  
"Now I'm really full," he said after eating half of it.  
Nick didn't come much farther that him.

"What a shame we can't keep that," he said, sadly watching the ice melt.  
"It was wonderful, Nick", Arthur said with a softer tone. "But now whe should go."  
Nick agreed, but he also glanced at Birdie's table once again, who was still eating.  
"She'll eat it up", he whispered in awe.  
"She didn't empty the entire kitchen before that, unlike us. Please, Nick!"   
Arthur couldn't handle it any longer.  
"Okay, okay," Nick said and finally got up.   
His lover was quickly leaving the restaurant, so that Nick didn't get another chance to dally away.


	28. Chapter 28

Back in the entrance hall, Arthur made big, curious eyes when he asked: "By the way, what does your suite look like?", as if they would continue a conversation. After what had happened in the restaurant he considered the hotel to be full of rivals, female guests staring at Nick or trying to get his attention. He needed to be alone with him. Nick however didn't seem to notice it, he was just giving him a wide smile and led him to a fancy looking lift. They went to the second floor. Arthur already liked the corridor because it was empty. Nick opened the door for him and once again he was overwhelmed.

"Holy Shit", he blurted out.  
He had never seen a suite like this.  
It had an own bar, similar to the one he knew from Nick's tunnel hideout, so he guessed that had been the model. It also a very large, modern and comfortable looking sitting area. Leading off from it there were more rooms that Arthur couldn't fully recognize yet. The entire suite was furnished very colorfully and probably very expensive. 

"It's the biggest one they have", Nick said shrugging, as if he was disappointed. "It has to do for now."  
Arthur eyed the bar.  
"It reminds me of your tunnel suite."  
Nick gave him a wink.  
"You're a smart boy."  
Then he went over to the bar, taking a glass from the shelf.  
"I need some more. You too?"  
"Uh...I...", Arthur stuttered.  
"Don't worry, I'll mix you one with just a tiny drop of scotch."  
Arthur pondered.  
Nick assured him: "You'll miss out on something."  
Arthur didn't want to miss out on anything.  
"Alright, you got me."

Arthur sat down on a barstool and watched Nick taking another glass from the shelf. Nick gathered multiple bottles of different drinks and started mixing something that looked very interesting. In fact he was moving and juggling the drinks like he had worked in a bar himself. Arthur couldn't stop staring at him. A short moment later his lover had created a colorful cocktail that was slightly sizzling and foaming in it's glass.

"Ta-da!", he said solemly, with his arms wide open. "And not a single drop spilled."  
"Is there anything you can't do?" Arthur was stunned.  
"Yeah, playing theremin," Nick said grinning and offered Arthur a glass.  
When Arthur kept staring at it he added: "You can drink this by the way."  
Arthur caught himself and accepted the drink. Their glasses touched.  
Arthur tried it. It was prickling on his tongue and had a sweet taste.  
"It's very good," he said.  
"I knew you'll like it," Nick purred and gave Arthur a hungry look.

Arthur suddenly leaned over to his lover and used his finger to wipe a tiny rest of foam from his lover's lips, then he licked the foam from his finger. Nick didn't move but Arthur could see that his pupils widened. Slowly, he laid a hand on Arthur's neck and pulled him closer. Their kiss tasted as sweet as the drink. Arthur loved it so much he couldn't get enough. The alcohol pulsed in his veins. Or was it alcohol? It seemed to block his thinking. All he could manage to think about was this beautiful rockstar who tasted delicious.

Suddenly there was a loud clank. Slowly, like in trance, Arthur turned around to see that Nick had knocked over his drink and it's liquid was streaming over the counter, sparkling in bright colors and white foam.  
"Oh, sorry...", Nick muttered, while he clinged to Arthur.  
Arthur's sleeve was wet, but he didn't mind at all. He started to chuckle and wiped his own glass away, with an elegant movement. His drink mixed into Nick's and formed a beautiful rainbow. Nick laughed. Arthur wondered if there had been Joy in his glass, before he went back to greedily making out with his rockstar.

Nick was kneeling on the counter by now and Arthur got the idea to climb up to him, while their tongues were still entangled. With the help of his lover he made it and crawled on his lap. Then he blatantly grabbed his lover's lower back and pulled at his trousers. At that, Nick bit in his jacket and pulled at it. Arthur moaned. He liked it, even though they didn't accomplish anything.  
Then he was suddenly pressed down on the counter until he was lying on his back. The remnants of their drinks tickled him and the ice cubes were cold. He laughed.

"Nick", he sighed and avoided an attempt to kiss, so Nick started to nibble at the corner of his mouth.  
"Nick", he tried again. "It's so cold..."  
Puzzled, his lover looked up and noticed what he had done.  
"Oh sorry, my love...let me help you..." he mumbled and clumsily got off the counter.  
"I'm melting," Arthur sighed because he felt like it.  
Nick shoved his arms under him and lifted him up. He needed a moment to steady himself, but he found his balance and began to drag Arthur to who knew where.

"I'm floating," Arthur giggled.  
He reached out for Nick's face.  
"Where are we going?"  
Nick remained silent.  
They entered a very bright room that blinded Arthur. He blinked rapidly.  
"Where..."  
He couldn't say any more because he suddenly fell down and everything went blurry in front of his eyes. Something warm embraced him. And then choked him. He kicked.  
Then he was pulled up.

He coughed and spat until he was pressed against a warm body.  
"Can't you swim?", a voice whispered.  
Arthur looked around and blinked. He noticed they were in a bathroom, swimming in a giant pool. But he was more interested in Nick's tastly lips, so he searched for them again.  
They found each other, clumsily trying to stay above the water surface. Somehow they managed to get into a shallow area where they were able to kneel down. 

Finally, Arthur remembered how to open buttons, so he freed his lover from his annoying jacked and shirt. Nick followed him. Tearing down their wet pants was much more difficult. They struggled until they had exposed all essential parts. Then they let it be. Arthur barely picked up on his surroundings anymore but his lust became stronger with every touch of his lover's naked skin. He rammed himself into Nick in a rather rude manner. Judging by his lover's outcry he didn't mind at all.  
By now everything around them had turned into a swirl of colors. The water too. It looked like they were ice cubes swimming in a giant cocktail. Arthur found it beautiful.  
He heard his lover's impressive voice beg for him.  
"Give it to me, King!"

When Arthur came, he made an incomprehensible noise. He was exhausted and inches away from drowing in this drink. He felt sick. With the last bits of his strength, he crawled out, rolled down on the floor and remained there, panting.  
Nick made it halfway out of the pool, put an arm around Arthur and lied down, half in the water and half on the floor.

When Arthur woke up he felt wrapped into a warm and comfy cloud he never wanted to leave again. But a second later a sharp pain ran down his temples and he shot up, with no clue about where he was. Bright colors danced around him. Then his stomach turned. He leaned over and threw up everything he had left in his body until his eyes were full of tears. Exhausted, he slid from the bed and tried to pull himself up on the wall. He somewhat made it. His head was still pounding heavily.

He stumbled out of the room into another he didn't recognize, until he saw a bar. Suddenly he hoped that water would help him slowly went over there. On the counter he found a glass filled with a murky liquid and a note lying next to it. Slowly, and in between multible blinks, he deciphered the letter.

"Morning, sunshine!  
I'm sorry I had to leave early, but my band needs me.  
I mixed you something that should cure your headache.  
If you want to leave in secret just pull the second lever at the bar, it'll open a door to a passageway out of the hotel.  
Stay as long as you like. You're my guest.  
Until next time, my King.  
Kisses  
Nick"

Arthur began to remember why he had such a horrible pain in his head. He grabbed the glass and drank all of Nick's brew even though it had a very bitter taste. Then he fell down on the couch and waited for it to do it's magic. Over time he could feel his mind becoming clearer and the pounding in his temples grow softer. Perhaps he even sleeped a bit, he wasn't sure. Getting up, he was finally able to think again. He remembered had to look for his clothes in the bathroom.

When that was done he felt was sorry for ruining the bedsheets, so he put a few coins on the table and added a letter "For the cleaning." No matter how beautiful the suite was, he didn't want to stay there without Nick, so he pulled the lever and was impressed about how the wall opened like a door. He kept Nick's note when he left.

Back in his hideout he realized how lonely he was. He wondered if Nick really had to leave so early. If there had been no way to find and excuse to spend more time with him. He read the note again. There was no "I'll come back...", no "Meet me there...", and no "Visit me...". He was left alone without a new meeting in sight.

Arthur was seconds away from just walking to Nick's house again, knocking down the door and asserting his right to see his boyfriend. But then he noticed he was an idiot.  
The interview!  
He had promised to talk to the entire band, and they were in Nick's house!  
That was the way they would meet again!  
Arthur bobbed up and ran. It was already afternoon.

Nick woke up in the night because his bones ached from lying in an uncomfortable position. He was still tired but he knew he had to go home and that pushed him forward and helped him to bring his exhausted body under control. First, he carried Arthur into his bedroom, lied him down and covered him with his blanked. He would've loved to kiss his forehead, but he didn't want to wake him up. Then he mixed himself a drink to cure his headache and put on a dry set of clothes. 

He was well aware that the curfew had begun when he went out. But he wasn't just a normal Wellie after all, so he approached the first Constable he found.  
"Excuse me sir," he slurred and the man stopped.  
"Mr. Lightbearer!" He didn't sound angry. His voice was rather caring, as if he was talking to a child. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"  
"I think...I'm lost." Nick scratched his head.  
He never looked more drunk when he was playing drunk.  
"Could you...could you take me home?"  
"Of course, sir. It's an honor to escort you. Just stick with me."  
"Thanks...", Nick muttered, clutching the man's arm.

It wasn't the first time that he traveled at night like this. Multiple times in the past, the bobbies had found him drunk or high in the streets and unable to walk home by himself. They liked to help him, because he rewarded them with a generous tip, or a big supply of scotch. In addition some bobbies were also fans.  
"I'm so tired," Nick moaned.  
It was true. And it was still a long way home.  
He tugged at the man's sleeve and begged until the bobby lifted him up.  
Happily, Nick wrapped his arms around the Constable's shoulders and had a little nap until he was waked up by a pat on his back.

"Is he alright?", he heard the voice of his own bobby, Constable Hunt.  
"Right as rain, just a bid dizzy I suppose," the other man said and carefully put down his cargo.  
"Thanks, man," Nick whispered and searched his pockets. He found a big bundle of money and handed it his savior.  
"Here, for your efforts."  
"It was a pleasure, Mr. Lightbearer, sir."  
He touched the brim of his helmet.  
"Hunt?"  
Hunt nodded.  
Then the Constable walked back to his district and Hunt helped Nick into the house. He managed to walk up the stairs himself. He crouched into his bed on all fours and saw with pleasure that Morrie was lying in it. Cuddling into the other man he soon fell asleep.

The next day Nick woke up because someone was gently shaking him. He opened his eyes and turned his head.  
"Morrie?", he sighed.  
"Morning, sunshine!", his lover said way too loud. "Duty calls."  
Nick yawned.  
"Only five more minutes, Morrie," he begged and turned away, cuddling back into the blanked.

"You smell like alcohol," Morrie stated. "Must've been a funny interview."  
"Hmm", Nick just said and didn't move.  
"Alright, suit yourself", Morrie answered.  
Then it was peacefully silent again and Nick closed his eyes.  
He was horribly startled by a sudden wave of ice cold water that splashed all over his face. Screaming and gurgling, he shot up.  
"Are you nuts?", he snapped at Morrie who was standing next to his bed, looking rather smug.  
"You forced my hand," he said and shrugged.

Nick dried himself with the blanket.  
"Why do you hate sleep so much?", he muttered grumpily.  
"I already gave you another half an hour", Morrie replied and sat back down on the bed.  
"Let me help you out of these wet rags."  
He pulled off Nick's wig without asking.  
"So that was your plan", Nick remarked but he followed his lover's order.  
"Well...you know it's boring to just say it."  
"How about being nice? That's not boring at all."

Suddenly he received a passionate kiss from Morrie that made him lose his breath.  
"Much better," he gasped.  
Morrie cupped his lover's head.  
"I had more memories of our past last night," he whispered. "Have I been to harsh to you in all these years, Norrie?"  
Nick's eyes widened.  
"Norrie and Morrie? For real?"  
"Well...after you shortened my name like that, I payed you back," he said smirking.  
Nick chuckled and shook his head.  
"You remember this wrong. This can't be my nickname."  
"Oh, yes."

They kissed again, gentle and loving. Nick gave him a pleading look.  
"Morrie, why can't we stay in bed for a little while longer?"  
"Because we have to go," Morrie said with emphasis. "Watch the clock."  
Nick got up and put on his clothes.  
"To answer your question: you are harsh."  
Morrie crossed his arms.  
"One of us has to be, or else we won't finish this album in this life."  
"But you grant me a coffee, right?"  
"If you're a good boy."  
He got his coffee, and Morrie too.

Entering their band room, Nick saw something that made his heart skip a beat. Right on their stage there was copy of himself, strutting in front of his friends, who looked very amused.  
"What is this?", he blurted out.  
The fake Nick turned around.  
"Hallelujah! They have risen from the dead!", he exclaimed and the others broke out in laughter.  
Nick, who was now completely awake, planted himself in front of the fake. Then the penny dropped.

"Chris?" He sounded upset.  
"That's me," his friend said smirking. "What do you think?"  
Nick suddenly laughed out loud.  
"You look ridiculous!"  
Chris held his arms akimbo.  
"You remember this is your own outfit, right?"  
"But...but it doesn't suit you at all!"  
Morrie had another question: "Why do you copy him?"  
"Well, while you two lovebirds were busy in your bedroom we came up with a plan. Every time the real Nick is unable to perform, one of us will play the Lightbearer, so we'll never have to cancel a show again! Briliant, huh? We are all Lightbearers!"

Nick had stopped laughing.  
"Guys, no! Don't do this! You'll ruin it all! People will think Nick Lightbearer doesn't exist!"  
"So , does he exist?" Chris gave him a defiant look.  
"Of course, he's right in front of you!"  
Chris eyed his lead singer.  
"Well, you look more like Norbert Pickles to me."  
Nick made one step towards the other man.  
"And you look like a clown in this!", he said with his fists clenched.

Morrie held him back.  
"Now, now, Nickie. It's just a prank."  
"Take that off," his lover demanded.  
Chris didn't move. Instead Brad barged into this conversation.  
"And what are we doing when you're too high to perform? It happens quite often after all."  
"You all forgot that I'm in rehab! That won't happen anymore!"  
The others exchanged glances.  
"You never told us."  
"Oh...well...now you know..."  
Nick looked meek now.

"So...where have you been all night?", Matt asked.  
"Now you forgot about the interview."  
Nick tried to sound cool but he was nervous.  
"The entire time? Must've been fun", Chris chuckled. "You think you could send this guy to us too?"  
"I already did!", Nick remembered. "He'll interview you too."  
"For real?"  
They all stared at him.

"Yeah, and he's actually excited about it."  
He received cheers for that.  
Brad put an arm around his shoulder and purred: "Looks like you're turning back into a human being in your old age."  
Nick gave him a sheepish grin.  
"So, when will this guy show up?", Matt was excited too.  
"As soon as he can walk again," Nick answered and made a face.  
The band broke out in laughter.

They had a good time and would've kept working at their record until the evening if not Constable Hunt had come into their room, saying: "Gentlemen, Mr. Hastings from the press is at the door. He'd like to speak to you."  
"Oh, Mr. Hastings!", Matt shouted laughing. '"We can't let him wait, can't we?"  
They abandoned their instruments.  
"Have fun," Nick said.  
"You'll get along without us, Nickie?", Chris asked.  
"Just fine," Nick assured him. "But be nice to Mr. Hastings."  
"We're always nice!" He grinned.  
"I was afraid you'd say that."

They waved him off and left the room. Morrie gave Nick a slap on the lower back before he went out. Nick overheard them talk to Arthur, but he didn't plan to show up without his Lightbearer-suit. He waited until they were gone, before he left the room himself. Looking at the empty floor he realized he was alone now.  
For a moment he wondered about what to do with himself until something occured to him and he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. The objects of interest were stored in his cupboard. They were glowing in a soft red tone when he took them out.  
Arthur's Nonsuches. 

Nick was glad that they were tough because he didn't water them very often yet.  
Now he cherished them with all his care, humming along a song. He had heard that plants liked music. When he had done everything he could, he looked at them and enjoyed their beauty before he put them back. 

Lacking any better plans, he went back downstairs and into the kitchen to fetch himself a drink.  
There he met Virgil, who looked like he had had the same idea.  
"Hey, Virgie, would you mind to share?", Nick greeted him and rested one elbow on the counter.  
"Hey, Nick." His manager poured him a drink. "Tired?"  
"Yeah. We had a busy day and now my adrenaline is dying down."  
He took a nip of his drink.

"So...the interview? Did it go well?", Virgil asked, reminding Nick that he had been worried.  
"Better," Nick waved him off. "I didn't say anything...inappropriate for the press. You'll see. And this reporter is a good guy. He won't write any bullshit."  
Virgil nodded.  
"I'm glad you involved the others too. You're about to win them over again," he said in a softer tone.  
Nick smiled.  
"You mean, I did something right?"  
Virgil nodded again.  
Nick took another nip. It felt so good to be praised.

His manager eyed him for a while, then he said: "You look happy, Nick. Are you happy?"  
Nick locked gazes with him.  
"Yes," he answered smiling. "Very."  
"You're not even high." Virgil shook his head.  
"Well...I'm serious about that rehab thing. Surprised?"  
Virgil fell silent. If Nick read his expression right his manager was embarrassed.  
Nick opened his mouth to say sorry but Virgil was quicker.

"Nick...I...I have to apologize," he said quietly, staring at his glass.  
"No, you don't," Nick said definitely. "I've already forgiven you Birdie. She's a nice girl. Also, it was my own fault to hide from you and get wasted. Let's just forget it and move on."  
Virgil shook his head.  
"That's not what I mean...it's a part of it, but..." He sighed. "If it hadn't been for me, you would've never needed a rehab."  
Nick gave him a surprised look.

"You remember this pub you and your band have been playing in the early years of your career? That evening it was crowded with guests and they only came to see you. But you had stage fright and couldn't perform."  
He gulped.  
"I had an idea. There was that new stuff they called Joy. Back then only depressive Wellies used it but what it did to them sounded promising. So I forced you to take it. The show was a big success. You've been stunning. But it changed you."

Virgil still avoided Nick's eyes. Nick furrowed his brows.  
"But now everyone's taking Joy. What's wrong with that?"  
"We didn't leave it at that. Soon, you found out that there were more helpful substances in the world and you took everything you could get. And I helped you. Using all this you never had stage fright again and that was the only thing that counted for me. When the others started taking Joy, you had long moved on to harder stuff."

Nick pondered.  
"It would've happened anyway. I needed it," he replied.  
"Perhaps. Perhaps not." Virgil shook his head again. "You never had the chance to find out. Now I see you smile for the first time in years and I understand what I've done to you."  
Virgil gulped. His eyes were red.  
Nick abandoned his drink. He walked over to Virgil and hugged him tightly.

"I didn't want it any other way. I would've never forgiven myself if I had ruined that show. We all were ambitious and did everything to become famous. What counts for me is that we would've never made it without you."  
He ran a hand over his manager's back.  
"I'm thankful for everything you did for me, Virgil."  
Soon he felt Virgil's arms around him and a hand on his head, softly squeezing him.  
He closed his eyes.  
He was very comfortable in Virgil's arms.

"I didn't make you happy again," Virgil whispered. "You did that yourself."  
"Well...to be fair, it was Morrie," Nick said into his manager's shirt.  
"Yes...Morrie. I'm glad you found each other again."  
"Me too. Even though that means there's not much time left for us anymore."  
"Maybe it's for the best. Morrie would've done a better job caring for you. Stick to him," Virgil whispered in that deep voice Nick loved so much.

Nick looked up to him.  
"Don't be ridiculous, Virgil! Nobody cares better for me than you!"  
"But now you have Morrie."  
"Perhaps I'll try to care for you for a change. I want you to be happy too."  
Virgil gave him a meek smile.  
"You don't have to, Nickie. Just get better and make me happy with your smile."  
Nick pressed his face in Virgil's shirt again.

They hugged in silence, until Nick said: "I saw Birdie in the Avalon yesterday."  
Virgil gently stroked his hair.  
"I hope you were nice."  
Nick chuckled.  
"I'm always nice."  
Virgil didn't answer to that.  
"Do you see her too? She needs help just as much as me."  
"I do, but right now she's recovering from her tour."  
"So, she's free," Nick concluded.

"What do you mean? Are you planning to pair me off?"  
Nick gave him an innocent look.  
"Don't you like her?"  
Virgil made a face.  
"Nick."  
"What?"  
Virgil silenced.  
Nick opened their embrace and smirked.

"What do you think? Shall I sound her out if she's into you?"  
"Heaven's sake, Nick, don't! You'll creep her out."  
"Nonsense! I know how it's done."  
"No, Nick, no! You don't even have time for this now", Virgil said strictly, turing back to his old self.  
Nick shrugged.  
"Alright, if you don't want a girlfriend, I'll have to do."  
He grabbed Virgil by the collar and planted two kisses on his cheeks. Then he let go and his manager stumbled backwards, bumping against the counter.  
Nick chuckled and strutted out of the room.  
"Come on, Virgie, we can't stand about in the kitchen all day."


	29. Chapter 29

Nick had tried to resist the scotch but he was already in a tipsy state when his band came back, looking like they were in the same state as him.  
"Hi Nickie, have you been a good boy?", they greeted him, who was relaxing on the couch.  
"And you?," he replied. "You spent a lot of time on this too."  
"Well, this Hastings guy was surprisingly hard-drinking," Chris said smirking, making Nick shoot up.

"What did you do to him?"  
"Nothing. We just had a good time," Brad assured him with an innocent tone. "Just like you had yesterday."   
Matt, who sat down on the armrest of the couch, added: "You know very well that you can't trust reporters as long as they are sober."  
That made the others laugh.

"But he's alright," Nick insisted.  
"Oh yeah, very alright", Chris agreed. "He's adorable, right Morrie?"  
Morrie rolled his eyes.  
"I'm delighted," he said dryly.  
Nick pouted.  
"Great. I'm giving you the chance to be in the press and you have no better idea than to scare the reporter away."

„Nah, I think we've been exceptionally nice to him.", Brad replied.  
"No offense, but I think your judgement in the matter of kindness is a bit unreliable," Nick said dryly, but he didn't ruin Brad's mood at all.  
"Perhaps. But this time there's three gentlemen who agree with me."  
Morrie launched himself on the couch and added: "He's right. Could've been worse."  
"This pessimist wanted to say that it's gonna be a great article. Just wait until you see it," Chris assured him again.

Nick sighed.  
"Did you tell him anything about me?"  
"Only the good things," Brad answered and then pointed at Nick, almost touching the tip of his nose. "As you did too, right? You're living with us now, so you should be nice."  
Nick backed away.  
"Why are you living in my house anyway? Are you all homeless?", he asked playfully.  
"No, but I remember that you begged us to come back and keep you company. Am I right?"  
The others agreed.

Nick gave them a sheepish grin.  
"Okay, okay, you're right. I don't want you to leave, you're my friends and I love you."  
He received shoulder pats and sympathy.  
Then Morrie linked arms with him and said: "Would you mind if I borrow this sweetheart for a bit?"  
"A bit," Chris repeated grinning. "Sure, we'll see you next week."  
"Very funny."  
"Why? It's Sunday."  
Morrie slapped his forehead and left with Nick, who waved the others goodbye.

Outside Nick said: "You must've missed me a lot, being in such a hurry."  
As an answer Morrie gave him an eager kiss.  
"I'm just so happy right now", he sighed. "I wanna go outside with you, watch the sunset, anything we did in the past!"  
"But I thought you wanted to be careful...", Nick asked and immediately regretted it because Morrie's expression saddened.  
"Is there nowhere safe we can go?", his lover asked with begging eyes.  
Nick pondered.

"Yes," he decided. "The way is a bit rough though..."  
"I don't care," Morrie said with emphasis. "I'll go wherever you want."  
Happily, Nick led him upstairs and opened the door to his bedroom.   
Morrie leaned at the doorframe while his lover went inside.  
"This is not what you meant, right?", he said with furrowed brows.  
Pulling off the blanked from the bed Nick answered: "No, but we might need this."  
Nick neatly folded it and went out again, with a curious Morrie following him.

He went into a smaller room and opened the window. Before Morrie guessed what he was planning, he had climbed out and vanished.  
"Norbert!", Morrie cried and ran for the window.   
Outside he saw his lover smirking at him, standing on a scaffold.  
"Did you really think I'd jump out there?"  
Morrie caught his breath.  
"Don't scare me like this again! I don't deserve this!"  
"Come on, don't be mad, better get out there and get some fresh air!"  
Morrie gave the scaffold a doubtful look.  
"And then what?"  
"Don't be afraid, my dear, I'll hold you," Nick promised and held out a hand to help him out.

Morrie hesitated, wondering if he should cancel this dangerous adventure, but then again he wanted to know what Nick had planned for them. He put his hand in Nick's and climbed out. Then he clutched to his lover and his voice was a tiny bit higher than usual when he asked: "And now?"  
"Now we turn the corner over there,", Nick explained and led him along the narrow board they were standing on.

"Don't worry, just hold my hands, we're almost there."  
"You have some ideas...", Morrie sighed but anyway obeyed, staring at the board that separated him from the abyss.  
"Good, and now look up there," Nick commanded and Morrie slowly moved his head.  
"I only see the roof," he stated.  
"Yep, that's where we're getting up now," he heard his lover say.  
"Really? What do we do up there?"  
"Trust me."  
Morrie gulped, but Nick was giving him such a warm smile he couldn't resist.

Nick showed him where he could place his foot to climb up safely. When he had reached the roof he knelt down to help his lover up. They got up together while Morrie clung onto him again.   
"Are you okay, Morrie?", Nick whispered, wiping a hair strand from the other man's forehead.  
"Yeah...I think so..."

They made a few steps forward and the more they absented themselves from the abyss, the safer Morrie felt. Looking around, he took in the fresh air and started to realize what a beautiful view they had. From here, they could see entire Hamlyn Village, all the roofs that gathered around Nick's, and the horizon with it's clear sky. He saw a wide landscape in the distance that must've been Lud's Holm and taller houses that must've been from the Parade District. Above all this, the sun was setting in glowing red. Morrie stared at it like he was enchanted, then he began to sob.

"Oh my...this is so beautiful..."  
He rubbed his eyes.  
"I'm crying again."  
Nick gently kissed a tear from his cheek.  
"Cry my love, cry as much as you want. I'll hold you," he whispered.

They kissed tenderly. Then Nick spread the blanked over the roof, where they could lie down in a comfortable position and watch the sunset turn the town bright red, until the sky became dark blue and the first stars came out. Morrie lied on Nick's chest.  
"And I was worried you'd only take revenge for the cold water this morning."  
Nick kissed Morrie's hair.  
"I won't play such a cruel prank on you, especially not when you're in a cuddly mood."

"You're so good to me again, Norrie. Just like the old days. Will it last?"  
Morrie looked him in the eyes.  
Nick returned the gaze.  
"Yes, it will."  
And he meant it. How could he not mean it, cuddling with the most handsome man in town under the starry sky?

Their kiss was soft, their tongues carefully touched, as if they kissed for the first time. Morrie rolled on Nick and felt is lover embrace him, gently squeezing him. Nick widened his legs and let Morrie's hands stroke over their insides. His delicate skin turned into goosebumps under the other man's hands and a shiver ran down his spine. Getting hard, he greedily rubbed against his lover. Morrie started to move his hips too, then he suddenly bent down and kissed the tip of Nick's length, making him gasp. Then he pulled down his lover's pants. Nick returned the favor with shivering fingers. He was already starving when his lover softly slid into him. Finally they merged into one, finding their rhythm, gradually getting faster. Nick bit Morrie's shoulder when he came. 

When he saw what he had done, he ruefully licked his lover's wound. Morrie however petted his cheek with a finger.   
"It's okay...", he said "I like it."  
Then he grabbed the blanked on both ends and wrapped it over them, so they could warm each other while the night turned cold.  
"I didn't look at the stars for ages," Morrie whispered.  
"Me neither. I didn't give a damn," Nick admitted.  
Morrie chuckled.  
"It was a wonderful idea to come here."  
They began to hold hands under the blanket.  
"Wasn't it? Sometimes I have good ideas."  
"Absolutely, Nick Lightbearer."  
"Why thank you, Morrie Memento."  
They laughed quietly.

"Norbert, even if the new record is a bummer...we'll stay together."  
"It's not a bummer! It's a hit! You all brought together so many great ideas, it can't go wrong!," Nick fiercely replied.  
Morrie silenced for a while before he whispered: "But if it is, will you leave me?"  
Nick felt a pang in his chest.  
"I guess I've been the biggest asshole in the universe."  
"Hmm," Morrie nodded, "and the prettiest."  
Nick burst out in laughter.  
"That's quite a compliment."  
He sighed.  
"No, I won't leave you."  
He kissed Morrie's cheek.   
"Never."

For another while they entangled, kissing lips and touching skin, before they calmed down to look at the stars again.  
Later, Morrie started to whistle a melody that Nick knew.   
Together with the night and the slight smell of Motilene it created a mixture that made his hair stand on end.   
He shivered.

"What's wrong?", his lover asked. "Don't you like it?"  
"It's a bit...eerie," Nick admitted.  
"Why?"  
"I don't know."  
"I played it the day we met again, remember?"  
"Yeah." It came back into Nick's mind. "Where did you hear it?"  
"Someone hummed it from up a roof."  
"How fitting," Nick commented.  
Morrie nudged him.  
"It could be our song. Somehow, it brought us back together, right?"  
"Right."  
Nick smiled at the thought of having a song with Morrie.  
"I'd like that."

They stayed under their comfy blanked until they fell asleep.   
Nick was awakened by a soft nudge.  
„Norrie," he heard his lover whisper. "Just look."  
First, the light blinded him when he opened his eyes. Then he saw the sun rise, painting everything around them in a bright golden color. It was the moment Nick usually kept missing by oversleeping.  
"Wonderful," Nick sighed. "What a shame that there's no room service up here, I would've ordered us champagne."  
They laughed.  
"It's pretty enough without it," Morrie said, then he covered Nick in kisses while they were swimming in liquid gold. 

They stayed on the roof until their protesting stomachs drove them back into the house and into the kitchen. There they found the others, already enjoying their coffee.  
"Look who's back," Chris greeted them. "Are you suddenly anxious about us or just too exhausted to go on?"  
"Spare your breath for singing," Nick replied. "And give us a coffee."  
"Alright, boss," his friend said smirking.  
Strengthened with coffee and toast, they got to work once again.


	30. Chapter 30

They finished a few songs and finally their album took shape. Soon, they only needed one last song, a culmination. It turned out to be a rather complicated task. With all their unfinished pieces and ideas they didn't think through yet, they tried to make something good. Since everyone had their own favorites they kept discussing and experimenting. Some time later Morrie started to play his melody again, just when Nick was standing next to him at the piano. The others listened up and gathered around Morrie.

"Not bad," Matt said, with his guitar ready. "This could be it. Let's play it again."  
Morrie shortly glanced at Nick and winked, before he repeated the melody. Matt joined him this time. Nick closed his eyes and listened to them. The way Morrie played it...he had the feeling that something was missing, so he left the piano to grab his guitar.  
When Morrie had finished Nick said: "I imagine it more like this..."  
He began to play what he remembered from the blurry images in his head. After a while Matt joined him too and they created something that sounded really good in Nick's ears.  
Morrie however interrupted them.

"Your rythm is completely off, don't you hear that?"  
He repeated his version and this time it was Nick who played along. Together they let their melodies clash, struggle for attention and playfully embrace each other before they fought again. In time, they became louder and faster during their musical duel and forgot everything around them.  
Suddenly Chris' guitar screamed into their match with it's amp on full blast. Then the entire band freaked out, playing against each other, until their amps overmodulated. Nick's ears rang but he felt that for the first time in his new life he let all his suppressed feelings out. The fear, the stress, the self-hatred...he could let that all go and it was wonderful.

Morrie was the first to stop, sweating and gasping for air, watching what had become of his idea.  
Eventually they all slowed down, until only Nick and Chris remained, circling around each other, locking gazes and hoping for the other one to get tired first. Nick's fingers already hurt but he didn't want to give up by no means. Then Chris suddenly bumped into him, causing Nick to stumble backwards, almost losing the thread. But he caught himself and went for a counterattack.

The fight continued, but now they focused more on hitting each other and less on what they were playing.  
Finally they crashed on the floor and the song ended with a lamenting howl of their guitars.  
Lying down in sudden silence they heard the others laugh.

"Wow," Chris gasped. "Do we have that on tape?"  
Brad walked over to the recorder with a smirk.  
"Yep, it's all here. Listen."  
They enjoyed their crazy showdown.  
"Playing that in our show we'll make the entire town collapse," Matt said grinning.  
"If that isn't a culmination, I don't know what is," Nick added, satisfied with himself. "What do you think, Morrie?"

His lover had his arms crossed and looked a bit grumpy.  
"Perfect for our farewell tour," he said dryly. "I was actually serious about it."  
"What's not serious about this?", Chris eagerly replied. "We want to wake people up, create a show they'll never forget! We have to make an effort to outdo Nick's downer-fight after all."  
Nick proudly cocked his head at that.  
"With this?", Morrie pointed at the tape. "Sounds like an air raid. We might as well drive a tank on stage."

Brad seemed to like the idea.  
"What do you think?", he looked around "We could borrow one from the Memorial Camp."  
The others grinned, all except Morrie.  
"Ha ha! Forget it, this is not gonna be on the record. No way!"  
"Oh, Morrie, can't you take a joke?", Nick said in a peaceable tone. "Of course this isn't the finished song."  
"So, we'll try again?"  
"Sure."  
Nick turned to the rest of the band.

"And what version do we use?", Matt asked.  
"I liked Nick's more," Brad answered without hesitation.  
"I'm sorry, Mortimer, but me too," Matt agreed. "It had a better flow."  
"I'd try Morrie's, it's something we didn't do before," Chris said.  
"But it's no showdown-song," Brad pointed out.  
"Stalemate so far," Matt concluded. "What do you think, Nick?"  
They all silenced and gave their lead singer expectant looks.  
Suddenly Nick felt a lump in his throat. He eyed each one of his friends. Morrie stared daggers at him. Nick knew how important this song was to Morrie, but this wasn't about doing a favor, it was about their career, their style. 

"I think it's still very vague. Why don't we keep that for our next record? I liked 'Blue Moon'. That song has potential and it's almost done. It's my favorite for our showdown."  
"But as you said it's not done either," Morrie replied.  
"Yes, but we've come very far. Let's finish this today."  
"You're a bit impatient, right, Nick?", Chris asked.  
"An you're not? People forget! Our last show is long ago and soon forgotten."  
"Fair enough. Let's try it," Brad conluded.  
They did their best.

Nick was glad he had avoided another discussion about Morrie's song, but he had the feeling that his lover was colder now. Still, he pretended he didn't notice and focused on their work. Hours later they finally had their last song recorded.  
After the final note had been played they jeered and fell into each other's arms. Morrie's embrace was less loving than usual. But for now Nick couldn't help but let the others cheer him up. They decided to celebrate their new record immediately, no matter what time it was. Their noise decoyed Virgil.

"Our manager is here," Chris alerted the others. "Come on, get him!"  
They darted for the poor confused Virgil, lifted him up, threw him into the air and then carried him outside. Nick watched them happily. When Virgil's screams faded away, Morrie sourly muttered: "Have fun."

Nick gave him a surprised look.  
"Don't you come with us?"  
"No, I need some calm and quiet now."  
Nick carefully stepped closer to his lover.  
"But Morrie...it's our record."  
"Really? Our record?", Morrie said in a sharp tone.  
"But...yes...of course." Nick was puzzled.  
Morrie turned his back on him.  
"Did you take any of my songs?"

Nick furrowed his brows, thinking about it.  
"Sure...", he stuttered, "'Smile Again' is yours, right?"  
"It's Brad's", Morrie snapped.  
Nick's heart dived.  
"But your solo in it is fantastic!", he pointed out to make up for it.  
Morrie wasn't convinced.  
"Still, it's not mine."  
Nick didn't even understand the problem.  
"That melody isn't yours either", he remembered him.

Morrie finally turned around, but his voice was a hiss.  
"Is that a reason to steal it from me?"  
Nick backed away, startled about the blame.  
"I didn't steal it!", he defended himself. "But it sounds different in my head."  
Morrie came closer, snapping at him: "You heard it yesterday and didn't say a word! Why now?"  
"I only made a suggestion!", Nick shouted back, still confused.  
"You stole it!", his lover screamed now, "You didn't even let me finish my take! And I thought we were at one! It was supposted to be our song!"  
Nick felt his eyes water.

"And you won't let me take part in it? In our song?"  
"You promised me you wouldn't use it!"  
"I didn't use it, I only altered the style!"  
"Yeah, right, like we didn't make songs like these in hundreds! Where's your creativity, Norbert, where's the art? Will you ever try something new?"  
"Oh, it's that again!", Nick snapped. "We're just not good enough for the great artist Morrie Memento! I'm sorry my love, but this isn't your solo career!"  
Suddenly it was very quiet. Morrie turned around and left the room, shutting the door with a bang. Nick suddenly had a horrible déjà vu. With a racing heart, he ran after his lover.

"Morrie!", he shouted.  
His lover was halfway up the stairs.  
"Great, just great," he snapped. "It's just like it always was, me against the rest! You always treat me as if I was the odd one out. You're stealing my ideas and otherwise you keep me in the background!"  
"But that's not true!"  
Nick rushed after him.  
"We can still work this out! It just wasn't the time!"  
"I've heard enough of it for today," Morrie shouted and banged the door to his guest room.  
Nick came to a halt right in front of it.  
"Please, Morrie, open the door," he whined. "This is all a misunderstanding."  
"Fuck off!", he heard Morrie shout. "Go and celebrate your triumph!"

Nick begged and pleaded, but his lover didn't let him in.  
Depressed, he slumped down at the doorstep, agonizing over what he had done wrong. He wanted to cry but his tears were stuck somewhere behind his eyes and his heart felt like it was twisting in his chest.

He was very uncomfortable in his big empty house in wich he was unwelcome. He wanted to leave, just like the others, and have a good day. He thought he deserved one, because he had been working hard too.  
But then again he'd only ruin their party.  
So he made a decision.

In his room he turned back into Nick Lightbearer before he left his home. He soon found himself standing in front of that empty looking house he liked to visit. As always, James was there and let him in. Nick assumed that he wasn't a good sight, but then again James had never seen him happy so far. 

"Scotch again?", James asked when they arrived in his living room.  
Nick hesitated at first, then he thought it didn't matter and answered: "Yes, please."  
Greedily, he grabbed the drink from the other man's hands. Their fingers shortly touched, and the feeling made Nick's heart beat faster.

"What do we toast to?", James asked with a mysterious smile.  
Nick raised his glass.  
"To you, James."  
James shortly froze, but soon his features relaxed again and he said: "To me, then."  
They drank.  
Nick suppressed the question about where he got scotch of this good quality. It was perhaps normal in his district.

"Why me?", James wondered after he had put down his glass.  
"Because today I accomplished something I couldn't have done without you. Because I owe my new life to you."  
Nick glutched the glass while he spoke.  
"We did nothing but talk." James' tone sounded both surprised and flattered.

Nick leaned back, trying to get more comfortable.  
"I'm clean because of you. You picked me up from the street and saved me. Just like that."  
James' mouth corners twitched.  
"I told you I wasn't quite selfless."  
"Still, you could've given up on me, just like everyone else. Helping me is stressful, I know that. But you believed in me when no one did."  
"So...you're here to celebrate?"  
James lifted an eyebrow.

Nick winded.  
"Actually...I'd love to, but...I'm afraid I'm here to bother you with my problems again."  
James answered him with a curious look and a soft voice: "Nick, you should know by now that you don't bother me at all. Just tell me what's eating you. That's what I'm here for."

Nick first had to take another nip of his drink before he said: "Our new album is ready. Soon we can play concerts again."  
A spark flashed up in the other man's eyes.  
"But that's wonderful! Nickie, you made it! You should be proud of yourself!"  
"Uh...well...", Nick muttered meekly. "The others contributed the biggest part, but that's not the problem."  
He sighed.

"It's about Morrie...he's angry at me and I don't even know why. It has to do something about a fight we had in the past."  
Nick needed more scotch.  
"One of his songs didn't make it into our record and...that made him snap."  
He shook his head.  
"Even though it wasn't good enough yet. We usually have more ideas than we can finish. We also argue about things, but he...he overreacted. As if I had dismissed him in general."

James nodded quietly, he seemed to think about it.  
"Could it be that he's jealous?"  
Nick pondered.  
"I guess...but the others are too. They now the fans will scream my name when we go on stage. But they aren't angry because of that. We all know it's just the beginning."  
"So...it was the song...," James concluded. "Was it...very special to Morrie?"  
Nick ran a hand through his hair.  
"Yes...actually it's something he had been planning for a while now. It's a melody he had heard someone whistle in the night."

Nick immediately started to hum the melody to James, who slightly jumped and then listened in awe.  
"What do you think?", Nick asked.  
"A beautiful song," James said. "But it's not his own."  
"No."  
Nick shook his head.  
"But he wanted to turn that into a hit. Our hit, to be precise. Because he played it the day we met again."  
"That sounds romantic."  
"It is! And I like the idea, but...it wasn't ready yet. And Morrie acts like it'll never get a second chance."

Nick emptied his glass and asked James to refill it, wich he did.  
"What exactly is wrong about it, Nick?"  
Nick sighed again.  
"He's...playing it wrong. I don't know why but I feel that it's meant to sound differently. It's...rather sad. It reminds me of...Motilene. And night and coldness."  
He shivered and then drank his new scotch.  
"Actually nothing a decent song should sound like. Perhaps it's ridiculous that I'm even bringing it up. Perhaps I should leave it all to Morrie."

James filled his own glass with furrowed brows.  
"Do you allow me to try a shot in the dark?"  
"Sure."  
"Could the song be yours?"  
Nick almost choked on his drink.  
"Mine? Morrie said someone whistled it from a rooftop. I don't climb on rooftops at night."  
"Are you certain?" James slightly smirked.

Nick shook his head in defeat. His mind tried to explain it.  
"Okay...I was very often drugged out of my mind at night and left my house to go who knows where. I wandered around in the streets and many times the bobbies had to bring me home. I have no idea how I could've gotten on a rooftop but...it's possible."  
Nick looked at James, searching for the truth in his eyes.  
"You think it's my song?"  
"I don't know better than you, but the fact that you care very much about it and you know how it's supposed to sound..." James shrugged. "To me, it's most likely yours."

Nick was baffled, staring at his hands.  
"Morrie won't believe me anyway," he said in a sad tone.  
"I guess I have to leave it to him, or else we'll never finish it."  
"Do you usually extort each other like that?"  
"Of course not, but with this I don't have any other chance. Morrie won't give up and I don't want another fight! That was horrible!."  
Nick gulped. Suddenly the tears found their way out.  
"I hope it's gonna be alright again. This can't be the end of us," he sobbed.  
James took his hand and gently squeezed it.

"If he really loves you, he'll come around," he said in his comfortingly soft voice.  
"And if he doesn't love me anymore?", Nick cried.  
"He won't leave you because of this, trust me. In the end, as you said, he overreacted. I'm sure your band will be at your side."  
"But they only came back because of Morrie!"  
"They didn't have the impression that you turned him down, or am I wrong?"  
"They didn't say anything...", Nick admitted.  
"Because it's not true. Morrie will understand soon."  
Nick gulped.

"I've been like that...reckless...selfish...What if I didn't change? What if I'll never make it? What if I'm stuck with my bad traits forever and I'll end up alone?", he cried, clutching James, seemingly the only one who accepted all his darkest sides.  
Whose voice was gently stroking his heart.  
"You changed already, Nick, just look where you are now. And you're most certainly not reckless, you worry about everyone. Morrie had no right to hurt you that much."  
Nick sobbed.

"And...and what if it's not enough?"  
James gave him a concerned look.  
"Then you should ask yourself if he deserves your love."  
Nick fixated the other man's eyes, as if they could save him from drowning and hung on his every word.  
"You're not selfish, Nick," James whispered and gently squeezed Nick's hand.  
"You don't think about yourself, but about him. He hurt you and your first thought is that it's your fault. But you didn't do anything wrong."

Nick wriggled about on the couch.  
"Actually...I'm doing something wrong...all the time..."  
"But he doesn't know that. From his perspective, you're only there for him and he's still treating you like that. You don't have to put up with that. He doesn't sound like the noble man you described to me."  
"Then he didn't mean it," Nick said, eagerly shaking his head.  
"Perhaps," James said doubtfully. "Nick, promise me that you won't let anyone hurt you. Not even Morrie. You don't owe this to him. This is your new chance and it would be a tragedy if someone ruined it for you."  
He gave him a sternful look.  
"Protect yourself. You're precious."

Nick heart was racing, he felt it in his throat, that was dry, but he was too paralyzed to grab his drink again.  
"You like me, James," he whispered.  
"Yes," James quietly admitted. "I guess I'm obvious about it."  
Nick didn't move. His eyes were fixed on the other man.  
"I like you too," he sighed.  
James smiled. For a moment he seemed to be overwhelmed with feelings.  
Then he raised his glass.  
"To our friendship then."

Nick stayed in James' house until the evening. His new friend showed interest in Arthur's wellbeing, so he told him about their visit in the Avalon Hotel. And about Arthur's new job. That was a rather pleasant topic that kept him from thinking about the fight with Morrie. He didn't leave until minutes before curfew. He was a bit drunk but feeling much better. 

At home he found his band continuing their party in the living room. Even Virgil was there.  
"I see you're enjoying yourselves," he greeted them.  
"Nickie," they shouted."Come on in, have a drink with us!" They didn't sound angry at all, just happy that he finally showed up.  
Nick still held up his hands.  
"Uh...I'm afraid I had enough already, thanks."  
"Nonsense, you're still looking great. Unlike this one here," Matt pointed at Virgil who was lying on the couch.  
"Virgil! What did they do to you!"  
"I feel awful," his manager muttered. 

"He's exaggerating," Matt smirked. "So, what's up? You want a drink or...will you fuck us over again?"  
"I...I...", Nick stammered. "I wanted to see Morrie."  
"Oh...," his friend's expression turned more serious. "He's upstairs. I think he actually wants to tell you something."  
Nick hoped it was a good sign and went to Morrie's room. He took off his mask and wig before he knocked.  
"Morrie?," he meekly asked. "It's me, Norbert."

When his lover opened the door he looked pale.  
"You weren't with the others," he whispered. "Where have you been?"  
"Somewhere else," Nick answered. "Somewhere I was more desired than here."  
Morrie blinked. His eyes were red.  
It took a second until he broke into tears.  
"I'm...so...sorry...", he sobbed. "I lost...my head, I...I shouldnt've said all these bad things to you..."  
He was interrupted by a heavy crying fit.  
"Do you take them back?", Nick hated to ask but he wanted to be sure.

Morrie eagerly nodded before he could speak again.  
"Yes...I...take it back! Everything! Please forgive me! Don't...leave me!"  
It was as if he had heard his conversation with James.  
Nick had no more questions. He pulled his lover into a bear hug, held him tight.  
"I won't leave you, Morrie," he whispered softly.  
His lover sobbed.  
"Where have you been?"  
"I visited my therapist," Nick answered while patting the other man's back.  
"Oh...god, I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I thought you...", Morrie stammered and shivered.  
Nick kissed his cheek.  
"It's okay, my love. Let's go inside. You need to rest."  
He led his lover back into his room and sat down on the bed with him.

"I need to change too," Morrie whispered into Nick's shoulder.  
"I keep thinking about the past. I'm afraid...I'm afraid that everything goes wrong and we end up where we started."  
He sobbed again.  
"I...hurt you..."  
Nick closed his eyes. It felt so good to hear this from Morrie. It meant he really loved him.  
"I'm afraid too," he admitted. "But we're not alone. We have us. We can help each other out. If I do you wrong, tell me. But please don't keep it to yourself until you snap."  
"No, of course not," Morrie cried. "I'm so...ashamed. I don't want to hurt you again."  
Nick stroked his hair.

"What did I do to upset you so much, my Morrie? What is it?"  
His lover just sobbed and clung to his jacket.  
"Please, tell me. I'm too dumb to find out myself."  
Morrie shook his head.  
"You're not dumb, Norbert. You speak your mind. And when you don't like a song you don't make a secret of it."  
"But Morrie, it's not that I don't like it. I just think we should work on it more. There'll be another record. Don't tell me you want to quit now."  
He softly nudged him in a playful manner.

"But it'll never sound like I imagined it."  
Nick fell silent. He was probably right.  
"Morrie, this happens to us all. We work on a song until everyone of us likes it. It doesn't mean that we don't appreciate your ideas. You'll get your song sooner or later, I'm sure of it."  
Morrie was quiet for a moment. Nick wondered if he had said something wrong again, then his lover suddenly whispered: "I wanted to give it to you as a present."  
Nick's heart missed a beat.  
That was something else.  
Why didn't he notice?

"I guess I am dumb," Nick sighed sadly. "I had no idea."  
He looked into Morrie's eyes.  
"I'm sorry."  
He started to shiver.  
Now it was Morrie who held him.  
"It's okay. It can't be helped if you don't like it."  
"But I like it Morrie, I...", Nick paused. Why was this so complicated?  
"I didn't listen to it with my heart. I only wanted to hear what I remembered."  
Morrie silenced while Nick pressed his face on his chest, crying.

"I'm sorry", his lover whispered. "It could've been a wonderful day, but instead I made a mess of it."  
He rubbed Nick's back.  
"May I make amends? Or are you done with me tonight?"  
Nick lifted his head to lock gazes with Morrie.  
"Stay with me," he whispered.  
"My Norrie...," his lover sighed.  
"Besides, I just can't dismiss you when you want to do naughty things with me."  
He smiled and Morrie blushed.


	31. Chapter 31

It was the second time Arthur woke up with a headache. Struggling out of his bed he vowed to himself to stop this. Sitting on his improvised desk and looking at all the papers he had filled in the last few days he concluded that it had at least been worth it. Now there were tons of material for an article. He had photos of every band member and they had been eager to appear in the press. They all had been quite nice to him, even if a little bit too hard-drinking for his taste. 

Arthur immediately got to work. Because he had no instructions about the length of his text and assumed that a big one would be more impressive, he used all the information he had. It felt good to write again. Against his worries, he didn't unlearn it. Still, he needed hours to finish his text. Then he immediately went to Mrs. Oliphant and slapped the papers on her desk. 

"This is all I could find out," he said as if it was nothing.  
His boss looked doubting at first but after reading a few lines and realizing what was lying in front of her she became more and more excited.  
"Arthur, how did you do that?"  
"Well...", Arthur nervously scratched the back of his head. "Nick liked the idea and brought in all the others. No big deal, really."  
She eyed the photos. Arthur had developed all of Nick's pictures and had needed a while to decide what was best suitable for the press. He had kept all the others of course.  
Mrs Oliphant at least looked very pleased.

"I gotta say, you outdid yourself. You're one of the few useful reporters I have. You'll go out again."  
"To where?" Arthur was both proud and confused.  
"If what you're writing is true and the Make Believes are about to finish their record, they'll soon show up at Hackney's for a shooting. You'll go there and keep your ears up."  
"Davy Hackney? But he's in the Parade District!"  
Mrs Olphant nonchalantly opened a drawer of her desk.  
"There's your Letter of Transit. Don't dare to come back without any results!"

Arthur couldn't believe how lucky he was. He stared at the Letter as if it was a golden treasure. His boss was impatient.   
"If you don't mind, I'm quite busy at the moment."  
"Sure...S...See you..."  
Arthur stumbled out of the room.

Overwhelmed by multiple feelings at once, he didn't know what to think. He had been craving for this Letter ever since he had gotten back into town. It was his way to freedom, to Percy - or at least the Parade, and then he could find a way out. Suddenly all he wanted was to run away and leave it all behind.   
Next he thought about Nick. He couldn't leave without Nick!   
But now he could meet him again. And freely move about in town, wherever he wanted. Finally he was a human being again.

Arthur's heart was pounding while he walked back to his tunnel hideout that he could finally leave. He only wanted to gather some things he thought he needed. The medal was one of them, not only as a disguise, but also because it was precious to him. He liked to wear it as if it had been a special gift. 

Outside he didn't need Joy to strut happily like the others, making his way to the bridge. He was shivering a bit when he had to give the Letter to the Bobby, as if the man could read his entire life story from it. Seconds later though it was done. He set foot into the Parade District.

Being there felt like a dream. As if he could go to work again and everything would be forgiven. Perhaps he even could come back. But now he had a different job.  
Before he went to Hackney however he had to go somewhere else first.  
He had refused to visit the house of his parents but his own...there was nothing bad about that. His feet were moving automatically, along the familiar streets. He greeted people he knew but who had forgotten about him and treated him like a newcomer. Still, he braced himself for being found and chased around.   
But no one attacked him.   
Probably thanks to Sunshine.   
He carefully walked closer to his house. It looked so harmless, but perhaps they had installed traps and alarms, just in case the Downer came back. 

After examining the entire place he was surprised that everything was left untouched, in the same state as he had left it. He opened the door and simply entered his hallway, as if the entire incident had been nothing but a bad dream. It wasn't even looted. No one had noticed that this house had been empty all the time. 

At least he was certain now that he had no curious neighbors, he thought and chuckled.  
His fruits were rotten of course, and so was everything he had in his fridge. He opened the windows to get rid of the smell and started cleaning even though he had no clue what he really wanted in this house. After all, he didn't plan to stay. He could've felt foolish, but in the end his house was another good hideout. No one would suspect a righteous reporter like him.  
In addition he was glad to live in a clean environment again. After he had cleaned up of course.

Arthur was soon absorbed so much in cleaning that he didn't notice how time went by. It was already dark when he was finished. Of course he could still go outside, but he wouldn't hear much from Hackney anymore, so he had to wait until morning. He didn't mind though, he rather had some tea and relaxed in his new old home.

He had almost turned up Uncle Jack's New Hour, just by habit, but by now he couldn't stand that show anymore. Enjoying his tea, he thought it was good to finally have some calm and quiet, since he had slept badly in the last few nights. Still, he smiled. Nick Lightbearer had turned his life upside down, in a good way. Him, of all people.

He hoped that Hackney would cooperate because he needed to see his rockstar again.  
Lying in his bed, he continued to think about Nick. He wanted to wake up with him by his side for once. Actually he wanted to live with him. Perhaps even here. He was looking forward to it while he fell asleep.

The next morning was calm too. Arthur got up early and ate his breakfast from the supplies he had brought with him, enjoying his newfound home. Going out to find Hackney he was in a good mood and motivated.  
Reaching the Clayton Center of Art & Design he had to smile again. Some mannequins looked like Nick. He was quite the trendsetter. 

Inside, he heard Davy Hackney's voice, loudly discussing something with a woman. Arthur kept his distance to listen. Sounded like a model had suddenly canceled and they had no replacement. Now Hackney was probably too upset to give any secrets away, but Arthur still tried. Coming closer to the famous fashion designer, the man eyed him from head to toe.

"Finally," he shouted out.  
Arthur wondered if Mrs. Oliphant had announced his visit.  
"Right height, right build, a bit tan for my taste", the man went on.  
"I...", Arthur began, but Hackney interrupted him.  
"What are you waiting for, sweetie? Off you go, to the catwalk!"  
He shooed Arthur into a back area of the building, where most likely a fashion show was taking place. Arthur would've liked to correct the misunderstanding, but no one was listening to him.

The next morning in Nick's house broke late. Their party had been extensive and Nick and Morrie had joined it too because they couldn't sleep anyway. The only one who was fresh as a daisy again was their manager, who shooed them awake. The band was spread all around the house. Nick and Morrie lied in a chair together, completely entangled and had to open their knot in order to get anywhere.  
"Virgil, what's wrong with you?", Nick complained weakly when he realized who had ended his beauty sleep. His manager softly but certainly ordered him to get up.  
"You too, Morrie."

Soon, The Make Believes shuffled through the house, half asleep,  
"I'll kill him," Brad muttered to Nick.  
"Trust me, we better keep him."  
While they were treating themselves with lots of coffee they waited for an explanation.  
"Do you like to push us around?", Chris moaned.   
"Your tape is ready, right?", Virgil only asked.  
"Yeah, we're ready and run down. So what?"  
"You need photos for the cover to finish the album. I want to get that done today."

They exchanged glances, then they laughed.  
"Gonna be a great picture! Five half dead musicians!"  
"Count me out. I look smashing as always," Nick said adjusting his hair.  
"Sure," Matt deadpanned. "With the dark circles under your eyes shining right through your mask. Pretty."  
"Why don't you make a photo right now and call the album "Fuck off", Brad suggested and they chuckled hysterically.

Virgil smiled.  
"I'm sure Davy Hackney will get you back into shape."  
"No, not another slave driver like you," Chris complained. "You can't do that to us. Nick, say something!"  
"Well, that's the hard life of a rockstar. You wanted it no other way."  
"This is how you're stabbing us in the back! We should've known!"  
"You want to be stars or not?", Nick replied, then he said to Virgil: "I have one condition though: You won't drag us back on stage right after this. Not today and not tomorrow."  
"And the day after tomorrow," Matt threw in.

"We need time to recover after all the hardships," Nick went on. "Right, Morrie?"  
He poked his lover who had been leaning on his shoulder the entire time.  
Morrie shot up. "What?" He blinked. "What did I miss?"  
"The show starts in five minutes," Brad said in a dead serious tone.  
"He's kidding," Nick said softer to his confused lover. "It's in ten minutes."  
They laughed again.  
Morrie shrank a bit, looking meek. Nick rubbed his back.

"Seems like you're having fun after all," Virgil concluded. "So let's go. For all I care, you can have two days off."  
"Only two? You should've asked for a week," Morrie moaned.  
"I would've never got that through," Nick said. "Just be pleased for now."

Nick actually looked forward to the photo shooting. He hadn't seen Davy for a long time and the shootings with him were quite fun, as soon as he had gotten used to the designer's resolute attitude. And the fact that he was always in a hurry.  
When they entered his shop, he walked towards them with open arms.  
"Virgil, finally! I thought you ditched me too! You can't imagine what a mess this day is!"  
He took Virgil's hand with both hands.  
"We did what we could, but you know how it is nowadays, all controls and barriers," Virgil answered and Davy sighed.  
"It's awful. Heaven knows why it has to be so complicated."

Then his gaze fell on the band  
"Nickie, dear! How are you?"  
"Hey there, sexy beast," Nick said and received kisses on both of his cheeks, before Davy eyed him.  
"You look terrible, honey!"  
He waved him off.  
"I'll fix you up again, don't worry."  
He turned to the others.  
"And you are The Make Believes? How exciting! All together again, in my studio! I'm glad you came."  
He shook everyone's hand. Morrie eyed him warily.  
"Now, now, into the make up room, if you please."

Arthur was completely exhausted. His feet hurt from all the walking up and down the catwalk, and his fingers hurt from changing clothes. All this putting up, taking off and putting up again, and walking out and back in, enduring the flashlights, posing and smiling, always smiling, never showing any signs of fatique... When the fuss was finally over, Arthur dragged his tired feet back into the shop and fell into a chair. He hadn't seen Nick again and that crazy designer had only come back once in a while to criticize his performance. There hadn't been a second to pause, let alone talk. It was pure slave labor and Arthur would never say anything bad about models again.

Now that he had his peace, he pulled out a bag of cookies he had found in one of the dressing rooms because he was in dire need of sugar. He was about to open it when it got snatched from his hands.   
"Are you out of your mind?", he heard Hackney's voice. "Ruining your figure like that."  
Arthur's patience snapped. He jumped up and grabbed his prey.  
"For the last time, I'm a reporter, not a model!"

This very moment the band came back from the make up room.  
"Arthur," they greeted him and waved. "Hey, Arthur!"  
Arthur was bewildered, seeing them suddenly all at once.  
"Hey, guys..."  
"So, you know each other?" Davy Hackney was surprised too. "Is he another star?"  
"Nah, he's a journalist", Chris said grinning. "Do you spy on us now?"  
"Uh...", Arthur wasn't in the mood for confessions. "No, I'm here to help out." He pointed at Hackney.  
"Oh, he was wonderful," the designer put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Dearie, I'm much obliged. But now I beg your pardon, these gentlemen need me."

"I'd like to talk to Nick first."   
His lover stepped out of the crowd.  
"Say yes, Davy. You know me, I won't leave you in the lurch."  
He gave him an innocent look and Davy gave in.  
"Okay, you have five minutes."  
"Thank you," Nick said gushingly and dragged Arthur with him.  
"And behave yourselves," Davy shouted after them.  
Nick turned around and winked.  
He shoved Arthur into a room and kissed him wildly. Arthur enjoyed it very much. He would be fine with five minutes of nothing but kissing. 

After a while however Nick let go.   
"You sleeky bastard, you! What are you doing here?"  
"Instructions from above," Arthur said smiling. "So, your record is finished?"  
"Perhaps," Nick answered mysteriously and lifted an eyebrow.   
Arthur placably stroked his lover's chest and played a bit with his fluffy tie.  
"See, I don't want to disturb you. Can we meet tonight? I'm living in Lansdown Road, here in the district. It's not far."  
"What do you mean you're living there?"  
"I'll explain later," Arthur promised. "Please, visit me."  
Nick found his gaze irresistible.  
"Okay...I'll be there as soon as I can."  
Arthur gave Nick another eager kiss.

When they left the room Arthur didn't want to go without any evidence.  
"Would you mind a group photo, now that you're standing all together?"  
The Make Believes didn't mind at all. They posed with Nick in their middle.  
Hackney crossed his arms.  
"Normally I'm taking the photos here."  
"Why don't you join them, Mr. Hackney? Come on, don't be shy."  
The designer adjusted his hair and suit before he strutted in front of Arthur's lense.  
Arthur was happy. The day had been a success.  
"You've been wonderful, all of you," he said and blew a kiss that was mostly meant for Nick.  
"Bye, bye!"  
"Bye, Arthur", the band sounded amused.

Back home, he was excited, wondered how he should spend the time until Nick arrived. Then he noticed he had nothing left to eat and drink so he went to the store.

Nick visited him in the evening, when Arthur had prepared everything and had been walking through the house multiple times, fixing up his already clean rooms. When the doorbell rang he shot up and shivered while opening the door. Nick strutted in and looked around. "Okay, what are you telling me now, Arthur Hastings?" He planted himself in front of his lover. "Are you a Downer or what?"  
"Yes," Arthur said happily. "But this is still my house!"  
Nick furrowed his brows.  
"Since I have my job back, I can come back here and nobody seems to remember that I was gone! I finally have a real home again!"

He fell into Nick's arms and Nick returned the hug.  
"I'm so happy for you," he sighed into his ear.  
"Now I don't have to sleep in the tunnel anymore."  
Nick looked at him.  
"Does that mean you won't visit me again? In my tunnel suite?"  
"Does that mean you still use it? You weren't there anymore."  
"I'll use it again, I promise. And hey, if you need a warm bed in the tunnels you can sleep in mine. Just make yourself at home."  
Arthur's eyes lightened up. For such a long time he didn't have a place to sleep and now he had so many.

"Are you hungry, Nick? It's not the Avalon, but...I hope it will do."  
Nick blessed him with a compelling smile.  
"Yes, I'm indeed hungry..."  
He pressed his lips on Arthur's and their tongues played with each other until Nick's stomach growled.  
"I guess that's the cue." Arthur chuckled and dragged his lover into the kitchen.  
It looked like Arthur had put everything on the table that had fallen into his hands. It reminded Nick of their first improvised meal in the tunnel.

He now understood how much Arthur must've suffered down there in the dirt. Here, everything was so clean and tidy, he barely dared to touch anything. It looked like the photos in a catalogue. But then again, in a way Arthur had just moved in.  
"What is it, Nick? You're so deep in thoughts," his lover said quietly.  
"I...I'm just surprised...", Nick stuttered. "It's a pretty home."  
Arthur seemed to lighten up even more.

What Nick didn't say was that he felt very nervous all of a sudden. He normally didn't go into other people's houses. They visited him or he brought them to his hotel suite. Morrie's home was an exception. Nick wasn't prepared to see that side of Arthur.  
His lover however didn't seem to notice. They made sandwiches and drank tea.

"Isn't it incredible," Arthur sighed. "Where we are now?"  
Nick stared into his tea.  
"Do you plan to...start a normal life again? You have a job now. And a home."  
Arthur thought about it.  
"There's no normal life for me anymore," he said wistfully.  
"You won't take Joy at all?"  
Nick felt awful to ask. Arthur looked so lost. Something was broken inside him and Nick wished he knew what it was. 

"No, no Joy for me."  
Arthur asked himself if he would ever explain it. He was afraid that he had to anyway but he pushed that thought away for now. Nick touched his hand.  
"With me, you won't need any Joy."  
Arthur squeezed Nick's hand. He was right. It was just like that. Nick warmed his heart more than any pill could, and with him he couldn't help but to be happy. He felt himself smile and looked at his lover admiringly. This time no waiter came to disturb their stares.

Nick lifted Arthur's hand and brushed every of his fingers with his soft lips, not turning his gaze away from his lover. Arthur had goosebumps everywhere. He used his other hand to stroke over the other man's cheek. Nick shortly stopped, enjoying the touch. Then he turned his head and trapped one of Arthur's fingers between his teeth. Seconds later Arthur sat on Nick's lap and they exchanged wild kisses again while their hands roamed each other's bodies. Arthur had been starving already, almost three days without his rockstar.

Nick's hands had found their way under Arthur's clothes when he stopped him.  
"Not here?", Nick guessed panting.  
"I have a bed," Arthur sighed.  
"A bed, you say?", Nick shouted and threw Arthur over his shoulder. "This needs to be consecrated! I wonder where it is! I guess upstairs!"  
His lover chuckled.  
"Wait, you can't carry me all the way up."  
"Wait yourself and see, King! Don't unterestimate the powers of the almighty God of Rock!"  
"You're breaking your back," Arthur kept laughing.

They bantered like that until Nick found the bedroom and pressed Arthur down into the mattress with a kiss. They turned the tidy room into chaos, throwing pillows and rolling around on the bed. It was a wonderful night.


	32. Chapter 32

Arthur opened his eyes again and felt like his dearest wish had become true. Next to him, peacefully sleeping, lied Nick Lightbearer. Arthur watched him in awe, fighting the urge to ruffle his fluffy caramel hair or cuddle him awake. He didn't want to wake him up yet. There was something else he wanted to do. Trusting that the rockstar was a long sleeper, he left the bed, stepped over the cushions that were lying all around the room and went into the kitchen. Breakfast in bed with his lover, something he had been longing for since forever.

It was a remnant of the past, from another life Nick didn't know. Arthur remembered how he and Sally had slept in that treehouse, back then when they had been fourteen and happy. How he had sneaked into the house early in the morning to make them breakfast that they would eat at sunrise. Sally had been a long sleeper too, but the smell of coffee always woke her up.   
It had been their little world. Arthur could've been sad about it, but somehow the good feelings had remained. The excitement about getting up early. It was little things like these Arthur had missed the most. He'd give all this to Nick, show him how much he loved him.

Minutes later he was ready and going back to his bedroom where Nick lied the same way he had left him. The sight made Arthur smile. He petted Nick's back and gently kissed his cheek. Nick immediately stirred. When he opened his eyes, Arthur admired their bright green color.   
"Good morning, my love," he whispered.  
Nick blinked, looking confused.  
"What time is it?"  
He quickly sat up.  
Arthur moved over, so that his lover could see what he had prepared.  
"Time for breakfast."  
Now Nick lit up.

He gladly accepted a mug of steaming hot coffee.  
"It's the real one. I found it at the shop," Arthur explained.  
"I couldn't live without it," his lover sighed.   
Then he moved closer to Arthur and leaned against him. Closing his eyes with the mug in his hands, he looked like he was about to fall asleep again.  
Arthur softly nudged him.  
"Nickie," he whispered. "Is my rockstar tired?"  
Nick began to smile and gave him a mild look. Finally he drank his coffee.  
"I'm buggered," he whispered. "But happy."  
Arthur lied an arm around him and gave him another kiss on the cheek.

"You're so cute, Arthur...", Nick muttered.  
Arthur rested his head on his lover's shoulder.  
"I'm glad you're still here..."  
Nick had been about to leave him again at night, but Arthur had begged and pleaded until his lover had given up. Nick had no regrets.   
He answered with kissing Arthur's forehead.

Nick could've been nervous. Soon, his record would appear on the market and perhaps he'd be famous and loved again, but now he was way too tired to worry about anything. He had two free days to look forward to and all he would do with them was showing his love to Morrie and Arthur. Yes, that sounded alright.  
He drank more coffee.

"Aren't you hungry?", he heard Arthur ask and looked up again.  
His lover had taken a piece of pastry from the tray and held it up.  
It smelled delicious.   
Nick opened his mouth and Arthur promptly fed him.   
It tasted even better than it smelled.  
Nick made a noise that sounded like he was purring.   
It made Arthur take another piece and offering it to his hungry star. Nick accepted it again. Now Arthur took pleasure in feeding him.  
"Are you planning to cram me?", Nick chuckled after a while.  
"Eat up, my boy, so you'll grow big and strong."  
"I want to be as big and strong as you."  
"So you'll have to eat a lot."  
They both giggled.

Nick then crawled to the tray and clenched a piece of pastry between his teeth. Crawling back to Arthur, he held it out to him. Arthur carefully took it with his own teeth and Nick let go.   
Chewing on it, it reminded Arthur of that wonderful taste Nick's lips had, so instead of eating more, he tried them again. Nick put down the mug and gladly gave all his attention to Arthur.   
They gently kissed and cuddled. It was obvious they were both tired. After lying in bed for another while, Nick gave him one last tender kiss and whispered: "Thank you."

"When will you come back?", Arthur asked while Nick left the bed.  
"Wait for me in the tunnel."  
"I'll miss you," his lover sighed.  
"I'll miss you too." Nick blew him a kiss. "Do you know the hatch in the Clayton Center? I'll tell Davy to let you through."

Arthur rolled over on the bed, resting his head on his hands.  
"His mannequins look just like you. I could steal one."  
Nick laughed.  
"Is the original not enough?"  
"You're always away."  
Nick locked gazes with him.  
"It'll get better. As soon as my record is out."  
"Then hurry up!"  
"You're insatable, my King."  
He walked over to kiss Arthur again, enjoying how much the other man needed him.

Nick was still thinking about Arthur when he entered the Clayton Center to use the hatch himself. It was the only one he had also used in the past. Davy found him walking through the shop.  
"Darling, are you looking for me?"  
Nick stopped and smiled.  
"Hi...uhm...Is the hatch still there?"  
"Oh, this is just like the old days! Sure, it's still there. You know the way."  
"Good to know that some things simply stay the same."

They eyed each other for a moment, then Davy asked: "You've been up to something, haven't you?"  
"Not that I remember," Nick said innocently. "There's just one thing, uh...if you see Arthur Hastings again, please let him pass through the hatch, okay?"  
Davy grinned knowingly.  
"Still the old heartbreaker..."  
Before Nick could protest, he added: "Don't worry, I'm as silent as a grave, you know me."  
"Thank you."  
Davy waved him off.  
"You're welcome. After all, what's an unbridled love affair for?"

Nick was speechless. He only chuckled and stammered something.  
"You sure you want to leave already, hot stuff?", the designer purred and came closer.  
Nick cleared his throat.  
"Yes,...I...I'm in a relationship now and I'm quite serious about it...."  
Davy stopped.  
"I'm sorry that...I have to tell it to you this way," Nick said meekly, staring at the floor. "We never really broke up. I just vanished. It's not that I didn't like it with you."  
The designer put a hand on his shoulder and said in a soft voice: "Don't beat yourself up, my dear. Remember what we said, no pressure, no rules. We had a good time, that's what counts."  
"You're not upset?"  
Davy sighed.  
"I can't say I won't miss it. Or that I'll be sorry if you come back one day."  
"Oh, dear...", Nick shook his head. "And people call me the naughty one."

The other man smiled.  
"By the way, there's something I wanted to show you, if you have another minute."  
"No problem", Nick assured. "What is it?"  
"It's in my office."  
The designer instantly went for it and Nick had problems following him.  
"It just an idea I had some days ago...Don't be shy to tell me if it's too much...", he chattered while Nick had no clue what he was talking about.  
In the office however he found a suit that made him gasp.

Dark cloth with a slight tone of violet, silver pinstripes, tight fitting style and a fedora with the sharpest edges he had ever seen.  
"Do you think Virgil would wear it?", Davy asked doubtfully.  
"You can't do this to me!", Nick blurted out instead of an answer.  
Davy looked at him.  
"You still have a crush on your manager?"  
Nick wiped his forehead.  
"I'm trying to repress it!"  
"My poor thing. I'm sorry."  
Nick sighed.  
"I'm taking it. He'll love it."  
"You're certain?"  
"Sure, it's just his color...and this style...it's incredible."  
Davy smiled brightly.

Back in the shop the designer said: "Now that we equipped Virgil, what's with you? I can't believe you're still wearing that suit from last season. Is there nothing you like, apart from me of course?"  
Nick wasn't surprised that Davy brought this up.  
"It seems to be still in style, if I read your chart right."  
"Yellow", Davy promptly said. "You could bring it off. You'll look splendid in it, trust me!"  
He led Nick to a collection of yellow clothes.  
Nick gave it a curious look. He hadn't planned a shopping tour but now he thought about it. He could do Davy a favour.

He put on everything and the pile of boxes with all the things he purchased grew bigger. He couldn't wait to be seen in them. Davy was excited too.   
Lastly, Nick had an idea. He eyed a dark blue suit with white pinstripes while the designer glanced over his shoulder.  
"Dearie, that's not your size."  
"It's not for me."  
"Oh, I see... Yes, it'll look good on him."  
Nick didn't answer. He only kept the box and stacked Virgil's on it.  
"I'll take this," he stated "Be a treasure and send the rest to my house, as always."

Davy patted his shoulder.  
"It's good to have you back, Nickie. I've been worried about you."  
"Bad weeds grow tall," Nick said waving him off.  
"And Davy?" He paused.  
"Yes, Nickie?"  
He gave him a peck on the cheek.  
"Thanks again."  
Davy held up a finger.  
"Don't burn your lips, bad boy," he said playfully. "There's someone waiting for you at home."  
"I know what I'm doing," Nick protested.   
Davy just gave him a warm smile.  
"Good luck."

Finally, Nick went home. Constable Hunt saw him approaching, being loaded with boxes.   
"May I help you, Mr. Lightbearer, Sir?"  
"It's okay, Hunt. Just open the door."

"Guys, I'm home," he said into the empty looking house.  
"Hello? Where is everyone?"

Morrie arrived shortly after. He leaned over the boxes to kiss Nick.  
"What were you doing?", he asked eyeing his lover's loot.  
"Uh...Davy talked me into a shopping tour. Have you seen Virgil?"  
"He's buried in some papers. You might not disturb him now."  
"It won't take long. I'll be back soon, my Morrie."

Virgil's door was ajar, so Nick squeezed through.  
"Virgil?," he said quietly, "I have something for you."  
The other man looked up from his pile of papers and to his loaded rockstar.  
"Is it my birthday already?"  
"It's from Davy...It's amazing... Just try it on... You'll look great in it."  
Nick stuttered a bit, imagining the other man in these fancy rags.  
Virgil accepted the box.  
"Thank you. I'll look at it later," he said gesturing towards the papers.  
"Don't overdo it, okay?" Nick winked.  
"Don't worry, I can take a lot."  
"You sure can...Okay then...I'm here if you need me."  
"So am I. Enjoy your freetime, Nickie."  
"Oh, I will."  
With the other box he went back to Morrie.

"See, back already," he said when he found his lover. "I have something for you too."  
He handed him the box.  
"A present?" Morrie was stirred.  
"It's nothing, really...I just thought it'll look good on you."  
Morrie opened the box and eyed the fancy suit inside.  
"Norbert," he gasped, "It's...it's stunning. Are you sure this is for me?"  
Nick nodded and leaned over to him.  
"Can't wait to see you in it," he purred into Morrie's ear.   
Morrie turned his head and wrapped his arms around Nick.   
They kissed extensively.

"Didn't you get anything for yourself?", he asked when they paused.  
"Yes, but I couldn't carry all that. He'll send it to me," Nick chuckled.  
"That's more like you."  
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"  
"It means I'm eager to see you in it, too."  
They kissed again.

Soon, they lied in Nick's bed and enjoyed their quality time. Morrie liked how his lover looked at him. As if he was the only man in the world. But he couldn't fight the feeling that something was odd. Something that would've been an obvious sign in the past. Something he wouldn't have brought up because it didn't help anyway. Instead he would've ignored it and hoped it would get better again. But he had learned the hard way that it didn't get any better. And now it was supposed to be different. Norbert had promised.

"Norrie?", he whispered, watching how his lover lit up when he said the name. He had protested at first but it was obvious that he liked it.   
"You've been away a whole night with this reporter again."  
His lover's expression changed.  
"Morrie, we didn't..." He paused. "I just stayed overnight in the Parade because I was too tired to walk back. And then I went shopping."  
Morrie nodded, but there was more.

"Mr. Hackney was quite excited to see you again."  
Nick sighed.  
"Okay, before you say more: yes, we've had an affair long ago." He gulped. Confessions were hard. "We weren't in love but...you know how it is...It started after we broke up. I didn't betray you with him. Davy didn't know if I was still interested or not."  
He paused again.  
"Today I told him it's over."

Morrie was silent. Then he started to stroke Nick's shoulder.  
"Thank you," he whispered, "I'm proud of you. I know how hard it is for you to overcome yourself."  
Nick turned his head, giving Morrie a pitiful look.  
Suddenly Morrie realized something.  
"You always think you have to give yourself to others. But you don't belong to them. Whatever they say, first of all you belong to yourself."  
He hoped that his words got through to his lover, who never seemed to learn.

Nick looked deeply into Morrie's eyes, wishing it was so easy. But if they started to scream for him again, if their entire wellbeing would depend on him again, could he deny them their idol?  
"And to you...", he only answered.  
"If you want," Morrie added.  
Nick began to kiss his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids. He wanted it.


	33. Chapter 33

When Morrie was long asleep, Nick was still restless. He needed a moment for himself, so he went into the kitchen to pour himself a night drink.   
The feelings he had been too tired for during the day finally broke through. Anxiety took over him, as if he was about to face a threat he couldn't cope with. In his past, he had been unaware of what he was really doing until it had been too late to take it back. Now he knew what was coming for him but instead of feeling prepared he was afraid. Everyone expected him to learn from his mistakes but he didn't know what to do.   
He now clutched his drink, as if it could help him.  
If only he could remember, then perhaps he would make out what he had to do. So he won't fail again.  
He pressed his eyes shut, trying to recall his fameless life with Morrie before everything had started.

Norbert had kept his promise. To everyone's surprise he had stopped dating girls. He had made it look like it was the band that kept him busy now. Actually he really spent more and more time with The Make Believes, since they had started playing in various pubs all around town. They took every opportunity to earn a reputation. Still, they were only known in their district, but they had been in Lud's Holm once, with chances to get a foothold there.  
After their concerts Norbert and Morrie used to spend a lot of time with each other.

Norbert's second passion besides Morrie was Richard Bates' Music Shop, that had guitars and equipment that made him dream. Because Morrie shared that passion with him, he usually came along when Norbert visited the shop. As usual, Mr. Bates wasn't surprised to see them again, but pleased.  
"Good day you two. What will it be this time?", he greeted them with a big smile.  
"Just a set of new strings and some plectrums, please," Norbert said, curiously searching the room with his eyes.  
The latter he kept throwing to the most enthusiastic fans as a gift, who were mostly girls. It was approved by Morrie, because it was only a part of the show.

"Strings again?", the shopkeeper asked and shook his head. "Boy, you got to be careful."  
"I'm experimenting," Norbert defended himself. Bates left it at that. Instead he asked Morrie: "And what's it for you?"  
"I'm fine. I'm just here to make sure he doesn't go astray."  
He and Norbert chuckled at that.

When Norbert turned his gaze back to the counter he noticed something.  
"Mr. Bates, you undercharged me."  
He held up the bill.  
"Oh, indeed. Seems like I miscalculated." Bates winked. "Slight error in your favor I'd say."  
Norbert gaped.  
"You're such a treasure."  
"Ah, It's nothing. Gotta support a young talent like you," he waved him off.

Bates liked Norbert, ever since he had sold the boy his guitar when he had been 13. And after hearing him play in the park for the first time. It had made him really proud.  
"Just don't spread it around," he added.   
"Sure not," Norbert said and quickly payed. Then his eyes fell back on a shining blue guitar, that brand new model that had been part of Bates' inventory for a few days now.

"Anything else you like?", the shopkeeper asked and Norbert only gave a longing sigh. Bates understood.  
"I guess even I can't miscalculate that much."  
"I know", Norbert sighed, eyes still on the model.  
"Some day, my boy. Just keep playing and I'm sure you'll make it."  
Norbert quietly nodded. He would've loved to stare a bit more, but he had to play another concert that night and he wanted to get some things done before that.

He said goodbye to Bates, picked up Morrie who was viewing some new equipment and left the shop with him. Morrie had become very affectionate after they had confessed each other's love. Together they strolled along the streets back to their new home. The band had moved into one of the empty demolished houses that scarred Wellington Wells and no one ever talked about. No one rebuilt them, no one took them down. They only started to pretty them up and paint them in bright colors. They were perfect for five young musicians who had no money to pay a rent. They had found a house that had only a crater on one side, so many rooms were still intact. Norbert and Morrie of course shared a room.

The others playfully called them "our two lovebirds" but they didn't know the truth. Morrie had insisted to keep it a secret. Whenever they wanted to sleep with each other, they turned up the radio. Norbert quickly found out he had something he could teach Morrie in return for all the music lessons his lover had given him. And all the time and patience he had expended for him. Morrie however didn't act stupid at all.   
When they calmed down they spoke about their dreams.

"I wish we could get married," Morrie said when they lied in bed together.  
Norbert chuckled, but asked: "Why do you think we can't?"  
"Norrie, you know why," his lover answered gloomily. "People would hate us."  
"And what if we become so famous, so popular that nobody would hold it against us?"  
They locked gazes.  
"You think that's possible?", Morrie asked.  
"Why not? And when we made it, I'll marry you."   
Norbert kissed Morrie's hand and the other boy melted away.

In the evening they had a gig that would last until late night. Norbert had started to feel more and more comfortable on stage and had also learned a lot from the more famous bands, whenever they had had the chance to meet one. He was indeed experimenting in multiple ways.   
Tonight, he didn't notice the man who was watching him not only for amusement.

Virgil Dainty had been watching The Make Believes for some time now, as he was doing it with every band that looked promising. They had come quite far since he had first seen them and he liked their sound. They were about to find their own style that marked themselves off from the others. Also the two lead guitarists, one of them left-handed, made them stand out. Virgil's favorite was the left-handed guitarist. He had potential. Today he was convinced that the band was ready to make a big step forward.

When Norbert left the stage after the show, he soon stared up at a tall, handsome man who suddenly stood in front of him. He already regretted that he was most likely only there to ask for the way when the man said: "Pardon me, are you Nick Lightbearer?" He spoke in a deep voice, that was loud enough to be heard over the chattering in the pub.  
Norbert stopped whatever he had planned to do.  
"Y..yes?", he stuttered.  
"I'd like to talk to you, if you can spare a minute."  
"Sure...", Norbert said, still helpless.  
The man gestured towards a free table and Norbert nodded.

When they sat down, the man spoke again: "My name is Virgil Dainty. I'm looking for new talents all around Great Britain and your band caught my attention the fist time I've been in this town. I've been watching you since then and I'm impressed. You've come very far."  
Norbert needed a second to process this.  
"You're watching us?"  
"Yes. You've got style. What bothers me is that you're too careful. You're still an insider tip. You need a bigger show, at a place where more people can see you."  
"We've been in Lud's Holm...", Norbert said to defend them.  
Virgil waved him off. "I mean outside Wellington Wells."  
Norbert's heart pounded now.  
"And where would that be?", he asked breathlessly.  
The man placed a piece of paper on the table and pointed at it. It was a handout from a famous music festival.  
Norbert gasped.

"Do you really mean this?", was all he could say.  
Virgil nodded.  
"You don't have to decide about it now. I'll be back tomorrow."  
Norbert stared at him with furrowed brows.  
"But...but what do you want in return?"  
"I want you to be at your best, so you won't bring shame on me," the man said, but with a playful wink.   
Norbert couldn't help but smile with him.   
He was lost in Virgil Dainty's attraction.

"You make me all flustered," he sighed when his tongue suddenly loosened. "Are you doing this on purpose?"  
Virgil was confused for a second, then he said: "Not at all. Sadly I have that impact on people. If you get to know me, you'll learn that I don't bite."  
"What if I want it?", Norbert whispered before he could stop himself.  
Virgil didn't flinch this time.  
"Then I can arrange that too," he said in his deep, calm voice.  
Norbert went dizzy.  
"Until next time, Mr. Lightbearer," Virgil added and rose from the chair.  
"Until next time, Mr. Dainty..." Norbert muttered more to himself, still clutching the paper.  
He watched the man leave the pub and then ran home.

When he entered their house his face was bright red with excitement.  
"Guys, guys listen! Something smashing has happened!"  
The band quickly gathered around him.  
"I met a man in the pub who wants us to play at the festival", he said waving around the paper, "And if he didn't lie to me he doesn't want anything in return."  
His friends stared at the handout.  
"Are you sure?", Brad asked.  
"Did he have a name?", Morrie looked at Norbert.  
"Virgil Dainty."  
"Virgil Dainty?", Matt repeated. "You mean THAT Virgil Dainty, the manager?"

"Uh..." Norbert shrugged. He had never heard about him. "I don't know."  
"Holy shit, man! What did you say to him?" Matt grabbed his collar.  
"Nothing yet," Norbert said and freed himself from his friends grab.  
"He set us a deadline until tomorrow."  
Matt was now just as excited.  
"Do you know what that means? Virgil fucking Dainty found us! He could be our manager!"  
"If we're good," Norbert added.  
"We are, man! If Virgil says so..."  
"Many people will hear us."  
"Finally! It's a big stage!"  
"We didn't do that before...", Norbert quietly said and bit his lower lip.  
Chris understood the hint.

"Don't chicken out now, Nick! We can't miss this chance!"  
"I know, I know..." Norbert massaged his temples. It was all too much.  
"You'll make it. And you won't be alone. I'll be always right next to you," Chris comforted him. It was true. They stood next to each other on stage. "I will hold your hand if I must."  
"And we'll be right behind you," Brad said and put a hand on Norbert's shoulder.  
"You're so sweet," Norbert sighed, then he hugged them.

At night Norbert and Morrie both couldn't sleep.  
"Looks like we're finally making it," Norbert whispered into the silence.  
Morrie kissed his cheek.  
"Don't be afraid, Norrie. Just be as smashing as you've been today."  
Norbert thankfully kissed him back, concentrating on nothing but his lover's tender lips, trying to get Virgil Dainty out of his head.  
That night, it worked.

The next day they were all nervous, knowing that the famous manager was watching them. He didn't show himself until the end of the show, when Norbert suddenly found him sitting at a table and waving at him.   
"That's him," Matt whispered when they made their way to the table and Norbert felt goosebumps all over his body.  
They shook hands, intodruced themselves and expressed their approval to Virgil. Norbert stayed in the background, so that Virgil already asked himself if he had been wrong about him. The others were much less shy.  
But then again it was possible that he was embarassed about his emotional outbreak at their last meeting. Virgil couldn't blame him for that, but he planned to cause more outbreaks from him in the future.


	34. Chapter 34

The following days they were thinking about nothing but the festival. Norbert tried to imagine how it felt to play for such a big audience, so he visited the stage in St. George's Holm. He had never played on it before, but he had visited it as a listener. If the park was full, he could hardly see the end of the masses. He could only wonder how that looked from the view from the stage. Morrie was with him and they both eyed the place in silence, deep in their own thoughts. 

The day before their journey they loaded everything they needed into their van and then tried to sleep. It barely worked. And those who made it were rudely woken up by a loud humming noise in the morning.   
"Do we have a bee swarm in here?", Norbert muttered half asleep.  
"It comes from outside," Morrie stated.  
When Norbert looked out of the window, he was shocked.

The road was crowded with a very slowly moving avalanche of cars. From time to time it stopped entirely.  
"Shit", Norbert hissed and ran out of the house. He had seen a Bobby who watched the procedure and most likely knew what was going on.  
"Pardon me, Sir...!", he yelled over the noise, "What's that about?" He desperately pointed at the road.  
"Well, didn't you turn on your radio this morning? All cars must be delivered to Germany. If you have one, you should quickly get in line."  
"What? All cars?"  
"Indeed," the Bobby said as if it was the most common thing in the world.  
"But we need one to cross Britannia Bridge!"  
"In this case, I bet you're faster by foot, young man," he said, looking amused, but when he saw Norbert's desperate face he turned serious again.  
"I'm sorry if you have an appointment, but I'm sure they will show understanding. You won't be the only one who's too late."  
Too late.  
Or never making it.

The others didn't look much more optimistic than him, when he told them everything.   
"Shit, we have to call Virgil!"  
They ran to the next phone booth and collected their coins. Norbert frantically dialed the number.  
"Mr. Dainty," he shouted as soon as he heard the man's voice.  
"It's all blocked, the entire road! What are we gonna do now?"  
Virgil's voice was firm.  
"First of all, stay calm. Do you still have your van?"  
"Yes, but how..."  
"Is it loaded?"  
"Yes, but..."  
"Listen. Can you hide the van for a while?"  
"Yes, it's in a shack."  
"What adress?"  
Norbert named it. "But it's not a real house...it's...it's a ruin."  
Virgil didn't ask him out.  
"Hide in the shack as good as you can. I'll send you a driver."  
"But we can drive..."  
"Do as I say!", Virgil harshly interrupted him.  
"How long will it take?", Norbert still asked. He didn't like the idea of being locked in this shack for a long time.  
"I'll be as fast as I can, okay? Just be patient. And don't worry. We'll figure this out."  
"Okay. Thanks," Norbert said and quickly hung up.

They ran to their shack and in default of space they hid inside the van, crimped in between their equipment and luggage, so no one could see them through the windows.   
"You think they are looking for hidden cars?", Chris whispered.  
"Why not? The wayside is crowded with Bobbies. What do you think they're for?", Morrie replied quietly.  
"We're lucky this place looks all abandoned."  
Norbert started to chuckle. This whole situation was so ridiculous.  
"Ssshh, Norbert," Morrie hissed. "Someone's coming."  
They listened up. It sounded as if someone was walking around the shack.  
"And what if that's the driver? What if he can't find us?" Norbert was worried.  
"Virgil told him the way," Morrie assured him.  
The stranger went away.  
"Shit," Norbert hissed again.

After what had seemed like ages someone suddenly opened the door to the shack. The boys immediately fell silent. Then somebody knocked against the car. When they wondered if they should answer, a voice whispered.  
"Just give mouth if you're inside, guys. Virgil sent me."  
Now they couldn't answer fast enough and the driver got in.  
"I'd love to say 'full speed ahead', but I'm afraid it won't be a very wild ride. Also, officially, this isn't a passenger transport, so hole yourself up as good as you can. And no loud noises. We'll have to drive through controls. My name's Eddie by the way."

The van left the shack and lined up with the seemingly endless row that wandered in snail's pace.  
"We'll never be there in time," Matt sighed.  
"If only I could reach Mr. Dainty again," Norbert whimpered.  
"Why? He'll know better than us what the fuck is going on," Brad replied.  
"And if we don't make it out of the row in time we'll end up in Germany."  
"He'll have a plan," Matt assured him.  
"I hope so," Morrie said. "I don't want to be jammed in here for nothing."  
"Don't you like it by my side?", Chris purred and laid his head on Morrie's shoulder.   
"I find you just adorable," Morrie whispered, "but I can imagine better ways of traveling."  
"Who knows, perhaps we get back in a private jet," Brad dreamed out loud.  
"If we make it...", Norbert was still worried.  
Then they silenced for a long time, only felt the car stop and go.  
Norbert dozed off from time to time.

Matt's voice woke him up again.  
"Guys, it's working! We're leaving the row! We're on a free road now!"  
Norbert interrupted the surging cheers.  
"Ssshh, are you crazy? They can still hear us!"  
But he felt relieved too. From now on they were travelling much faster.  
"This Virgil Dainty is a hotshot!", Brad said quieter.  
"Are you okay, Norrie?," Morrie asked him in a soft tone.  
Norbert found that very cute. He would've kissed him if he could.  
"I'm alright, thanks."  
"And what about me? I'm right next to you," Chris played upset.  
"I'm not talking to you anymore. I let you sleep on my shoulder and you drooled on my suit."  
"Ts, so touchy. I bet if Norbert did that you would've liked it."  
"Oh, no, there are things I won't even let Norbert do. Drooling on my suit is one of them."  
"Thank you for being so honest," Norbert chuckled.  
They bantered each other for a while until they tired out once more.

After what felt like hours Matt spoke into their silence: "I think it's getting interesting again. He's driving into a warehouse."  
The others listened up. And really, they felt how the van slowly came to a halt.  
When the driver exited the van, the band was eager to finally get out.  
When the door opened, they all made a jump.

The man in a Constable uniform eyed their startled faces with amusement until he said: "Don't be afraid, gentlemen, I really am a friend of Virgil."  
He pointed at something outside.  
"Actually he's already here."  
Now the band made an effort to get out.  
Norbert held out his hand to help Morrie.  
"Are you okay?", he quietly asked his lover while he was still holding his hand.  
"Just a bit crumpled," was the answer.

They parted again to greet Virgil. Eddie just said : "I'm punctual to the minute. Surprised?"  
"Not at all," Virgil answered. "I knew I could count on you. You're the best."  
He looked like a load was taken off his mind.  
Then he turned to the band.  
"And you? You're alright?"  
"Aside from all the aching bones, yes," Brad answered grinning. "What are we doing now?"  
"We'll go by foot from here. The hotel isn't far away. Don't worry about your equipment, it will stay here until you need it."

The band took their luggage and followed Virgil out of the warehouse.  
"You're not the only ones who are late", Virgil explained. "Some didn't even make it. The whole schedule is messed up, but to our advantage. I'm about to get you a better position in it."  
"So in short, we are very lucky to have you," Norbert concluded, trying not to stare to much at his soon-to-be manager.  
"Well... years of experience do pay off."  
Norbert was sure that the other man sounded flattered while trying to play it down.

The hotel looked better than every pub they had ever slept in.  
While taking them to their rooms, Virgil said: "Because the concerts are suspended to tomorrow, there's a spontaneous party in the lounge. All the VIPs are there. You better poke around and - be apparent." He spoke the last words with a wink.  
"We'll meet tomorrow, as lively as ever, with a new schedule."  
They said goodbye and then got ready for the party.

Norbert seemed to be especially fussy with his outfit.  
"I wonder who you're dressing up for...", Morrie commented his lover's behavior.  
"For future sponsors," he answered in a serious tone. "This is important, Morrie." He turned around. "How do I look?"  
"Hot," Morrie purred and stepped very close. "I'm afraid I'll have eyes for no one else but you."  
His lips almost touched Norbert's.  
His lover quietly chuckled.  
"Don't make me horny now..."  
They gently kissed.  
Then Norbert turned away, way to soon for Morrie's taste.  
"Let's go."

The lounge was full, despite that only a few bands had made it. The Make Believes quickly found out that there was rarely another subject than the cars. Some musicians were royally pissed because of that. Basically everyone who was there had only made it through knowing the right people, and it caused a stir that of all things an unknown band from Wellington Wells was here with them. They quickly came to Virgil Dainty, what made an impression too. If the famous manager had found them, they were indeed interesting. The Make Believes however were fascinated to meet some of their idols.

Apart from that, there was something else they liked about the party: the big amount of female guests.  
"I didn't know there were so many girl bands," Norbert once said, making the girls laugh. One of the musicians took him aside and explained: "They are groupies."  
"What are groupies?"  
The man smiled mysteriously. "Be nice, and you'll find out."   
Then Norbert was curious.

The girls were interested in the newbie anyway, so they got into a conversation. They exchanged nice words, until Morrie grabbed Norbert's arm and dragged him away.  
"Morrie," Norbert angrily hissed, "Are you crazy? You embarass me in public!"  
Morrie didn't speak until they had left the lounge.   
Then he spat: "And you? What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
Norbert made a helpless gesture.  
"We were just talking!"  
"Don't give me that shit! I'm not stupid, Norbert. I know what your intentions were!"  
"But Morrie, why can't I at least be nice? I can't always ignore them, that doesn't work!"  
"It worked just fine until now." Morrie's voice was a growl.  
"But you heard what Virgil said! We have to get attention!"  
"Oh, I see. If that's Virgil's genius plan, just go on, don't let me stop you. But don't expect me to watch it!"  
Morrie turned around and left. Norbert ran after him.

"Wait! You can't just leave!"  
But Morrie didn't answer. He went back all the way to their room and Norbert followed him inside.  
"My love, I'm sorry," Norbert whimpered out of breath. "You're right. I really...thought about it. I don't know what possessed me, but believe me I didn't want to hurt you."  
Morrie finally granted him a look.  
"Don't. Do. That. Again," he said in a tone that made Norbert shiver.  
"I won't, Morrie. I promise. Please forgive me," Norbert took his lover's hands. "I love you, and I want to live with you forever."

Morrie eyed Norbert, seeing that he was really ashamed. It softened him.  
"It's not gonna be a boring life, that's for sure," he said quietly.  
"So, that's good, right?" Norbert tried it with a smile.  
He looked ravishing, thought Morrie.  
"What do you think?," he asked and ran a hand over Norbert's cheek, "Can I make you horny now?"  
They were alone, they had a room for themselves and the others were distracted until late night.  
Norbert felt a wholesome shiver all over his body when he walked closer to this lover and said: "You already did, baby."

Their kisses were demanding. Morrie had learned a lot from Norbert and finally dared to experiment. Norbert liked that his lover wasn't holding back, especially when he sensed Morrie's finger in him again. It was new to him to be treated like that and it had made him learn something new about himself - that he liked it very much. Morrie seemingly wanted to teach him a lesson, the way he rudely stroked him. Norbert gave piteous moans, whimpered Morrie's name and did everything to please him. As much as he was sorry, he liked that he had to make up for something. Morrie in contrast loved to turn Norbert into a winding and moaning mess under him, to see how much he needed him. And it was only Morrie who could do that to him, and it comforted him every time he saw Norbert this way.

When they were pleased and Morrie was happy again, the bed felt comfy and invited him to finally recover from all the troubles of today. Norbert instead couldn't calm down. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears.  
"Morrie?", he whispered after a while.  
His lover made a discontented noise.  
"What?"  
"I can't sleep."  
"Hmmm...", Morrie said and fell quiet again, wrapping his arms around Norbert.

"Perhaps we should go back to the party," Norbert broke the silence again.  
"No way," Morrie said quietly.  
"But wasn't it fun?"  
Suddenly Morrie grabbed his ear and turned it around until it hurt.  
"Didn't you make enough mischief for today, Norbert Pickles?"  
Norbert moaned and reached for the hand that grabbed him.  
"Ow...Morrie...please."  
His lover let go and he silenced.  
When Morrie gave him a forgiving kiss on his painful spot, he dared to speak again.  
"Aren't you nervous at all?"  
"I'm tired."  
Norbert carefully raised from the bed.  
"Then let me to the minibar. I need a nightcap."  
Normally Morrie would comment on Norbert's drinking habits, but now he was too sleepy for that. Instead he let his lover go satisfy his needs and soon fell asleep.

The next morning they called the room service for the first time in their lives to bring them breakfast. Morrie did it with second thoughts. He wanted to keep Norbert close to him, so he won't get into mischief again. Somehow he had to survive this festival until he could bring his lover back home and into safety. Norbert didn't seem to notice, he was simply looking happy.  
Both were excited today. When they kissed it was like they clinged together, trying to calm each other down.  
Some time later, the telephone rang.

Kneeling on the bed, Norbert answered it.  
"Hello?"  
"Nick, is that you?" It was Virgil's voice.  
"Yes, Mr. Dainty," Norbert said and began to palpate the telephone cable. Morrie listened up. Norbert's tone sounded weird.  
"I hope you enjoyed yourself last night."  
Norbert chuckled and took Morrie's hand.  
"Uh...it was indeed a wild night."  
Now also Morrie chuckled.  
"Good boys. And now down to the nitty-gritty. I need you ready in front of the hotel in half an hour."  
"You're picking us up?"  
"Not personally," Virgil laughed. "Eddie will drive you. I have to get some things done here. We'll meet at the festival."  
"Aye-aye, Mr. Dainty."

Norbert called the room next to them.  
"Here's the luckiest bastard in Great Britain, what can I do for you?"  
"Chris?"  
"Nick, you player! Where have you been? Last time I saw you, you had at least six groupies with you."  
Norbert laughed.  
"The rest is top secret."  
Now Chris laughed.  
"Listen, Virgil just called me. We'll leave in half an hour, so adorn yourself."  
"What the hell you think we're doing? We're long finished, hopping from one foot to the other, you're not?"  
"Yeah, sure." Norbert lied and smiled at Morrie.

It was an uncommon sight. A lonely van on an empty street. People turned their heads to stare at them. There were a lot of pedestrians now, still walking on the pavement as they were used to.  
"Hey fellas, are you ready for another ride?", the man named Eddie greeted them, this time he didn't wear a uniform.  
It was a much better ride because the band didn't have to squish themselves between their equipment. And their driver was more talkative now.  
"Virgil must really like you, the way he pulls out all the stops to bring you here."  
"Oh, we get so much praise in advance, we can't be that great," Norbert nervously laughed.  
"It's your first time, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"A word to the wise - just have fun. I know Virgil, he doesn't expect you to come back as superstars. He only wants to test if you can keep your cool and deliver a good show."

The festival grounds were huge, they surpassed even St. George. The car caused a little stir there too. People curiously followed it until it entered a backstage area. Getting out of the car, Norbert overheard a band play, but he had no time to listen.   
Virgil approached them.  
"You come right after the current act," he informed the band.  
In the backstage area they waited, talked about their songs and the show they had been working on for days now. Norbert thought about Eddie's words to fight down his fear. Then he felt a pat on his shoulder. It was Chris, who had promised to hold his hand if necessary.  
"Nick, you player. I bet your girls are watching you now," he said in a comforting tone.  
Norbert chuckled and felt much better.

The show was a mind-blowing experience for all of them. Norbert needed a bit to readjust. The audience was much further away than in a pub of course, and barely recognisable despite the frontal rows, so he had to find another way to communicate with them. In addition, he tried not to be too nice to female listeners because he was sure that Morrie was watching him. They all improvised a lot to carry the audience.   
Virgil watched them from afar. He liked that they had a lot of own songs for a young band. Their gaudy colored outfits made an impression. Their hairstyles were unusually long, especially Nick's, which also looked like they had never met a comb before, what gave him an audacious appearance. It matched his bright red suit very well.

But something was wrong with Nick today. He was holding back more than usual. Of course it could've been due to the big stage, but he doubted that the answer was so easy. He kept watching him, hoping he would relax again, but it didn't happen. It wasn't the Nick Lightbearer he had hoped for.  
But it was no reason to fret. Finding new talents was a gamble. There were more ways to awake the potential in his new protégé. Perhaps he was tired after that wild night he had mentioned. Virgil planned to find out what had been going on.

After a concert of an hour and a half The Make Believes had burned themselves out completely. With thousands of different impressions and thoughts in their minds they collapsed in the dressing room. Norbert felt reborn. They still were so excited that they were talking loudly and laughing a lot. No one of them wanted this to end.  
After a while Virgil visited them to praise them, what gave them another boost.  
Virgil offered them to stay at the festival for a while longer, what they gladly accepted. Before they could all leave, he held Norbert back.  
"Nick, can I talk to you again?"  
Norbert stayed, giving his manager an adoring look.

"Why did you lie to me?," Virgil suddenly asked so sternly that Norbert's heart missed a beat.  
"What do you mean?"   
Norbert had no clue.  
"So, have you been at the party?", Virgil asked just as sternly.  
"Of course," Norbert said eagerly. "But...I guess not for long."  
The man made a face.  
"You've been there for half an hour, then you left."  
"But the others were there." Norbert felt his face blush.  
"When I said 'be apparent', I meant all of you! You had a one-time chance to make yourself known and you missed it! No one remembers you! I don't know what you want to accomplish with that."  
Norbert gulped and fell silent. What was he supposed to say anyway? That he spent the night with Morrie? That Morrie had been jealous? What Virgil said made sense, and he had no explanation.

"I can't help you if you don't follow my advice, you understand? Then all of this is pointless."  
Norbert gave a sour nod. He didn't dare to look at Virgil anymore.  
"Now see how you sort that out, or else your journey is over."  
In shock, Norbert stared at him again.  
"You'll leave us? Just because of that?"   
"You wanted me to bite, didn't you? Well, you accomplished it. What happens next is up to you."  
With these words Virgil left him.  
Norbert coudn't believe it. Just minutes ago he had felt the foretaste of fame and now he faced the ruins of his dream. 

He left the backstage area with conflicted feelings. When he saw his friends in their brightly colored suits, happily fooling around, he suddenly span on his heel and went into another direction. Hiding in the masses, he walked around aimlessly. He felt miserable and didn't want to break the news to the others. In addition, he was embarassed and found it all unfair.   
What was he supposed to do now? And why did it all depend on him?  
Angrily, he kicked a can of beer away. Then he noticed he was thirsty and went to one of the snack stands. After trying to convince the salesman he was old enough to buy a beer he chose a cola instead, found himself a corner and watched the masses from there.

He knew he shouldn't hide, but he didn't want to see anyone. And now he couldn't even give himself liquid courage. When his cola was empty he came out of his hideout only to throw the can as far as he could.  
"Fuck in a bucket," he hissed after it.  
"Are you lost, honey?", he suddenly heard a female voice say.  
It belonged to a girl with long blonde hair that was decorated with flowers. Her short dress was more colorful than anything he had ever worn on stage.  
He immediately tried for a smile.  
"Are you talking to me? No...I just had a rough day is all."  
"You look like a seeker to me, hon," she said softly. "But now, your suffering is finally over. All the answers you need are there."  
She handed him a card that said "Lair of Dreams" in curved letters. Norbert stared at it.  
"What is that?"  
But when he looked up the girl had vanished.

He gaped in confusion, then he looked back at the card. Was she a witch? But why not trying it out, he thought. The name sounded promising after all. At the backside of the card there was a little map of the area and a hint to where he should go. For a while he thought he was misreading it, because he went to an isolated edge of the area where he at first didn't see anything but trees. It was when he came closer that he found a large camp in between them.  
"Hi there, I guess I'm looking for answers", he said holding up his card.  
When they looked at his card, they welcomed him. A girl put a flower garland around his neck and then he went inside.  
He saw a lot of people with flower garlands, sitting on carpets and pillows. Some had a conversation, some just lied around and seemed to relax. Soft music came from somewhere and accompanied the image. Norbert made his way through the camp, wondering what he should find here, when another girl with a tray stopped him.  
"Hello, seeker. How about a welcome drink?"  
She offered him her tray that was full of colorful and delicious looking drinks. Norbert gladly accepted the offer.

The first sip only tasted good.  
The second one changed the world around him.  
It was as if his senses were suddenly sharpened. The noise that surrounded him changed. It was distorted, dull and high-pitched at once, as if he would finally realize that his whole reality was just an illusion, as if he could see through the mask all of a sudden. At the same time everything started to glitter and to glow so beautifully as if the drink had send him straight to heaven. The soft music that he had disregarded now made so much sense.

Years later he would still remember that he had started to sing and dance with the others. Sometimes he was even certain he had entered another dimension, a better world, that he had lost forever, when suddenly strangers dressed in dark clothes had invaded it. They refused the drink of knowledge, rudely knocked the tray out of the goddess' hands and stepped on the shreds. Nick Lightbearer couldn't allow that! So he had started to defend it with all the seekers by his side, and so a fight broke loose, to save the better world. He could remember the screams of all the hurt souls even years later. The fight ended for Norbert when he suddenly felt a sting in his side and his paradise vanished in darkness.


	35. Chapter 35

Norbert had a terrible headache when he came back to himself. Pressing his hands against his head, he noticed that he was lying on a hard surface that couldn't possibly belong to a hotel bed. Moaning, he struggled up.  
"Rise and shine, princess," an unknown voice sneered at him.  
Confused, Norbert looked around, and the more he saw the more he was shocked. That room definitely wasn't a hotel room, all small and empty and cold and completed with iron bars that segregated him from the corridor outside. Behind the bars stood a Bobby who grinned at him.

Norbert left the bed and stumbled towards the bars.  
"Why am I here?...What happened?", he asked the Bobby.  
"You now that better than me," The man answered.  
Norbert furrowed his brows, trying to think.  
"I don't know...anything," he muttered. "I didn't do anything. Please, this must be a misunderstanding."  
Norbert's voice was getting louder.  
"I know, I know. Your kind is all the same, big mouth at night, and yammering at daytime," the Bobby snapped. He didn't seem like he wanted to help.  
Norbert ruffled his hair.  
"What night?", he stuttered. "I can't remember anything."

The Bobby snorted.  
"Oh, it's been a funny night, you've been tripping balls, you and your friends. Should be thankful we gave you a warm place to sleep."  
Now some blurry images found their way back into Norbert's mind.  
"The festival...," he whispered. "Yeah...Oh...Oh no..."  
He desperately clutched the bars.  
"Listen, sir, I...I didn't know what I was doing! I had no idea there was something odd in the drink!"  
He made the Bobby laugh.  
"Really," Norbert urged him. "please, let me out, you'll never see me again!"  
The Bobby laughed more.  
"Sure, because you'll crawl back into that hole where you came from. No, no, you're in good hands here."  
"You can't keep me in here!" Norbert started panicking. The man gave him another wide grin.  
"Not forever, I'm afraid, but until someone pays the bail for you."  
"You have to call my manager, Virgil Dainty! He'll get me out!"  
"That's already taken care of. Relax, superstar, and make yourself at home."  
Norbert had no chance but to stumble back to the pallet and to wait.

He listened up when he heard a door open. Shortly after, a tall, dark haired boy appeared at the bars.  
Norbert sighed in relief.  
"Morrie, I'm so happy to see you."  
He pressed himself against the cold iron to be as close as possible to the other boy. His lover though didn't look very glad.  
"Norbert, I know you have weird ideas, but that was outright stupid! And dangerous! What the hell were you thinking, hanging around with these people?"  
"They've been nice," Norbert defended them.  
"Yeah, nice. I see you're all best friends now. And now everyone thinks you're their cult leader or something."  
"Me?" Norbert laughed. "Who would think that?"  
"You know, some idiots from the press love that story."  
"But Morrie, that's not my fault!"  
Norbert gave his lover a pitiful look, but Morrie didn't soften.

"Of course it's all your fault! You ran away like an idiot! Can you imagine how worried I was? I thought you're with Virgil, but then you were gone! Why didn't you come back to us?"  
Norbert closed his eyes and cooled his poor poundig head at the cold iron.  
"I...I don't remember anymore...", he lied with a faint voice.  
"Oh great," Morrie blurted out. "Well done, Norrie, really! And now Virgil must pay the bail for you to get you out. I'm sure he's delighted."  
Slowly, Norbert's foggy mind pieced together what Virgil had wanted from him that evening. And what he likely had failed to do. Now it wasn't sure if Virgil still considered himself their manager or not. He needed to talk to him as soon as possible. Morrie didn't seem to know and Norbert wasn't eager to tell him. Blowing the air out of his lungs, he felt himself slump down.

"When will he come?"  
"As fast as he could. Our poor manager has a lot to take care of now," Morrie sighed and leaned closer to the bars.  
"And I thought we agreed...", he said quieter.  
Norbert cocked his head as a silent question.  
"Don't play the innocent. There were a lot of pretty birds in that camp. I'm sure you liked them very much."  
Norbert widened his eyes.  
"Morrie, I swear, nothing happened."  
"You don't remember, right?", his lover said bitterly.  
"I would remember that by any means, trust me!"  
Morrie only rolled his eyes and turned away.  
"See you outside," he said and left Norbert alone with all his worries.

Once again, Norbert could only lay down on the pallet and wait. His headache kept him busy, until the door opened to reveal another well known face.  
"Mr. Dainty..." Norbert rasped and struggled up.  
"Hello, Nick." Virgil's voice was unreadable.  
The Bobby unlocked Norbert's cell and let him go. At the way outside, Norbert tried to talk to Virgil, but he only waved him off.  
"Not now, boy."  
So he silently walked behind him.

Going outside, they were greeted by a sudden loud noise that cruelly ringed in Norbert's head. He covered his ears with his hands and watched in confusion how a group of people was yelling at the top of their lungs. He almost tripped when he saw a banner that read "Free Nick Lightbearer" in red letters. Soon after, he saw more banners, all with his name on them. He was still wondering about it when he sat in the van.

"What was that?", he asked Virgil who didn't seem to be affected by this at all.  
"Your welcoming committee. Do you like it?"  
Norbert blinked.  
"Did you order that?"  
Virgil laughed.  
"Oh no boy, that was your doing. Your little adventure last night caused some ripples. What have you been up to?"  
There was no anger in the manager's voice.  
"I don't know for sure, but it was fun," Norbert said and Virgil laughed again.  
"I knew I could count on you, Nick," the man's voice was very warm now.  
Norbert widened his eyes.  
"You mean, I did it right?"  
"Honestly, you achieved more than I was expecting. Today, a lot of people now you. That's the foundation we can work on."  
He patted Norbert's shoulder.  
"Well done."

Norbert was so nonplussed he was about to blush, so he turned his head away.  
"Oh, I almost forgot," Virgil said. "Here, for your headache."  
Norbert meekly took the pill and gulped it down. He had completely forgotten about his headache. Instead, he felt like this was the best day in his life.

Back in the hotel, at the way to their rooms, Virgil petted his shoulder again and locked gazes with him.  
"There's just one thing you have to promise me, Nick. No more lies."  
Norbert eagerly shook his head. "Not a single one, I promise."  
"That's a good boy," his manager said smiling. "Now it's time I let you to your band, I'm sure they miss you badly."  
"Mr. Dainty...", Norbert whispered. He was just so happy.  
"Yes?"  
He stepped forward and tightly hugged Virgil.  
"Thank you."  
Blindsided by the sudden closeness, Virgil still didn't shy away from patting the boy's back.  
"There's no need to thank me, boy. You did it all by yourself."  
Norbert looked up to him.  
"But without you I wouldn't be here."  
Virgil smiled again.  
"So let's go, enjoy yourself. I give you a call when we're leaving."  
Norbert slowly parted from his manager.  
"Okay," he said quietly, turned around and made his way to Morrie's room.

He found his lover sitting in the bed and reading a book.  
"Morrie, I have amazing news!", he declared when he closed the door. "My stupidity brought us fame, Virgil will keep us and we can go home! Everything is alright!"  
Morrie closed the book.  
"There were people at the police station, waiting for me," he added with a voice soft as silk. "Guess what, I'm a star."  
Morrie eyed his lover, who seemed to always come back as a winner, no matter the odds. He left the bed. His voice was just as soft when he said: "Well, if that's so, I suppose I must forgive you this time," and began to gently stroke Norbert's cheek with one hand. "Even though you deserve a lesson."  
Norbert leaned against the hand that caressed him and closed his eyes with relish. Then he greedily palpated the buttons of Morrie's shirt.  
"Perhaps a little lesson would be just alright," he purred.  
"You think so?"  
Morrie grabbed his untamable hair and pulled him closer. Norbert could only nod before Morrie's lips touched his. 

Their tounges were still a bit clumsy playing with each other while Norbert's hands slowly opened Morrie's shirt. Morrie however gently pushed his lover down on the bed. Norbert was looking forward to it as Morrie sat down on his lap and ruffled his hair. Their covered each others faces with kisses when suddenly something cold snapped shut around Norbert's wrists.  
Completely unsuspecting, he turned his head to see what was going on and he was very surprised when he saw that he was handcuffed on the bedstead. He pulled at it.  
"Hey...whats that about?"  
He laughed insecurely, not knowing if he should find it funny or worrying.

"Don't you like it? I brought it for you," Morrie purred, looking at his work with satisfaction.  
"You stole handcuffs for me?"  
Morrie chuckled.  
"No. Imagine, the Bobby was impressed by my little tantrum and showed empathy. He gave me these and said I should watch out for you."  
"That's a bloody lie," Norbert blurted out.  
Morrie shrugged.  
"Believe it or not. But you won't run away that easily anymore."  
"Come on, Morrie", Norbert urged him. "This doesn't work. I can barely move."  
"I don't know," his lover continued to purr, "I think I like you this way."  
"What are you planning to do with me now?"  
Norbert wriggled about on the bed, until his lover roamed the insides of his tights, making him gasp.

"You know, I thought...", Morrie began quietly and his wand wandered upward.  
"Because you want that lesson..."  
He silenced. His hand drew circles on Norbert's upper leg. It convinced him that they indeed should try it out.  
"Yes," Norbert moaned. His body was begging for more.  
"Really?", Morrie looked him in the eyes.  
"Oh, yes." Norbert opened his legs.  
"Alright," the boy said and nodded.  
Bending over closesly to his lover, he whispered: "Well, I'll go out for a walk and you stay here, thinking about what you did."  
Norbert stared at him.  
"You can't be serious!"  
Morrie got up and buttoned his shirt.

"Oh, yes, I am serious. I finally find some time in that I don't have to worry about you running away."  
"I didn't run away!", Norbert shouted.  
"Yes, you did."  
"But it turned out alright!"  
"And that was pure luck!", Morrie snapped back. "Now I'll enjoy some calm and quiet for once, and after that, well, if you behave, I might continue what I started."  
Norbert was speechless.  
A helpless "Morrie..." was all he could manage while watching his lover leave the room.  
"Until then, Norbert," the boy said and left him the second time for today.

Bewildered, Norbert pulled at the handcuffs again, but nothing happened. He tried to bend it up with his free hand and also nothing happened. He soon found out that the bedstead was too solid to bend, too. Morrie had thought that out well. Norbert's only opportunity was to reach the phone and call for help, but doing that he would only make himself a laughing-stock.  
Frustrated, Norbert stretched out on the bed again.  
So that was his price for making them famous, he thought.  
So much for the best day in his life.  
He wasn't sure if he even wanted to sleep with Morrie after that.

He waited many utterly boring minutes until finally something happened.  
The window cracked open. Norbert eyed it, wondering if Morrie was coming in through it. What weird game was that? Norbert's grin faded when he saw a girl climbing in, looking like those he had seen yesterday in the camp. Before he could say something, another one climbed in. The other girl helped her up. Both where giggling and whispering to each other.  
Norbert wondered if his poor abandoned soul was playing a trick on him or if he actually had visitors.  
"Uh...ladies...", he greeted them, "you might be in the wrong room."  
He made them turn around. The way they looked at him told him that he was the one they wanted to see.

"Why, are you not Nick Lightbearer?", one girl giggled.  
"It must be him," the other girl sighed. "Look at his hair, his eyes, the fancy rags..."  
She wasn't ready with talking when more people came in through the window.  
Norbert broke out in sweat. He didn't want to be seen like this at all.  
"Okay, you're right, it's me,", he stuttered, "but...uh...this is a very unfitting moment for a visit...". 

"Aww, come on, Nicky. Just an hour or so. Don't be a wet blanket," the girl that had climbed in first cooed. The second one finally found the handcuffs.  
"Carol," she yelled and pointed at the bed. "Look what they did to him!"  
Carol stepped closer.  
"Don't worry, Nick. We get you free in no time."  
She sat down on the bed, pulled a hairpin out of her updo and started to fumble around with the lock. Her friend turned up the radio, so nobody would hear them, and someone else locked the door.  
Well, at least Morrie won't see them now.

"We thought we'll have some fun before you have to leave the town," another girl said and Norbert gave a meek smile.  
Then the handcuffs made a little cracking noise and opened up.  
"Voilà," Carol said and put the pin back in her hair.  
Norbert was very glad to be free.  
"I'm impressed," he admitted, looking at his wrist. "Are you burglars?"  
His visitors giggled.  
"Today we are. We just had to see you again."  
"Is it true that you're from Wellington Wells?", someone asked.  
"Yeah...I am."  
"Must be a smashing place to live. Are all boys from Wellington Wells like you?"  
"Uh...a few," Norbert stuttered.  
"Can't you take us with you? It's so boring here, really."  
"Well...can you fold yourself into a guitar case?"  
They laughed. Norbert started to feel more comfortable.

"Are all girls here as pretty as you?"  
Carol shrugged playfully.  
"Well...a few."  
"Then I tell Virgil to get us a truck."  
They laughed.  
"We brought you something."  
They started to draw multiple colorful pills out of their pockets.  
"Oh, sweets," Norbert said.  
"Party favors," they corrected him and Norbert didn't mind what they called it if only it tasted good.

Soon, he was back in his paradise, where all colors were bright and all worries far away.  
He was in the middle of making out with the lot of them when the door to his room crashed open, with wooden splinters flying everywhere. Once again his freedom was disturbed, and his new friends fled out of the window. Norbert saw Morrie, who expelled them, eyes sparkling with rage. He thought his lover had never been more beautiful than in this very moment, glowing brightly and the sound of his voice was running right into Norbert's heart.  
Morrie came closer, looking deep into his eyes and cupped his head with his hands.  
"Shit," he hissed.  
Norbert giggled.  
"You're so pretty...", he whispered. Then he kissed him, willing to continue what his lover had disturbed. But Morrie shoved him away.

"Mr. Dainty," Norbert heard him shout. "They drugged him again! Can't we do something?"  
Virgil appeared and said: "Hold him."  
So Norbert clutched Morrie.  
"This is gonna sting a bit," the manager said to Norbert who had no idea what he was talking about. He was very suprised when he suddenly felt a sting in his neck. Moaning, he collapsed into Morrie's arms.


	36. Chapter 36

Waking up, Norbert didn't feel very good again. His first reflex was to wipe his throbbing forehead and to moan in pain. Doing that, he wondered if he didn't wake up like this before and why it kept happening.  
"Norrie," he heard a soft voice soothe him. "Welcome back."  
Turning his head, Norbert's eyes met Morrie's and he immediately felt much better, resulting in a wide smile he gave his lover.

"Morning, Nick", he suddenly heard Matt's voice say. "Glad to have you back in the real world."  
Norbert looked around in confusion and found himself lying in their van, supposedly on the way back home.   
"So, wanna tell us how you turned into a cult leader yesterday, or will you take that to your grave?", Brad added to the conversation.  
"Well," Norbert began, trying to think about what he was going to say, and clumsily lifted his dizzy head up.   
Then he felt Morrie's hand on his shoulder.

"Careful, such a flash is really nasty, Virgil told me."  
Norbert nodded slowly, and with the other boy's help he sat up to lean into the comfy seat.  
"He's right", he said, rubbing his eyes. "It's awful."  
He made a pause to let this statement sink in, before he added: "I don't know a thing about yesterday. I don't even know what day it is now."  
"In short, it's the day we look forward to our bright future," Chris said grinning. "Yesterday we played on the biggest festival we've ever been on, then you vanished and joined the local cult that had a fight with the police and today morning Mr. Dainty had to bail you out. Ring any bells?"  
Norbert closed his eyes. It was exhausting to remember, but deep inside he knew it happened.

"Now that you say it...but why am I flashed again?"  
He glanced around and found that Morrie suddenly had a meek expression on his face.  
"Well...your new friends came back. The cult, I mean," he explained, avoiding eye contact.  
"Really now?," Brad played upset, "You had another party and didn't invite us? Nicky, I'm disappointed, I thought we're a team."  
"You can't be serious," Morrie shyness was gone. "It's bad enough when Nick drugs himself into oblivion whenever he has the chance!"  
"I'm not drugging myself," Norbert pointed out. "They tricked me."  
"Yeah right," Chris laughed. "Nicky, our little innocent, can't even tell cocaine from grape sugar."  
"I'm glad this is over," Morrie said before Norbert could protest. "They won't follow us all the way home, especially not on foot."

"Why on foot?", Norbert asked. "What if some of them can drive?"  
It was silent for a moment.  
"Just look outside," Matt advised him.  
"Huh?" Norbert did as he was told and at first he didn't notice anything. There was no contraflow at the moment, what was a bit weird. A second later he noticed the street was completely empty besides their van.   
"So...they really sent away all the cars...", he concluded, seeing foggy images of a stuffed street in his mind. "What will happen to ours?"  
"We have to hand it in, as soon as we're home," Morrie explained.  
"Really?"  
He nodded.  
"Ask Mr. Dainty."

Norbert searched the front seats now, where he was surprised to see his manager sitting next to their driver. Virgil gave him an apologizing look and said: "It's true. I can't help it. But don't worry, we won't need it anymore."  
"Oh...Okay..."  
Norbert fell silent. Thinking about all this made him really tired. He felt like the world around him had changed completely, including himself.  
Morrie gave him a worried look and whispered: "Are you alright?"  
Diving into his lover's eyes, Norbert found his smile again.   
One thing didn't change at all, and it filled his heart with warmth.

Their travel to Wellington Wells was way more comfortable than their outward run. It felt a bit eerie to see all these empty streets they swept across, but like this, they arrived at Britannia Bridge in only a few hours. Norbert wondered if they would simply go back into their house and continue their old life with small concerts in small pubs, when suddenly their travel was distracted by a group of people that was blocking the street in Hamlyn Village.  
"A parade? Just now?", he blurted out.  
They looked out of the windows, trying to figure out what was going on.  
Eddie blew the horn and made his way through the crowd.  
They didn't seem to mind their car though. Instead, they followed it.

"Look at this, the last car in Wellington Wells," Morrie muttered to himself while Norbert eyed the banners they were holding. Suddenly, he jumped.  
"They want us!"  
Now everyone tensed.  
"You can park up there," Virgil said to Eddie, and when they came to a halt he told the band: "Follow me."

Exiting the van, Norbert stared at the gathering they had caused. It was like a dream. Just after he had set foot on the pavement, a reporter and her cameraman planted themselves in front of him, talking eagerly into her microphone.  
"And there he is, the golden voice of the Make Believes, Nick Lightbearer. You just got home from probably the biggest music event of the year. How do you feel right now?"   
She held out her microphone to him without a warning.  
"Uh...I...I don't know how to feel about it yet. Honestly I can't believe it happened...", he stuttered.  
"It was quite a wild night for you, so we've heard. Do you like to tell the viewers a few things? What really happened?"  
"I...uh...I can only say you shouldn't believe everything you hear and read..."  
"But there's a tiny bit of truth in all this, am I right?"  
"Uh..." Norbert paused. 

Suddenly Morrie barged in: "Just leave him alone with that stupid story, will ya? Is there nothing else you want to know?"  
The reporter seemed to be rather pleased with Morrie's appearance.  
"And there's Morrie Memento," she said into the camera, "who had been keeping an eye on Nick in the last few days." She turned back to Morrie. "Is it hard to watch out for a walking mess like him?"  
"What do you mean by that?" He wasn't willing to cooperate.  
"Wasn't it you who saved Nick out of the cultists' clutches?"  
Now Morrie paused.

"Yes, it was him," Norbert stepped back in, grabbing his lover by the shoulders. "You should've seen him! If looks could kill..."  
Morrie shoved him away from the microphone.  
"Now, if you'll excuse us, we're in a hurry."  
He kept on shoving Nick, making his way through the crowd into an empty alley.  
There he let out his anger.  
"What was that supposed to be? She layed out the bait and you took it!"  
"Oh, come on Morrie, play along a bit! Leave them their story and enjoy the attention!", Norbert tried to cheer him up, but Morrie turned away and crossed his arms.  
"I don't know if I want that particular kind of attention."  
Norbert walked closer so he could whisper to him: "And besides, imagining you as my protector is quite hot."   
He liked to see a spark lighting up in his lover's eyes.   
"It's time we get back home.", Morrie said, trying to sound casual. "Where are the others?"

Shortly after, Virgil appeared, followed by the rest of the band.  
"There you are. Are you okay?", he asked them and they quickly affirmed.  
"I booked hotel rooms for you, for the time until I've found a better solution. Your, well, house, isn't save enough anymore," he added. "Just follow me, it's not far."  
"Why don't we keep our old house and repair it?", Morrie asked.  
"I'm afraid that's above our budget right now."  
"Oh...okay."  
The hotel wasn't as neat as the one they had before, but it's roof was intact at least.  
"The windows are burglarproof, just in case. And you better leave the doors locked," Virgil explained with a smirk.  
"You thought of everything," Norbert said in an admiring tone.  
"That's what I'm here for," Virgil answered softly. "So, before we part for now, is there anything planned for the next days? Some new concerts?"  
"We're in the pub again next Saturday. That's all," Brad told him.  
"Alright, I'll be there."

In their hotel room Norbert quietly sat down on the bed.   
His mind was still dizzy from simply everything.  
Morrie carefully sat next to him. His anger had vanished and there was nothing but love in his voice when he asked: "Does it still hurt, Norrie?"  
Norbert gave him a faint smile.   
"A bit," he sighed.  
"Then take one of these..."  
Morrie handed him a pill.  
"Virgil recommends them. He says they help after a flash."  
Norbert gladly took it, then he rested his head on his lover's shoulder.  
"What a day...", he whispered.  
"Amen to that."

"I guess I brought a lot of trouble upon you...", Norbert began an apology and rubbed his cheek against his lover's shoulder, until Morrie leaned his head against his.  
"The second time, it wasn't your fault," he said in a soft voice.  
"It was bad luck. Or maybe just luck." Norbert chuckled.  
Morrie didn't join him.  
"I was careless," he went on, "I shouldn't have chained you to that bed. It was too dangerous. These people could've done who knows what to you..." His voice broke.  
"They're nice, just as I said," Norbert said calmly. "They're no cult. Just some friendly people who like to party."  
Morrie gulped. He wrapped his arms around Norbert and hugged him tightly.  
"I'll never chain you up again," he promised, buried into Norbert's shirt.  
"Oh, Morrie..."  
"No, it's true! I want to protect you! I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to you! You're my life!"  
Norbert moaned, pressing a hand against his chest. "Oh dear, my heart..."  
He turned to look deeply into his lover's brown eyes.  
"Don't feel guilty. You're doing so much for me. I'm so happy to be yours."  
With that, he softly kissed the other boy's lips.

"Will you watch out?" Morrie asked before he kissed him back.  
"For you?"  
They covered each other's faces with kisses as they spoke.  
"No, for you."  
Norbert chuckled again.  
"And maybe stop taking other people's candy," his lover added.  
"I think I can manage that...", Norbert answered, kissing a trail down Morrie's neck.  
"You...promise?"  
"I promise."  
Norbert's hands ran up and down Morrie's back.  
"I love you, Morrie," he whispered.  
"I love you too, you little troublemaker."  
That night, they loved each other very gently. There were no punishments, only love confessions and the bright future they were looking forward to. Everything seemed to be possible, as long as they stayed together.

The next days happened to be very busy again. Virgil surprised them with a call in the morning, saying that he had made an appointment with a recording studio, and they had two days to create an album. The studio was located in the Parade District, and even getting there and walking along the boulevards made them feel like stars. They had never been in this District before, and all of a sudden they were right there, seemingly without any efforts. Virgil had made that possible.   
On the contrary, working in the studio itself was very exhausting. They created take after take and nobody wanted to have any long breaks. They barely slept. In the end, they had ten songs, and multiple takes of each, and no audience to cheer them up. Norbert didn't know if he would ever get used to that weird atmosphere, but he knew he had no choice. And the image of having an album with their names on it was a great motivator.  
After these two days Norbert felt like he had spend at least a year in there. His old life felt so far away when he fell back into his hotel bed, ready to sleep for forever. Morrie fell down beside him and all they could to was cuddling, before the fell asleep.

The slept for a long time. Morrie, as usually, was the first to awake. When Norbert finally opened his eyes, he glanced into the bright smile of Uncle Jack. Morrie was watching his show that was getting more and more popular. He had turned down the volume so that his lover could sleep.  
"Good morning, honey," Norbert muttered out of his sheets, causing the other boy to turn around.  
"Hey, Norrie," he said and leaned over to kiss his forehead. "Did you sleep well?"  
Norbert sat up, hugging his lover from behind.  
"I just had the weirdest dream. We've recorded our own tape. It even sounded quite decent."  
Morrie patted Norbert's arms.  
"Funny, I had the same dream. And the way things are going, so had Uncle Jack."  
He pointed at the TV.  
"This is insane," Norbert sighed into Morrie's ear.  
"We have a gig tonight, in the pub, you remember?"  
"Oh, man...that place still exists?"  
"I hope so. Was a nice place after all."  
"Yeah..."

For once, Norbert was glad that he could look forward to something familiar. Something he could wrap his mind around. He had the feeling it was lagging miles behind the last events.  
"Finally some normality, right?", he said and began to stroke Morrie's shoulders.  
Morrie leaned into the touch.  
"I miss our house," he whispered, sounding weepy.  
"Why?" Norbert asked while his hands moved down his lover's back.  
"In here, we don't have to turn the radio on every time we want to play."  
Morrie chuckled.  
"You sure nobody can hear us?"  
Norbert placed a kiss on his lover's neck.  
"Turn the sound back on, if you're afraid."  
"No," Morrie decided and turned the TV off. "This is just distracting."  
They were indeed quiet, also because they were still tired.

Later, they left the hotel to buy some coffee and sandwiches. It was their usual diet anyway, since their money didn't last out for more. Nobody recognised them on the streets and no reporters with probing questions awaited them. Norbert wondered if that was because they didn't wear their colorful suits, or if everything was back to normal again. 

He noticed how far away from normal he was when they finally went to their pub. Looking at the people who where standing outside they wondered if they had misread the date and the pub was still closed. But then they went inside and saw that it was simply full.   
They met Virgil who looked very pleased.   
"Hello you two, how are you?"  
"Just great...This is...incredible," Norbert answered, eyeing the crowd.   
"Just keep a cool head, okay?"  
"Alright."   
When Norbert was about to leave, Virgil held him back. It felt very familiar, but not in a good way.  
"Can I have a word with you?"  
"Uh...okay."   
Norbert stayed, feeling not that great anymore. He patted Morrie's shoulders as a send-off, before he sat down at Virgil's table.

"What is it?"  
"I'm sorry if I repeat myself, but how do you feel?", his manager asked in a more serious tone and gave him a look that wasn't judging, but rather honestly interested.  
Norbert was puzzled about the question.  
"I feel a bit overwhelmed right now but I'll make it." He laughed nervously.  
"Is something wrong?"  
"Ah...perhaps it's nothing," Virgil said soothingly. "At the festival, I had the impression that you were...well, a bit restrained. Perhaps it was the excitement, perhaps something else."  
He gave Norbert a sympathetic glance.   
"I only want to say that you don't need to hold back. If anything, you can come out of your shell. Don't be shy. Just look around. They love you." He winked. "I know you can do it."  
Norbert was more and more afraid to blush. Enduring all these compliments from Virgil demanded a lot of self-control from him.  
"It was the excitement," he assured the man. "Today I'll totally go into overdrive, I promise."  
"I don't mean to stress you out, Nick. Try to forget that I'm here."  
"You don't stress me, Mr. Dainty. I had much worse listeners."  
He was in a very good mood when they parted, sure to show himself at his best. 

Strutting into the room they used as dressing room, he bumped into Morrie, who pulled him into a bear hug.  
"Hi there," Norbert giggled. "Did you miss me?"  
"You have no idea. Every time you stay with our manager something bad happens," Morrie said into his shirt.  
"Not today, my love."  
Morrie searched his gaze.  
"Can you promise me something?", he quietly asked.  
"Everything, Morrie. What is it?"  
"There's a lot of new people here, mostly female. You know, the sort you attracted at the festival. Just be careful, okay? Restrain yourself."  
"What do you mean?", Norbert digged deeper, sensing that he already knew the answer.

"Don't...flirt with them, okay? Less eye contact, and less dancing."  
Norbert felt a sting in his chest when he heard that.  
"I thought you like my moves."  
"I do, but a lot of others do too. The birds, I mean."  
"But that's exactly what we need!"  
Morrie shook his head.  
"No, it's only causing trouble. Don't you get that?"  
"Our show was not the reason..."  
His lover interrupted him.  
"Norrie, all I'm asking for is a little more caution," Morrie pleaded. "Just...let the music speak to them. Your voice sounds so much better when you're not moving."  
Norbert opened his mouth but couldn't come up with an answer.  
"Do you think you can manage?"  
Norbert gulped down many thoughts he had right now.  
"I...guess," he said instead and earned another hug from Morrie.

When his lover was gone to do the soundcheck on stage Norbert was doubtfully standing around, clutching his guitar as if it could help him. A sense of helplessness took over him. He needed a plan before entering the stage, because after that there was no turning back. But he had no idea what to do.  
Virgil or Morrie.  
He didn't want to hold back, he wanted to give all he had to make this work, just like everyone else in the band.  
But Morrie...  
He didn't want another fight with him. He knew his lover was jealous, and he had all the rights to be.

His hands started shivering. This wasn't good. He needed them to be steady, so he tried to calm himself down by counting to ten in his mind and breathing slowly.  
When he was at six, he was still upset and afraid it wouldn't work. And when he felt he was about to waste away in that room Chris entered it, with the thrill of anticipation written in his face. Norbert looked at him and in this very moment he was already infected.  
"Hey, superstar. Ready to give them show they'll never forget?"  
Norbert smiled widely when he came to his desicion.  
"Oh, yes", he said. It sounded like a confession.  
"Then let's go!"  
He waved at him and Norbert - no - Nick Lightbearer followed him outside.


	37. Chapter 37

Norbert felt vindicated already at the beginning of their show, so he continued to do everything he wanted and let himself get carried away by the vibes. They played until long after midnight and left the stage with a curious mixture of fatigue and exhilaration. Entering the backstage room, they chattered along just like they kept doing it after a gig, because they didn't easily calm down afterwards. At that time, Norbert had long forgotten his promise to Morrie and was in a very good mood. Virgil cheered him up even more, praising them and announcing that it was time for bigger concerts now. 

On the way back to the hotel they strolled along the empty streets they didn't get used to yet.  
"I really hope Virgil has a plan. I don't want to walk everywhere from now on," Brad was thinking out loud while standing in the middle of the road.  
"Of course he has! He did't let us down once," Norbert cheerfully answered. "And anyway - isn't that peaceful silence just beautiful? And to walk wherever we please. We're free!"  
He waved his arms around, amusing the others.

"That's nice as long as you're not drunk and need a drive home," Chris dryly replied.   
Norbert shook his head.  
"You can't ruin my mood with that."  
"Are you sure you'll never need one?", the guitarist tried again.  
"Oh, I am. But only to get you home since you can't hold one drink," Norbert sneered back.  
"Great, now you made me thirsty," Brad stated. "Why don't we take a look at the hotel bar before we're getting tired?"  
"Don't worry, I'm wide awake," Matt said. "I think I need a drink so that I get tired."  
"Me too," Chris added.

"See, you're already starting," Norbert taunted again, grinning widely.  
"You're free to go to bed, Nickie-boy. If you're good, Morrie might even kiss you good night. Right, Morrie?"  
"I don't know," Morrie said in a tone that puzzled Norbert for a second. Then he told himself that his lover just didn't want to raise any suspicion. The smart boy.  
"I won't go without it," he happily announced.   
Morrie's face quietly turned pale.  
"Well, I guess there's no way around then," Chris grinned at Morrie who made a face.  
"He'll have to earn it first," he said, making the others laugh.   
Also Norbert, who bit back an answer about how he would do it.  
Instead he skipped past Morrie, winking at him.

Back in the hotel and on the way to the bar his over suddenly stopped.  
"You know, I'm really tired myself. Have one for me," he muttered and waved them goodbye.  
"Are you sure?" Brad lifted an eyebrow.  
"Yeah. It's fine."  
"But my kiss," Norbert moaned.  
"I'm sure you'll find someone else to kiss you."  
They laughed again, but Norbert watched him leave with furrowed brows.  
"Sometimes he doesn't make any sense," he said to Matt who shrugged.  
"Must be true if you say so. You spend the most time with him after all", his friend stated. "Well, let's go..."

They managed to get a round of colorful drinks at the bar, so they considered their income from the gig to be well-invested. After all, there was more in sight.  
"To the Make Believes!", Matt solemly toasted, raising his glass into the air.  
"To our star-manager extraordinaire," Norbert added.  
"Say that after drinking," Matt laughed.  
"To Nick's spontaneous acid-trip," was Chris' contribution.

The night went on. Norbert had no idea how many hours they spent at the bar. He also wasn't certain if the night really ended with a dance in a tight embrace with Chris or if he was hallucinating already. He only knew that he was struggling his way into his room after that, trying not to fall on his face.

Inside he was surprised to find his lover sitting on the bed, reading a book.  
"Oh, Morrie...", Norbert slurred, making an effort to articulate, "I thought...you're tired."  
"I was sleeping," his lover explained coolly, not looking up from the book. "And I just woke up."  
"Oh," Norbert said and let himself fall onto the bed, causing the slatted frame to creak loudly. Then he crawled to Morrie on all fours.  
"I am tired now, but...", he purred, clumsily putting his arms around the other boy and whispering into his ear, "I'll do my very best."

Morrie grimaced and turned his face away.  
"You smell like alcohol."  
Norbert giggled.  
"Yes, I'm a little drunk. I had one for you after all."  
His hands hastily examined Morrie's upper body until his lover freed himself from the hug.  
"Then it's better we don't do it," he concluded and Norbert furrowed his brows.  
"You don't want to shag? Why are you awake then?"  
Morrie glared at him from the edge of the bed.  
"Because I want to ask you something."  
Norbert silenced, then he suddenly yawned.  
"Can't that wait?"  
He helplessly sat on the bed, unhappy that he couldn't reach Morrie with his hands anymore.

"I wanted to wait, but I'm curious if I get a honest answer out of you, now that you're drunk."  
"Oh," Norbert laughed and spread out on the bed.  
"Come on then, go for it," he taunted him.  
Morrie sighed.  
"The show. You laid it on thicker than usual. Was that an accident or did you do that on purpose?"  
Norbert gave a quiet moan that turned into another giggle.  
"You mean...if I've been drop-dead awesome on purpose?", he said lolling around in a lascivious manner.  
"Oh, yeah..."  
He then stared at the ceiling.

Morrie watched him admiring himself and seemingly not noticing his lover anymore.  
He had the feeling that Norbert's mind was miles away from him now.  
"Good. That's what I wanted to know," he concluded as coolly as he had started the conversation, hoping the other boy was still listening. When he tried to look back into his book that he hadn't actually been reading for hours, Norbert turned to face him again, drawing little circles into the blanket with his fingers.  
"Do you really want to read all night?", he asked with a voice just as soft as the sheets.  
Morrie gave up on the book.  
"You're right. I'm tired again. I'll sleep some more."  
He laid down, rolled over and closed his eyes.

Now Norbert watched him in confusion.  
"You're weird.", he slurred.  
Morrie didn't answer. Perhaps he was already asleep.  
Norbert crawled to him, with the aim of lying by his side, when suddenly his lover stirred.  
"I think it's better we sleep separated tonight," he quickly said and Norbert stopped, wondering.  
"Why?"  
"Because I can't stand that smell right now."  
"Okay...I'll lie at your back, so you won't smell me."  
Norbert was about to put his plan into action, but Morrie fought back.  
"Oh, yes, I will. Just be a good boy for once and stay on your side."  
"What...stop that nonsense, will you? Let me sleep, I'm tired," Norbert moaned.  
"Me too. Good night, Norbert," Morrie answered brusquely. "And turn the lights out."  
Grumpily, Norbert retreated.

"I'll just wait until you sleep," he said definitely. "And then I'll come back. You can't make me sleep alone. I don't take that shit."  
Pleased with his plan, he turned the lights off.  
"You always get what you want, right?" Morrie's voice was suddenly shivering. "Whatever I try..."  
"Morrie!", Norbert shouted.  
Then it was silent again.  
"Morrie?", he tried again, quietly.   
He crawled closer now, because he was worried.  
"I'm not sleeping yet," his lover hissed. Then he sobbed.  
"What's wrong?", Norbert asked helplessly. "Is it my fault? Is it because I'm drinking?" Morrie didn't answer. However, he didn't fight when Norbert put a hand on his arm.

"If I hurt you, I'll remember tomorrow for sure," Norbert tried to say something nice, but he only made his lover blurt out: "What a comfort!"   
"How can I comfort you?", he now urged him.  
Morrie was shaken by another sob before he said: "Brush your teeth."  
Norbert put his hand away.  
"You still are the most charming bloke I ever met."

Even though he felt too weak to stand on his own legs he struggled up and somehow made his way into the bathroom where he tried to brush his teeth with his limited motor skills.  
He ended up covering the mirror with paste. Then he got a splish in the eye and yepled, letting the brush fall and cussing to himself. After recovering, he considered the mission to be accomplished. Also, he assumed his lover was asleep by now anyway and only wanted him to be gone in the first place. So he dragged his feet back out of the room and finally lied down next to Morrie who didn't resist anymore. He placed himself at his lover's back, just in case that brushing teeth wasn't enough and soon was fast asleep.

The next morning Norbert woke up alone in the bed, rolled to the side and hugging the blanket. When he looked around he found Morrie sitting at the table and probably writing something. He couldn't see it because Morrie had his back turned at him. To walk over to the other boy, he had to leave the comfortable bed and was immediately greeted by the cold on his skin. He warmed himself at the body of his lover, rubbing his cheek against his soft hair, whispering a "Good morning." Then he gave him a gentle peck. 

"What are you writing?"  
"Oh, that...", Morrie said slowly as if he had been deep in thoughts.  
"It's a song I have my mind for a while now."  
Norbert gave the sheet an instense stare.  
"Perhaps I better play it to you...", Morrie said watching his lover.  
Norbert protested with a wry grin: "Don't be like that. I can read it, you told me how."  
He sat down to take a closer look at the notes.

"Norbert," Morrie began more seriously, wiping his forehead as if he was exhausted.  
"Will it be like this forever?"  
Norbert looked at him.  
"What do you mean?"  
"The show. You'll never hold back, right? This is a fact."  
Norbert hesitated to answer. Morrie could read in his face that he slowly got the message.  
"You really remember," he commented, waiting for his lover's answer.  
"Oh," Norbert finally said, leaning back on his chair in defeat. "I...totally forgot."  
He wrapped his arms around himself and looked ashamed.  
"I noticed that.", Morrie answered.

"Morrie, I...," Norbert bit his lip and searched for words. "I can't hold back. I wouldn't make sense. We give all we got for the show. You too. I thought about it, I really did, but I couldn't. It felt wrong."  
Norbert wasn't afraid to look his lover into the eyes, who now stared at the table with a surly expression.   
Finally, he said: "I see what you mean."  
"Virgil liked it, too," Norbert added more confidently. "And we can trust his judgement."  
Morrie nodded.  
"Yeah...I guess I can't say anything about that."  
He looked at Norbert.  
"You could've told me instead of surprising me."  
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't say no to you."  
Morrie didn't answer, so Norbert took his hand.

"Don't worry, my love," he whispered. "What happens on stage, stays on stage. In the end, it's just a show. In real life, I'm your Norrie, and nobody else."  
Morrie's gaze met Norbert's and he had the feeling that the brown of his eyes had turned into a warmer tone already. To emphasize his words, he lifted Morrie's hand and covered it with gentle kisses, causing the other boy's anger to melt. Norbert was happy to see a slightly rose shade on Morrie's cheeks. 

"Did you eat yet?", he changed the suspect seemingly casual, stroking the hand.  
Morrie cleared his throat.  
"No...I didn't..."  
"Then let's go, get something edible, and enjoy our quality time before Virgil shoos us out again."  
There was a spark in his eyes and Morrie wasn't able to fight back anymore. He followed Norbert out of the room, willing to make full use of their freetime.


	38. Chapter 38

The following times were wonderful for Norbert. Morrie was markedly gentle to him again and in turn, Norbert behaved whenever he left the stage. The band played concerts in bigger halls now and stopped to be only background music in a pub. Playing in their old locations was even hardly possible, since the new amount of their listeners went beyond the scope. Between their shows in all districts, they lived in all sorts of hotels, what Norbert didn’t mind at all. He enjoyed their new life and therefore showed his gratitude to Virgil whenever he could. 

They didn’t see each other very often, because the manager had always business to attend somewhere else, so Norbert send little gifts to his room. Sometimes it was a bottle of whine, sometimes cigars, or his favorite sort of chocolate that he had read about in a „So Mod“ magazine.   
He never made a fuss about it and didn’t make it obvious that it was him who sent all these things. He only wanted Virgil to know that he was appreciated. In addition, he didn’t want Morrie to notice it, for he would only be worried. Also, it was fun to watch Virgil eyeing him and the others from time to time, seemingly wondering if the gifts came from one of them. Norbert didn’t let it show. He only was very nice to Virgil, as always.

It was one of these days, while they were touring through the town, that Virgil had a special message for them. When he called in Norbert’s and Morrie’s room, Norbert took the phone, already expecting that it was Virgil.   
„Hello Nick,“ he heard the deep voice say. „Are you standing right now?“  
„Uh…yeah…“, Norbert answered in confusion. „Why?“  
„You better sit down.“  
„Oh…okay.“  
Norbert shortly searched the room and then fell backwards on the bed, joining Morrie who was already lying in there and now eyed his lover with curiosity. Norbert reached out for his hand and gently squeezed it.  
„I’m sitting,“ he said into the phone. „Go on, give it to me.“  
„With pleasure,“ Virgil almost purred. „You’ll be on TV soon.“  
Norbert gasped and shot up.  
„Are you serious? Who…Who’s supposed to watch that?“  
„Well, believe it or not, I received a letter from the Wellington Wells Broadcast Channel. They want the Make Believes for Uncle Jack’s late night show. Live act and talk and everything. What do you think?“  
„I…uh…“ Norbert was speechless. He looked at Morrie but of course he couldn’t help him.

„Honestly, I don’t know if we should do that. Perhaps it is to soon. I don’t know what to do, I could embarrass us all. Is it worth it?“  
„Oh, Nick,“ Virgil’s laughter was encouraging, „don’t worry. They don’t need any cold-hearted professionals, they want real people with feelings, and character, just like you.“  
„That’s…very nicely said, Mr. Dainty.“ Norbert was still unsure.  
„Just think about it, okay? I’ll come back this evening, about seven, then we can talk about it.“  
„Okay. I’ll spread the news. Until later then.“  
Norbert hung up, muttering to himself :„Oh, well, I guess I deserve that.“  
He turned around and his face looked rather pale.  
„What happened?“, Morrie, now impatient, urged him and Norbert fell back on the bed to tell him: „We’re invited to Uncle Jack’s late night show.“  
„Really?“  
Morrie’s eyes widened.

„Yeah…Virgil just told me. That’s why he called. He got a letter from the channel.“  
„But that’s great!“ Morrie shouted with excitement and poked his lover into the side. „Come on, what’s that face? We’ll be famous!“  
„I can’t believe they want us.“  
„Me neither,“ Morrie agreed and shook his head. „I’ve seen this show so often, I can’t imagine sitting there myself, face to face with Uncle Jack. But that’s what we wanted, right? Everyone will see us! And if Virgil thinks we’re ready, we should take that chance!“  
He looked back at Norbert, poking him again.

„Hey…don’t worry, you’ll make it. We’ll be there together. Come on, Norrie, where is your adorable smile?“  
Norbert couldn’t help but smile a bit. He rarely saw his lover being so excited about something.   
„I don’t know,“ he still said. „I…what if I don’t know what to say and make me look like an idiot?“  
„You don’t have to say anything. Just smile like that, and they’ll lie at your feet.“  
Norbert had to chuckle at the thought.  
„I don’t know if that works with Uncle Jack.“  
„Right, you don’t know…yet,“ his lover said smirking.  
„Morrie!“   
Norbert played disgusted. Then they both broke out in laughter.

„But jokes aside, what if I really have a blackout?“  
„You usually speak like a book, you’ll be fine.“  
„That’s not the same. On stage, if have my lyrics. And we’ve done this a thousand times now, I know what to do, but it’s not the live act. It’s…sitting on that couch… You know I only stuttered at this reporter back then.“  
Morrie shook his head again.  
„Because you were overwhelmed, just like all of us. I bet the others didn’t say any more.“  
„But you weren’t shy at all, you helped me out.“  
„I got into a fret and made a fool of myself,“ Morrie countered. „I was tired and on edge because of that fuss they made about that stupid cult.“ He wiped his forehead.  
„And I didn’t say much at all,“ Norbert meekly replied.  
„You’ve been cute,“ Morrie decided, causing his lover to lose the thread for a second.  
„Cute?,“ he then repeated.  
„Yes, exactly.“  
Norbert shook his head.  
„‚Cute‘ isn’t exactly my reputation.“  
„No?“, Morrie chuckled. „Perhaps it should be.“  
Norbert fell quiet, thinking.

His lover crawled closer and rested his head on his chest. His hand was slowly stroking his stomach.  
„Just be yourself,“ he whispered. „Your wonderful self.“  
Norbert silenced. His fingers searched the other boy’s hair while he dwelled in thoughts. Then he leaned forward and brushed it with his lips.   
„Thank you,“ he sighed into the soft strands.  
Morrie turned his head and they clumsily kissed.Norbert ran a finger over the tender fluff that had started to cover Morrie’s upper lip. He liked it very much. 

„Virgil comes at seven,“ he said between two kisses.  
„H-hm,“ Morrie sighed, more interested in nibbling at the corner of Norbert’s mouth.  
„I guess I have to get up and tell the others,“ Norbert tried again.  
Morrie answered by biting his earlobe.  
„Just call them,“ he muttered.  
Norbert moaned, giving in to his lover’s affection for a while until he said: „Okay, but you have to stop for a second…“  
„What a shame.“   
Morrie let up on him when Norbert picked up the phone and called the number of the other room.

In the evening their decision was quickly made. Nobody came out against it and Virgil looked he had expected nothing else. 

Norbert’s feelings were mixed. In a way, he was looking forward to it, just like he had looked forward to the festival. This time, however, the tour didn’t allow him to brace himself for it, or to even find out how to do that. Watching the others didn’t help either. It made him jealous, because they seemed to handle the news much better than him. Chris only seemed to look forward to it and Norbert knew he would grab attention without any problems. Brad’s attitude didn’t change at all and it was likely that he would keep his cool. He knew Morrie’s point of view so far.   
When he visited Matt in his room, actually to jam, his thoughts kept drifting away to the upcoming show.

„Sorry,“ he eventually said, abandoning his guitar. „It’s this Late Night Show. I can’t stop thinking about it.“  
„You’re overthinking it,“ Matt told him. „freaking yourself out.“  
Matt was so calm it angered Norbert even more.  
„Don’t you care at all?“, he blurted out, jumping up from the chair.  
Matt backed away a little.  
„Of course I do. But, you know, you can’t change it. It doesn’t make sense to go crazy about things you can’t change. No matter what happens, we’ll be better known afterwards, and that’s what we want,“ he said, startled from the sudden outburst and also trying to help his friend.  
„Yeah, but what will they think about us?“  
Norbert started to walk around in the room, running a hand trough his hair. Matt followed him with his eyes.  
„It’s just like Virgil said, just keep cool, be natural. What’s the worst that can happen?“  
Norbert sighed.  
„I just…can’t calm down,“ he admitted and eagerly shook his head.  
„You didn’t freak out before the festival, when you had a real reason to be nervous.“  
„That was different. I didn’t understand what happened to us. I thought it’s fun.“  
„The show could be fun, too.“  
„Yes, maybe…I can think it, but I can’t feel it.“  
Norbert gave up the session.  
„Sorry, but I have to calm down somehow.“

He left the room and went for the hotel bar.  
When the bartender turned to him, he gave a faint smile and said: „Just a beer, please.“  
The woman only looked at him with a lifted eyebrow.  
„Aren’t you a bit too young for that?“  
Norbert answered with an annoyed sigh.  
„Look, everyone is nagging me about this. I look young, okay? But I’m old enough. Please, I’m parched.“  
„Can you prove your age?“  
„No…not now. Can’t I hand it in later?“  
She gave him a pitiful look.  
„No, sorry. First the evidence, than the drink.“  
„Alright, thanks for nothing,“ Norbert sourly replied and left the counter.  
He still sat down at one of the tables, unsure about where to go, and dwelled in thoughts again, until someone approached him.

„Hey, Norbert, why are you sitting around here all alone? Did Morrie kick you out?“  
It was Chris who joined him now. To Norbert’s dismay he had a glass of beer in his hands.  
„Where…where did you get that?“, he started complaining.  
„This?“ Chris blankly eyed the glass.   
„I ordered it.“  
„Why do they serve you alcohol but not me? We’re the same age!“, Norbert shouted and made his friend startle.  
„Hush, you fool, they don’t need to know!“  
The way Norbert stared daggers at him caused him to stand up.  
„Okay, okay, I get you one, before you kill me.“  
He went for the bar and Norbert curled his fingers into his already ruffled hair, staring at the table until his friend came back.

„There you go,“ he said and handed him the glass. „And now chill. You look younger, so what?“  
Norbert clutched the drink and started to breathe slowly.  
„That’s the spirit. Just calm your nerves.“  
Norbert silently took his first nip, embarrassed that he had yelled at his friend.  
For a while they was an awkward pause. Then Norbert explained: „I’m here because I can’t handle thinking about the TV show. Why are you here?“  
Chris shrugged.  
„I’m thirsty.“  
Norbert shook his head.  
„Yes,“ Chris said with emphasis.   
„I believe you,“ Norbert backtracked and sighed again. „But why am I the only one who’s so nervous?“  
„Because you have no nerves,“ Chris abruptly said.  
Norbert surly stared into this drink.

„Great. That’s helping a lot. Just call me a coward already.“  
„You’re not a coward,“ his friend said firmly. „You’ll get used to it. See, we’re doing this for the first time and we’ll be on more shows after that.“  
Norbert lifted his head. His eyes widened.  
„You think so?“  
„I hope so.“  
Norbert silenced and went pale.  
„And there he faints,“ Chris quietly commented, more to himself.  
„Nick, you’re not alone,“ he said louder. „We’ll be there too.“  
„I’m glad,“ Norbert answered in all honesty.  
„You’ll be fine, Nicky. Just drink your beer and let it do it’s magic.“  
Norbert followed his friend’s advice. He was still in the act when Morrie showed up.  
“Oh, there you are,“ he greeted Norbert. „I’ve been looking for you. Hey, Chris.“  
He sat down and put down his glass, reveling that he also had a beer. 

Chris saw Norbert’s expression and burst out in laughter.  
„What’s with him?“, Morrie was confused. „Did I say something wrong?“  
„He’s making fun of me,“ Norbert moaned.  
„Why that?“  
Chris gulped down the laughing fit to explain: „Poor Nicky doesn’t get any alcohol in here because he’s too young.“  
„Really?“, Morrie eyed his lover’s drink.   
„That’s from me,“ Chris added.  
„I see.“  
He looked back to Norbert and said in the softest voice: „But only one, yes, Nicky? Can you even finish such a big drink all on your own?“  
Chris laughed again, Morrie giggled and Norbert pouted.  
„You’re silly, both of you.“  
„Did you hear that? Silly! You shouldn’t say such bad words, little one,“ Chris sneered.   
„Fuck you,“ Norbert mumbled.  
„Oh, you’re not allowed to be on TV with that filthy mouth.“ Chris couldn’t stop laughing.  
Norbert got up.  
„It’s always like that. I’m drinking and you’re drunk.“  
To Morrie he said: „See you around.“

„Hey, you won’t even finish it? I got it just for you!,“ Chris stopped him.  
„I’ll pay you off,“ Norbert said and smacked some coins at the table.   
He shortly patted Morrie’s shoulder before he left the bar.  
On the way back to his room he pondered that he had no other option than to go to bed and hide under the blanket.  
That he did, and the warmth and blackness were indeed comforting.  
Later, he heard someone come in.  
„Norbert?“  
Morrie’s voice sounded worried.  
Norbert pulled down the blanket, just enough to look at his lover with sad wide eyes. Morrie knelt down by the bed, to be on par with the other boy.   
„Hey, there…are you okay?“  
Norbert shoved out an arm to reach out for Morrie, pulling him into a deep and greedy kiss.  
„Shag me,“ he sighed when they parted.  
„What was that?“, Morrie asked quietly.  
Norbert’s eyes lit up.  
„Shag me. Please.“  
He already forgot about his fear when his lover shoved the blanket away.

Nonetheless, the feared day came without mercy. Norbert had watched Uncle Jack’s show so often by now that it seemed to him that he had already been there. Still, he had an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach when they went to the studio. 

Before actually entering it, they had to go to the make-up room, what Norbert didn’t like very much, because he had to keep the overly eager lady from combing his hair and spraying it into place.  
„No, leave it like that, it’s my style,“ he fought her off. Finally, she gave up, looking very annoyed, and started to paint his face instead.  
„What’s that now?,“ he complained.  
„It’s for the eye circles,“ she said cooly. „unless they’re part of your style.“  
Norbert silenced huffily at that and endured the rest of the procedure.  
Finally getting out, he noticed that they all must’ve fought. They had adopted Norbert’s uncombed style after the festival and still had it.

However, there was no time to ask them about it. They quickly went into the studio and shook hands with Uncle Jack himself. Before Norbert could recover from that, the show went on the air. Norbert felt weird, like he did in every studio so far. There were no other people except their famous host Uncle Jack and the staff behind the cameras and other equipment. Their only watchers were those at home, in front of their TV, and it was up to the host and guests to create any atmosphere. Norbert realized now how good Jack must be at this.

„Welcome back, everyone, to a new edition of The Late Night Show, where Jack Worthing, that’s me, interviews Wellington Well’s most famous citizens. Today’s guests are quite a curious phenomenon of recent times. Once a well-liked local band in Hamlyn Village, they’re soon to be the whole town’s favorite band,“ Jack said with a charming smile. „I bet you know who I’m talking about. It’s the Make Believes, of course!“  
The cameras turned to the band so they could greet the invisible watchers. Norbert felt awkward while doing it.

„How are you today?“, their host started the conversation, and his cheery attitude made Norbert think he could at least hold on to that during the show.  
„We’re fine,“ Brad answered a bit cool.  
„We’re actually feeling great,“ Chris corrected him.  
„It couldn’t be any better“, Matt added.  
„Oh, that’s wonderful. I like to hear that. It’s been a lovely day for all of us, right?“, he winked at the camera. „Now, to introduce you to our fellow watchers, I have a list of names here and I’m sure you can help me to tell you apart.“  
He looked at his note.  
„The first name is Nick Lightbearer, that is you, right?“  
He gestured towards Norbert, who quickly nodded, gulping down the knot in his throat.  
„Yes, that’s me.“  
„Can you tell us what you do in the band?“  
„Well, I play guitar and I sing.“  
„I see. Then there’s Matthew Reid.“ He looked up from the note and eyed the group.  
„That’s me,“ Matt answered. „I play base guitar and I sing too.“   
„Another singer, interesting“ Jack said to the camera. „And Chris Ward?“  
„There he is,“ Chris waved to the host with a smirk.  
„I’m the lead guitarist and I also sing.“  
„I see, you have very talented voices,“ Jack made the band giggle.

„We all can sing,“ Chris explained, „and we share that part with each other.“  
„Alright. So you’re lead guitarist, does that make you the leader of the group, or…?“  
The band giggled again.  
„That’s an interesting thought, but no. We have no leader. We are a democracy,“ Chris told him and Jack made a surprised face.  
„And that works?“  
„Mostly,“ Chris said grinning widely.  
„We are very nice,“ Brad said and Norbert didn’t know how he found the courage for that but he grabbed his throat right after, causing the band to start a little show-fight.  
„You see, it works just fine,“ Chris told Jack when they stopped, adjusting his tie.  
„That’s why your hair looks like that,“ the host concluded and they all laughed out loud.  
„It’s very practical,“ Norbert agreed.  
„I understand. You really thought that out,“ Jack laughed and shortly touched Norbert’s shoulder.

„We have two names left. Who of you is Morrie Memento?“  
„That’s me,“ Morrie shortly lifted his hand. „I play piano, electric organ, and whatever has keys.“  
„Oh, that’s rare for a beat combo, isn’t it?“ Jack gave him a curious look.  
„Probably.“ Morrie shrugged „I know a few other bands with a pianist, but there isn’t a common style for it.“  
„So, that makes your band special?“  
„I wouldn’t say ‚special‘“ Morrie said but smiled. „It’s different. There’s no manual about how to play piano in a band. It’s a challenge, but it also means we can come up with new things. Practically we have two melody instruments that either cooperate or work against each other.“  
At that, Chris put an arm around him, squeezed him a little and assured Jack: „Of course we harmonize.“  
„If you say so,“ Morrie answered and the band giggled again.

„And last but not least, we have Brad Wilson.“  
„Hi, everyone,“ he said into the camera. „I’m the drummer, that means I put them all on a leash.“  
The band giggled louder.  
„Me and Matt, to be exact.“  
„So they won’t go too crazy with fighting,“ Matt agreed.  
„It’s hard work,“ Brad added.  
„Especially with Nick. We never know what side he’s on.“ Matt poked Norbert.  
„Hey…leave me out of this, I’m just the singer.“  
„But you said you play guitar, too?“ Jack lifted an eyebrow.  
„Yeah, rhythm guitar, he should be our man,“ Matt went on teasing. „Instead he’s only doing what he wants.“  
They started poking and tickling Norbert who tried to fight them off.  
„Stop…stop it,“ he laughed. „Help me, Uncle Jack!“  
Jack quickly held a hand between him and the others.  
„Boys, boys,…“, he laughed, „spare your friend for now. You need him, since it’s time for the first live act for today.“ He turned to the camera again. „Forget all your worries, my dear citizens, if you have any, while you listen to a brand new song of The Make Believes.“

Norbert had to admit that talking to Uncle Jack was fun. The live act felt much weirder. Their only real listener was Jack, and Norbert had to focus on the cameras and couldn’t look at the host, who sat silently on the couch and watched.  
„What a lovely song,“ he said when they returned to him. He seemed to be really touched.   
„Oh, thank you,“ Norbert answered, glad he could talk to him again.  
„Well, according to your reputation, your music gives everyone a good feeling. Is that so?“  
„Oh sure…,“ Chris began.  
„Nobody goes on stage to ruin someone’s day,“ Brad interrupted him and Jack laughed: „No decent person would do that.“  
„No, we like to cheer people up,“ Chris went on. „It’s the best we can do, after…you know, the rough times we had, a couple of years ago, some of us more than others.“  
Jack’s expression froze for a second.  
„Even though we don’t think about them every day, they’re still inside everyone’s mind and keep people from…really enjoying themselves. We just want to say, it’s okay, we made it. It’s gonna be alright,“ he said and Jack listened to him thoughtfully, relaxed again and nodded quietly.  
„Yeah, just have some fun,“ Matt added.  
„Seems like it works out just fine,“ Chris concluded.

„Indeed.“ Jack had recovered and smiled brightly, „indeed, you really are bottled joy, aren’t you? Matching your music, you are also dressed in bright colors. To our fellow citizens who can’t see them, we have here red…,“ he said and pointed at Norbert, „yellow…“, he pointed at Matt.  
„Blue,“ Chris added.  
„Green,“ said Brad.  
„My suit can be seen properly by you, it’s black and white,“ Morrie explained.  
„Don’t believe him a thing, he wears pink,“ Norbert quipped and caused another round of giggles.  
„What do these colors mean, by the way?“, Jack asked, eyeing their suits. „Are they your favorite colors?“  
„Oh, we chose them by random“, Brad explained. „They’re the colors we’re most comfortable wearing…“  
„It’s not that I don’t like colors,“ Morrie said, and Jack laughed.  
„Who doesn’t like colors, right? But I thought they might match your names“, the host went on.  
„Oh, sure,“ Norbert answered. „Red fits the devil.“  
Jack lifted an eyebrow.

„So, is this really what you’re implying with ‚Lightbearer'?“  
Norbert shrugged.  
„Yeah, just that.“  
„Is it supposed to scare us?“ Jack made a shocked face at the camera.  
„No, no“ Norbert sat up. „We don’t want to scare anyone. It’s just a joke. Or perhaps a little more than that…More like…not taking it too seriously, because that’s what’s making them strong. If you stop worrying about these things, or even laugh about them, they can’t hurt you.“  
„Except for him, he’s really evil,“ Matt sneered and grabbed him by the shoulders.  
„Quiet, mortal,“ Norbert snapped back at him.  
Jack laughed cheerfully.  
„I don’t think there’s evil in any of you,“ he said.  
„See?“, Norbert turned to Matt who only said „Aww.“ and let go.

It was time for Jack to announce their second and last song of the show and the band went back to the stage. It didn’t feel so bad anymore. Norbert considered he could really get used to it one day.  
When the song was over, Uncle Jack applauded.  
„Wonderful,“ he said and turned to the camera, „isn’t it? Be sure to get their brand new record for yourselves. It’s like bottled joy for all of you.“  
He glanced at his watch.  
„I’m afraid we’ve come to the end of our time. Is there anything else you want to share with our watchers?,“ he asked the band that was back on the couch.  
„Just keep your chin up,“ Chris said to the camera.  
„You’ll be fine,“ Norbert added.  
„And buy our record,“ Brad said and they laughed again.  
„Thank you, Uncle Jack, it was a pleasure,“ Morrie said when they calmed down.  
„I have to thank you,“ he cheerfully answered. „And you, my fellow citizens, be sure to turn on in half an hour, when it’s time for your bed time story.“  
One last charming smile, then the show was over.  
Jack surprised them all when he handed them a copy of their record and asked them to sign it.  
„I always keep a souvenir after the show,“ he explained. „it helps me to memorize all my guests.“  
They gladly signed and Jack wished them all the best, so they might see each other again one day.


	39. Chapter 39

The band's success became more and more noticeable. Even though they seemlingy didn't do anything different than before, what was making their music, the hotels they lived in became more luxurious. Suddenly they were filled with eagerly polite pages that followed them around, not only caring for their luggage for that they could now afford more costly stuff. Still, more important to them than clothes and fancy rooms, was their equipment.  
Norbert saved money for something very special he had been looking forward to for a long time.   
When he finally had enough, he set out early in the morning to get it, because it had become increasingly difficult for him to show his face in public without being recognized by anyone. Even though Norbert liked the attention, if not admiration, he avoided them now. He didn't want to be held up. Someone else was going to admire him today and he couln't wait to see that person again.

Some time later he arrived at Bates' Music Shop. The quiet ring of the bell already made him feel nostalgic for all the good old times he had spend in there, staring at all those instruments he couldn't pay for and wallowing in dreams. It was a long time ago since he had last visited the shop. He simply didn't have time. And now he felt like he entered the past. He let his eye wander over the shiny new equipment, thinking about how much he could afford now. A mix of various colorful guitars caught his eye. But when he searched for the object of his desire he noticed with horror that it was gone.

"No", he whispered and hurried over to the instruments to take a closer look. He couldn't find the one. Then a familiar voice interrupted him.  
"Can I help you?"  
Immediately, he turned around.  
"Where is it?", he desperately asked and Bates gave him a puzzled stare.  
"I'm sorry?"  
Norbert pointed at the wall.  
"That masterpiece of wood and strings that was hanging over there."  
"You mean, the blue guitar?"  
"Yeah, that," Norbert said, vehemently nodding. "Where is it now?"  
"Well," Bates said, turned away and walked back to the counter, way too relaxed for Norbert's taste.

"It's reserved for a special customer," the shopkeeper explained then.  
"What? Who?", Norbert blurted out.   
"I'm sorry, but I'm not giving away the names of my customers. Discretion, you know."  
Norbert, who had followed him to the counter, now folded his hands to plead: "Please, Mr. Bates, I must have it! I'll pay more than that other customer! You know how much it means to me, please think about it!"  
Bates blinked.  
"Norbert? Is that you?"  
His expession lit up.  
"Uh...Yeah, it's me," Norbert answered and unsurely grabbed his hair.  
"Did I change so much not even you can recognize me?"

"Well, if you don't look close enough...", Bates eyed him. "I heard you're a star now."  
Norbert was flattered but waved him off.  
"Nowhere near. I just stopped being broke for most of the time."  
"Nick Lightbearer", Bates said grinning.  
Norbert returned the smile.  
"The girls like it."  
"Oh, I can imagine you're being very busy now. You don't come round to my place anymore."  
"Uh, well, we really are busy. You know, the tour and everything. We've never been as wanted as we are now. It's all exciting. We even played in the Parade District."  
"I hope there's no better music shop in the Parade District that you favor now?"  
"Oh, no, there's no better shop than yours in the entire town," Norbert assured him, making Bates light up even more.

"Well, I've been wondering if you would remember good old Bates one day and visit me again. And for that case..."  
He grabbed something under the counter.  
"I kept this for a while longer."  
Suddenly, the blue-silver, shiny guitar lied in front of Norbert who loudly gasped.  
"You...you kept it for me?," he stuttered while his fingers stroked the polished wooden body.  
"You're lucky. I was about to give it away. There really is another potential buyer I can't put off for any longer."  
"You really are priceless", Norbert sighed, then he quickly digged into this pocked and brought out a wad of notes that he slapped on the counter.  
"Keep the rest," he said with emphasis.  
Bates shortly estimated how much it was, then he shook his head.  
"I can't take that."  
"You can. See it as amends for everything I owe you."  
"You don't owe me nothing."  
"Nothing officially," Norbert corrected him and shoved the notes back to him.  
"Just take it. Or else I'll offer you more."  
"Don't lead me into temptation, old Nick," Bates said laughing and finally accepted the payment.  
"But don't let that get to your head, you hear me? Money makes people lose their common sense. You're a good boy, Norbert. Stay that way."

Norbert gave a wide smile.  
"Don't worry, I have the best overseer," he said, thinking about his beloved, sensible Morrie.  
"Alright." Bates shortly patted his shoulder. "Drop by from time to time, will you?"  
"Of course I'll come back," Norbert promised, "I can't survive without your stuff!"  
"Little charmer."  
"You know me," Norbert said with a self-contented shrug.  
"Good luck, Norbert", Bates dismissed him and Norbert reverently took his new guitar, put it in it's case and made his way back to the hotel, where Morrie was surely waiting for him. He was so euphoric he felt like he could fly away if the guitar case wouldn't hold him down. He couldn't wait to show his lover what he got.

First, he placed it in the hallway, before he went into the room. Morrie was sitting at the desk and writing music, as usual.  
"Hey there, my sweetheart, did you miss me?," Norbert greeted him cheerfully.  
"Norbert, where have you been?"  
His lover sounded a bit reproachful.  
Norbert walked over to him and started to massage his shoulders. Morrie stretched himself, leaning into the touch and sighing quietly.  
Then Norbert leaned closer to whisper into his lover's ear: "I have a new crush."  
Morrie promptly froze.  
"You have what?"  
His voice rasped.  
Norbert continued to pet him while he said: "She's outside, in the hallway. Wanna see her?" His voice was soft as silk.  
Morrie stood up and stared at him in disbelief, following him outside.

He was still staring when Norbert showed him his new acquirement with bright eyes.  
"Isn't she beautiful?", he whispered, holding the wooden body.  
Morrie let out the air.  
"You...", he began and walked towards Norbert. "You nasty brat!"  
Norbert broke out in laughter and fled backwards until his back hit the wall. His lover had no trouble closing the distance between them.  
"Come here you, I'll teach you a lesson!"  
He grabbed the other boy, threw him over his shoulder and carried him back to the bed.  
Norbert still laughed hysterically, trying to speak.  
"...Morrie...wait...can't you take a joke...?"

The moment he lied in bed Morrie started to tickle him without mercy.  
"Stop," Norbert was soon out of breath. "Stop it!"  
"So, you've been in Bates' Music Shop without me? What weird new habit is that?", Morrie asked him, granting him a pause.  
"I...wanted...to...surprise you," Norbert gasped.  
"Fucking me over is what you wanted," Morrie countered and continued the punishment.  
"Scare the hell out of me. What did I do to deserve this?"  
Norbert winded, helplessly laughing.  
"Nothing...nothing! Please, Morrie...I...sincerely...apologize...please stop...I...can't..."  
Morrie showed pity and granted him another pause.

While he watched him gasp for air, he couldn't help but pet his cheek, tell him it was okay. Norbert quietly chuckled and beamed at him.  
"Do you like it a bit?", he asked after calming down.  
"Oh, yes," Morrie affirmed. "You'll look ravishing with it. I won't be able to focus when I see you on stage."  
Norbert chuckled.  
"You only see me from behind."  
"That's even worse." Morrie chuckled too. "But you'll turn around for me from time to time, right? Blow me a kiss and that?"  
"Sure, I'll come over to shag you on your concert grand."  
Morrie's face turned a bit more pink.  
"You know how I like it."

Their financial status wasn't the only thing that changed alongside with their increasing popularity. One day Norbert entered the breakfast lounge and a girl walked close behind him, asking him, seemingly out of breath: "I'm sorry, are you Nick Lightbearer?"  
Norbert eyed her face that radiated excitement and made a lazy pose when he answered: "You're right, luv, that's me. And who are you?"  
She made a high pitched sound and pressed her hands on her mouth, before she clasped them and said: "I'm your biggest fan!"  
Then she calmed down a bit and said quieter. "Elaine, just call me Elaine."  
"Okay, Elaine," Norbert answered, and even this simple sentence made her chuckle happily.  
"How about we get ourselves a coffee and talk?"  
That made her a bit uneasy.

"I'd totally love to...But...but...I don't live in this hotel. I only heard a rumour that you're here and sneaked past the waiters to get to you."  
"Really?", Norbert laughed. "You have some manners, girl."  
She chuckled again.  
"Are you mad?"  
"Nonsense, just sit down, you're my guest now.", he decided without hesitation.   
He hadn't met a fan before that took a risk to see him and he was just as curious about her than she was about him. Soon, they were sitting at one of the modern, expensive looking tables and Norbert ordered them coffee.

"That's so kind of you, Nicky," she sighed, admiring him.  
Norbert waved her off.  
"It's nothing..."  
"You are a kind one, are you? Or are you rather dangerous, you know, like they say in the magazines?", she continued to purr, eyeing her idol, who made an effort to adjust his suit and his hair without being obvious. If he had known he had visitors today he would've spent more time on it in the bathroom.  
"That depends," he answered, "right now I'm in a way too good mood to be dangerous."  
"Oh, that's so amazing," she cheered. "I've always wanted to meet you, Nicky, and now I finally see you in person."  
"Well I hope you're not disappointed," Norbert said and leaned back, looking as relaxed as possible while his feelings boiled up. He had the choice between bursting with pride or drilling her with questions why of all people she admired him so much. Instead he tried to look like it wasn't the first time he met a fan.

"Absolutely not. You look even better than in the magazines."  
She sighed again.  
"I didn't get that close to you at your concerts. I'm so glad I found you, Nicky. Does it bother you that I call you Nicky?"  
"Not at all. My friends call me that too."  
Norbert's heart pounded loudly. Many girls liked him before, but they never adored him that much and made him so many compliments. This whole situation paralysed his tongue. He found himself much too taciturn, but Elaine seemed to like him anyway. Every single one of his words made her beam more.

Suddenly she leaned closer and whispered so quietly that he had to lean in too to hear her.  
"I fell in love with you just the moment I saw you on TV..."  
Norbert froze, wondering if he had misheard her, and gave her a quite flabbergasted look.  
Then he felt her foot on his.  
"Don't you feel it too? Our hearts beat like one when we're close."  
Norbert opened his mouth to answer but his brain didn't come up with anything, so he stared in silence. The cool facade collapsed. He knew he should shy away, run, but that would only embarass him in front of everyone in this room. In addition, his body didn't obey him. He was paralysed, waiting for anything to happen.

"You have to kiss me now, Nicky," she whispered.  
Norbert leaned closer without thinking. He tilted his head, felt the warmth of her skin when he suddenly stopped. His heart pounded heavily in his throat and panic started to bubble up in him. The feeling radiated from his chest and ran through his body, causing him to struggle his way off the table while Elaine's disappointed look followed him.   
"Sorry...I don't feel it," he stuttered and hurried out of the lounge, feeling the looks of every guest on him and the heat crawling up his face.  
But he couldn't stop running until he was back in his room. 

Still shivering, he crawled under the blanked, trying to forget Elaine. But the feeling of regret didn't leave him. Regret of running away, not taking the chance. She had longed for him so much. He couldn't forget her eyes he had been running from and feared he would dream of them.   
Then he scolded himself. Morrie was his one true love! Why was it so hard to follow that simple rule? He felt guilt, as if he had really kissed her, because he wished he had done it. Because he felt like a coward and at the same time like a cheater.   
He didn't know how long he hid under the blanket until Morrie found him. He felt his fingers palpate the blanket.  
"Norrie? Are you still in bed?"  
Then he lifted it up and eyed at his lover with an amused expression.  
"What are you doing down there?"  
When he saw Norbert's helpless look he turned serious.  
"Is something wrong? Are you hurt?"

Norbert straightened himself, grabbed Morrie like a drown would grab the shore, and pressed his lips on his. He kissed him as fiercely as he would've kissed her, giving to him what she had tried to steal. Morrie, who was surprised by his lover's eagerness, made an amazed sound. He was pulled into the bed. Norbert sat down on his lap and gave in to the urge he had been surpressing, ripping the clothes off his lover's body. He bit and licked Morrie's skin, turning him into a winding and moaning mess. Then he entered Morrie, making his lover gasp at the unexpected, forcing himself not to cramp. Norbert began with a slow rythm, feeling Morrie move his hips to let him in. He needed him more than ever. His fate depended on this moment.

When the release he had longed for overwhelmed him, he bit Morrie's shoulder, feeling the salty taste of his sweat. Shivering and sweating, he made a few more thrusts while Morrie clung to him, moaning in pleasure and ruining the bedsheet. When Norbert collapsed next to him, he heard his lover breathe in silence. His hands stroked Norbert's temples and Norbert closed his eyes, focusing on the gentle touch. Then his lover made an approving whistle.  
"My, Norrie...", he whispered. "I gotta say...I didn't know you until now."  
"I see that as a compliment," Norbert sighed, hugged his lover tightly and smiled.  
"Do you feel better?", Morrie said into his ruffled hair.  
"Yeah."  
All feelings for Elaine were gone.  
He kissed Morrie once more, on the cheek, as thanks.


	40. Chapter 40

The next morning, Norbert was shaken awake, much too ungently for his taste.  
"Norrie", his lover whispered softly, so he figured he didn't miss anything important, because the other boy would've been more strictly in that case. He sluggishly turned arount to look at the clock, figured that it was way too early in the morning to stand up, moaned and curled himself back into the blanket.   
"Norrie, hey," Morrie hissed louder and shook him again. "I know you're awake."  
"I wasn't," Norbert murmurned grumpily. "Why do you hate sleep so much?"  
Morrie crouched closer to him and whispered into his ear: "Today it's our day off."  
It meant they didn't have a concert tonight. It was actually another good reason to sleep in, Norbert thought.

"So let's stay in bed," he proposed with already closed eyes.  
Morrie fell silent after that and for a while Norbert thought he considered the idea. But then he said: "I thought we go out for a walk. It looks like it's gonna be a lovely day."  
Norbert opened his eyes again but didn't move yet.  
"Sure. Just get some more sleep in advance, okay?"  
Now Morrie moaned loudly.  
"You know they won't leave us alone when they see us outside in the middle of the day!"  
Sluggishly, Norbert pondered.  
"You think so?"  
"Of course I think so!", Morrie urged him. "You must've noticed how they follow us! Fans, reporters, critics...all that rabble! Run after us, stare at us, fancy themselves invisible...I want none of that!"

Norbert turned to Morrie while he let out his rant and watched him closely. It was unlikely for his lover to get into such a fret, but it confirmed what Norbert was thinking for a while now. Morrie was the one who had the hardest time getting used to their new life. Everything bothered him, not the concerts, but everything else.  
"We are interesting now. That's a good sign," he tried, but Morrie countered: "Nonsense, they don't care about us, all they want is a big story! If they cared, they wouldn't ask such shitty questions! As if anyone would want to read about my underwear!"  
"Right, that's only my business," Norbert said and smiled at him.   
"They frantically search for something to write, and everything they come up with is this utter rubbish! I hope not all our fans are such idiots!"  
Norbert sat up. There was no chance of sleeping anyway.

"You know, If there's something you want them to write, you should tell them. After all, they pick up everything you say, so you can lead them a bit," he explained calmly.  
"I don't want to tell them anything", Morrie hissed. "At least not today. God, you're thick as a brick this morning."  
Norbert shrank a few inches and fell quiet. Morrie silenced too and they continued to sit on the bed without anyone moving.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have yelled at you...", Morrie broke their silence. "I'm just so...confused about all this...I just want to spend time with you, without all the fuss."  
Norbert lifted his head, closed in and rested his head on Morrie's shoulder.  
"It's okay...I'm sorry I didn't cotton on right away. I was tired."  
Morrie's hand stroked his cheek.  
"Of course...", he whispered, carefully fondling his lover. "Would you still go out with me?"  
"Sure," Norbert whispered and poked him into the side. "I'll get the leash."  
"Oh, I thought I'll trust you this time."  
They chuckled. Morrie cupped Norbert's head and turned him around to face him.  
"You're so cute, Norrie", he sighed. "You're my sunshine. I never want to ruin your mood again."  
"Morrie, I love you. You can't ruin my mood at all."  
After some eagerly kisses they finally left the bed.

Walking through the empty corridors of their hotel, Morrie already ejoyed the calm and quiet. Moments like these were precious. When they stepped out into the fresh morning air, Norbert took a deep breath and stretched himself. His fatique had vanished and he was looking forward to some quality time.   
"Where are we going?", he asked, curiously looking around.  
They currently lived in Lud's Holm, the district that was known for it's elaborate beautification, with colorful facades and carefully selected plants decorating windows and gardens. Even the streets were painted in bright colors at some places.

"As far away as possible," Morrie urged him. "Out of the town."  
Norbert gave him a confused look.  
"How do you plan to get over the bridge?"  
"Not that far away, dummy. I mean the coast or something."  
"Oh, right...sure..."  
He looked around, furrowing his brows. "Do you know where the station is?"  
"Follow me."   
Morrie led the way at a quick pace, to get off the street fast.  
Norbert followed and they soon reached the entrance to the underground. It seemed that nobody was following them when they went into the tunnel. They also met nobody at the platform. Approaching the ticket office, Morrie said: "Leave the talking to me, okay? And keep a low profile."  
"Alright, alright."   
Norbert fell back behind him.

When Morrie asked for two tickets to the farthest station, the salesman was curious. "What do you want in that godforsaken place?"  
"You know, watching birds," Morrie said in all seriousness.  
"Oh, really?"  
"Yeah, there are the most interesting specimen out there, you'd be astounded."  
He held out the coins and the man took them, not without eyeing him suspiciously, and then Norbert.  
"Hey,...I think I've seen you before."  
Norbert made an innocent face.  
"Me?...Well, it's not the first time I'm buying tickets here so..."  
"No, not like that," the man interrupted him. "I mean...on TV. Yeah, now I remember."  
"No, no, you must be mistaken. He was never on TV, I would know that," Morrie tried to wave him off. Norbert was eagerly nodding behind him.  
"Can we have our tickets now, please?"

The salesman wasn't satisfyed yet. He pointed at Morrie.  
"You've been there, too."  
"Pardon?"  
"You two, you're from this band..."  
He must've noticed their expressions, because he changed the tone: "Hey, don't worry. You can go wherever you want, it's none of my business. But you can't fool me."  
He said the last words with a self-contented grin.  
"Alright, if it's none of your business, you can let us pass, right?", Morrie urged him again.  
"Oh, sure." Finally, he handed out the tickets . "Bon voyage!"  
Morrie only made a face and went. Then he had to turn around again to see that Norbert was still standing there and talking to the man.

"We're only careful, you know, we keep being recognised and followed around," he explained.  
"I'll be as silent as a grave," the salesman assured him.  
They bandied some more nice words before they finally parted.  
"What was that supposed to be?", Morrie asked when they met again. "You know we're in a hurry."  
"Doesn't hurt to be a bit nicer. He recognised us - so what? Didn't make him bite our heads off."  
"What did you tell him?"  
"Nothing. Do you take me for an idiot again?"  
Morrie gave a loud sigh and shook his head.  
"No."

In silence, they waited for the train that seemed to be extra late today. Morrie kept his distance to Norbert, not because he was angry at him, but because he was afraid they would look suspicious if they stood closely together. This feeling was growing stronger since people had started to watch them. He instead watched other men who traveled together, had a chat, and observed their behaviour. The fact that he saw so many of them could've calmed him down, told him that him and Norbert didn't look any special in public. But that one question kept pestering him, if it was visible that they were different, that their glimpses and smiles and shoulder pats had another meaning. That was why he avoided Norbert now, he only peeked at him from time to time.

Norbert assumed that his lover was under stress and needed comfort as soon as possible. But even he thought that hugging him right there on the platform was a bad idea. So he had to wait and resign to his fate for now. However, he noticed that Morrie gave him a shy look from time to time.  
When their eyes suddenly met, Norbert used the opportunity to wink at him. Morrie's heart missed a beat at that and he almost turned as red as a beetroot.  
'Heaven's sake, Norrie', he thought to himself while his heart was pounding wildly.  
Finally, the damn train arrived.

Inside, Norbert sat down right next to him.  
"Hold on, my love, we're almost there.", he whispered to him, quietly enough that no one else could hear him.  
Morrie nodded. Still, he said: "It's gonna be a long ride."  
"Maybe not. The train is moving fast, you see, we'll be there in no time. Don't worry", Norbert let his soft voice soothe Morrie, who wished he could be as optimistic as his lover.  
But in fact, the ride would be over eventually, so he tried to comfort himself with that.  
Shortly after, it bothered him how the train was trudging from station to station and more people entered. It didn't take long until someone sat down nearby and Morrie had the unsettling feeling that he stared at him.

"Don't look," he hissed at Norbert who was about to turn to the suspicious passenger.  
"He's watching us," he explained quietly. "Perhaps we're lucky and he doesn't remember who we are."  
"Morrie, come on, he doesn't even look at us."  
"Don't look," he hissed again with emphasis.  
"Okay...just calm down. I bet he's not interested."  
Promptly, the man left his seat and approached them.  
Norbert saw how Morrie froze and turned to the man who probably only wanted to ask where the train was going.

"I'm sorry, aren't you Nick Lightbearer and Morrie Memento? You look just like them, you know...", he instead asked and Norbert, because lying hadn't worked, decided to say the truth.  
"You've got us there. Right, Morrie?"  
"Indeed," Morrie said without showing any feelings. Except maybe that he wished to be very far away.  
"Oh, man." The passenger, who looked like a fan, became excited. "Seeing you here, it's just..." Shortly, he was out of words.   
"Could you give me a signature, so I can prove that I've seen you?"  
He held out a piece of paper.   
"Sure," Norbert said and brought out a pen he was recently keeping for occasions like these.  
"What's your name?"   
Norbert eyed the passenger.  
"Oh, my name is John...and my wife's name is Martha...could you mention her too? She'll freak out."  
Norbert wrote in curved letters "For Martha and John", noted the date and signed just as neatly, before he gave the page to Morrie. Morrie's signature was a bit more cornered, but still as neat.

While they were busy giving the autograph, they didn't notice that more people gathered around them, curious about what was going on. It didn't take long until a female voice gasped: "Oh my god, it's Nick Lightbearer and Morrie Memento!"   
The crowd came closer, battering the two musicians with questions. Norbert managed to give the page back to John, before the others edged him away. Then he tried to quieten them down.  
"Hey, there, calm down, everyone. One after the other, we can't talk to so many people at once..."  
Suddenly, Morrie pulled him under the seat.  
"What are you doing?", Norbert asked his lover who was crouching next to him. "Did you drop something?"  
"Don't ask, just follow me."  
While crawling, he noticed that it was the only way to get past the crowd of fans, that was beginning to follow them.  
"Quick, to the door," Morrie demanded and they ran as fast as they could. They were lucky, because the door already opened to welcome them to a new station. More people went in, and they squeezed through them. This way they escaped from their fans. In a dirty, empty hallway they caught their breath.

"That was close," Norbert gasped. He added in a more amused way: "They didn't want us to leave at all."  
"It's getting worse," Morrie said less amused. "And we're still five stations away. How are we supposed to get there?"  
"With the next train?"  
"You want to take that risk again? If they get us in one train, they can get us in the other."  
"What if we politely ask them to leave us alone? They are only normal people after all."  
"Norbert!," Morrie said firmly. Then he took a breath. "I don't want to be seen at all."  
"Well," Norbert thought about it.  
Walking all the way thought the town was also out of the question. 

Pondering, his gaze wandered around the hallway, until he suddenly found a door.  
"Hey, what about that?" He gestured towards it. "Workers use that to follow the track."  
Morrie sceptically eyed the door.  
"If so, then it's only allowed for workers."  
"But Morrie, this is an emergency. We have no other choice."  
"And how are we supposed to get in there?"  
Norbert tried the doorknob first, but of course it was locked.  
"You don't happen to use hair pins, don't you?", he asked Morrie.  
"No, not even tie pins."  
"What a shame. There must be another way. The workers carry the keys with them, right?"  
"I think so, but they aren't here right now."  
Norbert started to walk along the way, searching. Morrie followed.  
"And even if we meet one of them, they won't give us a key."

Suddenly, Norbert came to a halt. He examined a pipe that ran along the wall. It looked very clapped-out.  
"What happens, if...", he muttered. A second later he kicked the pipe with all the strength he had. It broke, and the motilene that bursted out damaged it even more.  
"Are you crazy?", Morrie shouted against the noise that the dying pipe produced, but Norbert put a finger on his lips and shoved him further. They hid in a corner and Norbert eyed the hallway, waiting.  
"What do you expect from this?", his lover hissed.  
"Sssh, just wait and see."  
Soon, they heard voices and three workers appeared, loudly cussing and complaining, looking at the mess.  
"A motilene pipe, again!"  
"I told that stupid department a thousand times now, that stuff is eating through the metal. But those bloody surveyors insist it's all peachy. Damn office-sitters! I never see them down here and fixing this shit!"

During all their tirades, Norbert crawled out of this hideout to reach out for the keys that were dangling from one of the men's belt. Morrie watched in shock how one of them them apruptly turned around and found Norbert. Then all of them looked at him. He quickly got up, wiped the dirt from his suit and said casually: "Good day gentlemen...I've heard the noise and I thought...uh...you might need some help."  
They continued their staring.  
"No? Uh...okay, so I'll be on my way..."  
He set himself in motion, praying that also Morrie would find a way around them, when one of them said: "Wait a minute. Aren't you Nick Lightbearer?"  
As if it was the cue, Norbert threw himself into a pose.  
"Yeah, man, that's me. Why do you ask?"  
Then also the others became interested. The damaged pipe was forgotten, and Norbert had to listen to a lot of stories and answer their questions, until they remembered what they were there for. Norbert would've walked back to their hiding spot, if he hadn't seen Morrie on the other side of the hallway, waving at him.

"What a flop," he muttered when they were together again.  
His eyes widened when Morrie held out the keys to him.  
"Don't make me do that again," he said quietly. "We don't even know if the right key is among them."  
"Morrie, you're amazing!", Norbert blurted out and the other boy turned pink while he shrugged.  
They tried one key after the other and the fourth one actually worked. As a reward, they were greeted by an even smaller and dirtier tunnel that was dimly lit, but didn't ruin Norbert's mood at all.  
"Freedom, we're coming!", he said strutting into the tunnel. A rather doubtful Morrie accompanied him.   
"I hope so."  
"If not, we still had fun, didn't we?", Norbert countered. "And best of all, we're alone here."  
With one arm, he pulled Morrie closer to give him a smooch on the cheek.  
Morrie lost all inhibitions and deeply kissed him back.  
"Thank you," he then said. "I feel much better now."  
"Me too." Norbert beamed at him. "Let's go, pretty boy, the coast is waiting."

It was rather tiresome to walk past all five stations. The wish to get out grew bigger in Morrie's guts. The darkness and the smell supported it. Thinking of their comfortable hotel room, he wondered if it had been a mistake to go outside. Then he remembered their trips in the past, their old life in that empty house, and thought there had to be a way to get it back. He needed it. And he would find out if Norbert needed it too.

When he was already wondering if they had missed the exit and wandered all the way thought the canal under Britannia Bridge, they reached the door to their destination.  
Of course it was locked, too. Norbert tried the same key and it worked again. Quietly, he opened a tiny crack and peered outside, before he signified Morrie that everything was alright.  
"Finally," Morrie sighed, stepping out into the hallway.   
On the way to the exit they didn't meet anyone, but on the last few steps to freedom Norbert said: "Wait..." and walked back down.  
"Where are you going?", Morrie forced himself to stay calm.  
"Just go ahead, I'll be there in a minute," was the weird answer, before Norbert walked around a corner.

Morrie shortly hesitated, then he hurried after him. Around the corner, he searched for Norbert, but couldn't find him. His heart skipped a beat, when he pictured the most drastic scenes in his head. Norbert threatened, kidnapped, hurt...Breathing heavily, he told himself to calm down. If he ran away head over heels, Norbert wouldn't find him. So he walked back to where he came from, very slowly, up the stairs and placed himself in front of the exit.  
He was presented a panorama that he couldn't have imagined any more beautiful. It was exactly what he needed. This and Norbert. Where was he? Why did he have to go?  
He jumped when he heard a loud gasp right next to him. His lover appeared, out of the blue.  
"That was worth it," he commented the sight with wide eyes.  
"What did you do?"  
"I don't know about you, but I'm hungry, that's why I got us sandwiches. I couldn't get coffee, but at least some lemonade."  
He lifted up a bag that was carrying their picnic and Morrie didn't know if he wanted to kiss or punch him.  
"Of course you risked everything for that!"  
"You don't have to eat anything, but I will."

They continued to squabble while walking away, but when they had left the station and all signs of that noisy town behind them they soon stopped. At the coast they rested on a rock, since they had been walking a long way already. Then Morrie was glad that Norbert had brought some food, and all they needed to do was relaxing and watching the waves roll.  
After eating up, Morrie laid his head on Norbert's shoulder and closed his eyes.  
"Are you sleeping?", Norbert asked him after he hadn't moved for a while.  
"Almost," he sighed.  
Norbert kissed his forehead.  
"This is exactly what I wanted. This solitude, only you and me..."  
Norbert leaned his head on Morrie's.  
"Yeah...it's beautiful."

"Norrie, can't we life somewhere else other than these noisy hotels?"  
"Don't tell me you want to pitch a tent out here." Norbert was half joking, half worried.  
"No...But didnt Virgil say we could live in a house one day? I'm sure we have enough money now to give our old home a beautification? I miss it."  
"These old rooms?"  
"No, they would be new, and they would be ours. And we could protect them, so fans and reporters can't bother us anymore. Wouldn't that be nice?"  
"Everyone would know where we live."  
"They know that now, too. They only need to look up where our tour is going and search the best hotels there. There aren't too many options."  
Norbert had to agree with that.  
"And in our own house, we would have no uninvited guests. What do you think?"

Norbert had mixed feelings. He'd love to spend time with Morrie whenever he wanted, without anyone bothering them. But he had to admit he liked the luxuious life in a hotel. He didn't know if he could go back to an ordinary home after this. No service, no buffets, no bars, no one interrupting his daily routine to tell him how much he adored Nick Lightbearer... The others wouldn't give it up so easily. They enjoyed their new life to the fullest, without regrets. That was something Norbert envied them for.   
"We have to ask the others," he only said, while he watched the waves crash against the shore, loudly rushing, not caring about anything around them. Norbert wished he could be more like the waves.


	41. Chapter 41

When they arrived back in the hotel, they looked for the other band members, so they could tell them their idea.  
"Where have you been all day?", Chris asked them when they found each other at the bar.  
"Are you up to something?"  
Norbert gave Morrie a look.  
"Uh, well, we..."  
"We actually have an idea", Morrie finished the sentence.  
"Oh. And do you plan to let us take part in it?"  
"That's why we're here. It's about our housing situation. We think we deserve something better than these hotels here."  
He was puzzled that the band broke out in laughter.

"That's great!", Chris blurted out, "We keep sitting around in these doss houses. It's time for a change!"  
"I agree," Brad tossed in, "it's time we see the Avalon from the inside."  
"For starters", Matt added and they laughed again.  
"Morrie, you always have the best ideas", Chris said, putting an arm around the pianist.  
"The question is wether or not Virgil likes it", Matt pondered.  
"Could as well give us a treat, that old slave driver", Chris sneered.  
Morrie held up his hands.  
"Guys, wait! You misunderstood me! I don't mean another, bigger hotel, I mean no hotels at all!"  
Now he recieved questioning looks.

"Do you remember we used to live in a house once?"  
"That dump?" Brad lifted an eyebrow.  
"I don't say we have to keep it that way. We could restore it, give it a good beautification. And most off all, install an alarm system."  
"Do you plan to hide gold in there?"  
"No, but I'm sick of all those people breaking in our privacy, watching our every step, reporters that dress as pages and follow us around in the corridors to fill their gossip rags with stories. This has to end!"  
"That doesn't happen every day", Matt tried to calm him down. "Most people leave us alone."  
"It's way too often and also it's getting worse. We can barely move outside without being noticed and it won't be long until they start to bother us in here. In our own house we'd only have guests if we want them."  
"Well", Chris said and looked at Norbert, who began to speak.

"It makes sense, doesn't it? If we want us to have one last bit of privacy in the future we have to come up with something new."  
He sat up.  
"Just imagine, we can do whatever we want with this house, we don't need to do without any conveniences. And with our next tour in sight, I'm sure we can afford all this."

Their fifth album was out and they had planned a tour through Great Britain. They were finally popular enough to be allowed such privileges and surely Virgil's negotiating skills had been quite helpful too. It was the first time that their fans from outside Wellington Wells would see them on stage and the band was excited about it. The tickets sold like hot cakes. There was no need to worry about their financial status.

Chris nodded.  
"If you put it like this, it doesn't sound too bad."  
"Our own palace", Matt joked.  
"But no cheap compromises", Brad said firmly. "I won't live in a building lot. We'll wait until it's finished and it's gonna be awesome."  
"Deal!", Morrie concluded, feeling like a heavy weight was lifted from his chest.

The same day they sat down with Virgil to discuss their idea.  
"What do you think it would cost us to build us a residence...", Norbert began and eyed the others.  
"With five bedrooms", Brad added.  
"And guest rooms", said Chris.  
"And a bar", Matt proposed.  
"And a sound studio", Morrie decided, winning a lot of praise for that.  
"Hold your horses for a second", Virgil interrupted their creative effusions. "What quarter do you want to break down for this?"  
"We don't have to", Morrie said. "we still have this empty house in Hamlyn Village we used to live in. And that quarter was full of ruins."  
"We haven't been there for years though", Brad added. "We have no idea what it looks like now."  
"That's not hard to find out", Virgil said and then shortly paused, furrowing his brows.  
"I know an architect who's probably crazy enough to do this. I can't tell you the costs just now because we don't even have a draft."  
"Crazy sounds just right", Norbert said happily.  
"Just turn on your charms and he'll give us a discount." Chris smirked.

The next days were dedicated to their tour. It was another difficult time for Morrie. The media hype outside Wellington Wells was just as big. They were constantly dragged in front of a camera and asked for interviews. They also had another appearance in a TV show. If they wanted some calm and quiet they needed to stay in their rooms.  
And then they had to attend all these parties...  
For inexplicable reasons they were expected to go there. Virgil didn't grant them a lot of freetime and he and Morrie once broke into a fight because of that.  
Morrie felt sick seeing all those groupies swarming around. They also tried him and he had a hard time spelling out to them that he wasn't interested. On the other hand he had to pretend that he enjoyed himself at least a little bit. He couldn't watch Norbert all the time, who always stayed long at these parties and came back very clingy, as if he had to make up for something.  
Then again he was glad he could cuddle into Norbert when they were alone.  
Perhaps he just missed him.  
Then he was ashamed of being so leery.  
Norbert had his "dark past", but he did never betray him. Without him he wouldn't bear all that fuss, Morrie was sure.

Norbert didn't have an easy time, either. He too was hoping that everything would get better with their new home. Even though he didn't know how it could get better. He was still sitting on the fence. Their tour made them more popular, he couldn't hide from his fans anymore, especially not at the parties they kept being invited to. And he didn't want to hide. He loved to be in the center of attention. He wanted to savour that to the full and it was hard to hold back. It hurt Morrie and he understood that. But even if he wanted to hide, he couldn't, if he didn't want to add an angry Virgil to the scene. So he tried to bring all that in line, and it was very exhausting. Especially while watching his friends simply enjoying themselves without regrets. When he was back in their hotel room, he was mostly very tired and clung to Morrie, who thankfully didn't ask any questions. 

At the end, he was proud of his success. Also Morrie was. It didn't leave him cold when his fans started screaming and crying at the mere sight of him.

Back in Wellington Wells, they started working on their new residence. The architect that Virgil had found created stunning drafts. Their own studio took shape and Norbert was happy he could spare himself the endlessly long and dry sessions in the Parade District. Everyone had his own bedroom and Norbert and Morrie designed theirs with ulterior motives. They installed the most modern safety system to avoid uninvited guests, so that was taken care of too. They had more freetime after their tour and it was a much more relaxed and happy phase.

When they finally moved in, a crowd of pressmen and fans gathered in front of their property, watching them walk in. Morrie had no trouble to be on his best behaviour, because he was sure to escape from the mass soon enough. Closing the door behind them brought peace and quiet. The band looked around in every room, made themselves comfortable and inaugurated their in-site bar when they had approved everything.

"I can't believe it's still the same house", Norbert said shaking his head.  
"Yeah, incredible what we got out of that old shack", Matt agreed.  
"It's about pulling the right strings", Chris added, thinking of Virgil.  
"And the right ideas." Norbert poked Morrie into the side, who waved them off.  
"Guys, I'm dead beat. Don't hold it against me if I won't last long tonight."  
"Are you kidding me? You're the one we owe all this, you can't skip out on us now."  
"Have at least one drink with us", Brad insisted and poured him a glass.  
"Sure, I don't mind one drink."  
"And then another one."  
"Don't push your luck."

Chris shook his head.  
"I wonder why you keep running away from all the fun. We're tired too, after all."  
"I'm not running, trust me, I'm way too exhausted for that."  
"I think you do."  
"So what? Try to stop me."  
"There, there, don't argure. Everybody can do what they want", Norbert interrupted them.  
"And if we want to fight, then what?"  
"Fair enough, but I don't bind up open wounds and don't give mouth-to-mouth respiration."  
"Not even to Morrie?"  
"He won't need it."  
"Oh, really?" Chris made a shocked face.  
The others laughed out loud. Morrie, who was taller than Chris, gave him a smugly smile.  
"Calm down. Have another one." Brad refilled his glass.

"Anyway, our nomadic life finally comes to an end", Morrie said happily.  
"Yeah, we won't run after these snooty TV stars anymore. Now, they will run after us", Matt agreed.  
Brad patted his shoulder.  
"Exactly. It's time we'll have our own parties. Can't wait to liven things up in here, make them beat a path to our door."  
"They already stand in line", Chris sneered. "I only need to open the door and we have a spontaneous party."  
"Please not today", Morrie said, "unless you want me to lose my self-control."  
"I see, baby Morrie needs to sleep."

Norbert stayed longer, celebrating with the others. Then he went into his bedroom and found Morrie lying in his bed.  
Norbert sat down next to him and grabbed his shoulder, carefully shaking him.  
"Hey, there. Did you get lost? This is my room", he whispered.  
Morrie opened his eyes.  
"I beg your pardon", he said affectedly and sat up. "In this case I better go."  
Norbert held him back.  
"No, you don't have to. Stay with me."  
Morrie stopped and looked at him.  
"You want me here?"  
Norbert ran a hand along Morrie's back.  
"That's right."  
"In your bed?"  
"Exactly."  
Their faces came very close.

"You don't have any...indecent plans, do you?"  
Morrie lifted an eyebrow.  
"What if I have?"  
Norbert kissed a trail along Morrie's neck. His lover closed his eyes with relish. His voice rasped when he said: "But it's not quite the thing, two boys in one bed."  
Norbert gently touched his chin and moved his head to look him deeply into his dark brown eyes.  
"I don't care what they say. I want you to shag me, right here, into this mattress, until I beg for mercy, because I love you."  
Morrie's eyes flickered.  
"It would be cruel to refuse...", he agreed.  
Norbert nodded when they leaned closer. Their lips met, and entangled in a kiss they fell into the sheets and loved each other as if it was their last night.

They lived in a paradise they had created for themselves, until things changed again.

One day, Norbert opened the door to his bedroom and was surprised to find a female fan lying in his bed, being very affectionate. After she had chased him through the room he hid behind his guitar and played a song for her, what made her stop and listen in awe. The problem was that he attracted more fans with this, who now filled the room. When the song was over, he ran out and locked himself in the living room, where his friends sat and stared at him.

"Why do you lock the door?", Matt asked.  
"Did any of you leave the entrance open?" Norbert sounded frantic.  
They eyed each other.  
"No, why? Did someone break in?"  
"You said a mouthful! A whole mob of groupies invaded my room!"  
His friends laughed.  
"Oh, there they are. We missed them already", Chris sneered.  
"Now seriously, you baited them yourself with your sweet singing voice", Brad said. "Snatched them away from us. And now you lock them out. That's not very hospitable."  
"So, they are your guests?"  
"What did you think?"  
"This isn't a cloister after all", Chris added.  
He got up and opened the door again. Outside, the confused fans were already waiting.  
"Don't mind him, he's a bit shy", he explained to them.  
"He doesn't look like that", one of them said leering.  
Matt poked Norbert . "Now be a good boy and give them a drink."  
Norbert, who saw no way out of this situation, played along.

They eventually had more visitors. The Make Believes didn't only let fans in, but started to throw parties. All kinds of celebrity from Wellington Wells gathered in their residence, TV stars, models, artists and other creative and influential people. Soon, it was a constant coming and going.  
Norbert found a lot of inspiration at these events. His feelings overwhelmed him on a regular basis, and he locked himself up in their studio from time to time, not to please Morrie, but to record his ideas.  
On the other side he felt trapped in a grotesque game. All that hype, only for five musicians. Sometimes he feared someone would notice what was actually going on, and their fame and glory would collapse like a house of cards. On other days he believed it would never end.  
And sometimes he wished it would pause for a while. It was tiring to play the game, to keep the balance, so he could always return to Morrie.

It hurt to cold-shoulder his guests. He knew the word spread that he was dismissive. They began to avoid him, rallied around the other band members instead, whose popularity had already surpassed his. Nick Lightbearer was someone they swooned over at a concert, but they moved on when they got to know him in person. He had been mysterious for a while, but being dismissive didn't work as good for him as it worked for Morrie, who always had this cold and serious aura. The fans just stopped trying to get his affection because it was hopeless. He lost them, and he didn't know how to get them back. He was envious of his friends and sometimes started a fight with them for no other reason than to blow off steam. After that he felt even worse.

Sometimes he felt like standing in front of an abyss that was about to swallow him for good.

He wished Morrie would understand him, wouldn't leave him alone with this, watching him from a distance, showing his mistrust from time to time. It was obvious that Morrie was disappointed about how things turned out. And Norbert had the feeling that he put the blame on him. 

Their relationship was already tense when Norbert saw Morrie sitting on a couch with another man, unusually happy and casual, until the man got up and left, not without giving Morrie a pat on his shoulder.  
"Who was that?", Norbert asked when they were alone.  
"Oh, you know, just the pianist of the Tunnel Rats, a very talented man. We had an inspiring conversation, nothing else."  
Morrie sounded defensive.  
"Okay...I was just thinking...He seems to like you very much."  
Norbert immediately wished he would've bit his tongue instead.  
"He's just one of the few pleasant guests that aren't blatant groupies or self-exposers who talk about nothing but themselves all day", Morrie snapped, mood seemingly ruined again.  
"I'm just glad you're having a good time for once", Norbert tried.  
"No you're not, you're jealous, and you have no right to be", Morrie blurted out. "I'm still not enjoying it as much as you."  
He made Norbert feel a pang in his chest.

"I'm not enjoying it."  
"It's plain to see."  
"You think so? I have a different impression", Norbert now snapped back. "They keep asking me: 'What's wrong, Nicky? Why are you so prude? Why are you so boring? Are you afraid of girls all of a sudden? Trouble getting it up?' It's a shame you don't notice that. I guess hiding in your room all thay isn't the best way to find out what's going on!"  
"I thought we didn't want to end up like this", Morrie said dryly, as if he hadn't heard Norbert, what steamed him up even more.  
"Is that my fault?", he shouted.  
"You could've helped me talking them out of it!"  
"I tried that, but give me one good reason why we shouldn't invite all stars of Wellington Wells!"  
"Not fundamentally, but the frequency", Morrie insisted.  
"It's okay for them! We still have our free days!"  
"We used to spend them differently!"  
"I can't do anything about that!"  
"Oh great, so there's no way out!"  
"None at all!"  
Morrie shook his head. "This is all a game for you, isn't it?"  
"You have no idea..."  
"No, you have no idea! You can always do what you want, enjoy yourself with anyone you like! And you like them all! It doesn't matter! Everybody can get a piece of the famous Lightbearer! Others have to choose, but not you! You don't know how it feels to be depending. Sometimes I wonder if you even know what love is!"  
Morrie left, slamming the door. Norbert stayed behind, feeling like Morrie had pushed him over the edge, and he was falling, falling...

He spent the night alone, because Morrie didn't visit him and he didn't dare to knock at his door.  
He had never considered to be not good enough for Morrie. But now the scales fell from his eyes. He wasn't as graceful as Morrie, he found himself rather clumsy around him, he wasn't as smart, he didn't understand music the way Morrie did, who must be tired of explaining it every time, and he couldn't hide how much he like vulgar parties. He had always admired Morrie for all this. He had never thought it could be the reason why they couldn't be together.  
The thought pulled him further into the depth. He started to fail at everything. He didn't spend time with Morrie and he was a miserable host. He locked himself up in their studio, not to work, but to drink. His inspiration was gone.

One day, he faced the inevitable. Their next performance was due, and he felt empty inside when he entered his dressing room. Now they were popular enough to have their own. The bright colors of his suit hurt his eyes. He wished it was grey. The face that looked at him through the mirror looked so wrong. That was him. Just a big fake. And today it would come out. Because he couldn't play along anymore. He couldn't even walk out of this room. Instead he locked the door and sat back down, waiting for something. The end of the game, maybe.  
At least something else than the loud knocking at his door, that made him panic. The band was outside, ready to drag him on stage as soon as they get ahold of him. He yelled at them to piss off, and that he wouldn't play a note no matter what they did. Brad promised he would break down the door and get him, so Norbert crouched under the table and waited for the threat to come true. Instead there was nothing to hear but his own quiet sobs. Then someone knocked again, carefully.

"Nick? It's me, Virgil. May I come in?"  
Norbert tensed up.  
"No...no...don't...don't bite, please, don't bite", he stuttered in between sobs.  
"I won't", the manager assured him. His voice was calm.  
"I just want to talk to you."  
"There's nothing to talk about!"  
"Then let me see if you're okay."  
Norbert hesitated. He liked the sound of his voice and he wanted to believe him. Finally he left his hideout to take the risk. After unlocking the door, he fled back under the table.  
The door was carefully opened and Virgil Dainty stepped in, tall, elegantly dressed and intimidating.  
But his eyes were mild when he crouched down to look at Norbert.  
"Are you hurt?"  
Norbert faintly shook his head.  
"Is it my fault? Did I stress you out?"  
"No...no...it's...", he sobbed, "just look at me! I'm such a fake!"  
He pressed his eyes shut and tears ran down his cheeks.  
"This is all wrong! I can't do this any longer!"

"You doubt yourself. Everyone has self doubts from time to time. I know you're afraid, but you can defeat it."  
"I can't", Norbert said fiercely. "This is the end! You have to cancel the show."  
"Who said you're a fake?"  
Norbert shook his head.  
"I just know it."  
"So, nobody", Virgil concluded. "If anything, they love you. They came all the way to see you, the Nick Lightbearer they know and love."  
"They don't know me. No one knows me."  
"Look, whatever you feel right now, you're not alone."  
Suddenly he had Virgil's hand on his back, that sqeezed him gently.  
"I'm always there to help you."  
"You can't help me with this. Not even you", Norbert cried and curled up into a ball.  
"Don't you want to try it out one last time? You didn't perform for a while. What if you only need to get back into the flow?"  
"No, I can't! I can't! Please, cancel it!"  
Virgil gave an impalpable sigh.  
"Well...you know, it's not beneficial to cancel a concert at this stage. The fans already payed their tickets, they won't simply go. It could get me into a difficult situation."  
Norbert silenced, quietly sobbing, waiting for Virgil to scold. But the manager remained calm.  
"I...I can't perform...I'd only embarrass us", he insisted. "I'm sorry, Mr. Dainty", he added more meek.

"Virgil. Just call me Virgil."  
Norbert's heart skipped a beat.  
"I'm sorry, Virgil."  
The manager reached into his pocket.  
"Would you like to try something?"  
His tone caused Norbert to look at him.  
The manager brought out a little jar. He slowly opened it and let a light yellow pill fall on his hand. Putting it between thumb and forefinger, he held it up.  
"It's called Joy. It's supposed to better your mood."  
"Candy, Virgil? Really?", Norbert asked, using their term for drugs.  
"Not that kind of candy, Nick. This is harmless. It's a medicine."  
"I don't know...me and pills don't go well together."  
"Do we have a choice?"  
Virgil looked firmly into his eyes.  
"And what if it's not working?" Norbert started to shiver.  
"Don't worry, Nicky. If that doesn't cheer you up, you won't have to perform."  
"You promise?"  
"I give you my word."  
Virgil handed the pill to Norbert, who hesitantly picked it up and eyed it warily. He sniffed at it, but it had no smell. Virgil waited. Norbert didn't believe that any miracle cure could help him out, but there was no return now.  
Lying the pill on his tongue, he noticed it had a pleasant taste of vanilla. Then he swallowed it.


	42. Chapter 42

At first nothing happened, just as Norbert had expected.  
He wanted to give Virgil a disappointed look when suddenly something changed.  
The colors around him exploded. What had been dull and grey once started to glow brightly, as if it was hit by unvisible sunbeams. He recognised the effect from other substances but instead of distorting all sounds into cloudy noise, he could hear everything plain and clear, much better than before. And it was a very pleasant sound. He started to feel simply cheery. He forgot why he had been so sad all the time and had no idea what could possibly go wrong today. Instead he was bursting with energy and couldn't wait to let it out.

"Virgil, it's working!"  
He beamed at his manager and Virgil smiled back, it was a wonderful smile, and gave him an encouraging slap on his back.  
"Let's get out on stage then, little one."  
Norbert didn't go without throwing himself at Virgil and effusively thanking him. To his bewildered friends he said: "What are you waiting for, let's get out!"

It was the best concert they've ever played, Norbert thought. Especially his own performance he found great. His voice had never sounded better, he admired how clear and strong it was and he had never had so much energy before. The fans must've noticed it too, the way they freaked. His solos were outstanding. That night he finally proved that he had it in himself to be a lead guitarist.  
After the concert he left the stage feeling like a god, leering and playing with a piece of underwear that an enthusiastic fan had thrown to him.  
"How do you like that?", he asked Morrie who grimaced.  
"It doesn't look good on you."  
"How do you know? I didn't try it yet."

When they found Virgil, Norbert flung the bra around his neck and pulled him closer.  
"Hello there, you tall and pretty manager, you! I hope you like what you did!"  
"Very much", Virgil answered, quickly getting out of the piece of laundry. "You guys are the best!"  
"Huh". Norbert threw himself into a pose. "Go on, just admit who's been the best tonight."  
"Considering that you almost pissed your pants, it wasn't that bad", Chris answered instead of Virgil.  
"Not bad?" Norbert was upset.  
"Don't worry, you'll be better next time."  
"You can't fool me", Norbert said proudly. "You're jealous because I'm taking your job as a lead guitarist."  
"What was that?", Chris blurted out. "Virgil, what did you give him? That stuff causes delusions!"  
Norbert crossed his arms.  
"I know what I've heard."  
"Me too."  
When Chris walked past him, Norbert stuck his tongue out at him behind his back.

Then he felt a slap on his back and Brad appeared next to him.  
"You don't have to show off like that, Nicky. You've been great and we know it."  
"I'm glad to hear that from at least one of you."  
"I hope that means you can survive the next gig without any drama?"  
"Yeah, yeah, don't be so resentful", Norbert moaned.  
"Just asking." Brad shrugged.  
Norbert put an arm around him.  
"Did you really plan to thrash me?"  
"I was about to", Braid answered without blinking an eye.  
"Why didn't you do it?"  
"Because Virgil convinced me that you're more useful if we keep you in one piece."  
"God bless him", Norbert said, then he turned around to go back to his manager who now kept a safe distance to his protégé.  
"Hey, Virgil, let me pat your back, I want to check if you have wings."  
"I'm curious how you'll do that without a ladder", Virgil teased him, making Chris and Brad laugh mercilessly.

"You could be nice for once and bend down", Norbert suggested.  
"Or, you could take my word that I don't have any wings", Virgil answered, then approached Norbert and put his big hands on Norbert's slender shoulders.  
"Listen, Nicky, we are all tired and we want to go home, so you better go into your dressing room and change your clothes."  
He shoved Norbert forward, who resigned himself to his fate.  
"That's a good boy", Virgil coaxed. "See you."  
Back in the room, Norbert took off his bright suit, but his good mood remained.

When he was finished and returned to his band he continued to chatter. Then he hugged Matt from behind and asked: "I didn't hear anything from you yet. How did you find me?"  
"It's easy, you're always standing right next to me."  
"Oh, haha..."  
"Yes, you are."  
Norbert let go of him.  
"Why do I never get a real answer from you?"  
"Try asking better questions."  
"How long is a piece of string?"  
"See, your questions don't make any sense."

Back in their residence, Morrie was again the first to go to bed. This time, Norbert secretly followed him along the corridor.  
Shouting: "Where do you think you're going?", he tossed his souvenir at him and pulled him backwards.  
"Let me go", Morrie hissed and angrily struggled out of the trap.  
"Stop playing around with that thing! Don't you see you look ridiculous?"  
Norbert grinned.  
"Oh, Morrie, I can't believe you're still mad at me", he said with his sweetest voice. "Don't you think that's ridiculous too?"  
"Not as long as you're making a bigger fool out of yourself."  
Norbert closed the distance between them and leaned towards him.  
"Come on, Morrie, let me turn you on. Wouldn't it be a shame if this night had a lonely ending?"  
His lover faced away from him.  
"Didn't you turn on enough people today?"  
Norbert purred into his ear, close enough to make Morrie's hair stand on end: "I've got enough left for you, trust me...Aren't you curious? Just imagine what I could do with you..."  
Morrie gulped.

He was indeed curious. Norbert was stirring, beaming, arousing, as if something inside him had awakened, something he had supressed all the time. However, it also felt wrong. Norbert wasn't himself. Virgil's stuff had changed him and Morrie didn't know if he wanted to love the change.  
"Do you really feel alright?", he asked with a serious tone.  
"Alright?" Norbert laughed. "Morrie, I feel awesome!"  
He grabbed him by the collar.  
"I just want you to feel the same!"  
"Then let me sleep," Morrie said toneless.  
"You can't do this to me!", Norbert blurted out. "You have no idea how much I miss you! You're so beautiful tonight! I can see you as clearly as never before! Your flawless skin, your silky, shiny hair, your pretty brown doe-eyes and your elegant, tender hands..."  
He took Morrie's hands and covered them with soft kisses while Morrie was frozen and perplexed.  
"You're so smart, so graceful, you're everything I'll never be. Please, tell me what I can do for you! Is there nothing about me you like?"

Morrie felt the wall he had built around himself break down once again. Staring into his lover's begging, green eyes he opened his mouth and only made an unintelligible noise.  
He liked exactly that. There was no one else who could stir him as much, break through to him like he could, no one who felt about him like that.  
And no one who could have everyone and still cared that much about him.

Suddenly Norbert began to sing, with his silvery voice - he really was in good shape - a lovesong, one of the most touching he had ever written and between them he made no secret of the fact that it was for him. Then he began to dance with him, at first a bit clumsy because Morrie was hesitating to move along. But soon they danced around in the corridor with quick steps. Norbert was full of energy and Morrie was choked up with emotions.  
"Norrie...Norrie...", he stuttered.  
Suddenly Norbert gave him a little push and let him fall into his arms. He was a very good dancer. Morrie's heart raced while he lied helplessly in his lover's arms and looked up to him. Norbert was eery, and eerily beautiful.  
"Morrie, I can't live without you", he quietly said, as if he was apologizing.  
It occured to Morrie that he longed for the other man's lips, so he craned his neck to reach them and Norbert closed the distance between them without hesitation. The kiss felt like a salvation after all those lonely nights. 

When they parted, Morrie noticed that he had lost the ground under his feet. Norbert was holding him in his arms.  
"You don't have to do that. I'm much too heavy for you", Morrie whispered.  
"Nonsense, you're a delicate little plant, Morrie", Norbert said, kicking the door to his bedroom open.  
"In addition I insist on carrying my lover and lying him down in my bed."

This night Morrie regretted giving Norbert the cold shoulder for so long.

The next day, Norbert continued to feel great. His relationship with Morrie was saved and his doubts were gone. He also quickly decided how to treat his fans. The concert had caused him to be more popular again, to be someone people admired. And he didn't want to refuse them and play that silly game once again. And so he didn't. 

After having a good day with a bunch of groupies and kissing the last one of them goodbye, he went back into the living room where Morrie was sulking and not deigning to look at him. Norbert leaned against the doorframe and ran a hand through his wild, long mane.  
"Oh, Morrie...", he sighed and shook his head. "Do you want to be mad at me forever?"  
"So this is how it's going to be forever?", Morrie asked, staring at the brightly colored wallpaper.

Norbert made his way through the room to sit down next to him.  
"Morrie...this is nothing but a show. My fans want it, and if I don't give it to them, they pout, and if I ignore them further, they leave me for another star."  
Morrie finally granted him a look.  
"Do you need this kind of fans so much?"  
"Of course I need fans, or I'll be nobody."  
"I have fans too and I don't give them such a show."  
"It's different with you", Norbert began, trying to find the right words.  
"You look good when you're serious. You're natural like that. You're even hot like that.  
But I..."  
He shook his head.  
"I can't copy you, that doesn't work for me and the fans know it."  
"So you see no other way", Morrie concluded.  
"Morrie, I don't go very far. We only kiss, if anything. I'm just nice to them and that's how it's supposed to be."  
Morrie sighed.  
"I don't like it."  
"Oh, Morrie..."  
"Not at all. And you shouldn't take that pill again that Virgil gave you. It makes you lose control over yourself."

Norbert laughed.  
"Oh, come on now! You made me see and feel how much you liked it last night."  
He got up to sit back down on the other man's lap. Leaning his forehead against Morrie's, he enjoyed the warmth of his skin on his.  
"Don't worry, my darling", he whispered. "I love you. What do you want me to do to prove it?"  
He laid a hand on his upper leg.  
"Shall we continue what we started?"  
"Not here", Morrie hissed.  
"But somewhere else maybe?" Norbert snickered. "Tell me where..."  
He covered Morrie's face with kisses before the other man could stop him. Morrie struggled to get up from the couch and moved his clingy lover into his bedroom.  
They didn't talk about fans again after this.

But something else started to bother Norbert.  
Whatever he tried, he couldn't get back into that wonderful mood that made him feel awesome about everything and made his voice flow by like liquid gold. While jamming in their studio he was disappointed of his performance even though the others swore black and blue that everything was perfect. Norbert wondered if taking Joy once more could help him to remember how to feel like that again.  
When their next show was due and he was still not pleased with himself, he went to Virgil who was currently living in one of their guest rooms.

"Virgil?", he asked entering the room. He was delighted that he could finally say his first name and he said it whenever he had the opportunity.  
"That pill you gave me, what was it called again?"  
"You mean Joy?"  
"Yeah, that."  
Norbert nervously cleared his throat.  
"Do you still have some?"  
"Sure." Virgil pulled the jar out of his pocket. Then he paused. "How do you feel?"  
"Oh...I'm okay, don't worry...I just..." Norbert rubbed his neck. "I don't feel in my best shape today...would you mind if I keep a pill just in case...?"  
"Why not?", Virgil said without hesitation and put the jar down on his desk, right in front of Norbert. "Just keep them all. I don't need them anyway."  
Norbert had wide eyes when he took the jar in awe.  
"But I hope you learned that you still have it in you", Virgil added with a little smirk.  
Norbert gave a laugh, relieved that it had been so easy. "You have no idea! I've never felt this way before! This stuff is incredible!"  
"Can't hurt to try it again from time to time, and see what happens", his manager said casually and Norbert decided to do himself that favor.

It didn't disappoint. Norbert found he was even better than before. He still had many pills in that jar, so he decided to spice every concert up with Joy. After all he had much more fun this way.


	43. Chapter 43

Morrie instead didn't find it amusing that his lover was high all the time. Currently, they played many concerts and the effect of the pills lasted until hours later, so he was high mostly every day.  
"Do you need Joy for every single concert now?", Morrie asked Norbert one evening. "Do you never want to stop?"  
Norbert, who was very pleased with himself and relaxed on the couch with his legs placed on the table didn't understand Morrie's concern.  
"Why should I? Everything works out fantastic! The fans love me!"  
He smiled at Morrie with an enraptured expression until he noticed something. Leaning forward he pinched Morrie's cheek.

"What's that face, Morrie-baby? Your Norrie didn't treat you well?", he purred, then put down his legs and patted his lap.  
"Come here, my sweetie. Let me spoil you a bit."  
Morrie didn't move but said: "You don't need that stuff. You've always been great. You've had one bad day, that doesn't mean you have to depend on pills forever."  
Norbert put his legs back on the table.  
"Please, Morrie, I don't depend on them."  
"Oh, really?". Morrie's tone was so sharp, it made Norbert jump.  
"What the hell do you think?", Norbert protested.  
"So stop taking them!", Morrie demanded.  
"God, Morrie, what's your problem", Norbert hissed.  
He took the jar of Joy out of his pocket and showed it to Morrie.  
Calmer, he said: "Look, I have only a few left. Why should I ditch them? It would be a waste."  
Morrie warily eyed the amount of pills that Norbert planned to take.

"And then you stop?", he asked doubting.  
"Exactly", Norbert said, grinning happily. He almost tenderly put the jar back into his pocket. Morrie shook his head.  
"It's too late then! You have to try it now!"  
Norbert rolled his eyes.  
"Morrie, you're way too anxious again. Don't you think I should cheer you up?"  
He winked at him and stretched out lasciviously on the couch.  
"No, I'm serious!", Morrie flared up. "If you take Joy on our next gig, I'll know you're addicted!"  
Norbert tensed.  
"You don't know anything!", he snapped back.  
"Just admit it and I can help you!"  
"I don't need any help!"  
Norbert crossed his arms and turned away.  
"I could stop taking Joy, if you'd ask me nicer."

Morrie fell quiet, swallowing his anger as best as he could. Then he came closer to Norbert and began to caress his arm.  
"Norrie...I've been rude to you, haven't I?", he sighed. "You know I don't mean it. You know me..."  
He placed a shy kiss on Norbert's arm.  
Norbert didn't look at him, but his features relaxed.  
"Yeah, you've been very rude", he agreed.  
Morrie carefully patted his upper leg.  
"Could you..."  
Norbert chuckled.  
"Oh, now you want it?", he taunted him.  
"Please."  
"Do I get something in return?"  
"Of course."  
Morrie's voice was soft as silk. 

Norbert did him the favor, and he slid on his lap. Then he cupped Norbert's cheek with both hands.  
"Can't we just forget this silly incident and start over?", he purred and Norbert's green eyes beamed at him.  
"If you stay that nice...", Norbert whispered and kissed him, hugging him tightly.  
They caressed each other for a while, until Norbert grabbed Morrie's lower back and Morrie answered by pushing his hands under his shirt.  
"Better, Norrie?", he sighed.  
"Much better."  
Carefully, Morrie slid off his lap and Norbert watched him in surprise.  
"Are we done yet?"  
"Uh...I have to work on a song...", Morrie explained shyly and stepped backwards. Norbert lifted an eyebrow, but didn't question him.  
"See you later," Morrie said, blew him a kiss and went into his bedoom.

It wasn't until hours later that Norbert noticed his Joy was gone. He desperately turned his room upside down but didn't find it. Then he went to Morrie's room and knocked at his door.  
Morrie suspected what it was about, seeing his lover in a rather miserable state.  
"Morrie, did you see my Joy? You know what it looks like. It must be here somewhere."  
"Well, it's not in my room", Morrie answered and quickly closed the door behind him.  
"Are you sure? What if I forgot it there?", Norbert begged. "Please look around, okay?"  
Morrie sighed.  
"Alright. I guess it's really not that important to you if you forget it somewhere."  
"Wrong, Morrie, it's very important! I need to get it back or else..."  
Morrie gave him a look. "Or else?"  
"Well...you know...", Norbert avoided the question.

Morrie softly stroked his arm.  
"Norrie...why don't we leave that stupid Joy to rot and see what happens? Just this one time? And who knows...perhaps you don't need it anymore after that?"  
"Yeah, because my career is over!", Norbert blurted out.  
Morrie furrowed his brows.  
"Do you really think that?"  
Norbert gulped. It was obvious that he felt uncomfortable admitting it.  
"Er, no...it was just a joke, haha...", he tried to appease Morrie who wasn't quite convinced.  
"But I need to find it!", he said more eagerly. "It's a gift from Virgil, after all!"  
"Well, if you put it like that...". Morrie crossed his arms. "He doesn't force you to take it, or does he, Norrie?" His tone was worried now.  
Norbert waved him off.  
"Don't overthink it."  
"Does he?", Morrie urged him.  
"No!" Norbert eagerly shook his head. "Everything is alright, except that the goddamn Joy is gone!"  
"We'll find it", Morrie tried to soothe him with his soft voice. "If we get it back, wouldn't you like to try one gig without it?"  
"That again?", Norbert was puzzled. "I thought we wanted to forget about it. Wouldn't hurt to make a decision, Morrie-love."  
As an answer Morrie grabbed him by the collar, shoved him into his room and closed the door behind them.

Morrie could distract Norbert for a while, but soon it came to his mind again that there was a problem. The gig was due, and even though he was considering Morrie's request he didn't feel alright without it, so he visited Virgil.  
His manager was filling a pile of forms, but abandoned them to make time for his protégé. Norbert must've looked very desperate because Virgil immediately asked: "Nicky, are you alright?"  
"Uh...well...sure...", Norbert stuttered, trying to look casual.  
"I used up all my Joy and I thought...perhaps you could bring me a new badge? For later, I mean, it's not that I take it every day or something..."  
He chuckled nervously.  
"Sure, I put it on the agenda," Virgil answered.  
Norbert rubbed his fingers together.  
"Uh...I need it before the next gig, if that's okay."  
"No problem, Nicky. You'll get your Joy in time," Virgil assured him. His smile made Norbert melt away.  
"Is there something else you need?"  
"Uh...no, that's all for now..."  
"Okay." Virgil focused on his papers again and Norbert quietly left.

His despair made way to excitement. It looked like Virgil would always help him out.  
He was in a much better mood when he met Morrie again.  
"How do you feel?", his lover asked and took his hands.  
"Much better", Norbert answered smiling.  
"All without Joy?", Morrie asked happily, massaging his fingers with his thumbs.  
"Uh...yeah...", Norbert said meekly and shrugged.  
Morrie put his arms around his shoulders.  
"See?", he said beaming. "You don't need it."  
"Maybe..." Norbert turned away.  
"You only need me. I can comfort you much better than a stupid pill, you'll see."  
Norbert rested his head on Morrie's shoulder.  
"I'm tired", he muttered. "Let's go back to bed together."  
Morrie fondled his hair.  
"With pleasure."

The next day, Norbert found a brand new jar of pills on his desk and he immediately felt like a child at Christmas.  
"Oh, Virgil, I can always count on you...", he whispered, patting the glass. Then he put it back and went into the kitchen to brew himself and Morrie a pot of strong black coffee.  
When Morrie walked past Norbert's room, he saw that the door was left ajar and assumed that his lover was still inside. He leaned against the doorframe to purr something lovely at him when his gaze fell on a jar of yellow pills on the table. Suddenly, he felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. Disappointed and upset, he took the new jar and hid it in his room, angry about the stupid game he was supposed to play.  
Then he continued to act like the clueless, lovestruck fool while they had breakfast together.

This time it didn't take long until Norbert noticed that also his new Joy was gone.  
"What the hell...?", he blurted out, running to his desk and searching it. Then anger bubbled up in him and he ran back into the kitchen where the band was still enjoying their coffee and yelled: "Where is it?"  
When he received nothing but puzzled looks he went on: "Come on, who of you stole it?"  
"Stole what?", Matt asked.  
"My Joy! It was on my desk minutes ago, and now it's gone!"  
"Are you sure it was there?", Chris questioned him.  
"I'm not stupid you know? The first time I thought I left it somewhere but now it's obvious that it's one of you!"  
He stared daggers at Matt.  
"I don't have it!", Matt protested.  
Norbert turned his gaze to Brad.  
"Do I look happy right now, huh?", Brad snapped at him.

"And what about you?", Norbert asked Chris, who only stared back.  
"Sure, you have it! You've been jealous since the first time I took it!"  
"Now you think I'm a thief, just because you forgot where your shit is?", Chris shouted. "Just use your damn eyes! I bet you lost it somewhere in your mess!"  
"And what about your room? What if I find it there?"  
Chris jumped up.  
"I don't have it!"  
"But it didn't vanish all by itself!"  
"Maybe rats ate it?", Chris sneered. "Wouldn't be surprised if you had rats in that pigsty you call your room!"  
"The only rat in here is you!", Norbert yelled.  
"Say that again!"  
"You're a rat!", Norbert screamed.

They darted at each other and soon they rolled around on the floor dealing out punches. Matt and Brat watched them.  
"Care to place a bet?", Brad asked his friend who looked rather worried.  
"I pass."  
Brad shrugged. Then Morrie dashed into the room.  
"What's going on in here?" His gaze fell on the two brawlers. "Hey, stop that! Are you crazy?"  
He fell on his knees and tore at Chris.  
"Get away from him!"  
Then he send out an angry glance at the others.  
"Don't sit there and watch! Help me for god's sake!"

"I don't see the problem. It's rather amusing," Brad said cooly. "Also one of them might deserve the beating."  
"For the last time now, I don't have his Joy!", Chris flared. "And if I had it, I would feed him the entire badge to make him shut up!"  
When Chris was safe in Morrie's hands, Norbert crouched away from him, until his back hit the wall.  
"I don't believe a word!"  
"You don't know where it is by any chance, Morrie?", Brad asked him. "That problem ruins our breakfast."  
Morrie watched the mess he had caused. He didn't want to give it back to Norbert, but anyway this had to end.  
"I have it," he simply said and surprised everyone with the news.  
"Morrie...", Norbert said quietly, with doubt and disappointment in his voice.  
"Morrie on Joy, what a weird image," Chris commented.

Morrie used the moment of surprise to hightail out of the kitchen.  
"Hey, come back!"  
Norbert struggled up.  
"Where are you going?"  
He ran after him, towards Morrie's room. He believed he had heard his door slam shut.  
"Morrie, I know you're in there!", he shouted and hammered against the door. "What do you mean you have my Joy? Let me in!"  
"And let you drug yourself to oblivion again? Forget it!"  
"Morrie, I don't get you! I need my Joy! Give me my Joy!"  
"No chance! You'll do without it from now on!"  
"Open the door!", Norbert yelled and threw himself against it, again and again, until the wood crumped.  
"Stop that, you're hurting yourself!" Morrie was upset.  
"Then open the damn door!"  
"Just think about what you're doing!", Morrie begged but Norbert ignored him. 

He stepped away from the door, but not to think. In the corridor he searched for something useful and found a side table, that he crashed against the wall until one leg broke off. With that, he began to strike against the door. When the wood splintered, Morrie backed away into the farthest corner of his room and waited.  
Norbert was weary when he finally broke through the door, but also angry. He pointed the table leg towards Morrie.  
"Can we talk sense again, now? Where's my Joy?"  
"If you threaten me, I won't say anything!", Morrie snapped at him.  
Norbert threw the leg away, held up his hands and approached Morrie.  
"And now? Will you speak up now?"  
"That stuff makes you sick! Just look at yourself! Look at what you've done!", Morrie tried and pointed at the traces of destruction.  
Norbert wasn't pleased with that answer. He darted at him and pressed him against the wall.  
"Morrie, I'm serious! Don't make me hurt you! Give me my Joy!"  
"Over my dead body!", Morrie shouted, winded but couldn't free himself out of Norbert's tight grab.  
"As you wish..."

Norbert dragged Morrie along and shoved him into his bed, sat down on him and gave his arm a painful twist.  
"Where is it?", he asked once more.  
Morrie cried out.  
Then suddenly the pain faded away. The band was finally here to help, pulling Norbert away from him. Norbert thrashed about an screamed: "Let me go! He has my Joy! He has my Joy!"  
Morrie gasped for air, slowly sat up on the bed and massaged his hurting arm.  
"That was not a moment too soon", he said bitterly. "You're really slow on the uptake."  
"We never would've guessed he'd hurt you", Chris said. "Do you have his Joy or not?"  
"Yes, I have it. And I'll keep it."  
Morrie pointed at Norbert.  
"Look at what it did to him."

Norbert winded.  
"Give it to me, or I'll never play a note again! Never, never again!" He stamped his foot.  
"Then you're fired," Brad informed him bluntly.  
"I don't care!", Norbert snapped.  
"Morrie, just give it to him", Matt urged him. "It did help him. And we need him in a good mood."  
"No way! He's unbearable on Joy! This has to end!"  
"So you surely have a plan how to drag his ass on stage tonight, do you?", Chris asked.  
"I have a better solution. We cancel the gig and put our Nicky on timeout for a while."  
"Cancel the gig? Are you joking?"  
"Do I look like I'm joking?", Morrie snapped.  
"I don't find him unbearable on Joy," Matt said. "If anything, he's much more relaxed than usual. Without it he's all tensed up."  
"Would you kindly make up your mind here?", Brad said, still fighting with Norbert. "It's getting a bit uncomfortable."

"Morrie, give it back, until we find another solution", Chris urged him and held out his hand.  
"And how long does that take?"  
"Just do it!", Matt shouted.  
Morrie eyed them both.  
"You have no idea what you're doing."  
Still, he got up from the bed and took the two jars of Joy out of a drawer. After pressing them into Chris' hand he quietly left the room. What remained of the door he slammed it shut. 

Norbert eyed the pills in Chris' hands. He had stopped kicking. Chris offered a pill to him.  
"There you go, Nicky, so that at least you get back to normal again."  
Norbert happily popped it, relaxed and soon ended up peacefully sleeping in Brad's arms. They put him back in his bed, and the Joy on his table, hoping for the best.

In the end, they didn't have to cancel the gig. Norbert was as cheerful as ever and didn't seem to be resentful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so unfitting for Christmas :'D Sorry for all the bad vibes this is giving. I wish all my readers a happy holiday, and for all those who don't celebrate Christmas a wonderful time! <3


	44. Chapter 44

Morrie didn't try to steal Norbert's Joy again and endured his high lover in silence. Norbert didn't hold a grudge against him either. Right after the gig, he insisted that Morrie stayed with him for the night.  
"You can't sleep in your room, you don't have a door!"  
He claimed that he regarded it as return service for demolishing said door, but it occured to Morrie that Norbert had no idea about what really happened. Still, he stayed with him and enjoyed his lover's efforts to comfort him.   
Then he told himself that it wasn't that bad after all, since Norbert's affection for him remained unabaited, although more superficial than before.  
In addition, he was still hopeful to find another solution for his lover's Joy-problem. He thought if Norbert needed a nerver so badly, they could at least get something that wasn't a drug.  
The next day, he and the band sweeped the town for an alternative. At the pharmacy, Morrie asked for professional advice and was taken aback that the only remedy, the salesman presented him as most tolerable, was Joy, of all things. The responsible pharmacist refused to recommend anything else. When Morrie urged him, he even had the cheek to offer him a probe, because he found him bad-tempered.

Empty handed and indeed moody, Morrie left the shop to try another. But at the end of the day, Joy seemed to be the entire town's only way to handle things. When he met the other band members, he soon found out that they had had the same experiences.   
"What if we consult a doctor and let him prescribe some real medicine?", Morrie suggested then.  
"Nick isn't ill", Matt insisted, shaking his head. "He only has the jitters."  
Morrie understood that it would be an exaggeration to run to the doctor because of stage fright. However, he was frustrated.  
"So, we give up?"  
"Well find another way", Chris quickly soothed him.

His hope was soon shattered when some days later he found his lead guitarist high on Joy. Shocked, he grabbed him by the collar and shook him heavily.  
"What the hell were you thinking?", he scolded.  
Chris held up his hands in defense.  
"Calm down, will you? I had a bad day, everyone can have a bad day, not only Nick."  
"We planned to get rid of that stuff! Do you remember?"  
Chris gave him a sleek grin.  
"Wrong, buddy. You planned to get rid of it. But in the end it's the best medicine we have."  
"You took that probe they gave you, right? Without hesitation!"   
Morrie couldn't believe it.  
Chris shrugged.  
"Why, it was free. And it's completely harmless, my friend."  
Morrie, who knew that it was helpless to debate with someone on Joy, let him go.

A few seconds later, he found Matt on Joy. It was obvious, that typical way of strutting with the nose up in the air, that didn't suit him at all.   
"And I thought you're the reasonable one", he said, highly disappointed.  
"It's just a test", Matt tried to play it down, but Morrie didn't like the way his pupils were narrowed.  
"And what to you think of it?", he asked with his voice full of doubts.  
"I feel fantastic!", his friend exulted with arms wide open. "You should try it, Morrie! Why don't you take your probe?"  
"I don't have one", Morrie stated.  
"Oh...ok, I give you one of mine. No problem."  
After rummaging around in his pockets he offered a yellow pill to Morrie, who was aghast at the fact that he really expected him to take it.  
For a second he considered it.  
"Thanks, but I pass." he then said coolly.  
Matt shrugged.  
"It's your joice."

When he found Brad he wasn't surprised anymore. He only said "Not you too."  
"Don't worry, I don't feel any different", the drummer assured him, but also, he patted his cheek and wafted away with a spaced out look in his eyes.  
Norbert didn't seem to notice that he wasn't the only one on Joy anymore. Instead he seemed to wonder why everyone was such a good company all of a sudden and then went on as normal.  
Morrie in contrast suffered agonies. The next gig they played was the worst he had ever gone through. Not because they failed. It wasn't even a bad performance. But the way everyone had turned into unpredictable freaks stressed him out. He never knew if anyone of them would have a bad trip all of a sudden. And that dampened his own performance, and it made him even more frustrated. In a band, they had to count on each other and Morrie couldn't count on anyone but himself anymore. 

When all the fuss was over, Morrie went to bed early again.   
The others celebrated themselves and he felt very alone.   
He saw that the others had let him down and left him only two options: play along and take Joy or endure it all in a sober state, what would mean more horrible concerts.

Soon, he didn't even endure his own thoughts anymore and longed for Norbert to knock at his new door. He lived for these moments.   
Norbert eventually did him the favor.  
"Hey there, lone wolf", he purred, again giving him the impression that there was a happier world he could enter whenever they were together. "Do you mind some company?"  
"Not at all. But be careful, I could take you for a lamb", Morrie was persuaded to joke around. He had no idea how much his nonchalant grin seduced Norbert, who walked into his room and made a shocked face. "So, you would eat me?"  
"Most likely", Morrie whispered and wrapped his arms around his prey. He smelled the faint waft of vanilla when he hugged Norbert from behind and greedily bit his shoulder.  
Norbert gasped loudly.  
"In this case...I confess. I'm a lamb."  
It was nights like these that kept Morrie going.

The Joy-problem was now permanent. After the so-called testing phase the band considered the pills to be harmless, so they abandoned Morrie's plan. They also kept offering this stuff to him, whenever they found him moody. But Morrie intended to never lay a finger on it.  
And so they went on with their lives. They kept throwing parties, and Morrie could only watch Norbert collect his fans and flirt with them and never looking back at him. At these happenings he just didn't exist for him.  
Considering everything he knew about Norbert on Joy so far, he wasn't surprised anymore.  
However, when he found him making love to a fan, he felt like someone pulled the rug from under his feet.

He vented throroughly, to ruin this moment entirely for both of them. He yelled at the two traitors, pulled the girl away from Norbert, scared her so much that she broke out into tears and ran away. Norbert's horrified face was a slight consolation. At least he had wiped that stupid smug grin from his face, that he had to watch all day. When Morrie decided that it was enough, he left the room himself.  
He noticed that Norbert stumbled after him, playing the puzzled and innocent lover. Sick of that game, he ignored all of Norbert's cries and continued to walk through the house. The noise allured the fans. It was another moment of consolation for Morrie when they saw their great idol begging and pleading. Morrie didn't listen, all he wanted was to flee from the noise. His ears already rang because of Norbert's cries.   
When he had reached the studio, the only room that was noise-insulated, he already had his hand on the doorknob when the urge to turn around got the better of him. He just didn't have the heart to leave like that.

When he turned, he saw Norbert who had to support himself against the wall, because he couldn't stand upright by himself. His face was all wet and swollen, his eyes red and his breath carried the smell of alcohol into his direction when he said: "I don't love you any less..."  
Morrie now wished he had saved himself the sight. Disgusted, he locked himself into the studio, while Norbert was too weak and too slow to stop him. He still had some strength in his lungs to cry, but Morrie only heard a muffled noise.  
After putting on some earphones, even that was solved.  
He found a bottle of brandy, that Norbert had probably left there, and although he wasn't a fan of drowning his problems in alcohol, he found that he deserved a drink.

Sitting around like that, with earphones on and a glass in his hand, he thought he looked ridiculous.   
And it hurt because he had never wanted to look so ridiculous.  
He had never wanted to be in such a situation.  
Thinking back, everything had started so beautifully...his relationship that had been gently forced upon him, the band that had asked him to join them...But at the end, nothing had turned out the way he wanted. In a pathetic way, he thought, he faced the ruins of his dreams, and all he could do was hiding and holding onto a glass.  
Embarassed and helpless, he began to cry.

He spend some time cramping and sobbing into the silence, until he was fed up with listening to his own sobs. Instead he played a tape. A song they were working on. It had a calm, soothing melody. Wrapped up in this, and with a soft sting in his throat from the brandy, he dropped off to sleep.

The next morning, he woke up with a slight headache and an unpleasant taste in his mouth. The earphones had slipped from his head, revealing that there was no sound outside.   
Morrie was sure that Norbert had already pleased himself with another dose of Joy and was totally clueless about the bygone incident. When they met again, they would simply chat about some trivia and go on with their lives.  
And Morrie was sure he would play along. He knew nothing else, after all. He needed Norbert.  
Leaving the studio, he was quite surprised that he found Norbert lying on the floor. He was asleep, looking like he had spend the entire night like this.  
Because he couldn't just abandon him there, Morrie knelt down and slightly shook him, until he opened his eyes. Then he got up and made his way up the stairs. He didn't have to escort Norbert to his room after all.   
However, he stopped when he heard Norbert call his name.  
At first quietly, with a raspy voice, then louder, more desperate.  
"Please, wait for me!"

Norbert began to run after him, with his hands palpating the wall to support himself. His face was white as chalk. In fact, he looked like he was about to faint. When he reached Morrie he suddenly stopped as if he didn't dare to come any closer. He staggered and sobbed.  
Morrie, who feared he'd pass out, grabbed him and carefully led him upstairs, where he entered the kitchen and sat him down on a chair.   
Hoping that his favorite morning drink would bring him back into shape, he busied himself with the coffee machine.  
Norbert's tears had dried by now. He sobbed and didn't move. When Morrie placed a mug of steaming coffee in front of him, he promptly accepted it, clutching at it as if he'd fall from the chair otherwise.  
Also Morrie needed the hot drink, so he sat down at the table as well. He watched Norbert out of the corner of his eye, just to make sure he won't secretly faint. This way, they quietly drank their coffee together.

Time passed, and Morrie acknowledged that Norbert wouldn't say a word. He himself had something he wanted to say before Norbert would enter oblivion again.   
"I'm sick of this", he said bluntly, no matter if Norbert would listen or not.  
"All your flings...all that flirting with everyone in sight...I never wanted this."  
His voice sounded husky and it bothered him. He wanted to sound more collected, more determined.   
But he had to admit it sounded much better than the faint whine that escaped Norbert's throat.  
"I...I told you..."  
The tears came back and he started shivering so much that he had to put down the mug in order to not spill the coffee. What was left of his voice failed again and he sank down, turning back into that picture of misery that Morrie had found on the floor.  
Morrie inwardly scolded himself for destroying all the progress. He felt no pity though.

"You told me you'd only kiss", he said in a sharp tone. "If anything", he added bitterly.  
"And still, I'm not surprised."  
His anger left him already, and he stared sadly into his coffee that had a hard time cheering him up.  
Norbert sobbed more.  
"Do you mean you don't want me anymore?", he rasped.  
Morrie made a face and turned away, alarming Norbert.  
"Why not? I still love you!", he cried, sounding very desperate.  
"Yes, me!", Morrie shouted, "And a lot of others too!"  
Thereafter he heard a thud, that caused him to turn his head. Norbert's chair was empty all of a sudden. In one moment of shock, Morrie thought that Norbert had passed out again. Then something touched his knee.

It was Norbert, who knelt in front of him, hands folded, as theatrical as only he could do it.   
"Please don't leave me, Morrie! I can't live without you!", he pleaded.  
Morrie pressed his eyes shut and sighed.  
"It's true!", Norbert urged him, still shaking and sobbing. "Look, I might be their god, but you are mine! You're my muse, my world, my everything!"  
Morrie watched him, unable to move or speak.  
Norbert broke in front of him, frantically begging for an answer.  
"My heart is yours! If you'd cut it out, you'd find your name engraved on it!"  
Morrie couldn't bear it any longer and stood up, fleeing the immediate closeness, if only for a few steps. Norbert got up too, and to Morrie's horror he took a knife from the counter. Instead of threatening Morrie, he held it out to him, the blade directed at his own chest.

"Come on, cut it out!", he cried.  
"Let that go", Morrie demanded, reached out and pulled at the knife.  
Norbert weeped louder.  
"Kill me, Morrie! If you leave me, you can just as well kill me!"  
Finally, Morrie had ripped the knive out of his hands. Bereft of his weapon, he backed away and huddled up again, leaning against the counter.  
Morrie stared at the knife and his own tense face reflecting in the blade. He believed Norbert. He believed that he, in his eccentric way, loved him. 

"Only one thing, Norbert", he said firmly.  
His lover raised his head. His hopeful gaze was something Morrie wanted to remember forever.  
"No other men", he decided.   
"I understand the press is spreading rumors if you shun all the girls, but no one will ever force you to sleep with a man. That would be your choice alone. Do you hear me?"  
Norbert's face lit up.  
"Yes, Morrie, I swear...", he began, but Morrie cut him off.  
"Don't swear, just don't do it."  
"Okay...", Norbert said quietly and nodded.  
Morrie sighed heavily. Now he felt he was about to faint himself.  
"Alright, So you can go back to doing whatever you want to do", he dismissed Norbert with a gesture.

His lover, instead of leaving, made a few steps into his direction.  
"I want to spend some time with you. Don't you want to see me at all today?"  
His voice sounded so sad and unsure that it broke Morrie's heart. He'd loved to spend some time alone to think, but then again it was a perfect opportunity to keep Norbert from taking Joy, at least for today.   
"I need some fresh air", he stated. "Why don't we go out for a walk?"  
They didn't have this big park built around their residence for nothing after all. It was the only place they could enjoy without someone bothering them.  
Norbert went along with bright eyes.


	45. Chapter 45

Sometimes Morrie couldn't believe the deal he had agreed to. That Norbert could have everonye he wanted, only with a small exception. On the other hand, it was easing the tension in their everyday life, especially with the many 'guests' they had. He didn't have to keep an eye on Norbert anymore, who just did what he wanted and instead he could make time for his own fans, or some musicians from other bands and he could finally be completely distracted. 

However, it was far away from the feeling he could have had if Norbert would have been his alone, if he could've trusted him in every situation. Sometimes, he caught himself wishing that Norbert refused the deal and instead never touched a fan again. But Morrie knew it wouldn't happen. He kept himself from asking what Norbert was doing with his new freedom. A deal was a deal, and he wanted to be true to his word. 

Norbert's behaviour was irrational enough already. His Joy-escapades became wilder and he started to forget the most mundane things. Morrie felt more and more like a babysitter who was making sure that the great rockstar got out of bed in time, ate enough, remembered their gigs and whatnot. Soon, he couldn't make it through the day without someone taking care of him. And with everyone taking Joy now, Morrie was afraid he would end up being the babysitter for the entire band. 

There was one last chance. One person he considered to be reasonable, even though his trust into that person was crumbling already.   
He didn't know better, Morrie told himself. The whole town is crazy about this stuff, so how could he know?

When the manager was working in his room, Morrie took the opportunity to ask him for help. Virgil let him in without hesitation.  
"Hello, Morrie. Is there a problem?"  
"I think so", Morrie answered, asking himself why Virgil didn't notice it himself. Didn't it bother him at all? On the other hand, he wasn't involved in all this as much as Morrie was, so someone needed to tell him what was going on.

Morrie sat down on the chair that Virgil offered him and began to explain: "It's that Joy...I know it's supposed to help, and, well, Nick doesn't have stage fright anymore, but it's changing him. He's more than just happy, no matter what the ads say. He's...a completely different person now. He's...." Morrie fell quiet.  
He wanted to say 'reckless', 'smug' and 'oblivious', but he was afraid to indicate that they had a relationship.  
"...binged up?", Virgil offered.  
"More than that..." Morrie sighed. "Sometimes I don't recognize him."   
"He's changed, that's true", Virgil agreed and Morrie felt a flicker of hope.

"I always had the feeling that he was holding back somehow. That he couldn't be the man he wanted to be and he was unhappy because of that."  
Morrie gulped.  
"Did you talk about it?"  
"No, I only guessed", Virgil said and Morrie began to feel uneasy. What else did Virgil observe in all these years?  
"What if that was just how Nick was?"  
"I think he wouldn' t have changed that much. Whatever depressed him, it's gone now. He's free."  
Morrie furrowed his brows.  
"Do you like him like this?"  
Virgil nodded.  
"Much better. Better than watching him struggle and knowing he'll have another breakdown."  
"But that stuff is addictive! He can't live a single day without it!", Morrie blurted out.  
"It's proven that Joy isn't addictive", Virgil assured him, but Morrie wasn't convinced.  
"What if that's wrong? I don't like where this is going. The others take Joy now too. I'm the only one who's still sane. I'm surrounded by freaks who don't know what they're doing!"  
Morrie paused to take a breath. He hadn't planned to throw a tantrum but that whole situation was all exasperating. Why did no one believe him?

"Morrie...", Virgil said after he had been pondering. "Could it be that you are unhappy too?"  
At that, Morrie had to keep himself from passing a snappy comment. Of course he was unhappy. But then again he had the feeling that his current rage wasn't what Virgil meant.   
"What do you mean?", he asked instead.  
"Well, perhaps you have other plans."  
Of course, Morrie thought, I had other plans than having a boyfriend who keeps betraying me and turns into a big baby right before my eyes with me unable to help. But once again, that was probably not what Virgil meant.   
Because Morrie didn't get it, Virgil went on: "Perhaps a rockband isn't what satisfies you."  
Morrie's heart skipped a beat.  
"You mean, I should..."  
"Don't rush it. Just think about it. You could start a solo career and I could help you."

Morrie's head was spinning. He had thought about realizing his own projects. Maybe writing a symphony. But until now, it had been nothing but daydreams. Being confronted with it like that was something else. He didn't want to leave the band. He didn't want to abandon Norbert. And he didn't feel alien in a rockband as long as everyone had their heads on straight.  
"Think about it. You wouldn't have to start with nothing. I'm your manager after all."  
He gave him an encouraging smile.  
"And...the Joy? Is there no other solution?", he tried again and Virgil held up his hands.  
"I don't know a better solution. Do you?"  
"I see...", Morrie said quietly and got up.  
"Thank you for the offer", he said half-heartedly.   
"Forget it if you want, but try to think about yourself for a change. Not only Nick."  
Morrie only nodded and then left.

If only it was that easy. 'Nick' wasn't able to think about himself anymore - at least not about what was good for him. Leaving the band was no option.  
Thinking about their conversation, one thing really bothered him. Had Norbert really been so unhappy with him that he fell into a depression and started taking Joy? Before Joy, Norbert hadn't betrayed him. Had it depressed him that much, that he wasn't allowed to betray him, that he went to pieces?  
What about all his talking of 'the love of his life'? Anyway, with the new 'free Nick' being the only one he had left, Morrie was afraid he was facing a very doubtful future.

Even Norbert noticed that the vibes around him changed. Every time the jolly effect ceased, he realized what was happening and he once again faced the abyss that was about to swallow him. It hurt to see the way Morrie looked at him. But considering everything his lover did for him, because his brain refused to work properly, he understood that Morrie had enough of him. He remembered the agreement that had saved their relationship and found that Morrie was rather gloomy since then. Norbert couldn't hold back when he was on Joy, and everytime he recalled what he was doing he felt ashamed. Other times he was angry that Morrie made him feel that way, because he felt he had the right to enjoy the fame he had been working hard to achieve. 

Either way, he noticed that Morrie went colder. That he started to mock his new habits and his behaviour while he was too high to understand his remarks. His tenderness was gone. And he was more busy now, staying in his room for hours and writing songs he never played to anyone. Perhaps it was just his way to handle their situation. Still, it was one of the reasons why Norbert couldn't handle his life without Joy. Sometimes he was so afraid to wake up that he popped another pill after the first sign of withdrawal - duller colors, muffled sounds.  
When he tried to hang on until their next gig he anyway gave up after a few hours, because it was horrible to pretend that everything was okay and he didn't need Joy that much.

But not only Morrie bothered him. There were more quarrels in the band now. It couldn't be denied that Nick Lightbearer was turning into the band's most popular star and when the others started taking Joy, they tried to change that. So Norbert was subject to a sudden rivalry that began to dominate their everyday life. They fought for a bigger part in their shows, about who wrote wich song and who wrote the most hits and who had the best ideas for new songs. Norbert had the feeling they didn't grant him a single note anymore. They had always worked as a team. It was ridiculous to dismantle their songs like that. It made the already tedious sessions in the studio even more exhausting. Also on stage they kept fighting against each other.

Norbert was glad that their house was big enough so that he could avoid the others.  
It was one of these painful days when he sat alone in his room, because Morrie played busy again, and tried to endure Joy withdrawal. It was eerie to feel how everything around him changed, how also his thinking changed. He started to mourn for his love and his friendships and whished someone would stop their fall. After some dreadful moments of staring at his once colorful wall he was even too sad to take Joy. Suddenly it all felt right. He didn't move, only listened to his own breathing. Then he felt more and more helpless, as if his dark room would swallow him. Leaving it, he noticed that the corridor outside was just as dark. 'That architect screwed us over', he joked bitterly.   
He thought about the only friend he had left, the only one who wouldn't make fun of him or rebuke him. He needed his company now.

Virgil looked worried when he saw him.  
"Nick, what's wrong?"   
He must've looked horrible of course.  
"Can I come in?"  
All he wanted was to get in this room and lock the door behind him.  
Virgil approved, and so he let himself fall into one of his comfy chairs and decided to never stand up again. Then he stared at the floor, unable to speak.  
"You're off your Joy again, aren't you? Don't worry, I've made provisions. You'll feel better in no time," Virgil said and opened a drawer. Suddenly Norbert moved.  
"Oh, no, I have enough Joy."  
Virgil froze.  
"Did it stop working?"  
"No, no, it works just fine. Just like the first day", Norbert said gloomily.  
Virgil bent down to look at him, leaning on the armrests of the chair.  
"Nick, look at me."  
Norbert obeyed. Virgil also put a hand on his forehead.

"Are you in pain?"  
"No, I don't think so", Norbert answered vaguely. He guessed a heartache didn't count.  
"Can't I just stay here for a while? I won't disturb you if you're working."  
Virgil put his hand down.   
"Nicky, what's wrong? You can tell me everything, you know? Did you have another fight?"  
Norbert gave a deep sigh.  
"Everything is so complicated now...when I'm off Joy, I can see it...we're changing..."  
Virgil sat down next to him.  
"You're still learning", Virgil answered, "all this fame is new to you and you're just getting used to it."  
"It's not the band, it's...", Norbert began, then his eyes filled with tears.  
"It's about Morrie, he...", Norbert sobbed, then he fell quiet again.  
"He doesn't want to change with you?", Virgil guessed.  
Norbert hesitated to answer, struggling with himself, until he looked at his manager with wide eyes.  
"Can I tell you a secret?"  
Virgil locked gazes with him.  
"You can trust me. Whatever it is, it'll be just between us."  
Norbert smiled gratefully. It was the first smile off Joy for days.

Quietly, he said: "Morrie and I...we are in love...I mean, I don't know if he still loves me. Since I'm taking Joy, everything falls apart."  
Norbert paused because a crying fit choked him.  
"Whatever I do...it's wrong!", he went on sobbing. "I'm so afraid, Virgil! I don't want to lose him!"  
When he looked at Virgil, he saw no signs of disgust or taunt in his eyes.  
"I've noticed that you two are very close...", he only said.  
Norbert gulped. "I hope we are."  
"So, he doesn't like Joy, right?"  
"Yeah, he hates it! But it's his fault I'm even taking it!", he blurted out. "He never understood me! It's always been him or the band, I've tried to please all of them and he always left me alone with my problems! I just didn't know what to do anymore! I'm just not good enough! At least Joy helps me to forget it all, so I can play our shows!"  
When Norbert was shaken by another fit, his manager began to pat his back. It felt good.  
"Oh, Virgil, what am I to do?"  
"Start with being honest, Nick. Tell him what happened and what you feel. Only then, Morrie can understand you. And only then, you can find a solution."  
Norbert sobbed quietly, feeling Virgil's touch on him. He found it had been a good idea to come here.

"Actually, we have an agreement...", he went on. "No other men. But..." He ruffled his hair. "What if I fuck that up too? Most of the time I have no control over what I'm doing! I'm so afraid! When I fuck that up it's over! There's no second chance!"  
Another stream of tears choked him and Virgil's hand drew circles on his back, a soothing feeling.  
"Trust yourself, Nick. You're much stronger than you think."  
Norbert shook his head. "I do everything wrong."  
"No, that's not true...still, you should tell Morrie about your fear."  
"And what if I put him off? Because I don't know if I'll betray him or not? What if he breaks up because of that?", Norbert cried. "I can't lose him!"  
"Well..." Virgil sighed. "I'm sorry, but you have to leave that decision to him."  
Norbert uttered a wailing noise and huddled up. Virgil's hand was still there.  
"Nick...I'm sorry...Trust me that whatever happens, I'm still here to help you."  
"Oh, Virgil", Norbert sighed and pulled his manager into a hug. "I don't know what I'd do without you."  
Virgil engaged with the hug, patting Norbert's back.  
"It's gonna be okay, Nick..."  
When Norbert let go, he was calmer.  
"You can stay here, if you like. Can I offer you a drink?"  
Norbert nodded and gave another faint smile.


	46. Chapter 46

Morrie did everything to save their relationship. He really made an effort. He cared for Norbert, whenever he needed him, helped him to get through the day and endured his new personality that now dominated the entire time they had for each other. Still, he noticed how he diverged from him, how he sometimes wondered what his beloved Norrie and Nick Lightbearer even had in common. He stayed with him, maybe out of pity, maybe out of love or maybe because he couldn't forget the good old days. He couldn't help it, but he felt abandoned. Norbert didn't accommodate at all. The famous rockstar simply got stoned every day and Morrie was the one who had to get along with it. 

He wondered if Norbert was really unaware of what he was doing to them.  
Every time the jolly effect ceased he shut himself away. It was obvious. Morrie knew the Joy cycle very well, but instead of granting him one precious moment of honesty, Norbert rather quickly popped the next pill. Begging the completely stoned "Nick" to suspend this cycle was hopeless, he had learned that the hard way. And it was impossible to get at the sober Norbert. 

He also felt abandoned by Virgil. In the end, his only advice had been to run away from all this. Virgil had no interest in changing anything. Norbert acted exactly how he wanted him to act, and to clean the mess he and the band were causing he had Morrie.  
In fact, by now they were so rich, they could afford a babysitter for each of them, and Morrie felt sick thinking that eventually they would need some. Or someone to settle their disputes that kept breaking out about every knickknack. The band members squabbled with each other like children and they barely got anything done. They needed ages for their new record. Morrie doubted it would ever be finished. Concerts were still nerve-wracking business and while the others seemed to have an endless supply of energy, Morrie instead became very tired. 

One day, after he had stayed for hours in his room, successfully hiding from a party, it finally happened.  
He went into Norbert's bedroom, unsuspectingly, just to see if he was alright. He also ignored the two groupies in his bed, because that was none of his business anymore. When he crouched next to the bed to inspect his lover, it occured to him: the two guests were clearly male. He stared at them, unwilling to believe what he saw, then he stared at Norbert, who was sleeping so peacefully as if he wasn't aware of his guilt. 

For a moment, Morrie lifted up his hand, ready to give Norbert a slap he wouldn't forget for the rest of his life. He wanted to scream, to rage, to scare Norbert to death, to chase these two traitors out of the house, and Norbert with them. But then the moment was gone and left Morrie standing helplessly in front of the bed with his hand uselessly erected.  
He left the room, faltering, as if he was about to faint. In his own bedroom he let himself fall on the floor, crying and shaking. 

That was what he got for caring that much, for making compromises.  
Norbert didn't choose one man to betray him. No, two.  
That was how much he cared about his own promise, and their love.

As always, Morrie thought.  
He himself did everything to save them, Norbert did nothing, and now Morrie felt like he was suffocating. He needed to get out of this. All this madness, their life under lock and key, outside playing the sovereign rockstar and inside being exposed to this mess and keeping everything running all by himself. He felt he had suffered that long enough. He had to admit it was time to call a halt.

Kneeling at the floor, with his crying fit dying down, he made a decision. Standing up, he felt how that heavy burden fell from his shoulders. It left a void, the ruins of his dreams, and a sort of fear. Could he really walk away like that?

Sitting at his desk, his heart was racing. He gathered some papers and a pen, struggling to suppress the tears. He had to say goodbye to Norbert after all. He was afraid if he didn't make that step now, he'd never find the strength again.  
He wrote the letter that sounded bitter to him. He could've been angry instead, scolding, insulting. But he felt that it would only trample on what they had shared. In the end, it was underwhelming. Their ending, sealed on a tiny piece of paper.

He felt cheap, shoving the letter through under Norbert's door. A coward goodbye, but he had to do it now, before this moment of determination was over. After packing everything he couldn't miss he sneaked along the corridor and let his eyes wander through the house he had set on so much hope.  
Thinking about Virgil's offering, he finally refused. He wanted to do this on his own. Also, he couldn't risk being found by the band through Virgil. He had better friends than the manager. He would make it.

It wasn't until midday that Norbert woke up. The sun was already shining through the curtains and promised a beautiful day. He sighed quietly and happily, feeling a warm body laying next to him and an arm being tenderly put around him. So, Morrie still found the time to come over, Norbert thought. It felt wonderful, how his lover despite all that stress kept coming back to him.  
We're inseparable after all, he thought, before a second later his world collapsed. 

At first, his gaze fell on a shock of blonde hair that was framing a foreign face. Blinking rapidly, Norbert sat up.  
"Morrie?"  
He was confused, touched the face, hoped that the illusion would go away. Instead it became obvious that a male stranger was lying in his bed. Startled, he turned around to jump out of the bed and found another man, peacefully slumbering next to him.  
"What's wrong luv?", the stranger muttered, jolted by Norbert's sudden movement. Blue eyes blinked against the bright daylight.  
"Uh...it's nothing, my dear...", Norbert stuttered, patting the man's cheek. "Just relax, sleep some more, I'll be back."  
The man closed his eyes again.  
"You're a god", he whispered absently, "A real god."  
"Yeah, man", Norbert said quietly before he crouched out of the bed.  
His heart was pounding heavily. 

He had no idea how these guys ended up in his bed but he needed a plan how to get them out of the house without anyone noticing. Especially not Morrie.  
Running about in his room and searching for his clothes, he found a piece of paper on the floor. Must've fluttered off the table, he thought picking it up. Then he recognized Morrie's handwriting and froze. He read the letter, feeling hot and cold by turns.  
It was so simple, and still the worst he ever saw.

"Dear Norbert,  
I've tried. I've really tried.  
By the time you read this letter I'll be gone.  
You know why.  
You've had many chances to show me that you love me.  
I think you don't need me anymore.  
I wish you good luck with your career.  
Morrie"

"No...", he gasped and rushed out of his room, into Morrie's. He called out for him, but his lover wasn't there anymore. Instead he found the wardrobe open and half empty, revealing the plain truth to him. Norbert then ran along the corridor, down the staircase and into their spacious living room, while his footsteps echoed through the hallways.  
The house was all empty.  
He reached the entrance hall, ran through their picturesque front garden, to the gate and through it, until he came to a halt on the street, staring into the wideness. Wellies walked past him or stopped and stared after him, while he was running along the roads, back and forth, into every alley, until his exhausted body exacted it's toll. He collapsed, blinded by the blur of tears and hoarse in his throat. He didn't notice that he was screaming all the time.  
The Wellies who surrounded him, however, did. 

He felt dizzy, crouching on the floor without aim and didn't see that a Bobby approched him.  
"Mr. Lightbearer?"  
"Morrie...", was all he said, caught in his own world.  
"Do you hear me, sir?"  
"Morrie...no..."  
Later, a doctor joined them and helped to carry the patient away. He observed that it had been a shock, caused by a sudden awakening from the Joy. Later, that observation helped to improve the formular. For Norbert, by that time, it meant to be treated with an extra ration of Joy. When he woke up one day later, all his memories and thoughts were imbedded in a comfy, carefree cloud of fog, that had spread itself out in his head. 

For the band it meant that they quickly needed to find another pianist. They soon hired a talented musician who felt honored to perform with the Make Believes and willingly submitted to their Joy habits. Norbert was pleased with him too, since he was a big fan of Nick Lightbearer. 

It was hard to think about Morrie by then, not because it hurt, but because the fog preferred to hide all the bad memories. He and the band could only feel anger, because he had left them in the middle of a tour. And that was how it came that he told everyone in the press that he had kicked Morrie out of the band, because he hadn't suited their style. Because he had been moody and unreliable anyway. It was easier to believe that explanation and later it was all he knew.

The band went on, but they soon found out they couldn't keep it up. Their constant quarrels made them fall apart, working together became more and more difficult and their new record was no big success either. The Make Believes were at the end of their rope. So they sat together to consult and decided they would make a pause, work on their own projects until they would come back together with new strength and ideas. They all agreed to that, all except Norbert, who begged Virgil for help. The manager refused to argue the band out of it, instead he offered Norbert to try something else. 

A couple of days before their official splitup, him and Virgil met again to prepare what should be Norbert's new life. He would stay Nick Lightbearer, The Make Believes turned into a backup band with variable members and they performed their popular songs as if nothing happened.  
The former band members were utterly surprised to hear that their splitup had rather been a change of personnel, compelled by Nick Lightbearer, who now claimed that he had always been the leader. They were out, and got no money for the songs he now played with others. Their claims were disallowed and bargaining with Virgil was impossible, he never answered to their letters.

Meanwhile Norbert felt as free as he had never felt before.  
He got a makeover by no one else but Davey Hackney, the most popular fashion designer in town. With that, it felt wonderful to start new. In addition, he soon started a steamy hot affair with said designer.  
And when he sometimes had doubts, when he felt like he forgot something very important, he simply popped another Joy, or harder stuff. In his new residence he threw parties himself, after making a lot of profit selling the old Make Believes residence.  
Sally Boyle became a favorite guest of his. She was a popular chemist, a trend setter, and the inventor of multiple joy-bringing substances. He was crazy about her, and she was about him.  
Anyway the whole town was crazy about him. They called him the Golden God of Rock'n'Roll, he was the sexiest man alive, he won a gold record after the other, they made him a honorary member in the Reform Club and he was a welcome guest in Uncle Jack's show.  
He didn't hear anything from Morrie again until he read about him in the press, where he had given an interview, defaming the detested rockstar. Norbert didn't care that much, he took revenge in another article that was just as mean. Apart from that he kept shagging his fans, even married some of them. The marriages all failed, but he had no regrets.

The only fact that sometimes hurt him was the polite, but definite rejection of all his offers to Virgil. What had carefully started with a crush later dearly wanted to turn into love. By then, Virgil knew it had been Nick who had treated him with presents from time to time. Norbert now started to seriously flirt, to show his affection, but to no avail. Still, they developed a special and close friendship with it's own language. To every note with "Nick, love", Norbert always answered "Virgil, darling".

It was a lovely time until it wasn't. Norbert didn't notice it at first. His mental state worsened, he lost all sense of time, worked through multiple days and nights or slept just as long. He missed dates, because not even Virgil could wake him up anymore, he gave godawful concerts because he was completely absent-minded and the songs he was writing were dismissed as being absurd.  
Long before Norbert realized it Virgil wasn't only his manager anymore, he had turned into that baby-sitter, that Morrie had feared to become. He bought him his drugs, that kept him running, woke him up or put him to bed. He provided him with everything he needed, both material and emotional support. But soon, even that wasn't enough anymore. More concerts failed, in addition he lost more money on the bills he received for all that havoc the rockstar caused while being stoned. Norbert began to feel the hate of his betrayed fans and going outside became really dangerous for him. 

But it wasn't the mass of facts that woke him up from his trance. It was his Joy and his drugs that stopped to work the way they had used to. The process was sneaky. The moments of joy shortened, the nightmares became longer and the worst state, the moment of withdrawal, was the one his memories came back. At first they passed by like shadows in his mind, weird images he quickly forgot again. But day after day the images reassembled a clearer picture that began to haunt him. With increased regularity he felt he should run, as fast as he could, through the door, up the street - even though running was forbidden in Wellington Wells, screaming, because he had lost something that had been very precious to him. 

In his sleep, he did. The dream repeated itself, on an on, it was persistent and didn't give up until Norbert woke up one day, with his eyes filled with tears, and a fire in his chest. His bedroom quickly lit up when his manager, alerted by the noise, stormed inside. For a second they stared at each other, both with widened eyes.  
"You!", Norbert screamed, as he had never screamed at Virgil.  
"It's all your fault! You destroyed our relationship!"  
He wanted to dart at his manager, but the taller man held him back with one hand.  
"Nick, you're having a nightmare! None of this is real!", Virgil pleaded, but Norbert didn't listen.  
"You sent me these men! You told them my secret! You wanted to get rid of Morrie because he didn't take Joy!"  
After fighting for a while, Norbert grabbed the first object he could reach and threw it at Virgil.  
"Get out! Get out of my life you goddamn rat!"

Virgil left the house without another word, so Norbert let out his mood on his possessions. He crashed, tore apart and threw around everything he could with his own strength, enduring a long delayed loss. Between the shreds he fell on his knees, curled up into a ball and weeped, yearning for a body he hadn't felt in years. In the shreds he saw a face he didn't recognize anymore. He got up, ripped the mask off his face, the wig and the rags, and stared into his by now cracked mirror. Inside, he found nothing but a distorted grimace, a crooked body, bleeding from the cuts and covered in bruises. Appalled, he clenched his fist and broke the mirror with a blow.  
Then it occured to him that he had made a big mistake. Staggering through the rooms, he called for his manager, until his maltreated body collapsed.

His missing manager later came back, out of humour and viewing the chaos. He was followed by a begging and pleading rockstar, while he seemed to be more interested in how he should pay the bill for this.  
Virgil seemed to forgive him, but their closeness was gone. The manager stayed away from him, communicated via notes, that went colder despite all the "Nick, love". Sometimes he didn't see his manager for days.  
He was more often alone with his painful memories. His fight with Morrie in the press shocked him. It was everything that was left of their love. It didn't help that his fanclub had currently seeked Morrie's house and demolished the facade.

His old band, former fans and critics kept telling him that he was nothing but a fraud, who was making money with a stolen name and stolen ideas, with no own talent, except for betraying everyone who ever met him. Who was lonely, without real friens, only with admirers he didn't deserve, and who soon would have to pay for everything he did.  
The more Norbert remembered, the more he believed them.  
His last hit was long ago, Sally didn't visit him anymore, other guests shunned him. He really was lonely and also didn't dare to go outside. He took more drugs for forget that he was about to waste away in his house that had turned into a prison.  
He had never wanted to die alone, and he felt it was the worst punishment for his sins, that he was designed to end like that.

It was the nightmares that drove him out of his house at night, seeking the meaning of all this. At night, the town was calm. Soothing even. As if time stood still for him, granting him some peace and quiet. Also, his thoughts were clearer. Still, he found no meaning.  
Perhaps fate had mercy on him when it sent him James. After all this time of aimless wandering there was finally someone who found him. Still, Norbert didn't believe in himself anymore. The next day, he was stoned as usual again. It would've killed him one day, if not fate had shown mercy for a second time.  
And that was the moment Nick Lightbearer came back to himself.


	47. Chapter 47

It was still nighttime when the stream of memories finally released him.   
The house was quiet, only his own breath blustered in his ears. His glass was empty, but his head was full of thoughts.  
Everthing he had revisited now demanded an appropriate reaction, but Nick had no idea what to do. He only felt a heavy weight on his chest.   
The night is ruined, he thought, and he felt tempted to silence his misery with another dose of Joy. But he didn't want to make it worse. He had wanted to make it better.

When he left the kitchen and made his way upstairs to his bedroom, he tried not to make a single noise. He wanted to keep the peaceful silence that made his surroundings look invulnerable, as if at least in this precious moment nothing bad could happen. In front of the bedroom door he stopped, listening in awe. Then he fetched a pen and paper from the side room and wrote a message to Morrie, that he shoved through under his door.

Some time later he sneaked through the dark and dank town, that was his second home by now. It still attracted him, even though the person he had been looking for was now sleeping in his bed. Perhaps he hadn't been looking for Morrie, he wondered. Perhaps he had been looking for his sense, his ability to make the right decisions. Or he had been trying to run from himself.   
He didn't know what he wanted now.   
He only believed that there was nowhere to run anymore. Instead, walking around aimlessly was exactly what he needed. He knew the routes where he was most likely safe from the patrols and drones. And just in case, he carried a bottle of brandy with him.

"Strolling around at night again?", asked the Bobby who was really hard to avoid. Fortunately, Nick got along with him.   
"I was hoping you'd feel better now, Mr. Lightbearer."  
"I'm alright, Constable", Nick replied. "I just thought you might miss me." Saying this, he pulled out the brandy and handed it to the man, who was visibly delighted.  
"Well, I can't deny that I miss attentive Wellies like you. One is so alone in these eventless nights."  
He opened the bottle.  
"But you're going home now, right?"  
"Of course", Nick said with a confident smile. Then the bobby surrendered himself to the brandy and forgot about the whole endeavour. Nick passed by him and walked into an alley that led into a small park. Scurrying through the meadow, his footsteps were much quieter. At a favourable spot he sat down in the grass and looked up to the starry sky.  
Why can't I do anything right?, Nick asked himself.  
A trickle of tears ran down his cheek.

He remained like this, with his hands clawing the grass, and trying to get rid of all the unnerving thoughts in his mind.  
Then he felt something. It was about time he took his next dose of Joy. Pulling out the package, he considered to take two pills. But after musing for a while, he only took one out and put the rest away. The pill was as black as the night. He popped it and soon he was given the pleasant, vitalizing feel of a new Joy-phase, while the stars twinkled in all colors. Slowly, he relaxed.

After sitting around like this, he again felt something different. As if someone was approaching him. Even though he didn't hear any sound. He dived deeper into the grass, searching the park with his eyes, but he didn't find anyone. Now certain that it had been an illusion, he sat back up and looked at the stars again.   
"You really have sharp ears", a quiet voice suddenly said. "Only your eyes fail you."  
Nick jumped and span around until he stared into a shiny silver mask.  
"James", he gasped. "My goodness...I didn't hear you. I only felt that someone was there."  
James smiled a secret smile.  
"In that case you have trustworthy feelings."  
Nick's hearbeat slowly calmed down.  
"And you are a trustworthy agent. As soon as the golden calf breaks the rules, you're on the scene. How did you find me?"  
"I simply followed the trail of alcohol."  
"Hey", Nick faintly protested, "It was only a present for a good friend. That's not a crime, isn't it?"  
"No. I figured you made him rather happy. That's a virtue."  
Nick smiled. He liked that agent who took liberties with the rules.

"Come here, join me if you don't plan to snitch me. Unless sitting in the grass is too vulgar for a classy man like you."  
James didn't seem to mind because he promptly accepted the invitation.  
"Looks like you're in a good mood tonight, beacon of hope," he said as he sat down next to him.  
"Oh...", Nick sighed. "It's the end of my time. That's making things easier."  
James eyed him.  
"What gave you that idea?"  
"I remembered more of my past", Nick answered wistfully. "You are right, this stuff really helps." He tapped the package of Joy in his jacket. "I got my past back. And you know what? I didn't change one bit. I'm in the same shit as before. I made the same mistakes without knowing."   
He blinked. The tears wanted to come back.   
"This time it's even worse. I'm hurting two wonderful people."  
He shook his head.  
"I'll end up all alone again. And this time I won't get a second chance."  
"You forgot something, Nicky", James said softly.  
Nick looked at him.  
"You're not alone. Not this time."

Nick gulped. A storm was raging in his chest. He felt like he should give in to it. Carefully, he leaned sideways, into James' direction, and laid his head on the other man's shoulder. It was comfy, and when his cheek touched the fabric of his suit he felt a cozy warmth spreading inside his body.  
Tensely, he waited for James' reaction. First, the man didn't move, so Nick assumed it bothered him, and now there would be awkward silence between them. But then he felt how James leaned his head against his and relaxed. He gave him a sense of conversance he had thought he would never feel for another person again.   
Perhaps he was still able to find new friends. Perhaps his fate wasn't as set in stone as he had believed. He wasn't alone. And the stars twinkled at him.

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?", James whispered.  
"Oh, yeah...I haven't seen such a clear sky in a long time", Nick affirmed quietly.  
"Would you like to have a walk?"  
"An illegal walk?", Nick giggled. "With you?"  
"The illegal ones are the best."  
"Huh...yeah, I'd like to", Nick said and slowly lifted his head.  
They got up and left the park. Soon, Nick's thoughts were wrapped into a pleasant, untroubled fog.

He was standing in a dark alley, motionless, watching closely how James finished his work.  
"Do you want to hold it, Nicky?", the other man suddenly asked and showed him his shining, sharp cleaver that was dripping with blood. Nick cautiously accepted it. He noticed it was heavier than he had imagined. The blood that was dropping on his hand was warm.  
"I think I held it before", he said to James, who eyed him.  
"Do you know how to use it?", the man asked and put an arm around him to lead him closer to the lifeless body on the ground. Nick followed, knelt down next to the body, just like James used to do it and inspected it. Asking, he looked back at James.  
"Go ahead," the man said and gave him an encouraging smile.  
Nick raised the cleaver and took aim.

Light was blinding him, yelling and the noise of applause were roaring in his ears. Nick blinked. He was standing on a stage, but the audience didn't look at him. A second later, Uncle Jack entered the stage from behind a heavy curtain, solemly smiling.  
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to a new episode of 'Love Wins'! Today's candidate is no less a figure than Nick Lightbearer himself!"  
Now Jack gestured towards him, drawing the attention to him. Nick waved and blew kisses, trying to hide how confused he was.   
"I promise you, today's guests will give you a very thrilling episode," Jack announced happily. He made an expansive gesture towards a corner.   
"On the left side we have: Nick Lightbearer's great love, the light of his life, the title holder Morrie Memento!"  
The audience cheered when Morrie arrived on stage and walked towards Nick.  
Nick's heart missed a beat. He had a bad feeling, but Morrie didn't seem to mind. He confidently winked at him, with his head proudly raised, and looking gorgeous.  
"On the right side: the man who stole his heart, the king of his dreams, the challenger Arthur Hastings!"  
Now Nick's heart raced when Arthur walked on the stage, looking a bit shy amongst all the fuss, and awkwardly waving at him. Nick would've loved to jump up and yell at Jack to stop the show. He didn't like the way Morrie glared at Arthur. But something paralyzed him.  
"Oh, yeah, this is gonna be one hell of a fight!", Jack rejoiced. "But this wouldn't be 'Love Wins' without a special guest."  
Oh, no, Nick thought. Whos next, Virgil?  
"Let me introduce you to...you know what? Let's cut this short. See for yourself!"  
The man who walked through the curtain was wearing a black suit. His face was covered by a mask with sharp edges. His eyes blazed at Nick him from underneath it, glowing red like blood.  
Nick screamed now, but his voice was drowning in the cheers of the audience.

A second later he found himself in a room that looked familar, but before he could look around someone was pressing him down.  
"Stay down," that someone hissed, then they whooshed past him.   
Nick closed his eyes and tensed, waiting for the fight to break out. But it was quiet. So quiet that Nick dared to take a look again. He saw the man who had pressed him down, searching the room. Then the man turned around.  
"No one there," he said and sat down on the bed that Nick had apparently slept in.  
"We're alone. It was just a bad dream, Nick."  
His hand carefully touched Nick's back.  
"A...Arthur?", Nick stuttered.  
"Yes, it's me," the man said, looking tenderly at him.  
Nick jumped up again.  
"Where am I?"  
"Ssshhh...In your tunnel...Our tunnel...It's alright."  
"The tunnel...", Nick sighed, sinking back into the pillow.  
"Yes, you came back."  
"How long did I sleep?"  
"Not for long, you just had a nightmare after all", Arthur joked, then he furrowed his brows.  
"Aren't you happy to see me? Didn't you want to come here?"  
Nick froze. Arthur hung his head.

"I'm sorry. I thought...when I saw you lying in your bed...I thought you wanted to visit me. So I laid down next to you. I didn't mean to bother you."  
Nick now acted just as quickly as after the nightmare. He hugged Arthur tightly.  
"It's alright", now he sad, as if they had swapped their roles.   
Looking into the other man's eyes he tried his most charming smile.  
"I was just puzzled...It happens to me a lot. Please don't worry about it."  
He hugged him again.  
"You can join me whenever you see me lying somewhere. Except when you see me in a grave, then you don't have to follow me."  
It had slipped out of Nick's mouth. Arthur made a choked noise that sounded like the hint of a giggle.  
"You have quite a morbid sense of hurmor for a Wellie."  
"That's because of the crazy life I'm living...Sorry."  
Arthur didn't answer. He looked like he was hesitating and pondering. Then he pecked Nick's cheek. Nick was melting. Arthur was so shy. The kiss had felt like a question. Nick pulled him closer and kissed his black hair that was a bit tousled.  
Now that he was here, he couldn't just run off. Arthur was so happy to see him after all.  
Nick decided to spend time with him before he would start back.


	48. Chapter 48

Nick rubbed his cheek against Arthur's hair and closed his eyes with relish.  
"Have you got time, Nick or do you have to leave?", the other man whispered, full of hope.  
"I've got time...", Nick said quietly, leaning against his lover and relaxing. Arthur turned around to smile at him and Nick took the opportunity to involve him into a kiss.  
Suddenly, Arthur became nervous again.

"Uh...Nick...I have something for you...", he whispered.  
"But Arthur, you don't have to give me anything."  
"It's not an offering", he answered with a shaking head. "It's not even a real gift, but..."  
He lifted up a box he had put next to the bed, eyeing it unsurely.  
Nick's eyes lit up with curiosity.  
"It's so that we can move freely in the Garden District", Arthur explained and handed the box to his lover, who didn't hesitate to open it.  
Inside, he found something made of red cloth.  
"You bought me fancy rags?" Nick was surprised and lifted up the cloth to take a closer look at it. He loved to get clothes as a gift. He however froze when he saw the suit was torn.

"That's how you have to go about in the Garden District, if you don't want to get thrashed. It's not quite beautiful...I know, but it's useful", Arthur nervously told him. "I thought I'll give you one so you don't have to rip apart one of yours."  
"Oh Arthur, this is a gift! You bought this for me, just to make me a suit?"  
Nick was touched. He had so many suits, he could've easily shredded one of them, but Arthur as a Downer had spent money to get him a new one.  
"Uh...not quite...", Arthur interrupted his train of emotions. "When I was in Hackney's institute I...well...took a look around."  
"You shredded one from his new collection?" Now Nick was shocked.  
"No, no, it was already in the throw-outs. I don't think he'll miss it", Arthur calmed him down. "I hope it's your size, but when it doesn't fit perfectly, it's an even better disguise."  
Nick quickly changed into his new clothes. Kneeling on the bed, he viewed himself.

"How do I look?"  
"Smashing, actually...", Arthur said. "You can wear everything, even these tatters."  
"Huh." Nick slid from the bed and posed in front of the mirror.  
"I could show this to Davey, he'll turn this into a trend. Garden style."  
"Perhaps. I don't think everyone looks as good in it as you."  
Nick turned to him.  
"And where's your disguise? I wanna see you in it."  
"Oh...well...it's still in my shelter, I go get it."

Some time later he came back, already dressed in what was left of a former proper suit.  
"Oh, wild", Nick blurted out. He planted himself in front of Arthur and put a hand on the other man's half exposed upper body.  
"I love how much flesh you're flashing."  
Arthur's cheeks turned faint red.  
"I'm...I'm glad you like it...", he stuttered, then he gasped because Nick ran his teeth along his naked skin.  
Arthur had goosepumps all over his body, Nick felt it under his tongue.  
"Do you want to try it out?"  
Nick absently licked the bite marks.  
"Yeah...why not?"  
"I mean...in the Garden District...."  
"If you like", Nick muttered and kissed his skin.  
"No, I mean....you know what I mean."  
Arthur's fingers curled into Nick's hair.  
Nick chuckled. Wrapping his arms around the nervous man he looked him deep into the eyes.  
"As you wish, my king."

"Well...I thought we could try it today because you have time now and...", Arthur stuttered, hating himself for that nonsense he was jabbering. Nick's aura was irresistible, and he didn't want to talk him out of something. He just had the feeling that Nick would leave after bringing him to bed, and he wanted to spend at least a few hours with him. And it would be nice if he could take Nick with him to the Garden District without fearing he would be recognised as a Wellie.  
"You know what? We could take some food with us and have breakfast somewhere at a pretty place."  
Nick slowly let him go. Arthur was afraid to see disappointment in his eyes but his lover was still cheery.  
Nick was actually up for an adventure.

"Hey, I have an idea", he said and walked over to his collection of guitars. He took a brightly colored exemplar.  
"Do you think this is too flashy?"  
Arthur eyed it.  
"Could be too much of a risk. It could be stolen or damaged..."  
Nick thought about it. He put the flashy guitar back down and looked around searching.  
"In this case...I have a better idea...where did I put it? Ah, here."  
He showed Arthur another exemplar that was quite dapple and battered.  
"I think I mauled a hotel room with this...a long time ago", he explained, skimming over one of the scratches. "Oh, the memories...But this should do it, don't you think? It still sounds alright."  
To prove it, he vibed the strings.  
What Arthur heard sounded normal.  
"Yeah...I think that's ok...Now you look like you've had the concert of your life."  
He chuckled. Nick joined him.  
"Don't take a photo now."  
"Oh, no, that concerns no one else but us. So, are we going?"  
"With pleasure."  
They packed some of Nick's supplies and left the hideout.

"I think I remember the way...", Nick said.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah, don't you believe me?"  
"Well, I wouldn't bet on it."  
"You cheeky brat, you'll see." Nick poked him into the ribs.  
"Hey...don't worry if your memory isn't the best anymore. You have other qualities."  
"That was almost a compliment, my king. And still, I'll lead you to our destination, believe it or not."

Nick really remembered the way quite well. In fact, Arthur was impressed by his ability to memorize things again, after he had first met him in a rather poor and confused state. And even though he took Joy. His tiny pupils proved it. For a second Arthur pondered if it was thanks to him that Nick had recovered so quickly, but then he dismissed the thought as kitschy. After all, not every Wellie turned downright helpless from Joy.  
When they reached the right hatch, Arthur praised him: "Wow, you really remembered almost everything."  
"What did I tell you?", Nick replied proudly, tapping his forehead with his finger. "Your Nicky didn't kill all his brain cells with motilene."

But Arthur didn't hear his answer. He had the horrible feeling of a déjà vu. As if he had experienced something similar before...In his mind, he saw himself and his brother range tall grass, looking for scraps of metal.  
Of course, the contest.  
Percy had the best memory of them all, Arthur thought. Did he remember what happened at the train station? Did he think about it every day, asking himself why his brother abandoned him there? Did he blame it on himself?  
...because I'm slow.  
Percy had never been angry at anyone, but this time he really should be.  
Arthur wiped his forehead, as if he could wipe away the memories.  
Percy called out for him in his mind. "Arthur! Arthur, where are you? Arthur!"  
Then he felt that someone was kindly shaking him.  
"Arthur? Arthur, can you hear me? Say something!"  
Blinking and shaking his head, he found the worried face of his lover right in front of him.  
"Nick....sorry...I was distracted."  
"Distracted? You've been miles away! I thought you drugged yourself! Are you okay?"  
"Yeah...yeah I'm ok...I was just...pondering something. Nothing important. Don't worry."  
Nick eyed him doubtfully.  
"Okay, but if there's any problem...if you feel funny, or we have to go back, just tell me."  
"I'm alright, Nicky", Arthur said somewhat too casually and quickly kissed him, hoping to lead his lover's thoughts into another direction.  
"Come on, let's go."

Indeed, the garden impressed Nick enough to cheer up again. Arthur smiled too, so it had to be alright. Weird, how good he felt in shredded clothes.  
"And you think we make a good impression like this?"  
"Sure. It's all upside down in here. Also, try to look sad when we meet someone."  
"And what do I say?" Nick's fascination for this strange district grew again.  
"Just be nice, like with everyone else...just never mention that you're taking Joy. Don't be too happy, and don't talk about the past. They know it, but they don't want to talk about it."  
"I can relate", Nick mumbled.  
"Pardon?"  
"I mean, I can manage."

They strolled though the district as if it was the most beautiful place in the world, passing by a few wastrels that ignored them. Their appearance was enough to create the illusion that the two visitors belonged there. Arthur tensed at bit, walking though the demolished town. He avoided all the spots that were covered with writing and graffiti. They could be too much for Nick, even though he was still happily strolling along. After all, he knew how fast a Wellie's mood could change.  
Nick, however, felt nothing but nostalgic bliss while viewing the ruins. They reminded him of his early days with the band, when they couldn't afford any rent and lived in a ruin instead. It had been a good time, maybe the best of his life, because it had been peaceful, and they had had all their dreams to look forward to.

"Nick?", he suddenly heard Arthur ask. "Are you alright?"  
Nick laughed. "Now I was distracted."  
"We better leave the town."  
"No", Nick waved him off. "I thought of something pleasant...something I remembered lately...", he explained, stopping in front of a demolished house.  
"I've been living in one of these, can you imagine?"  
"You mean, before the bombs fell?", Arthur asked and promptly wished he had bitten his tongue instead.  
Bombs, Arthur. Good job. Is your life as a Wellie really that long ago so you don't remember that some words are forbidden?

Luckily Nick didn't hear it or something, he was still eyeing the ruin in awe.  
"No, I mean a house just like this." He pointed at it.  
"There were many of them in Hamlyn Village back then. And they were pretty useful for the band and me, when we were still nobodies. We've been free and we could do as we pleased."  
"I...I think I know what you mean...I've played in them as a kid...It was fun. Sally and I..."  
Arthur stopped.  
Now he really wanted to bite his tongue.  
Nick was surprised. "Sally? You knew Sally?"  
Arthur grimaced and crossed his arms.  
"We grew up together. We were friends", he uttered.  
"No way!", Nick was thrilled. "The it girl Sally Boyle, your schoolfriend...perhaps even your girlfriend. You can't tell me she didn't fall for your charms, Artie."  
He poked him.

Not as much as she fell for my father's charms, Arthur thought. Loudly he said: "Look...let's change the subject, okay? I don't really want to talk about it."  
"Oh...", Nick said, figuring that he had awakened bad memories.  
"I'm sorry. Here, take one of my..."  
And without further thinking, he offered Arthur a Joy pill. Shortly after, he laughed nervously.  
"No, you won't..." He quickly hid the pill in his pocket.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to..."  
Nick was ashamed.  
"Hey, its okay", Arthur said and clumsily patted his back. He couldn't remember the last time someone had been ashamed because of him, instead of putting all the blame on him.  
"You're my Joy."  
Nick gave him a big smile.  
He had been told that by so many fans, but when Arthur said it it meant so much more to him.  
"How about another dose?", he asked and his lips came closer to Arthur's.  
Arthur engaged in the kiss, and they remained like this for long, enjoying it to the fullest.

Nick rubbed a leg on Arthur's.  
"I think I'm getting hungry...", he whispered, making Arthur's hair stand on end again.  
"I know a good place to rest..."  
"Alright, lead the way, my king."  
Nick let him go and Arthur was happy to finally leave the town. He led his hungry rockstar to the cliff coast, where most likely no wastrels came along. In addition, the view was scenic, the ocean to one side and the nearly pristine nature to the other.  
"There. What do you think?"  
"Wonderful", Nick sighed.  
Full of anticipation, Arthur spread out the blanket and sat down on it.  
"Hmm, looks like the table is set", Nick purred, kneeling down to him and putting away his guitar. "And what a delicious meal it is..."  
He greedily kissed Arthur, pressing him down until he lay on him.

Arthur let it happen, helplessly roaming Nick's body. The shredded suits made it easy to reach naked skin. He didn't try to take the lead, he rather let Nick spoil him, who seemed to be really needy. Soon they were completely undressed and rolling around on the blanket, while Nick was treating every single centimeter of Arthur's body. As greedy as he was, he took all the time he needed to make the other man hungry. So hungry, that he could barely stand it any longer.  
"Nick", he gasped. "Nick, please...."  
Nick smiled, looking down at him. He held Arthur close and his hand ran along the other man's spine, downwards.  
"You want it?" he asked quietly.  
"Yes, please..."  
"Are you sure?" Nick's finger got dangerously close to his delicate spot.  
Arthur was breathing heavily and is cheeks were turning soft red.  
"I trust you."  
Nick gave him a gentle kiss, then he let his finger slide into him, testing if he was comfortable.  
Arthur drew breath.  
"Sshhh, my king...", Nick whispered. "Relax...". He massaged him slowly. "Is that good?"  
He educed a moan from the other man. Arthur began to move his hips, adjusting them to Nick's rhythm, while he clung to his lover and pressed his forehead against his chest. Nick used their rhythm to grant his finger a pause and get to the point. Arthur moaned louder and curved his spine.  
"Ssshh", Nick whispered, "You'll be fine."  
"That's a massive understatement," Arthur mumbled, feeling how a man filled him for the first time in his life.  
They turned into a sweating, panting and thrusting bundle until they came heavily.  
Arthur was sure he'd still feel it tomorrow. 

When he had caught his breath, he struggled up. Nick lay on the blanket, smiling blissfully at him. Arthur enjoyed the view for a while, then he put his clothes back on.  
"Aww", he heard Nick say. "Why would you do that?"  
"Uh...in case someone walks by..."  
"That's not our problem, isn't it?", Nick answered and stretched out on the blanket, legs spread.  
"Nick...it could trigger them."  
"Oh, come on, they're half naked themselves."  
"But it's rather cold to be without clothes."  
"I feel warm."  
"Yeah, now, but you'll get colder."  
Arthur tossed Nick's suit at him, but Nick didn't move, except that he started to nonchalantly adjust his hair, acting as if he didn't hear him.

Arthur then grabbed the blanket and threw it over the stubborn rockstar.  
"Hey!" Nick's voice was muffled under the thick cloth. He freed his head only to stick his tongue out at him, what made Arthur giggle. He knelt down next to his lover to hug him tightly, wrapping the blanket around him.  
"You don't have to show yourself to everyone, Nicky. They wouldn't appreciate it as much as me", he whispered and pecked his cheek.  
Nick, wrapped into Arthur's care like that, began to fidget.  
"Then give me a sandwich at least. I'm really hungry now."  
Arthur pulled up the bag where they kept their supplies.  
"What's the magic word?"  
"I'm a star, I don't have to say please", Nick said with played vanity. "So?"  
Arthur silenced, picked up a sandwich, let it dangle over Nick's head for a second and then took a bite himself.  
"That's so good", he swooned, "if only the rockstar could say a nice word, he could taste it too."  
"What the hell? This is intolerable! I'll sue you, Mr. Hastings! You'll never set foot into your office again!"  
Arthur squeezed him.  
"Are you sure about that? Seems like I have you in my grip here. No way to sue me, and nobody's gonna hear your screams except some wastrels, but they won't care. I guess the cards are stacked against you."  
He took another bite from the sandwich. "Hmm..."  
Nick struggled harder, trying to free himself, but Arthur's arm remained wrapped around him. Now he remembered how he had choked the wastrel unconcious. He was really strong.

"No, no, no, my star. You'll stay and learn to behave, or I won't feed you."  
Nick tried his most pitiful hangdog look. Arthur was melting, but he didn't show it.  
"That doesn't work with me, I'm immune", he told him and continued to eat.  
Nick now craned his neck and almost reached his goal.  
"No", Arthur blurted out in surprise and held up his hand. Then he laughed. "You really are a piece of work, you know, but you won't get around this."  
He put down the sandwich and started to tickle Nick.  
"See, that's what you get."  
Nick laughed and curled, struggling out of the blanked little by little. They scrambled with each other until Nick went out of breath.  
"Stop...stop it...I can't....please."  
Arthur immediately stopped and lay down next to Nick.

"You're...something else", the rockstar gasped.  
Arthur eyed him. "Did I go too far?"  
"No...no, I had a blast."  
Nick untucked himself. "Here, let me spread this out again."  
"Uh...okay."  
"Did you see my clothes?"  
Arthur tossed them again and this time Nick caught them.  
"Fancy shreds", he said putting them on.  
"If you wear them, definitely."  
"Am I allowed to eat now?", Nick asked with an irresistible smile.  
"Sure", Arthur said and handed him a new sandwich.


	49. Chapter 49

Nick accepted the sandwich and took a bite. He indeed found it was a pity that he had to put the rags back on, because Arthur had so many worries about it. But at least he could hold him close and caress his bare skin with his finger. Arthur showed his approval by cuddling into Nick's shoulder and from time to time dared to do the same. It was fascinating how the tall Downer had turned back into his shy self after a moment of self-awareness. Nick was very curious about how far he would get. His personality seemed to break out more and more. He trusted Nick, and that made him optimistic. And still, he didn't want to go too far yet since he didn't want to scare him and ruin the progress. It was also the reason why he had given in. 

Perhaps I've changed too, perhaps I've become more tame, he wondered while he held his devoted Downer in his arms. Actually he didn't want to call him a Downer, because it was a cuss. But he didn't feel any anger when he thought at that word. If all Downers were like Arthur, they were downright charming.  
Nick stroked Arthur's cheek and kissed his forehead.  
No, he then thought. If I changed I wouldn't be here.  
He sighed.

"Does the garden make you pondering, too?", Arthur asked quietly.  
"Yeah...I guess so....but...I don't know if it's the garden..."  
"Are you a thoughtful person, Nick?"  
"Uh...well...I wasn't for a very long time...", Nick began, feeling a bit blindsided. What did he know about his character from the past, from before Joy?  
"I'm learning to think again."  
"And how does it feel for you?", Arthur asked with honest concern.  
"Er...sometimes it's unpleasant and sometimes I'm glad about it."  
"I feel the same."  
Arthur looked up to the clouds that slowly went by.  
Nick wondered if that was true.  
"You...you too? Are you sure?"  
"Absolutely. Thinking isn't always pleasant. Sometimes I wish I could turn my head off."  
"Well...you can. It's actually easy. Why don't you do it?"  
"Because I have to live with it", Arthur said so bitterly that Nick felt pity for him.  
"Who told you that?"

Arthur closed his eyes. For a while he pressed his head into the crook of Nick's neck, as if he was seeking comfort, then he said: "Whatever is done is done...and taking Joy doesn't change anything. We can't turn back time and make everything better. We always have to live with what we've done..."  
Arthur fell silent, feeling that he was getting way too depressed. He patted Nick's arm, to distract him if necessary.  
Now Nick stared into the clouds. Arthur had struck a nerve. He was so right. But exactly that had been the reason why they were taking Joy.  
"Nick? Are you okay?" Arthur sounded worried.  
Nick only nodded quietly.

"Sorry...I didn't mean to ruin the mood...Must be the garden after all."  
Nick looked around.  
"How could something as beautiful as this ruin our mood?" He indeed had good memories of gardens and parks. It gave him just the right feeling, with nature around him and the touch of melancholy. He grabbed his guitar.  
Arthur left his shoulder and lay down close beside him, with a hand supporting his head.  
Nick began to play a melody, testing how the sound melted into his surroundings.  
Some things stay the same after all.

Arthur listened with a throbbing heart. He had been nervous about this moment all the time, afraid of his own reaction. It reminded him of how he found Nick in the tunnel, completely stoned and out of his mind. He had been afraid that this would happen again. He didn't want to hurt Nick. But now that he heard Nick play, not defaced by drugs, he was overwhelmed.  
He had always thought that all these popstars would be lost without their expensive equipment. Nick definitely wasn't. His pure voice, not forged by a studio or loudspeakers, moved him. He now understood why his fans loved him, why they were screaming like crazy at his concerts. They would do everything to be here but instead he was here, a worthless Downer, and Nick played only for him.  
When the song was over, Arthur was glad that he was stilll wearing his mask and Nick couldn't see how red he was. Still, he put his hands on his cheeks.

"What's wrong?", Nick asked.  
"I'm...I'm just getting red", he admitted.  
"Really? I didn't sing anything naughty", Nick chuckled.  
"No, but I know now, why your fans are screaming when they see you...and why they throw their underwear at you."  
Nick laughed, and Arthur couldn't help joining him.  
"You're not throwing anything", he then said and lifted an eyebrow. Arthur gulped.  
"I...I don't think that's my style."  
"Why not? Just do it! Go crazy, man!"  
Arthur winded.  
"I'm already on the brink. Play another song, please, Nicky."  
Nick chuckled again. "You're a grateful audience."  
He began another song that insidiously called on him to dance. Arthur imagined dancing with Nick, while he listened to the music and constrained himself to sit still on the blanket.

Then he jumped up anyway because he saw Wastrels coming at them.  
"Oh no", he squeezed out. Of course it had to happen. And how naive he was. Of course the music would summon them and they would wonder why they were so happy, they would become suspicious and eventually attack...  
Nick stopped singing when he noticed that Arthur hadn't jumped up because of him but instead was staring into the distance with alarm.  
"Get behind me", he said and already stepped forward to hide Nick, who now also saw the Wastrels.  
"Hello there", Arthur approached them, hoping he could come out of this cheaply. "We're just trying to forget the past for a while, there's nothing bad about it, right?"  
"Play on", one of the Wastrels shouted.  
A woman swooned: "You sound just as Nick Lightbearer! Oh, how much I miss him! They never play him through the speakers and all the records here are broken."  
"Play a song for us", also the others begged.

Being pressed so nicely, Nick couldn't say no. He now sang with more enthusiasm, flattered that his audience had so spontaneously increased. It was something else that hadn't changed, and it made him very happy that it still worked. He felt a little like in the old days, when he had been simply making music for the fun of it, and he felt vindicated that not all his charm was gone. That he could find back to his old self and also that he really had this kind of impact on others and didn't just make it up over time.  
Seeing the Wastrels dance and laugh, he noted that they weren't so different from the Wellies. This could be a nice place just like every other. He should perform here if they missed him so much. 

Arthur instead wasn't very happy with this situation. Of course he was happy for Nick, who was even a star in the Garden District, but now their beautiful privacy was gone. Everyone was dancing except Arthur, who was feeling like an outsider. Then a woman danced past him and grabbed his arm.  
"Come on, get a move on!"  
Arthur protested, but he was pulled along by the slaphappy Wastrelette. Her dance style was quite peculiar. He was struggling to hold her pace that was completely independent of the rhythm, but she had the time of her life.  
"So, what did you do in the Parade, tall guy?", she asked along the way.  
Arthur cut out asking what gave her the idea. By now he knew that his suit was giving it all away.

"I was an editor in the Department of Archives...mostly reading papers and cencoring articles", he said bluntly. He found it was better to appear casual.  
"Ohh", she blew a whistle. "I bet it was a very important job, right? Prestige and everything."  
"Er...rather not", Arthur said. "I wish I didn't do it."  
"Heh. You're not the only one who has regrets", she replied. "Honestly, I was a supervisor at the bridge to Hamlyn Village, judging who gets in and and who stays out. We had that stupid quiz 'Oh, behave!" I don't remember anyone passing it on my shift."  
Arthur was about to answer when their conversation was interrupted.  
"Oh, oh", the woman said and stopped dancing.

"Well, well, well, looks like someone's having fun out here!"  
A group of moody Headboys showed up.  
"Do you have a licence for this concert? No? So we're afraid we have to put an end to this!"  
The Wastrels cried and ran. They didn't have the power to fight shovels and bats. Still, Arthur found it would've been nice to stay and help. Nick stared at the aggressive gang, confused, pressing his guitar to his chest. 

"Nick, run!", Arthur yelled, setting himself into motion. Nick jumped up and ran, but a Headboy caught him. He however didn't count on Nick's resistance. The guitar hit him hard in the face. Cussing, he let Nick go. Arthur promptly jumped at him, choked him with one arm and wrenched the bat from him. When the Headboy finally lay on the ground, Arthur wasn't helpless anymore. But four against one was still an unfair fight. Fortunately, he still had enough nails in his pocket, wich he quickly tossed at the attackers.  
The first one was so distracted with pain that Arthur could strike him down with no problems. Nick quickly understood this concept and insisted on taking the next out by himself.  
"This is giving a new meaning to beat music", he chuckled.

The other two were already warned and avoided the nails. One of them swung at Arthur who wished he had brought his electric truncheon. Blocking an attack and shoving the headboy away, he could cop a look at Nick who was hard pressed by the other one. The rockstar definitely had the weaker weapon. His tactic was merely avoiding the blows, running away and trying to bring him down from behind. But he was getting out of breath.  
Arthur hurried to get rid of his importunate enemy. Finally, he managed to hit his carotid, what made him faint. With horror he saw that his lover was lying on the ground, with the headboy above him, already taking a swing.

"Nick!", he yelled. He distracted the headboy for a second. Arthur quickly wrapped his arms around him and choked him while he fell into the grass with him. Nick got up and took the bat the headboy had lost, in case Arthur needed help. The headboy struggled. He wasn't as easily choked as the others. Arthur and Nick exchanged glances for a second, then Arthur nodded, let the Headboy go and Nick at the same time gave him a blow with the bat.  
The headboy fell unconscious. Arthur checked on him, then Nick helped him up.  
"Are you hurt?", Arthur promptly asked.

Nick palpated his head. "Not badly...only a bump...My baby got it worse."  
He showed the guitar, that didn't only have a few more scratches but was also almost broken in half.  
"I'm sorry, looks like it's beyond repair now."  
Nick patted it. "Perhaps Mr. Bates can fix it...I mean Mrs. Bates."  
Arthur didn't seem to notice the mistake. He had most likely never visited the shop.  
"It's not so bad", he said louder. "And it was kinda fun."  
Arthur looked rather down-hearted. "I'm sorry...I should've been more careful. After all, I know this place."  
"Who were these blokes?"  
"Headboys...they rule this place, or that's what they think. They put me in their arena once and called me "King of the Parade", I told you."  
"Oh, I remember!", Nick blurted out. "Nasty fellows, they don't fit in with the garden at all."  
"Yeah...they like to attack helpless Wastrels. They're not very brave. But they're still dangerous. I thought we're safe here. I'm sorry."

"Hey, Arthur", Nick put a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing bad happened. We had fun, everyone had a random party, it was great! I want to do that again!"  
He squeezed his shoulder happily.  
Arthur found his smile back. He hugged Nick in silence.  
"I reckon you have to go home soon...", he then whispered.  
"You're right. But I had a wonderful time."

They strolled back to the hatch. Arthur regretted he had to let Nick go again. He was the only bright spot in this screwed up life full of lies.  
They put their proper clothes back on and kissed each other goodbye, rolling around in their bed for one last time, then Nick left with his destroyed guitar.  
Arthur remained sitting on the bed for a long time until he left.

Meanwhile Nick actually planned to have his guitar repaired. He didn't like to give up one of his babies, and also his mistake had reminded him of something he had repressed all the time, and also forgotten because he had had no reason to come to the shop. But now he found it was time to face the truth, even if it was very unpleasant. In addition he wanted to know if the shop still existed.  
It looked normal from outside, he stated. It was hard to believe that it would never be the same again. When he entered, the bell rang, and he halfway expected Mr. Bates to stand behind the counter and to find out that it was all a misunderstanding. But the counter was empty. It was also clean. The bobbies must have removed all traces of the crime scene. In general the shop was very clean and tidied up, as if it was still in business. 

"Hello? Anyone there? You have a customer!"  
Nick put his guitar on the counter and waited.  
"I beg your pardon", he heard a familiar voice say. "I've been packing goods. It's not the same anymore since...". The woman that came out of the storage room eyed her customer and froze.  
"Nick!" Her face lit up. "Oh, Nicky, you're back!"  
She ran around the counter and fell into his arms.  
"Hey, baby...", he whispered. "Are you okay?"  
"It's hard..doing this all alone...some people only come by to ask their stupid questions. They're stealing my time as if I had nothing else to do", blustered out of her mouth. Then she put on a smile again. "But I'll make it."  
She gave Nick an adoring look.  
"I'm sorry for what happened...", Nick said quietly.  
"You don't have to be sorry for anything." She kissed him again.  
"You keep the shop?"  
"U-huh", she nodded.  
Nick smiled. "You're a tough girl."  
"I've got you to cheer me up", she purred.  
"That's the spirit", he said giving her finger guns.  
"It's so awesome! That you're back with your band, that everyone remembers how great you are! I know you're busy now, but please pay me a visit, will you?"  
"Oh...uh...sure...as soon as I can..."

Nick pointed at the counter to change the subject.  
"You think you can fix that?"  
Kitty viewed the damage.  
"Oh, Nicky, you're a bad boy." She giggled. "I could do it, but I'm afraid it'll never look like new again."  
"I don't mind. I like the scratches, they are memories...I mean, good ones. I just don't want it to fall apart."  
"Okay." She wrote something on a paper and handed it to Nick. "This is the verification that you turned it in. I need your signature there."  
Nick drew a big lettering with hearts as tittles.  
Kitty giggled and admired it. She left the counter again to hug and kiss her idol.  
"I miss you".  
"I'll come back", Nick said, carefully winding out of her grip.  
"I send you a message when it's done", she said.  
"Okay..."

Kitty blew him multiple kisses while he left and he gave her more finger guns and a wink. Then he was out, happy that the shop wasn't closed. Another walk through the tunnels later he was finally back home.


	50. Chapter 50

"Hunt, it's me", Nick said to the bobby who had started to investigate the suspicious noise that came from the backyard.  
"Mr. Lightbearer, you had me worried."  
"Oh, no worries, Hunt. I just needed to stretch my legs a bit", he waved him off.  
"I see..., well, you know, you should tell me whenever you leave the house. It's dangerous to be outside at night. I could keep you company. Or better, you pop a Joy and stay happy inside."  
"But Hunt, your colleagues take care of me just fine. And they need a bit of attention now and then", he said with a wink.  
"Uh...haha, sure, but I must insist this time. You shouldn't break the curfew anymore, I suggest for the next two months."  
Nick began to wonder. "Are you serious? What's wrong?"  
"Oh, nothing, Sir, just a precaution. The curfew applies for everyone after all."  
"Hunt, I don't talk to you when you're like that".  
Nick turned around and left.  
Fancy, he thought. Suddenly it's all about law and order or what. I should abandon him outside for a few days, without my usual hospitality and free meals, so he remembers how exhausting law and order actually are.

When he heard loud music from inside, his mood lit up again. He liked that his house wasn't empty anymore, that he came home to be welcomed by friends. The song that was playing wasn't one his own, what was a welcome change. The noise however sounded as if they were tearing down the house. He quickly got rid of his wig and everything that didn't appeal to Morrie, and went to see what was going on. They didn't notice him because of the music and also because they were absorbed in a game of football, by the looks of it. Nick walked into the middle of the room and picked up the ball. Immediately, he had their attention.

"Hey, Nick, you're back. How are you doing?", Chris asked.  
"Did they really let you go, or did you break out?", Brad wanted to know.  
He made Nick grin. "Guess what, they really let me out this time."  
"You're looking good", Matt said.  
"Thanks..." Nick adjusted his hair.  
"...for your age", his friend added and Nick sighed.  
"I can't believe I fell for that."  
"Just kidding, you're really looking good", Matt came around. "Do you feel as good?"  
"Yeah, I'm snug as a bug", Nick answered happily. "I'll outrun you all!"  
And with that, he kicked the ball and continued the game.

They cheerfully ran around, free from all the restrictions outside. Since Nick had seen the Garden District, he knew what he missed in town. The few sessions of 'Simon Says' in front of the TV weren't the same. And the way his friends romped about, Nick assumed they felt the same, even though none of them would confess it. He didn't care anymore if something got broken, it would be worth it. Only when the ball hit the wrong spot on his head, he had to pause.

Pressing a hand against his head, he moaned.  
"Did I hurt you?", Brad was alerted. "Let me see."  
Nick reluctantly put his hand away and let his friend palpate the wound.  
"You have a real lump there, buddy."  
Nick jumped when he pressed against it.  
"Ow, be careful, it's painful enough as it is!"  
"That wasn't the ball", Brad stated and wiped Nick's hair aside to take a closer look at it.  
"No, I got it this morning", Nick admitted, shooing Brad's way too curious hands away and hiding the lump again with his own.

"Wait...during your therapy?", Morrie asked.  
Nick shrugged.  
"What are they doing with you?"  
"You also have bruises on your arm", Matt noticed.  
Nick's sleeve had moved up and revealed the spot where the headboy had grabbed him. Nick promptly shoved the sleeve back down.  
"It's nothing, okay? I'm alright."  
"Did they give you some healing balm?" Chris looked worried too.  
"Sure."  
"Doesn't look like it, though."  
"Since when are you a doctor?" Nick protested.

Of course, he hadn't patched himself up when he had been with Arthur. He hadn't mentioned the bruises again, so that Arthur wouldn't feel bad about them. In addition, he found they weren't too bad if no one touched them.

"You need that balm at least", Brad decided. "You have some at home, right? Come on, sit down."  
He shoved Nick to the next couch in sight.  
"If it makes you feel better", Nick moaned and did as he was told.  
"Just behave Nicky, that one time we're trying to help you". Chris patted his shoulder.  
Nick mused. "You should find some balm in my bathroom cabinet."  
"I found it yet", he heard Morrie shout from the upper floor.  
When he came back, Brad snatched the balm out of his hands and joined Nick on the couch. 

Opening the lid, he said: "This won't take long. Just put out your little arm, my darling."  
Nick rolled his eyes and showed him the bruise. While Brad rubbed the balm in, he had to admit that it's cold was refreshing and he liked how his friends cared about him.  
"Something on the other arm?", Brad asked.  
Nick shook his head and pulled up his sleeve to prove it. The arm was unscathed, at least the lower part. But Brad didn't go so far as undressing him. He stroked his hair away and this time, Nick helped him. He jumped again and held his breath when his friend touched the wound.

"What kind of doctor would let you go without healing you?", Morrie said shaking his head. "I'm glad I could go", Nick promptly said. "And I didn't make a fuss about it, so they probably didn't notice - are you greasing my hair?"  
Brad chuckled.  
"I can't do anything about it. Just wait a bit before you wash it out."  
"Okay."  
"So, that's it." Brad eyed his work. "Or is there more?"  
Nick shook his head.  
"If it happens again, just tell us. It'll bother you more if you ignore it and you need to be fit for your next performance."  
"Oh, that's why", Nick said grinning. "And I thought it's about me."  
"It's not always about you, Nicky", Brad teased him, laughing and leaving to put the balm back.  
Nick acted disgusted. "And I let you live here, smashing my furniture."  
"Hey, we didn't break anything yet", Matt fought him off, tossing the ball to Chris.  
"How boring", Chris said catching it. "I guess we're getting old."  
"We're getting wise", Matt corrected him.  
Chris laughed and made a dumb face.

"So what, fancy another match?", Nick urged them.  
"If you can", Chris answered, more seriously than teasing.  
"Come on, I'm not an invalid."  
When Brad came back, Chris asked him: "Can Nicky play with us or should he go to bed?"  
"Hey", Nick protested. "I'll do what I want, If you like it or not." He stuck his tongue out.  
"Adorable as always, our little one", Brad said. "That's fine with me but don't cry later."  
"We'll see who's crying."  
They played on and Nick took care that he wouldn't hurt any of his bruises again. He indeed had more, but he wasn't keen on showing them all. He managed not to pause the game again and they played until they were dead beat and gathering around his bar to relax.

"I'm so hungry", Nick said eventually. "I haven't eaten anything since this morning. Why don't we go somewhere nice and stuff ourselves?"  
"Good idea", Chris agreed. "Do you remember the 'Swing A Leg'?"  
"Oh, sure, how could I forget that?"  
"I'm afraid I'm too tired to swing any legs", Morrie said. "And when I remember it right, they put more value to their dancing than their cooking."  
Matt chuckled. "That's true. I wouldn't go there if I was really hungry."  
"Did we ever try the Avalon before?", Brad asked.  
"Yeah, only for a hundred times already", Nick said.  
"Yeah, you, Nick, but us ordinary mortals haven't been as lucky."  
"That's true", Chris agreed. "We only had breakfast once. We should go for a real meal this time. I think we deserve it."  
"Alright, okay", Nick gave in. "We can even sleep in my suite so we don't have to leave before curfew."  
"Sounds like a great plan", Brad approved.

They put on the most unflashy clothes they had, so they could walk to the hotel without being bothered. It also helped that most of the Wellies were still at work. The band was cheerful. Nick changed glances with Morrie to make sure he had fun too. When Morrie's look couldn't be more loving, it made Nick's heart beat faster and he was smiling happier than everyone else on Joy.  
When they said goodbye to Constable Hunt, the man shouted: "But be back before curfew, will you?"  
"Don't worry Hunt, we'll stay overnight. Just take good care of my home."  
"Of course." Hunt seemed to be very duteous.

"What happened to him?", Nick wondered loudly. "He's so petty all of a sudden."  
Chris stepped in. "First of all he should be like this, if only you didn't have such priviledges..."  
Nick rolled his eyes.  
"And secondly, there's rumours again."  
Nick had a bad feeling. "What rumours?"  
"Uh well, when we had breakfast in this café..."  
"Café Luna", Matt helped him out.  
"Yeah that. People were talking...They said Foggy Jack sent another one on holiday last night..."  
Nick felt sick.  
"Then we should indeed be careful."  
"We are. We'll stay in the hotel." Chris shrugged. "Really, if Foggy Jack was real, don't you think we would know what he looks like? Think at all the bobbies that patrol here." He pointed at a Constable who just passed by them. They greeted each other and went their ways. "...and still nobody ever saw him", he continued.  
"Yeah...it's weird...", Nick said. "But who would make this up? And why?"  
"Doesn't the fog cause halluzinations if you stay in it for too long?", Matt asked.  
"But you know if someone is dead or not."  
"Guys, this is all very interesting, but if you don't plan on becoming Downers, you should probably change the topic", Brad commented their conversation.  
"If Nick's asking...", Chris defended himself. "He deserves to know after all."

Nick looked around to all the happy Wellies, walking by the colorfully patterned facades. It was hard to believe that something horrible had happened in here, only a few hours ago. He racked his brains but couldn't recall what he had done that night before he had woken up with Arthur. He had gone outside because he had wanted to be alone and think. And then what? Then he must've stayed somewhere, but his mind was all foggy. For all he knew, he could've actually been in therapy. Had he visited James? And he had brought him back to his tunnel as he had done it before, even though Nick had no clue how? He liked this version much more than this nagging suspense.

The band had long moved on to happier topics. Soon, they ascended the stairs to the Avalon Hotel and found his golden statue.  
"Look who's there?", Chris asked.  
"No idea, I've never seen this bloke before", Nick said dryly.  
"Are you their honorary guest or something?" Chris climbed the pedestal.  
"No, it's only for the convention...they don't like me much in here, actually", Nick admitted, watching him. Chris patted the metal.  
"How much did it cost to set this up?"  
"I don't know, Virgil took care of that. But don't worry, we could set up the entire band, so he won't be lonely anymore."  
Brad laughed.  
"That'd block the entrance for good."  
"We could make them bigger, so people can walk through under our legs", Matt suggested.  
"That would scare everyone off", Morrie stated.  
"Oh, come on, Morrie, don't you want to be cast in gold?", Chris asked from up above.  
"I like golden records more", the pianist said.  
They laughed, Chris left the statue and they went inside. 

Nick was glad they laughed it away and didn't complain about how unfair it was. There were more statues of himself in the hotel, that caught Nick's eye just now that he wished they weren't there. His friends didn't mention them and he hoped it was because the luxurious furnishing distracted them. They didn't marvel as much as Arthur had since they were used to expensive hotels already.  
In the restaurant, he sat down next to Morrie, shortly touching his foot with his own.  
"Do you know that our record is a best seller?", his lover asked promptly.  
"Yeah? I had no idea! You have to tell me everything that happened today!"  
"Virgil told us", Brad explained. "He was quite busy and didn't give us the exact numbers, but he sounded quite pleased."  
"So, we made it". Nick beamed at him. The news raised his spirits. He looked forward to finally be popular and wanted again.  
Shortly after, they received the menu and began to leaf through it. 

"Can you recommend anything?", Morrie asked him. "I suppose you tested this extensively."  
"I know what you would like", Nick answered and turned the page.  
Chris dropped the menu. "I can't decide. Why don't we take everything?"  
"Now come on", Brad said.  
"I'm serious. Just one big plate in the middle of the table, first the starters, then the main dish and lastly the desserts."  
"Okay, but can we take a pick? A few dishes per course or so? That should be enough", Morrie suggested.  
Chris grinned. "Nicky is hungry."  
"If it's not enough for Nicky he can place an extra order, right, Nicky?", Morrie asked.  
"It's gonna be okay, the helpings aren't too stinted."

Nick described the meals to them because he had tested most of them, also with Arthur, and so they took their picks. Then they started to talk about all the pubs and restaurants they had visited, the good and the bad ones, and happily exchanged memories.  
When the dishes were served, Nick thought about Arthur, who now had to do with his meagre supplies again. He considered to save something for him, if there were any leftovers. His friends were tucking in, just like him. Also Morrie, who tried to preserve his dignity, couldn't hide how hungry he was. Nick had always felt like only the Avalon's meals were satisfying, as if they treated them differently here. 

"I guess I was right", he said to his lover who helped himself to a second portion.  
"Indeed", he said quietly, so that only Nick could hear it. "It's delicous. How come you never invited me for dinner?"  
"Uh...we've been busy with other things", Nick stuttered, developing a bad conscience. It had never occured to him how much Morrie had missed good food.  
"Also pleasant things", he added.  
Morrie smiled. "Never mind, Norrie. I'm just yanking your chain."  
Nick relaxed.  
"You're right though. We should have a dinner."  
"Surprise me", Morrie whispered, causing Nick's heart to beat faster.  
He loved that, their secret closeness, every little intimation, every seemingly random touch, all the whispering, exchanging looks, it made moments like this even more exciting.

Sometime, someone started with the colorful cocktails. Someone always started it and the others went along. Nick loved that stuff anyway. It reminded him of the pubs in their early days, where they had spent their hard-earned money. Sometimes they got free drinks, when the landlord liked them. Every pub had his own recipies. Of course, the Avalon had a larger choice and some of the old drinks he remembered fondly were out of fashion.

Brad seemed to have the same flashbacks because he said: "Do you remember 'Glowing Mojo'? You could light up the room with it, and it made your tongue and teeth all shiny. Now I wonder if there was Motilene in it."  
"They made all sorts of experiments with it when it was new", Chris added. "Why not for drinks?"  
"Oh, no, I don't think so. I know what Motilene tastes like", Nick said.  
They looked at him.  
"Long story", he waved them off. "The smell is better than the taste."  
They laughed.  
"I got something called 'Foggy Jack', that wasn't only puffing smoke but it also clouded my mind completely. I still can't recall what happened after one glass until two days later", Matt told them.  
"Or, you can't recall all the other drinks you had", Brad suggested.  
"Or it was the Joy", Chris said. "When it was new, it used to knock people out from time to time. Do you remember how they tried to make Joy drinkable? It was awful!"  
They enjoyed themselves and laughed a lot. The more drinks they had, the funnier it got. Nick found the courage to tell them stories about his solo-career and nobody did mind.

Suddenly they were approached by the hotel manager Murray Davis, who not too politely asked them to leave because of the noise they were making.  
"What do you mean, too loud?", Nick protested. "Mind you, we'll pay a massive bill for all this. You know what? If you don't let us stay, we won't pay for anything!"  
"I'll take you to court, how is that?", the manager fought back.  
"You'll lose anyway!"  
Morrie stepped in. He was the most sober.  
"Don't chance it, Nick", he said touching his lover's shoulders. "Why don't we go to your suite, where we are alone?"  
"If you want, Morrie, but I don't like to take that shit from him."  
"Come on, let's go", Matt assisted Morrie. "You've got liquids in your suite, right?"  
"Sure", Nick said. "But I'll pay you back", he hissed into Davis' direction.  
Morrie gently shoved him forward.  
"He really doesn't like you much", Chris stated.  
"Oh, he's always grumpy, even on Joy. He'll see where that gets him."  
They took the elevator to a very expensively decorated floor. The biggest door led to the Wonderland Suite. This room received more gaping because it outdid every hotel room they knew.

Nick quickly got busy at the bar, pouring drinks for everyone. He also had left some harmless party favors that he offered to them. Soon, they turned up the music to full blast and sang along. Nick, who was mellowed by alcohol and his party favors, fell into Morrie's arms.  
"Dance with me", he uttered. And then he span Morrie around. The band laughed and cheered him on. When they found the pool, they had other things to do.  
Nick blacked out into dream world eventually while dancing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe this fanfic is now one year old! It's my life now and it's keeping me warm in these cold days. A big thank you to everyone who's still reading or just started to read, to everyone who gave kudos, everyone who left comments or even fanart <3<3<3 This fandom is wonderful and I'm happy to be here. Have a nice day, wherever you are and don't let these times get you down. You're a wonderful person!


	51. Chapter 51

When Nick came back to his senses, he found himself lying in his bed. It must’ve been early in the morning because it was still dark outside. He had a guess what woke him up. Probably not the hangover, because it had never been a reason to wake up, but the terrible thirst that tormented him definitely was. He swore to himself for the umpteenth time to never mix alcohol and party favors again, while struggling up. Then he stopped because he felt that something had been lying on him and now slid down. It was Morrie’s arm. Morrie himself was still asleep, turned into Nick’s direction and lying more on Nick’s side than his own. Nick made an effort not to wake him up when he crouched out of the bed and fell on all fours on the fluffy carpet. 

He had to wait a bit until the roundabout in his head stopped spinning, before he continued to crouch. He rued that the suite had no railing for moments like these when he made his way hand over hand along the wall, up to the bar. He needed his panacea. It was difficult to mix with shivering hands, he almost knocked over the glass multiple times, and one time he missed it. Finally, after drinking the finished mixture, he sank back onto the carpet - that was safer than sitting on the stool, and waited for the pain to melt away. He believed he had dozed off when he became conscious again and the pain had turned numb. 

Pulling himself up at the counter, he sat down, supporting his head with his arms and carefully beginning to think. There was something he had wanted to do. But what had that been? Had it really been important or could he just go back to bed? Nobody was awake other than himself, he had no reason to wake them up, and the chance of spending some more time with Morrie was tempting. When he was about to give up and go, it crossed his mind again.  
Arthur. 

He had wanted to spare some delicious food for him. Now looking into the fridge, he found that there was nothing left but some tins of jellied eels which came from a different delivery and also, Arthur had food in tins en masse in his hideout. Disappointed in himself, he closed the fridge and started massaging his temples. Wasn’t there more in this suite? If only he had a clear head! Why did this take so long today? Nick became angry, and the pain in his temples promptly pulsated heavier.  
What was that mood today?  
Then finally the scales fell from his eyes, and he fiddled about in his jacket. Joy. He needed it immediately. One pill later he felt much better. He still felt the pain, but it wasn’t that bad anymore. 

Also, Nick’s brain came back to life. It spit out an idea. Kneeling down, he opened a drawer. The second one he tried was the right one. With his hands he wiped away the syringes that somehow found their way inside, then he pulled out a chocolate box. It was an ornate tin box of an expensive brand. The scent already made Nick’s mouth water. But he pulled himself together and placed the box on the counter. He would’ve liked to take a shower and comb his hair, but he didn’t want to walk by Morrie again, so he decided to wash himself in his tunnel suite. 

He left through his secret exit and soon found the hatch he needed. Climbing in, he though that in a way, Arthur was everywhere. He could visit him everywhere, as long as there was a hatch. And they weren’t quite rare. Nick had never noticed how easy these entrances were to find. Nobody seemed to know about them. Uncle Jack himself had once said that there were no tunnels in Wellington Wells. If only he knew! 

When he reached his tunnel suite and saw that the bed was empty, he placed the chocolate down on it and went into the bathroom to wipe away the traces of last night. But when he came back, the bed was still empty. He supposed that Arthur was out on a tour to who knew where and wouldn’t come back too soon, so he took a lipstick that somehow made it into this room’s inventory and wrote a letter for him that he laid down next to the chocolate. Slightly disappointed that he hadn’t met him, but content with his work, he went home.  
He could’ve gone back to the hotel, but he thought he could use some time alone in his house. He could check on the Nonsuches that still carved out their miserable existence in his wardrobe. Perhaps he found a way to get them out of there, claim it was a gift by a fan. That sounded like a believable excuse to him. 

Out of the tunnel again, he noticed that his Constable was asleep. He sneaked up on him and let out a yell, waving his arms, so that the Constable woke with a start and screamed in horror.  
„Murder! Plague! Downers!“  
Nick laughed.  
„It’s me, Hunt! Don’t tell me you’re sleeping at your shift.“  
„I…well…I dozed off a tiny bit…it was just such a harmless of a night…“  
„Can’t have enough of these, right?“  
„Uh…pardon? Uh…sure…You didn’t happen to be outside tonight, I hope?“  
His look was almost begging.  
„No, I’ve been in my hotel bed, like a good boy“, Nick answered.  
„That’s good to hear“, Hunt sounded honestly relieved. „I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you.“  
„Oh, Hunt, you charmer…“ Nick was touched. „You know, you can call me whenever you need something.“  
„Thank you, Mr. Lightbearer. I’ll be alright.“  
Hunt placed himself upright. He was at least two heads above Nick, who wondered, if there was anyone who would mess with him voluntarily.  
„Alright“, Nick said laughing. „And Hunt…stay safe.“ 

Inside his home he already felt alone. He considered freeing Hunt from his duty and inviting him for coffee as suddenly somebody hopped out of the living room.  
„Nicky!“, a female voice shouted and shortly after, somebody was hugging him tightly.  
Nick fell backwards and collided with the wall, while having his face full of hair.  
„Kitty…“, he sighed. „How did you get in?“ He guessed it.  
„I sneaked past the Bobby when he was sleeping. You should get a better guard…or not.“  
Nick giggled unsurely. „Would’ve ruined this moment, right?“  
She stretched out her hand to run a finger over his beard.  
„I missed you so…“  
She pulled his head down for a intimate kiss and didn’t let go for a long time. Nick wondered how he could get her out of his house in a polite way when something occurred to her.  
„I brought your guitar! It’s finished!“  
She hastened back into the living room.  
„Already? Really?“ Nick followed her. „That was lighting fast.“

She happily presented him his baby. All scratches were treated and barely visible.  
„Wow, that’s stunning.“ He stroked the new varnish.  
„Could be worse“, she downplayed.  
„How much is that?“  
The question made her laugh.  
„You don’t have to pay me, dummy.“  
„Why not? I always payed you. And don’t you…like…really need it now?“  
„Oh, you’re such a sweetheart, Nicky“, she waved him off. Then she came closer again, stroked his arm and said quietly: „It’s all ours now.“  
„Ours?“ Nick was puzzled. He had goosebumps all over his arm, but not the good kind. „I don’t know what you mean.“  
She giggled again and he felt more and more uncomfortable. Did she take too much Joy?  
„You poor thing. You’ve been awake all night, am I right? You work so hard, never taking breaks, only so that we can taste the fruits of your genius.“  
Nick stared at her. He didn’t know what to say about that. Kitty gave him a pitiful look.  
„You are all mixed up. Come, sit down, your Kitty is taking care of you now.“

Nick followed her, really feeling all mixed up. What was she talking about? He needed to find out. When they sat, she leaned against him and kissed his cheek.  
„You need coffee, don’t you? Oh, I know how you like it.“  
She wanted to stand up, but Nick stopped her.  
„Wait…“  
„Don’t worry, my darling. I’m back on no time.“ She patted his arm.  
„Wait…can’t you…can’t you give me a clue? I’m completely in the dark here“, Nick asked faintly.  
„Huh…it’s nothing a woman should tell a man…but I’m sure you remember it soon.“  
With this mysterious statement, she left him alone.

Nick had no idea what to do with it. He only had a very bad feeling. Especially, he didn’t want Kitty to be still there when Morrie came back. It would only cause another unnecessary fight. And he was innocent this time. Kitty had happened after Morrie, and in addition she hadn’t been his only affair back then. He couldn’t apologize for every single one of them now.

What took her so long? Did it take that long to make coffee?  
Perhaps, Nick hoped, she remembered right now that she had been dreaming.

But when she came back, she still had that beaming smile on her face. Nick’s smile was weak. Kitty put the mug on the table and took her seat right next to him.  
„Do you remember?“, she sighed. Her look was excited.  
Nick scratched his cheek. „Uhm…my mind is really foggy today…“  
She took the mug again that Nick hadn’t touched.  
„Then drink! I know how much it helps you! I made it extra strong.“  
Nick allowed himself to be persuaded, even though he would’ve preferred a clue. A sip later he was calmer. The coffee was indeed comforting.  
„Is that good?“, Kitty purred.  
Nick nodded. „It’s perfect.“ He wiped away a hair strand and started to look like he was concentrating. „I..think…I see images…“  
Kitty was hooked. „Do you remember?“  
Nick silenced, furrowing his brows. Then he took her hands. „If only I had one slight hint! Please, Kitty, only a word! Please, don’t leave me hanging!“  
He earned her pity.  
„Okay…well…“ She mused. „Oh, I know…“  
She pointed downward. „On your knees, Nicky.“

Nick needed a second to figure what she said.  
„Come on, down with you“, she said giggling.  
Nick slid from the couch and for the second time today his knees touched a carpet. With the caffeine pulsing in his veins he though this was kinda promising. He hadn’t known that Kitty fancied this but he was willing to learn.  
„And?“, she asked.  
Nick began to devote himself to what was in front of him. Kissing her thighs, he worked himself forward this way. He heard Kitty moan in surprise. Then her hands cupped his face and brought him to a halt.  
„Nicky, what are you doing? Now isn’t playtime! Focus!“ she said cheerfully and gave his cheek a few slaps.  
Nick backed away again, a bit disappointed.  
Suddenly, something came up in his confused brain, causing him to give Kitty a terrified look.  
She had her arms crossed and eyed him.

„Kitty…you…you might’ve misunderstood me…I mean…about us. That we…we…“  
Nick stuttered, still unsure if he even guessed right.  
„What do you mean?“ She sounded worried now.  
„I really like you, but…“  
She jumped up. „You don’t want to marry me?!“ He voice was shrill.  
„You know…I like it as it is…We’re both free…Without any restraints. Why not…preserve this?“  
Nick got up. She hurried around the room, upset.  
„I lied for you…I told the police I was alone when Richard died…Why did you kill my husband if you don’t want to marry me?!“  
She shouted the last words at him and Nick felt how they crashed into him with all their weight. He stumbled backwards, until his back found a wall he could cling to.  
„I didn’t kill him! I swear, I was with you all night!“  
Kitty walked towards him. „But who else could’ve done it?“  
She grabbed him by the collar.  
„You’ve done it for us! You just can’t remember!“, she urged him, as if she could shake the truth out of him.  
„No!“ Everything inside him protested. Even though he had no idea what he did that night, despite all foggy nightmares he had had, he was sure he would never kill anyone and it was awful that Kitty thought he could to something like this.  
„No, trust me Kitty, I would never to that!“

„You’re afraid to commit yourself!“, she tried. „Understandable, considering all the bad women you met. Soulless bitches that married you for your money. But we - we are made for each other!“  
„No! I can’t marry you!“  
She let go of him, as if she had burned herself.  
„I’m sorry“, he added, sensing that it didn’t make it better.  
Kitty turned away from him. Her shoulders were shaking. Nick put an arm around her to comfort her, but she winded out of his grip.  
„If that’s so, I’ll go to the police and tell them everything I know!“  
„But Kitty, I didn’t kill him!“  
„You can tell that to the Bobbies. Farewell, Nick Lightbearer!“  
Nick grabbed her arm, so that she couldn’t storm out.  
„You don’t want this!“  
„Why do you suddenly care about what I want?“  
„We…we couldn’t see each other again…ever.“  
He tried to pet her cheek, but she slapped his hand away.  
„Perhaps that’s for the better. Perhaps Petunia is right and you’re nothing but a haughty, self-regarding snot.“  
„You know me much better than her!“  
„Really? Do I?“, she spat. „I think I should start listen to what others say about you. Be sure that I’ll add my bits too. I’ve always protected you Nick, but this…this is too much!“  
He eyes began to water and she turned away. 

Nick stopped her again. His heart was racing.  
„Don’t do anything you’ll regret.“  
„What’s to regret? You said you can’t marry me, and that’s all that matters for me.“  
„Well…I…uh…“, Nick gulped. „You know…I can’t, because I don’t have a ring.“  
She stared at him with wide eyes.  
„You…you…“  
She grabbed him.  
„How dare you scaring me like that! You cruel, cruel man!“ She pummeled his chest with her fists and shouted at him until she was exhausted and leaned against him.  
„Well…I’m really confused today“, Nick muttered. His heart was still pounding heavily.  
„Don’t do that again“, Kitty whined.  
„I promise“, Nick said softly, stroking her back.  
„Don’t let me wait for too long, you hear me? You should be ashamed that you have no ring for me. It’s been such a long time.“  
„It’s…supposed to be special, right?“, he tried to calm her down.  
Kitty held her arms akimbo. „I have to go back to the shop, but I’m waiting for you.“  
It sounded like a threat in Nick’s ears.  
„No worries…I see you to the door, okay?“  
Kitty granted him her arm and they walked through the corridor. Nick’s heart sank to his boots when in this very moment his band came through the front door.

„Oh, are you The Make Believes?“ She was thrilled. „Hello, boys!“  
„Hello“, Chris greeted. „Looks like Nick caught the early bird.“  
They laughed, Nick more nervous than happy.  
He acted as if everything was alright and introduced Kitty and the band to each other. Morrie was polite enough to play along.  
„Bates?“, Matt asked. „Are you somehow related to the owner of the music shop?“  
„Oh yes. I own the shop now“, she said. „I’ve repaired Nick’s guitar.“  
Nick was thankful she brought it up.  
„You’ll see me more often now“, she unfortunately added and blew Nick a kiss.  
„Bye, bye!“, she cheerfully shouted, walking out of the door. Nick awkwardly waved her goodbye.

„Kitty Bates, huh?“, Brad said when she was gone. „Aren’t you dating her for a while now? I though I read about you and her in the newspaper.“  
„Your on-off relationship“, Chris stated.  
„Isn’t it suspicious that she’s coming back now that you’re popular again?“, Matt asked.  
„Hey, hey, stop it“, Nick held up his hands. „That’s not your business.“  
„We want to save you from your own mistakes, Nicky-boy“, Chris explained. „How often did you marry again?“  
Nick tried to answer but he didn’t know the number.  
„That’s way too often“, his friend concluded. „You should be more careful.“  
„Okay, okay, I’m not doing anything“, Nick defended himself.  
„You got up early today and you never get up early.“  
„I couldn’t sleep.“  
„Sure“, Brad said. „We just want you to consider this before you kick us out.“  
„I’m not kicking you out!“  
„Whatever…I bet every time you ran away from us you were meeting a certain birdie“, Chris guessed.  
„Is she part of your therapy?“ Brad and Chris laughed.  
„I bet she’s great at playing the nurse.“  
„You think she gave him all the bruises?“  
Nick gave up explaining. Then he saw Matt’s look and wondered. Matt made a gesture towards the kitchen, and so he followed his friend there.

„Are you dating her? Is it serious?“, he asked quietly and heavy with meaning.  
„What do you mean? Maybe? Maybe not? I won’t plunge into disaster, don’t worry.“  
„If so, you should tell Morrie.“  
Nick froze.  
„He got his hopes up, you know? He was all churned up when you came back to him and he believes you love him again, just like the old days.“  
„You…you know?“, Nick stuttered.  
„Yeah, he told me. I don’t know what you’re pulling here, but you should be honest with him and tell him if you have other plans. And for fuck’s sake don’t use him! You should be glad we have him back. There’s no one else who suits us better than him.“

Nick struggled to follow. „How do you know this?“  
Matt shrugged. „He told me many years ago. After the band parted, we met now and then…I guess to comfort each other.“ He shook his head. „I had no idea what he went through. You can’t do that to him again.“  
„I’m not dating Kitty“, Nick said weakly.  
Matt didn’t look like he believed him. „Don’t invite her again. Or tell Morrie the truth.“  
Nick looked around. „Where is he anyway? Didn’t he come in with you?“  
„I suppose he’s waiting for you.“  
„I should go…“  
Matt nodded and Nick went upstairs. He knocked at Morrie’s door silently. When his lover opened, Nick noticed that he acted calmer that he really was. He walked back to the desk and collapsed into a chair. Nick saw that he must’ve composed something. A pile of sheets was spread all over the table, some of them were covered with his neat writing.  
Morrie didn’t say anything as well, he pointed at his bed. Nick was puzzled at first, then he realized that Morrie only offered him a seat and had no other chair. When they sat facing each other, Nick finally opened his mouth.

„It’s no way what it looks like“, Nick affirmed. „I’m not dating her. She’s only a good friend. Okay, we had an affair once but it started long after the band parted. You can’t blame this on me!“  
Morrie looked out of the window. „And why didn’t you tell me that you meet her?“  
„Because…because…it’s nothing, really, she only brought my guitar back.“  
„You could’ve written me a message, like you did last time.“  
Nick crossed his arms. „I…forgot. I had a hangover, okay? And I didn’t want to wake you up for this.“  
„Why didn’t you tell me before? Two days ago for example, when we spent the entire day together.“  
Nick stood up.  
„You’re right! I know I’m the most disorganized person in the world. You would’ve done it so much better.“  
Morrie shook his head. „Something’s off. I don’t like it. I don’t like her. You shouldn’t trust her.“  
„Morrie!“, Nick blurted out, even though his sensible lover was right again. Kitty was crackers and Morrie must’ve sensed it. Nick hoped she would just take Joy and forget.

„Matt is right. She wants something from you.“  
Nick shrugged. „Nothing happened so far.“  
Morrie eyed him. „You smell like her.“  
Nick wondered how he could smell that every time.  
„She hugged me“, he admitted.  
„And kissed you?“  
Nick sighed. „She doesn’t love me. You love me. At least, I hope so.“  
He looked at Morrie, his voice was soft as silk. His lover’s expression softened too. Nick dared a leap: „Hey, I have an idea! I know we used up our two holidays, but what about we steal us another day? If we leave now, Virgil will never get us.“  
He gently squeezed Morrie’s hands, who’s fingers started to play with his.  
„And…where would you go with me?“  
Nick mused. „Parade District perhaps? The House of the Future? I’ve never been there. After that, we’ll have dinner. What do you think?“  
„Sounds seductive“, Morrie said quietly. „And after that, I’ll decide if I love you or not.“


End file.
